I HAD TO I AM SORRY MY THROAT IS CLENCHING FROM SO MUCH EMOTIONS ARGH.
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parallels
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because Kakashi hated them, but couldn't quite avoid them
With the war being over, Kakashi made more promises to those around him than he could ever remember.
When Naruto visited him in the hospital to check up on the status of his new Sharingan eyes, Kakashi would promise over and over that he was okay, and would be out of bed and on his feet in no time. When the elders of Konaha came to him on urgent business, Tsunade's health wasn't looking good, and until she recovered (if she did fully, she had taken quite a hit during the battle), Kakashi promised them that he would step up as acting Hokage, as he was number one on the list of succession.
In return, when he saw Sakura roaming the halls of the hospital outside Tsunade's room, thumb against her lips, biting at the skin in true anxiety, he couldn't help but wrap an arm around her shoulder to calm her pacing and promise her (once again), that everything would be alright.
Kakashi's most important promise came to Rin.
Once he was off crutches, he would come to her grave two times a day in stead of one, and she would get fresh flowers three times a month instead of twice.
Obito's words never ceased to rock through his mind, send his both shivering and tensing in almost rage. He had been ready to finally go to Rin, to start over what he had messed up in his younger years. It had been his time to die, and Obito knew this, and still sacrificed himself so Kakashi would not.
Three times a month, Kakashi thought to himself. Two times a day to confess to her what he couldn't say before.
She would just have to wait a bit longer for him. He was always late for events, either way. She and Obito would have to put up with his absence a little longer.
On one of his rare occasions out of the Hokage's office, he snuck towards the training grounds where he used to meet his little genin team.
His Rokudaime coat and hat were left hanging off of his chair in his office, as he made his way slowly towards the spot, acknowledging that he, once more, was late.
But he had promised them an hour to catch up.
And Kakashi didn't make promises he couldn't keep.
"Well finally! Kakashi-sensei, you're-"
Sakura bashed Naruto over the head, and offered Kakashi an embarrassed smile. She put her hands behind her back and rocked on her heels.
"Ah, sorry Kakashi, I mean Hokage-sama."
"Hn."
Kakashi's eyes closed in content, and he smiled at them.
"Please don't use that title, too. Kakashi is just fine, and you all know it. Don't make me feel like I'm that authoritative."
Naruto let out a string of grumbles as he nursed the bruise to his head, and Sasuke grunted from his spot across from Kakashi. Naruto began the meeting of the ex-team with his stories about his own training, missions, as well as hints towards interest in a certain dark haired Hyuga girl, and Kakashi's mind slowly started to wonder, happy thrum of Naruto's voice lulling against his ears.
Seeing Obito alive and older affected him in ways he couldn't begin to understand, and he constantly found himself creating illusions of being young and on Team Minato. He would see himself, and Rin, Obito, sometimes Minato too, seeing them young and talking, laughing, reliving memories that he had once deemed painful and untouchable.
But now, watching Naruto's enthusiasm, and gesturing with that wide grin of his, and his flailing arms, the image of Obito floated into his vision. His throat tightened and he could feel his back muscles tensing.
Kakashi was never one to draw parallels, or regard similarities between people so. He stopped at the fact that his ex-students could be compared to the legendary Sanin in brute strength and ability. But other than that..
Kakashi swallowed heavily.
He just couldn't help seeing the touches of Obito that lurked in Naruto's actions and Naruto's words and happiness. Slowly, Naruto came to a stop in his story, leaving the four in silence, before Sakura took a breath and began her own plights into what she had been up to since the war. Kakashi zoned out once more after she reported, in a happy tone, of Tsunade's slow recovery. His eyes grazed her face, and his throat clenched once more.
Rin... he thought sadly.
Sakura had always been a soft spot in Kakashi's heart, ever since her genin days, and of course more so as she achieved medic ninja status and kept her hair short. It was too painfully similar to Rin, and Kakashi couldn't help but feel very protective of Sakura. Whether she could see it or not, Kakashi always did his best to ensure that she was happy. It was like a debt he owed to himself, to Rin. As if he needed to prove to himself that he was capable of protecting someone who he cared for.
Sakura sent her teammates a warm smile, before continuing her stories. Kakashi's eyes flickered over to Sasuke, and once more, Sakura's words drowned his ears in a slow, murmur.
Kakashi was quick to admit, even when they were still young, that he definitely saw himself in Sasuke, in Sasuke's thoughts, and some emotions. The younger Sasuke was just like a young Kakashi, and it made his heart beat faster to consider just how similar they had been at one point in time.
His eyes slid from Sasuke to Sakura, and back to Sasuke once more, back to the young mans' cool demeanor, pocketed hands and closed eyes. Before he knew it, a slim pair of fingers were waving across his vision, and Sakura was calling his name in worry.
"-sensei? Oh! I mean, Kakashi-sama? Are you listening?" She asked, and Naruto bent forward, squinting at Kakashi's face. His lips pouted. Kakashi shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck in an awkward manner.
"Oh, sorry. I was just spacing out." He offered weakly, and Naruto and Sakura sighed, heads drooping.
"I bet he wasn't even paying attention to our stories." Naruto muttered, and Sakura nodded her head sadly. Sasuke grunted once more, and Kakashi felt his obsidian eyes on his face. Kakashi let out a small laugh, causing his two teammates to look back at him. He continued to rub his neck. As he did, Sakura snuck over to the tree she had been standing near, and produced a small basket in her arms.
"I packed us some lunch! Let's eat before our dear Hokage-sama, I mean sensei, I mean, argh, Kakashi has to go back to work, ne?" She knelt down and set the basket on the grass, opening it gently. She produced four wooden boxes as her male teammates slowly sat down around her in a happy silence. With a hint of a blush, and a pretty smile, she offered the first to Sasuke to her right, lips plump in her happiness.
"I made you some extra tomatoes, Sasuke-kun." She murmured. Kakashi's eyes slid back over to Sasuke as he let out a curt grunt, and accepted the box, nodding in thanks.
For some reason, even when all of the lunches had been distributed, and everyone began to quietly munch on the food, Kakashi's mind continued to replay what he had just seen. Sakura's rosy cheeks flew to his mind, shoulder length locks shifting as she smiled, offering the box to Sasuke. He couldn't place it, and chewed his rice thoughtfully, drowning out Naruto and Sakura's playful arguing once more.
It wasn't until the four of them were packing up and getting ready to part ways that it finally clicked in Kakashi's mind.
Naruto bid them goodbye, waving over his shoulder as he departed past Kakashi, promising that they would meet up like this again soon. Kakashi trained his gaze on Sakura, who was shifting her feet, holding her basket in one hand, other at her side. It wasn't until she brushed past Sasuke with another rosy blush to her cheeks, fingers gracing his upper arm in a gentle goodbye, that Kakashi saw it.
It was everywhere. In the warm, loving gaze Sakura's emerald orbs sent to Sasuke's, only to be meet his collected, unresponsive obsidian ones, in the gentle curve of her fingers to his arm, the light squeeze she gave to his uncovered skin, the pink hue to her cheeks that didn't reciprocate in his pale cheeks.
In Kakashi's vision, her pink locks slowly dissolved, leaving chocolate covered, short tresses, violet lines sinking over porcelain cheeks, blush as adamant as Sakura's. Spiky, raven locks slowly turned gray, and then white, and his pale face was covered in a navy mask. Kakashi's heart flew in a steady, yet shaking pace, and his blood ran cold. He saw it all over again.
Rin's love for him. Rin's care, Rin's warmth. And Kakashi's lack of acceptance. Reciprocity.
He despised parallels, but before his eyes, was another playing out. Tears burned in his eyes, and he blinked twice, and then twice more to rid himself of the images in front of him. A choke held fast in his throat as he slowly came back to reality. Sakura was gone now, disappearing down the path behind Sasuke, who was still standing there, ready to leave too.
Kakashi gave himself no time to analyze just what he was doing and why before he flew at Sasuke, trapping him in an almost painful grip against a tree. His hands gripped the younger man's bicep tightly, and his eyes met Sasuke's angry orbs. They were almost the same height, and this drove Kakashi even further into the abyss of his mind. Staring into Sasuke's eyes made him feel as if he was looking into his own. He fought back a shiver, as a snarl left Sasuke's upturned lips.
"What the hell?" He hissed, glaring murderously at Kakashi, who's eyes were wide, angry, somehow passionate. He clenched Sasuke's arm tighter as if to reaffirm his point.
He really hated parallels.
"Promise me," he started in a harsh whisper, voice cracking and breaking, throat clogged with emotions he couldn't name and didn't feel the need to at this point, "dear God, promise me that you won't ever take her for granted."
Sasuke's eyes went wide in complete confusion. Kakashi's own were clouded with moisture.
"Promise me!" He whispered again, and Sasuke's mouth opened, and closed.
"What-" The younger man started, and Kakashi's grip only tightened on his arm. He swallowed heavily.
"Sakura", he said slowly, eyes meeting Sasuke's, "Sakura. Don't ... don't ever- Treat her right and protect her. Let her in, Kami, Sasuke, let her fucking in."
Sasuke was completely silent, but his eyes said it all. Kakashi gingerly pulled his fingers from Sasuke's arm, hand going slack at his side. He was turning away before the younger man could see the tears now spilling down his cheeks and mask.
Three times a day, Kakashi affirmed to himself, he would visit Rin's grave three times a day.
When he turned around to apologize to Sasuke for his sudden behavior, he found the young man hurrying away from him into the direction that Sakura had only previously departed in. Not the direction of the Uchiha compound.
It was as if Kakashi had completed an unknown promise, and his heart felt lighter than ever.
Red roses, he decided calmly, Rin would get red roses this time.
x
Argh I'm sorry I just.. I slowly got back into the KakaRin ship and KAMI THE FEELS. I really don't like parallels all that well myself but I see tidbits between them and SasuSaku so much sometimes that it makes my heart ache. SO HERE HAVE MY WAVE OF FEELS PLEASE I NEED TO GO CRY.