That short glance

Hola! This is just an idea that came to mind ... there is more behind it though that cannot be expressed in this story. So I might write a prequel, probably about the op Nell did with Kensi. This one leaves a bit to the imagination, so tell me if you want to hear what I had happen. It will be a little AU, but really...does it matter? You'll see why it had to be, cause it's just hard to imagine... I'll tell you later...Anyway enjoy and...

DISCLAIMER = I OWN NADA!

(Its Friday and the team is packing up to leave after a 3 day long op...oh, and its Nell's view-ish)

"Shut up Deeks...your annoying the hell out of me!" Deeks hadn't stopped talking since they had gotten back from their latest op. It had involved Kensi in a little black dress, and it had turned out as it usually did...Kensi angry and Deeks with a bruised shoulder.

"Well, I'm your partner...thats my job." Nell had to laugh, that did seem to be the way it worked around here. "Anyway, someone need to bring you back down to earth after an op like that."

"You don't see Eric pestering Nell every five seconds do you? If you don't remember, she was the one who was getting all the attention." She was pretty sure they kept going at it, but she left her spot at the balcony. She didn't need more of a reminder that she had also been on that op, undercover, and that everyone at NCIS now knew about her past, even the bits she had tried so hard to forget.

"Hey Rockstar." Nell walked into the dark tech room, not expecting her partner to be there.

Idiot, she thought, he's always up here.

"Hey." Her voice sounded flat, even to her own ears. She crossed the room and sat down, placing her head on the table. She heard Eric spin his chair around and get up, so she really shouldn't have jumped when she felt his hand on her shoulder, but the events of the past few days had brought back memories, memories that scared her...it made her jumpy.

"You okay?" He had obviously felt her reaction, as he withdrew his hand. Nell wished he hadn't, all she needed right now was comfort.

But nobody can know that, the voice in her head was telling her, you have to be strong.

"Yeah, fine." She tried to pass off Kensi's excuse...only Eric had heard that one to many times before.

"Really?" She didn't answer, keeping her head on the table and not moving. She could feel the wetness building in her eyes and hoped the tears would not spill over. She could feel the pressure of his hand on her back now, rubbing circles just below her shoulder blades. It seemed to be in effort to comfort her that he spoke again, as though he could sense the tears threatening to spill over. "Nell, you know you did good right? Everyone knows that, and you know what? I don't think anyone is going to think any less of you because of what happened okay?"

She felt his hand withdraw from her back, but the loss of contact ended quickly as Eric took her shoulders and pulled her up to face him. They stood in quiet darkness for a minute, before she silenced the voice in her head and let her words and tears spill out.

"I just, I had worked so hard to bury all that behind me. I hated, I still hate, that part of my life. All I wanted was to forget it, be happy, live a normal life...although I guess you can't call this life normal." Nell tried to laugh through her tears, but it sounded forced and distorted. "It was so terrible Eric. I prayed every day that I would never have to live through that again, even if I died. Then this op came along and I almost couldn't take it..." The tears had drenched her face, and she could feel herself shaking as her partner pulled her to his chest. She heard him whispering words of comfort in her hair, holding her tightly, as though to stop her trembling. Nell could not say how long they stood like that, nor did she care. Soon she could feel her body stop shaking, and she knew why. Standing there, in her partner's arms, just felt right, and she didn't want to pull away but she needed to get the rest of her feelings out.

She took a deep breath as she pulled away, though not so far that his hands could not rest on her shoulders. "The only thing that kept me going was knowing that, that I was going to get the men who had done it killed. Eric, I wanted to kill them so badly...am I a bad person?" Nell knew she sounded weak and timid, but she no longer cared.

She needed someone to tell her that feeling that hatred was alright, that it wasn't wrong to feel like that, that people wouldn't leave her because she had feelings like that. She looked at the floor, he hadn't answered. He was going to hate her, she should never have told him, should have listened to the voice in her head. Then she felt his hands cup her face, forcing her, gently, to look up. Nell could see the look of concern written on his face.

"No." Eric looked right into her eyes as he said it. She could feel her fear slowly wash away. "You are not a bad person. Those men, the ones who did all this, they are bad people. You are not, and you will never be a bad person."

"Really?" She knew he meant it, but she needed to hear it. Just one more time, just so she knew he moment was real.

"Yes. So don't you ever think, for one minute, you are anything less than the amazing, brilliant rockstar I get to work with each and every day." Her body melded to his as he pulled he close, then he leant down and pressed his lips lightly to hers before pulling back and looking down at her. She met his glaze with one just as intense as her tears dried instantly.

"Thank you Eric." She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing his lips crashing back down onto hers. They stayed like that until air became a problem, and only then did she feel his lips graze the top of her hair lightly as he whispered softly.

"I will never, ever hurt you Rockstar. I promise you that."

So? What did you think? I know, very AU...but you can understand why right? I mean, I have never seen Nell that distressed, or Eric that comforting. So... anyway, review and let me know if I need to write more to fill in the blanks.

Oh, and thank you lots to Karii! Your the best big sis ever! :)

Luvs always,

Yazzy