Disclaimer: They are not mine. If they were I would be rich, pay off my student loan in one huge chunk, and fly off to New York, just for a hot dog. That would be the life.
Spoilers: Sometime between Alpha and Trevor (my guilty pleasure episode. I love it and don't know why.).
A/N: I've always wanted to do a story exploring why Scully was so obviously jealous during Alpha. She didn't even try to mask it or anything. I'm not sure if this story will answer that or not. I just found it last night and I was like "Hmm, this is funny. I must post it." So I am. I am also dedicating this story to myself because no one said I couldn't. Questions, concerns, garbonzo beans?
"So... you're pretty mad at me, huh?" Mulder asked, flopping down on the hotel bed next to Scully. She glared in his general direction and tightened her grip on the remote.
"Oh yeah."
"Scully..."
"I'm mad. Go away."
"Go away where? We're stuck in this hotel room together. There's not another around for at least 20 miles."
"Go sleep in the car."
"Dana Scully, your mother didn't raise you that way."
"Mulder, don't be cute."
"I'm cute?"
She tipped her head back, looked at the cracked plaster ceiling, and sighed. A long-suffering "I don't know what I am going to do with you, you fool" sigh.
"Mulder, just stop."
"I'm sorry for ditching you."
"I know. You're always sorry."
"Scully-"
"Just let me stew."
"I hate when you stew. You always get madder."
"More mad."
"See, you've stewed already."
"I swear."
"Not that often."
"You're going to be the death of me."
"At least I have purpose in life."
"Quit talking."
"Quit giving me stuff to respond to."
She closed her eyes for a moment, counting to ten.
"Anger management?" he quipped.
"Homicide control," she snapped back, standing from the bed and grabbing a pillow. "I want to throttle you."
"How refined. Where are you going?"
"Car."
"Scully, don't be ridiculous. It's forty degrees outside."
"It's warmer out there than it is in here."
"And whose fault do you think that is, Grumpy Gus?"
"Shut up."
"Do you know that if you go out that door I will be forced to follow you and join you in the car to keep you warm?"
"Don't bother."
"I have to bother."
"You do bother. You bother me."
"This is stupid, Scully."
"It is not."
"I have never seen you act so juvenile before. Something else is upsetting you isn't it?"
"No it's not. I was ditched not two weeks after having this same fight with you and it's just getting a little old."
"You've never threatened to sleep in the car before."
"Mulder, do you know how scared I get when you wander off by yourself?"
"It's not wandering, Scully."
She didn't seem to hear him.
"I have to just sit here and wonder if you're even still alive. It terrifies me to know that you could be gone and I would never know. Do you have any idea what that's like? And not only that, but I know you did it of your own will. No one forced you to leave. You did it all on your own, knowing how I feel about it, knowing how mad it makes me. But you don't care, and you leave anyway. I've never really understood out why. And I figure it's not worth it anymore. I'm done."
A long silence passed.
"Scully are you quitting?"
"I don't know. Maybe I want to. At the very least, working with you has not become one of my favorite pastimes."
"I didn't know it was that bad, Scully."
"You haven't exactly been paying attention."
She had been facing the door the whole time, one hand on the knob ready to bolt. Now she turned around, a wry chuckle escaping at the same time as a tear.
"I guess most of this is my fault anyway," she muttered.
"No it's not."
"We're quite the dysfunctional pair, aren't we? I mean look at this! I would rather sleep in the car than talk to you. We're a mess."
"We're not a mess," he assured, standing from the bed and walking towards her. "In need of psychiatric evaluations, but not a mess."
Her eyes met his slowly and he relied on his finely honed skills to keep them there.
"I'm sorry I ditched you. I have a lot of excuses, but none of them make it okay. I don't set out to worry you or scare you. Sometimes I just don't think."
"I know. If ditching me solves a case faster, then by all means, go for it. I just need to learn to deal with it."
"Don't take the ditching personally. Sometimes there are informants-"
"I understand the informants, Mulder."
"Okay, but I just want you to know that I don't ditch you because you're you. Sometimes I just need to strike out on my own. Maybe it's a guy thing or an ego thing-"
"No, it's a Mulder thing," she decided, grinning just slightly.
"Either way, it's not because I don't need you or want you with me."
"I know. It just doesn't make me feel very safe."
"Would it help if I told you where I was going before I went?"
"Maybe a little. I would prefer it if you didn't have to leave at all, but I guess if you would communicate with me a little more about it, I might feel better."
"Maybe we should just look at every instance individually and judge from there."
"Okay."
"Please don't sleep in the car, Scully. It would damage my reputation as a gentleman."
"That is a very good joke, Mulder. I am surprised I am not laughing."
He took her shoulders and steered her towards the bed. She sat down with a sigh, tossing the pillow towards the head of the bed.
"And now for part two."
"Part two?"
"What's the other thing that's bothering you? You've been a little out of sorts since California."
"I have?"
"We were doing just fine, and then all of the sudden, you're incommunicado. Reason?"
"I don't know."
"Want to hear my theory?"
"Only if you want to hear me debunk it."
"I think you were jealous of Karin."
"Karin. The dog lady. The woman who would rather sit in the dark with her animals than have friends or a conversation or even a shower. I'm jealous of her? If I were you I would demand my tuition money back from Oxford because obviously that psychology degree they gave you is nothing more than a boardwalk souvenir. You couldn't be more off base, Mulder."
"I didn't even bring out the big interrogation light, and that was the best confession I ever heard."
"What?"
"Oxford gave me a good degree. I can even correctly quote Shakespeare. The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
"You took that line out of context. Hamlet's mother wasn't trying to be ironic, she really did think that the Player Queen was protesting too much-"
"Scully."
"What?"
"You were jealous."
"I wasn't jealous. She irritated me more than anything. And you know, I was probably hormonal or something while we were out there. I hadn't been sleeping well either. I am bound to say or do something strange under those conditions. You really can't hold me accountable for what went on when I was dealing with hormones and exhaustion, and you of all people should know that Mulder. I mean you know me better than anyone else."
"You're rambling."
"I am?"
"You're rambling because I found out your dirty little secret. You were jealous of Karin because she had a relationship with me that you didn't know about. She knew something about me that you didn't know. At the very least you felt threatened by her. You thought she was going to steal me away."
"I- I di- I did not."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes. I don't care what you do. Really. I don't."
"Right. So why did you ditch me to do your own investigation of Karin?"
She stuttered for a moment, her face growing closer and closer to crimson. She played with her hands and refused to meet his gaze.
"I just was making sure that you knew what you were getting yourself into. You never know who you're going to meet online. I simply wanted to make sure that everything was on the up and up."
"Scully."
"I was jealous," she confessed quickly.
"Why?"
"Because it's been years since you've looked at me like you looked at her."
"How did I look at her?"
"Like she mattered."
"Scully..."
"You see me every day. I'm nothing special anymore, but I remember when I used to be."
"Hey," he started, reaching over and turning her chin towards him. "You're special to me. All the time. Every day of the week. Twice on Sundays."
"Am I?"
"Yes. You're my partner and my best friend and you're my... something that is bigger and better than best friend. There's no name for it yet. You know you're special and important to me."
"I guess I just... forget sometimes."
"I'll try to keep you from forgetting."
"Okay."
"We're Spanky and Alfalfa."
She chuckled, her smile sneaking all the way up to her eyes.
"Mulder, which one am I?"
"Height requirement demands that you be Spanky."
This time her laughter came out in a snort and she covered her face, falling back onto the bed. He smiled and lay down next to her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her forehead gently.
"I love you, you insecure woman."
"I love you too, ditcher."