Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
Inspired by Arctic Banana's Transformers Movie Parody for Resident Evil: Apocalypse, I decided to write one too. This is my first movie parody, so be nice to me. XD
Spoilers! - I suggest you watch AVPR first if you haven't before reading.
Rated for language and sexual humor.
Cast:
Kelly: Chromia
Molly: Frenzy
Ricky: Jazz
Dallas: Barricade
Jesse: Arcee
Dale: Bonecrusher
Sheriff Eddie Morales: Prowl
Colonel Stevens: Megatron
Tim: Ironhide
Deputy-killed-by-Predator: Wheeljack
Army dude: Optimus
Ms. Yutani: Elita
Predator: Bumblebee
Predalien: Starscream
Aliens: Ratchet, Blackout, Brawl, Soundwave
Facehugger: Scorponok
Starscream had a terrible dream about people stealing his jellybeans. So he quickly burst out of the womb, killing his mother in the process, and ate as much Energon as he could to grow up. Once he was fully-grown, he bought a Predalien costume from Ebay that fitted him. Then he stalked off to find the jellybean thieves.
On board a ship, three Cybertronians wearing Predator costumes were minding their own businesses. Starscream killed two of them unexpectedly moments later. When the last one saw Predalien-Starscream, he screamed bloody murder and shot him with a cannon. But the blast caused a big hole in the ship's backside.
"Oh shit. Bumblebee's gonna kill me…" the last one groaned.
"Too bad for your horrible aiming. Cowabunga!" Starscream cheered while ransacking the last one's bedroom for his jellybeans. The ship went 'wheee!' as it fell onto Earth.
A Decepticon and his son saw the ship shoot across the sky. "Make a wish, daddy…"
They then investigated the ship for fun. Starscream got out of the crashed ship giddily and laughed like a dork. "Whoo! That was awesome shit!"
He spotted the two Decepticons staring at him and screamed like a little girl.
"What are you looking at, punk?"
"Starscream? Hey, Starscream! How are you?"
"Oh I'm fine… now piss off!"
Starscream blasted the two Decepticons' heads off because they stared at him and ran away.
Meanwhile, Bumblebee observed the crash from his home back on Cybertron.
"Oh hell, my collection of Spongebob boxer briefs is on that ship! They must have gotten drunk and exploded the ship with cheese again…"
He put on his Predator costume immediately and flew to Earth. Once he had reached the ship, Bumblebee quickly found his boxer briefs before destroying the ship. While eating popcorn, he watched the fireworks that flew from it. Later, he realized that several of his briefs were missing.
"Eff-ing A!"
Jazz visited Arcee's house just for the hell of it during lunch. To his horror, Bonecrusher was already there, hogging the TV.
"Why is Bonecrusher in your house, Arcee?"
"Because it says so in the movie, dammit." Bonecrusher played the part where Dale was making fun of Ricky on TV.
"For the love of Primus, stop breaking the forth wall!" Jazz smashed the TV screen. Arcee screamed, "You're gonna pay for that, asshole!"
"Whatever," Bonecrusher shrugged.
Jazz grumbled and walked out of the house. Bonecrusher followed suit because he was supposed to and the two stared at each other like complete idiots.
"Well, what are you waiting for? You're supposed to punch me!"
"Really?" Bonecrusher acted surprised. "Okay, don't mind if I do!" He punched Jazz in the groin, who tumbled onto the floor.
"Now what?"
"Throw my porn magazine into the drain! Goddamn it, don't you know what to do?"
Bonecrusher huffed. "I didn't want to be part of the story in the first place. CranberryLolli just had to put my name on the list."
"Oh screw you!"
The Decepticon threw the magazine into the drain. "There! Are you happy now?"
"Why do you always have to break the forth wall? It ruins the story!"
"… You don't control my life!"
Prowl waited impatiently for Barricade to return with his stash. After another hour, Barricade took his own sweet time and gave Prowl his stash while sucking on a lollipop. The Autobot mistook the lollipop stick as a cigarette.
"Barricade, you know smoking is not allowed here!"
"I'm not smoking."
"Then why is the end of the stick burning and smoke coming out of it?"
Barricade blinked twice. "It's a lollipop, dammit."
"You don't get smoke out of a lollipop."
"Well, that's because I am licking it real hard." Barricade pulled out the candy for him to see. Prowl pretended that didn't happen and moved on.
"Did you get the limited edition Superman toy for me?"
"Err… yeah, it's somewhere at the bottom of the box…"
"What about my chocolate milk?"
"Yeah, somewhere inside…"
Prowl searched and searched, and found an opened and empty carton of chocolate milk.
"Did you drink it?"
"Err… no! I fell down and the liquid spilled out on its own… so there."
"Then why does your breath smell like chocolate and why is your mouth sticky all over?"
"…That was the chocolate bun I ate just now, I swear!"
"Oh I am so going to sue you…"
Predalien-Starscream randomly passed by a shocking-pink house and heard sounds of people playing. He got excited, totally forgot what he was supposed to do, and entered the house without knocking first. There were some pathetic Cybertronians playing a game of ping-pong.
"Hey! You gotta knock first!" one of them scolded.
"Oh quit bitching and let me play!" Starscream said.
"Okay, you can take over me," another one offered. Starscream cheered. Halfway through the game, Starscream suddenly recalled something in his little processor.
"Wait a minute… I'm supposed to kill you all!"
"Oh really?"
"Err… yeah… hold on, let me check…" Starscream turned away and secretly pulled out his MP4 player to watch the scene where the Predalien killed the people living in the sewers. He coughed and turned around to face them again.
"Ahem… Err…sorry for breaking the forth wall…"
"It's okay…"
"Anyway… yeah, I'm supposed to kill you."
The room was silent. Starscream stared at the pathetic ones who stared back.
"So?" the pathetic ones asked stupidly.
"So scream!"
"Barricade, my dear brother… oh, primus, why must Cranberry choose him as my brother… my favourite porn magazine fell into the drain, so could you accompany me or something to get it back?" Jazz asked sweetly.
"It's better if you just leave it there, 'cause porn is bad for you," Barricade told him dryly.
"Do you want me to get bored and annoy the hell out of you?"
Barricade glared at him. "Go and die!"
Later, they went around the sewers to find Jazz's form of entertainment. It wasn't long before they saw Scorponok laughing to himself at a random corner. They approached him normally and scared the shit out of him.
"Boo!"
Scorponok screamed and turned around to face them, but he seemed to be hiding something behind his back.
"Hey, what's that you're hiding?"
Scorponok shook his head vigorously.
"Is it a photo of you and your girlfriend having sex? I wanna see!" Jazz bounced up and down excitedly.
The scorpion cursed in his chirpy language. Jazz looked at him funny and turned to Barricade.
"What did he say?"
"He said… err… that you are a dipshit, assclown, butt nugget son of a bitch."
"Oh yeah? How do you know?"
"He speaks in a similar language as Frenzy…"
"Yeah, right. I hope you rot in hell…"
Barricade didn't give a damn. He saw something behind Scorponok and lunged forward to grab it. Scorponok cursed some more.
"Wait, isn't that my porn magazine?" Jazz snatched the wet magazine away from him. "Scorponok! Did you tear out the page with the hot chick's profile and phone number and address?"
Scorponok squeaked and held out the page in front of him, threatening to tear it apart.
"Oh, don't you dare!"
He ripped it apart. The next minute Jazz was squatting down and crying like a sissy.
"My one chance of losing virginity, gone!"
Barricade glared at the scorpion. "How could you bully my little assclown brother like that!" He then chewed on his tail, bit his head and kicked his groin. Scorponok said something so terrible at the same time that even the author didn't want to translate what he said. After torturing Scorponok's private bits, Barricade dragged his assclown brother out of the sewer, leaving the scorpion screaming, "I will destroy you all!" in his language.
Simultaneously, Chromia was returning home to her sparkmate Ironhide and her 'daughter' Frenzy. She was feeling cranky and bitchy, unfortunately.
"What's wrong with you, mother? You look murderous."
"My business is my business, young lady! … err, man! … Err… whatever you are!"
"Bitch."
"Care to tell me then?" Ironhide asked.
"Okay no problem…"
"Oh go to hell!" Frenzy cursed and stalked off, ranting about why the author had to turn him into a transvestite. Chromia then told Ironhide why she was cranky but he found it too hilarious and earned a beatdown from her, including his interface cable being ripped out. How shameful.
Prowl led a small group of random people into the forest, not even knowing what he was here for in the first place. Everyone was singing the Campfire song horribly and it was out of tune, except for Wheeljack who was grumbling away and claiming he was the most mature.
"This is such a waste of time! I'm gonna miss the last episode of Ugly Betty! Prowl, why are we even here?"
"For fun, peace and joy."
"Let's go camping! I brought marshmallows!" someone cried.
"I brought fake insect toys to scare the crap out of you all!"
"Frag this. I'm going home, and don't you dare stop me!"
"You can't go out there alone!" Prowl warned.
"Why not?"
"The evil forest gnome will date your mother, sacrifice squirrels by your window every night and force you to have sex with him!"
"Yeah, very convincing… goodbye suckers."
Wheeljack wandered away elsewhere a few minutes later and got lost. Predator-Bumblebee walked around the same area looking for his briefs and spotted Wheeljack sitting on a random rock thinking. He decided to be sadistic and frighten him, so he hid behind a tree and jumped out in his face making weird noises.
"I am lion! Hear me ROAR!"
Wheeljack screamed like a little girl, "Ah! It's the evil forest gnome!" and passed out immediately after. Bumblebee poked his groin to see if he would wake up, which he didn't, and shrugged. He walked away singing the Campfire song.
Later, Bumblebee happily skipped pass two toilet cubicles placed smack in the middle of a street. He heard high-pitched screaming that sounded like Blackout coming from one of them.
"Save me, please! There's no more toilet paper here and I'm stuck! Oh please, god! Just a few pieces of toilet paper will do!"
"Aw, shut up! Don't talk about god, even the devil's disappeared!" the other guy who sounded like Ratchet snapped, throwing an empty toilet roll out of his cubicle.
"Save me!"
"Shut up, or I'll throw my shit at you! You're so annoying! This depressing toilet environment is bad enough!"
Bumblebee shook his head, sighing. He scanned the ground for something that those two poor souls can use to wipe their asses. Seconds later, he found the perfect things and gave them to each guy.
"Oh, thank you… wait, this is sandpaper! How the slag am I gonna wipe my butt with goddamn sandpaper!"
"Ooh, jolly good! Paper! … But this is a picture of Barbie! I can't wipe her face on my butt! … Although it does seem rather exciting, but dammit!"
Satisfied, Bumblebee stalked away, leaving the two poor souls cursing behind him. He then saw someone wearing an Alien costume but with a pair of Spongebob boxer briefs on, laughing like an idiot.
"Hey! Give me back my junk!" Bumblebee screamed and chased after him. The crazy guy took off in the other direction.
"You sorry son of a bitch!"
Soon, they reached a power plant. The crazy guy and Bumblebee played a game of cat and mouse, and eventually, Bumblebee lost pathetically.
"Oh my groin! Why do you have to shoot a spitball there? Why?"
The crazy guy shot his spitball at Bumblebee again, who dodged it just in time. Unfortunately, his oh-so-disgusting-yet-horrifyingly-awesome spitball hit the main generator and caused a citywide blackout. While the crazy guy danced happily in victory, the Predator-costume-wearing Autobot tackled him to the ground and ripped off his briefs. The guy screamed in horror.
"Yes, finally!" Bumblebee cheered and sniffed his briefs. "… Eww! You lubricated in it! I demand you to clean it for me now! Make it look and smell really nice, like lavender or mint!"
Jazz and Arcee went to a kiddy pool to make out, but Bonecrusher tagged along just for the hell of it, which made Jazz pissed.
"Hey! Do you mind? We're trying to bond here!"
"Whatever. You two go ahead and have sex – I don't even care! I'll sit here obediently and read my Garfield comics…"
"What the hell? You can't just do whatever you're doing while we make love! You're invading our privacy!"
"Actually, it's okay to have an audience, you know…" Arcee added.
"Stay out of this, bitch!"
"Look, you want me to be part of this goddamn story and know what I'm supposed to do, so here I am! People like you are the reason I'm on medication," Bonecrusher grumbled.
"I am not going to talk to you for the next ten minutes…"
They turned around at the sudden sound of water splashing. The crazy guy wearing the Alien costume had appeared out of thin air magically and was washing something in the pool water. Bonecrusher blinked, walked towards him and stripped the costume halfway off.
"Ah! Help! I'm being molested!"
Bonecrusher, as well as Jazz and Arcee, gasped. "Brawl? What in the name of Primus are you doing?"
Brawl sobbed, "Bumblebee bullied me and forced me to wash his damn briefs because I peed in it… I need some lavender soap to make it smell nice… can you go get some for me? Please?"
"Uh-uh! Don't ask me to sympathize you, 'cause I didn't partake in this shit for that!"
"Please, with a cherry on top?"
"Never!"
"I'll see you in hell…!"
"Let's go somewhere more peaceful… like the nearby 7-11…" Jazz suggested as he dragged Arcee away from the pool. Bonecrusher kept on attacking Brawl with words, noticed that the other two had left, and quickly joined them. Brawl gave him the finger as he put his awesome costume back on.
Frenzy tossed and turned on his little bed. Apparently, he couldn't sleep due to the horrible noise coming from Ironhide and Chromia's bedroom.
"Oh! Oh, that felt good!"
"Doesn't it? Want me to go harder?"
"Okay! … Ooh!"
Frenzy couldn't take it and stomped to their room, cursing all the way. He kicked the door opened and his optics widened in shock.
Unnecessary censorship!
"What's wrong, Frenzy? Did you have a terrible nightmare and lubricate in your bed?"
"No… I saw an alien outside my window, and he wants me to have a tea party with him…"
"Really? Why don't you join him, then? You like tea parties!"
"Since when, huh? Don't you dare stuff lies into my life!"
They all then decided to see for themselves. Sure enough, Alien-Soundwave was outside the window pouring tea into a tiny cup for his Elmo plush toy. He looked at them and waved.
"Hello! Come and play with me!" he offered in his monotone voice. Everyone grew silent.
"I said play with me, dammit! Or I'll blast your groin off!"
Chromia and Frenzy backed away while Ironhide activated his cannons. Soundwave grabbed his leg before he could even reacted and pulled him towards the tea party. Ironhide screamed like a sissy.
"No! I don't wanna go to a tea party! I'm allergic to them and they will make me stupid like some people!"
Chromia and Frenzy didn't give a shit about him and ran off. Ironhide called them fag-shitters before getting raped by Soundwave who made him wear a tutu.
While they were running for their lives, Frenzy got hungry. "Can I have some food?"
"No."
"No? What do you mean no? I'm starving here!"
"You ate half the fridge the last meal, drank all my Mountain Dew and raided my secret chocolate box. Tell me why I shouldn't ban you from eating for the rest of the week."
"You suck. Can't I just have some M&Ms?"
"… Alright, fine."
So they proceeded to a 7-11 store, and were surprised when they saw Arcee, Jazz, Bonecrusher, Barricade and Prowl there.
"Why are you all here?"
"I'm running out of orange juice. I'll die if I don't stock up soon," Prowl said as he shoved dozens of cartons of orange juice into a bag.
"And I'm here to buy some condoms… are there any strawberry-flavoured ones here?" Barricade looked around the shelves. Chromia pretended to purge.
"This city is infested with weird people wearing weird costumes. We should call the army to kill them all," Jazz suggested.
"Okay, that sounds good…" Chromia picked up a random phone and called the army.
Meanwhile, Optimus was playing Dance Dance Revolution when the damn phone rang. He grumbled and went to pick it up.
"Talk to me or die."
"Army dude, the city is infested with weird people wearing weird costumes. Please get rid of them."
"Alright… poof, they're gone. I'm hanging up."
"Go to hell, you shit-head!"
Optimus hung up and, grinning sadistically, drank a cup of latte. He spat it all over the table when the phone rang again.
"What?! If you are the bitch who called just now, I hope CranberryLolli write you killed by razor blades and lemon juice!"
"And I hope they replace your Tom and Jerry CDs with Barney."
Optimus gasped. "Damn you! Fine, how the hell do you want us to get rid of the weird people?"
"Shoot them in the groin with water guns. That ought to make them feel shameful and run away like little girls."
"Okay, whatever…" He put down the receiver. "Everyone! Get your water guns and aiming skills and let's roll out!"
Later, the army was at the center of town shooting the Alien-costume-wearers' groins senseless. One of them was so engrossed in staring at a couple doing it through the window of a cafeteria that he didn't notice Alien-Ratchet come up behind him. Ratchet made all sorts of horrible noises to attract his attention but still no response. He resorted to whacking his head instead and the army dude turned around and screamed.
"Ah! It's a weirdo!"
"It was you who made me wipe my ass with sandpaper, wasn't it?"
"Huh?"
"If you are gonna act like a dick, you should wear a condom on your head so at least you can look like one! … Oh, don't you roll your optics at me as if I'm talking shit! I will kill you!" Ratchet started to attack the army dude's private parts. "Let me show you how it feels like to have your ass tortured!"
At the 7-11 store, everyone's lame conversations were interrupted by Alien-Brawl, who didn't look very happy, and Alien-Blackout sobbing his Spark out while scratching his ass. Seconds later, Predator-Bumblebee walked in.
"The store is too crowded. Please go home," Jazz told the three.
"Not until I rip Bonecrusher's interface cable out!" Brawl snarled.
"Oh, you just won't let that go, will you?"
Blackout sobbed some more and held out the Barbie picture. "Look at it. Her face is covered in shit! I can't believe I betrayed her like this… but it felt awesome!"
"What's wrong with you?" Arcee asked him.
Bumblebee snatched his briefs away from Brawl. "Let's see if you did a good job… oh, damn, it still smells horrid! Didn't I tell you to wash it with soap or something, you asshole?"
"I couldn't get some, thanks to a certain someone!"
"Call me whatever you want, but you can't blame me! Blame my mother for giving birth to a Sparkless boy! " Bonecrusher growled.
"Shut up and bleed!"
Brawl hurled himself onto Bonecrusher and tried to strangle him. Before he died, he suddenly looked happy.
"Wait, I'm going to die? Yes, finally! No more continuing in this goddamn story!"
Bumblebee attempted to calm Brawl down but instead got his ass whooped. Pissed, the Autobot kicked his groin and they punched each other like shit. Blackout saw what they were doing and decided to join in the fun. The rest of the people in the store shrugged and ran away.
The gang walked along a street with some Alien-costume-wearers lying on the ground randomly, denying their shame and covering their groins.
Prowl drank his orange juice happily. "Damn, this shit is good! I wonder what the ingredients are…" When he saw the word 'testicles', he immediately threw all the orange juice into the drain. "Well, there goes my savings…" he said calmly.
"Let's call a random number and prank the victim…" Jazz whipped out his phone. Chromia whacked his aft.
"Stop playing around. We got to find a way to get out of the city or the weirdness will kill us."
"That's why I suggested calling a random number and ask whoever that is to help us!" Barricade cried.
"That was my idea, you punk!" Jazz defended. Barricade ignored him and called a random number.
Megatron heard his pretty pink phone ringing and went to pick it up, putting down his Barbie dolls. "Colonel Megatron speaking," he said in a terrible feminine voice.
"It's a colonel! Okay, good, err… we desperately need to escape this weirdo-infested city or else more of us will die, so is there evacuation?"
A very stupid idea suddenly flashed in Megatron's little processor – he liked fireworks, so maybe he could bomb the whole city and lots of fireworks will magically appear! Pure awesomeness!
"Err… Colonel? Are you still there?"
"… Huh? Oh yeah, evacuation… what are you all getting killed by actually?"
"Turn on your TV, dammit. They should be on the news."
Megatron turned on his pink TV and watched the news. Alien-Soundwave randomly passed the camera and did a peace sign, grinning goofily. The reporter was squatting down nearby crying.
"Oh, so that's what they look like…"
"Yeah, freaky right? So is there evacuation?"
"Well, there are several helicopters that can get you out of here at the center of the city," he lied.
"Okay, thanks…" Barricade hung up.
Megatron watched as Alien-Soundwave back-flipped, cartwheeled and did other amazing stunts. "Wow, where the heck did they get those costumes from? They look so pretty…"
Barricade turned to the others. "The guy said there is an air evacuation at the center of the city…"
"I don't believe him." Chromia crossed her arms.
"Why?"
"Those weirdoes are gathering there for a random ass performance by Soundwave, so there is no way he will provide evacuation. Please, I bet Frenzy's life he wants to bomb the whole city just to see his damn fireworks." Frenzy shot her a dirty look.
"That kind of makes sense, though…"
"Of course I make sense."
"Well, if you all aren't going, then I am," Prowl said.
"Are you eff-ing crazy? You'll get killed! We're not going to your funeral if you die because of your stupidity, you know!"
"When there is a performance, there is orange juice. And I'm gonna get some. Adios!" He walked off.
"Oh he is such an idiot…" Frenzy sighed.
"Where do we go now? … Crap, I left my Three Days Grace CD at the hospital a few days ago!" Jazz panicked.
"Hell, you left my ipod there too!" Arcee screamed. "You son of a bitch!"
Predalien-Starscream stuffed a few pairs of bower briefs which he had found somewhere into his little bag. He then skipped along a corridor in the hospital and came across a door that had a sticker with the words 'I Love Porn' on it. He grinned and opened the door. There were some femmes in the room reading magazines and when they saw Starscream in his hideous costume they screamed 3 octaves higher and passed out.
"They don't wanna play with me… I cry…"
Meanwhile, the gang went around the hospital looking for Jazz's CD and Arcee's ipod. Not long after they found them, Chromia heard a familiar sound.
"It's a helicopter! We can escape!"
Bumblebee had an amazing sixth sense and felt a connection to his boxer briefs leading him to the hospital. He saw Starscream with his bag of briefs and screamed like a banshee.
"My precious briefs! How could you steal them!"
"I didn't!"
"Save your breath, you bucket of shit!"
"Oh yeah? Well, I bet you stole my jellybeans!"
Bumblebee's optic twitched in anger. "Awesome ninja magic, ACTIVATE!" he screamed while tossing a shuriken at Starscream. But his aiming was so terrible that it sliced off Arcee's head instead.
"Oh, damn… Sorry!"
"Heck! Where's my head, where's my head, where's my head?!" She felt around the ground for her head, but she couldn't find it, so she shrugged and offlined herself.
Jazz was shocked. "You killed my bitch!"
"That's because she was drop-dead gorgeous… get it? Ha, drop-dead! … You people have no sense of humor at all…"
Jazz yelled like Tarzan and charged at Bumblebee. Starscream purposely stuck out his foot and tripped Jazz. "Oh, the pain!"
"Ah, the hell with this!" Chromia dragged him away from the two costume-wearers and the gang went up to the rooftop to escape in the helicopter.
"Give me my jellybeans!" Starscream… screamed.
"Give back my briefs first!"
"Over my dead body!" Starscream tore the bag into half, leaving Bumblebee in a stage of shock. His face went black and the aura around him became dark too. BOOM! They shot up onto the rooftop with a trail of fire lingering behind and tumbled all over the ground. Bumblebee fished out his bazooka and aimed it at Starscream.
"Prepare to die!" He pressed the trigger, but instead of shooting cannonballs and stuff, it shot ice cream.
"Shit… I brought the wrong one! Someone replaced my real bazooka with this cheap crap!"
"Oh yeah, that's totally flaming…" Starscream snickered. "Give it up, you're just a comic relief character." He proceeded to walk away. Unfortunately, he tripped over his own foot and kissed the ground.
"Ha! Who's comic relief now?" Bumblebee laughed.
"Oh, you'll regret saying that..."
The helicopter guy refused to take off, so Barricade kicked his groin and threw him out, making room for Chromia to drive. They then took off from the ground, leaving the two idiots killing each other.
A jet with the words 'Megatron's Pretty Little Plane' printed on it randomly whizzed across the sky. Prowl and some other people were drinking their juice merrily when they saw the jet drop a huge scary missile. "Oh, shit…"
Starscream and Bumblebee stopped what they were doing and looked at the missile. The Alien-costume-wearers too became scared and buried their heads in the ground, as if that would protect them. "I hate Cranberry for making me play this character…" Bumblebee groaned.
"Me too… this costume's kind of ticklish…"
… KABOOM!
The force of the blast caused the helicopter to go down.
"Oh hell! Baby's going down, baby's going down!" Chromia screamed.
Before they crashed, someone said, "Ooh, nice fireworks…"
Later, some army dudes strolled around the area where the helicopter crashed looking for a pet cat. They saw Barricade and Chromia helping Jazz and Frenzy climb out of the helicopter and pointed their toy guns at them.
"Halt! Who goes there?"
"Your parents," Barricade joked.
"Really? Hi, papa and mama!"
"What an asshole…"
Megatron presented a pretty little box to Elita who screamed happily and snatched it away.
"Ooh, what's inside?"
"Open it.
Elita opened it and the room was flooded with golden light. "Awesome! It's a pair of Spongebob boxer briefs! … Eww, but why does it smell so badly? …"
THE END… TEE HEE!