This Girl Loves That Girl

by thisgirllovesthatgirl

Lena Katina and Yulia Volkova are the stars of t.A.T.u, the girls who inspired many to come out and love. But what kind of back story do they have? This story takes you back to the very beginning, of protection, love, and trust.

"This girl loves that girl?"

PROLOGUE

Ivan Shapovalov stood at the window, looking out over the Moscow skyline. His apartment was simply done, but nicer than the average Russian's home. He pressed his hands against the cool glass pane and felt the rain drops patter steadily on the other side. Ivan had always done well for himself, but his big idea had finally come to him. Everything was in place now, everything ready to go. Ivan stared out at the city and though that somewhere, out there, the final piece of his puzzle was waiting for him. He needed girls…

Chapter 1

Yulia Volkova stood in the studio, shifting her weight from one foot to the other nervously. She was sure that Ivan had not left her alone more than five minutes ago, but it seemed like an eternity. Ivan Shapovalov had made her acquaintance but a few days ago; that was all the time it took for him to change her life. She was to be a star. Her voice, he said, was beautiful, and crowds would cheer to hear her sing. He promised her that on stage she would delight millions. But Yulia didn't understand. She had already been kicked out of one singing group, although they never told her why. She just assumed she had not been good enough to stay, although a little voice in her mind told her that could not have been the real reason. Yulia shook her head in frustration. "I need to stop thinking so much when I am nervous. It only makes me crazy. I have to focus. Ivan said he is bringing the other girl who he picked into the studio to try singing with me. What if we don't sound good together? What if she is a bitch? I don't seem to get along very well with other girls…they never like me. I have to try to work with this new girl, whoever she is."

Just then the door came open, and the first thing Yulia saw in the entrance to the studio was not Ivan's now-familiar silhouette, but a mass of curly red hair. Yulia's jaw dropped open. It could not possibly be who it seemed…or could it?

"Where is the other girl, Ivan? I want to meet her, since you have kept her such a secret from me. I…huh???" The red-headed girl had looked away from Ivan and saw quite plainly who was to sing with her in the studio. An enormous smile crossed her face and she called out in happy disbelief, "Yulia???"

"Lena?" Yulia asked in a hushed whisper, completely shocked. "Can it be true?"

"Oh, Yul, I missed you!" Lena Katina shot across the studio floor and wrapped the diminuitive, black-haired girl in an enthusiastic embrace. Suddenly Yulia was laughing, both girls were laughing, and they were hugging each other tightly as if no time had passed since their last meeting.

Neither girl was more shocked than Ivan. "You girls KNOW each other?"

Lena was laughing too hard to answer, so Yulia responded. "Yes, Lena and I sang together a couple years ago. She was my best friend! But I lost track of her."

A thoughtful smile played about Ivan Shapovalov's lips as he mused over what this ready-made relationship could mean to his idea. After all, it had been no accident he had chosen Yulia Volkova to sing for him with another girl. He knew about her past, the real reason she had been kicked out of her last group. This was the perfect opportunity for him to take his plan to showcase sexually charged teen girls to the next level. But he knew it was far too soon to try that gambit yet…

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Chapter 2

Lena and Yulia flicked the light on in their new, temporary bedroom and looked around. They had been recording together for a few days, and this room was set aside for them to sleep if they were too tired to go home at the end of the workday. Both Yulia and Lena's parents had agreed that if the girls worked late hours it was simpler for them to stay at the studio overnight. This was the first day it had actually been necessary to use the room. It was nicely furnished, with a large-double bed in the middle of the room and a set of drawers for the girls to keep a few things in. Lena dropped her duffel bag full of clothes and toiletries on the floor and stretched wearily. "Ivan worked us so hard today! I didn't know we were going to be doing all that dancing."

"Yeah," Yulia sighed. "You know what? I don't like the words to the songs he's making us sing. They're stupid and they don't make any sense."

"Don't worry," Lena reassured her. "Those aren't the songs we'll end up performing. Ivan promised. He said these are just songs laying around to test our voices. When our act gets better some professionals will write songs just for us."

"I hope so." Yulia threw her backpack into the corner of the room and shuffled into the middle of the floor, giving the room a more thorough once-over. She looked back at Lena and smiled. "It's okay. At least I get to sing with you. I missed that. I really missed you, Lena."

"I missed you too, Yul," Lena answered, returning the dark-haired girl's grin but not meeting her eyes.

Yulia's smile faded slightly as she asked, "Why didn't you ever write me or call me after I left the group before? I gave you my number."

"I…was busy, I guess. With school and stuff. I'm sorry."

"Are you sure? I was afraid maybe you didn't want to be my friend anymore." Yulia sighed and looked away, having voiced the fear that she had never admitted to herself or anyone for nearly two years. She didn't find another good friend after she lost touch with Lena. In fact, she had become very solitary in the past year, barely speaking to any of her classmates in school. She had become somewhat of an outcast. She wondered if maybe that was what she deserved, for having the crazy thoughts that popped into her head sometimes.

"That's not it at all!" Lena answered quickly, as reassuringly as she could. "It's just that, I wondered if my being your friend was enough for you." Yulia turned back to Lena and stared at her, astonished. Her eyes became wide, like an animal caught in the headlights of a car.

"What…do you…mean, Lena?" Yulia asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes gazed helplessly into Lena's face, hoping with every fiber of her being that Lena had not guessed the secret thoughts that had plagued her since her early teens but knowing full well that the game was up.

Now it was Lena who sighed. "Don't play dumb, Yul. I know you better than anyone. I've known for a while now that you like girls, I mean, that you like me. It's right there on your face when you look at me. When you used to hold my hand, you held it the same way boys would hold my hand on a date or something. It's not a secret. Most people knew about how you were, although you tried to hide it."

"Lena, I am so sorry." Yulia stared at her feet, ashamed of herself. "I tried so hard to keep you from seeing my true feelings. I knew you wouldn't like it, that you would want to stay away from me if you found out. I guess we're not going to be friends again after all." Yulia turned away from her redheaded crush and felt her eyes stinging.

Lena knew that Yulia was trying not to cry and crossed the distance to the shorter girl in a few quick steps. She put her arms around her friend and held her. "That is NOT true, Yul. I do want to be your friend. I really missed you a lot. Look, I don't care if you like girls. I know some people have a problem with that, but I don't. I care about you for who you are, exactly as you are. I'm not going to treat you differently or feel weird about you. All right? Does that make you feel better?"

Yulia turned around and looked up into Lena's kind, gray-green eyes. "Thank you," she muttered, the words struggling to escape her lips.

"But you have to listen to me for a minute. I can only be your friend, Yul. I can't be any more. I just don't feel the same way about girls that you do."

"I understand, Lena. Don't worry. I'm not going to try to push you into anything or make you uncomfortable. I am just so happy things are going to be okay between us."

"Of course they are." Lena gave Yulia an affectionate pat on the head, then let her go. "Now let's change into our pajamas and get some sleep. We have lessons with our new tutor tomorrow, and then I think Ivan's going to crack the whip on us again."

Chapter 3

"Ivan, this skirt is really, really short," Lena sighed to her manager as she and Yulia wrapped up another dance routine. Lena was getting frustrated with Ivan. Over the past few days, they had not done much singing at all but were practicing choreography. Lena felt like she was on display, and she didn't like it. She and Yulia were stuffed into matching miniskirts and white tank tops which Lena knew were somewhat see-through. Lena didn't think of herself as very pretty. She had signed up for Ivan's project to sing and be musical, not twirl like a wind-up doll. In such skimpy clothes she felt exposed and vulnerable. On top of that, she had given into fears that had made her ashamed. The last couple times that they danced in very revealing outfits, Lena could not help but check whether Yulia was looking at her, whether Yulia was desiring her because she was so naked. Of course, as far as Lena could tell Yulia was doing nothing of the sort. If Yulia did look at Lena during the dance routine, it was never in a vulgar way. At first the looks had been ones of appreciation and congratulation. But lately, Yulia had looked at Lena with concern. For while Yulia had not been peering under Lena's skirt while she twirled, Ivan was. Ivan had been very harsh with Lena during their choreography training, criticizing her movements for being ungraceful and telling her that her thighs were too thick. Lena's feelings were clearly hurt by all this, but she rarely said anything about it. She only noticed that, when Yulia caught her gaze amidst their practicing, her face reflected only worry.

"Hm. With legs like that it is. Lena, you just have to eat less. I need you to be skinnier. Oh, and we're going to dye your hair red."

"But it's already red," Lena replied, holding up a lock of her hair and pointing to it in her defense.

"Don't talk back to me, girl, I know what red looks like. We're going to make it REALLY red, as red as Yulia's hair is black. You have to look bold."

"Ivan, what does it matter what we look like if we're just going to be singing?"

Ivan sighed and rested his forehead in his palm, impatient. "Look. You're going to be singing, yes, but it's more than just that. It's a PERFORMANCE. The whole thing's gotta come together, your voices, your dancing, your looks, everything. You both sing well, but there's a lot of good singers out there in Russia. That alone won't cut it. You two are going to be different. You're going to stand out, make an impression. Now, no more arguing with me. We have to do this routine at least three more times. Come on, come on, crank up the music, we don't have all day."

That evening, Yulia and Lena shared their room in the studio again. They were finding themselves sleeping there more and more as Ivan worked them harder. Lena watched Yulia brush her teeth in the little bathroom that connected to their room and felt very guilty. She had been suspicious of Yulia for no reason at all. The black-haired girl had faithfully kept her promise not to try to be anything more than friends with Lena. During the day she was not overly affectionate with her friend, and during the night she always stayed on her own side of the bed, never trying to touch Lena or get close to her or try anything strange at all. Lena thought to herself that she was a bad person, unworthy of Yulia's friendship and good faith. Lately Lena had come to think badly of herself more and more often. Ivan was always yelling at her, and almost never at her friend. Her tutor was short with her and accused her of not doing her homework, even though she always did. She was not even singing as well as she usually did, because it wasn't fun anymore. The only person who always stood by her, who stood up for her without hesitation, was Yulia, yet that was the person she had kept a measured distance from. Lena brushed her hair sullenly, her heart sitting somewhere between the base of her ribcage and the pit of her stomach. She didn't even realize for several moments that her roommate was calling her.

chapter 3 cont'd

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"Lena, I'm done using the sink now, you can wash up. Lena? Lena? Lena!"

"Huh?" Lena looked up to see Yulia standing over her as she sat on the bed, the hairbrush hanging limply from one hand.

"Lena, what's wrong? You look terrible. I'm very worried about you. Here, I'll give you something." Yulia went over to her backpack and pulled out a cupcake wrapped in foil. "I saved this from lunch. I know you love these. Here, take it." Yulia walked back over to the girl on the bed and offered her the cupcake, but she did not take it.

"Ivan says I can't eat after lunchtime. I have to get skinnier."

"Fuck Ivan. He barely lets you eat DURING lunchtime. Seriously, Lena, you have to have food. You have been starving way too much lately. It's giving you circles under your eyes."

"Yul, I can't. He's right. I…I'm not pretty enough, I have to lose weight…"

"Bullshit." Yulia sat down on the bed beside Lena and laid the cupcake in her friend's hand. "You are beautiful right now. Please eat, Lena. Do me this favor. You scare me by looking this hungry. Please. I won't tell anyone, and if Ivan accuses you of eating one morsel of food you're not supposed to I'll tell him off to his face."

"Well, all right. I guess if no one will find out." As soon as the first bite of the sweet bread passed her lips, Lena knew how hungry she was and ate the whole thing without further hesitation. Sure enough, Yulia had brought her favorite kind. She even licked the chocolate off of her fingers when she was through. She looked over at her best friend and smiled weakly. "Thank you so much. I didn't realize just how bad I needed some food. What we're doing…it's so hard on me. It seemed like such a good idea at the beginning. I wanted to sing and make people happy and have fun. But Ivan is so mean and driven, and I feel like he is using us for something more than just our music. I don't know what to do, Yul, I really don't." Before she could think twice about it, Lena leaned over and wrapped her arms around Yulia, sobbing into the girl's soft pajama sleeve.

"Shhhh…it's all right. It's going to be all right." Yulia held Lena close to her and let her cry. It pained her to see her Lena go through such torture, but that was not the only reason her heart ached at the redhead's touch.

"You're my best friend," Lena sighed between sniffles. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Yulia. I don't think I could get through this."

"Yes you could. You're stronger than that." Yulia spoke the words to Lena, but she was also reassuring herself of her own strength. At that moment, the only thing in the world Yulia wanted was to kiss Lena, but she knew that would ruin everything. She didn't want to try to make out with Lena; she just wanted to give her one kiss on the lips to make her feel better. She could no longer deny the fact that she loved Lena with all her heart, and that Lena's pain was her pain. But to give in to her desire in that moment would tear Lena away from her forever. She had promised to honor her friend's wish that she not try to take their friendship further. That was a promise she meant to keep, even though every night after Lena had fallen asleep Yulia would turn over in bed and just look at her, admiring her gentle features, watching her soft breathing, loving everything about her but needing all her strength to keep from reaching her hand out and stroking the rosy cheek. To take her mind off her own struggles, Yulia kept talking to Lena. "It's going to get better. Pretty soon Ivan will give us our own songs and he will let us have more freedom. He'll have to, or we won't do what he wants. And if he's mean to you like that again, I'll tell him he's an asshole. He has no right to treat you that way. You're the soul of our project, Lena. Without you we lose all our emotion. Just wait until tomorrow. I promise something good will happen."

***

Chapter 4

"Good news, girls. The first of your very own songs was finished last night, and today we're ready to give it a try. It goes to the tune of that instrumental we rehearsed yesterday. Not only that, but we're going to try filming it so we can play it back and see how it all looks put together. That's why I had to work you so hard yesterday. Here, take these lyric sheets and start looking at the words. I want you to be ready to do the first take in an hour, okay? All right, go ahead and get started. I'll be right back." Ivan left his two astonished girls standing in the studio alone, looking at the pieces of paper he handed to them. When he was gone, Yulia turned to Lena excitedly.

"See? I told you today would be much better. Our own song, just for us!" Yulia gave her friend what she hoped was a friendly, reassuring grin.

"You were right, Yul. These words are really great. I like the way they flow. Although, I think that the clothes Ivan gave us for today look really silly." The girls wore matching school outfits, white shirts with plaid short skirts, matching ties, and knee-high socks. "I thought the best part about having a tutor was NOT dressing for school." Lena picked up her tie in one hand and grimaced.

"You'll forget all about it once we start singing. This is going to be so much fun, just like when we started together a few weeks ago. I'm going to go off in the sound room to look over the music one more time, okay?"

"Sure. See you soon!" Lena went off to the makeshift stage that had been constructed for their shoot and sat down to learn her part of the new song. Yulia trotted over to the far corner of the room and entered the door to the mixing room. The technician was out to lunch and wouldn't be back until they were ready to do the number. Yulia sat down in his chair and looked over the new song, which was called "Ya Soshla S Uma." She noticed that the words were well written, but strange and vague. It seemed to be about one girl being confused about her feelings towards another girl. Yulia felt a slight uneasiness overtake her as she thought about the song. Just then, Ivan came into the room.

"Hey, Yulia, glad I've got you alone for a minute. I need to tell you something about our little production today."

"What do you need me to do, Ivan?" Yulia put her song sheet and her doubts aside for the moment.

"Well, do you remember the part of the song where Lena spins close to you and ends up facing you for a moment before she starts into her other dance?"

"Sure, it's near the middle."

"Right, exactly. Well, when Lena gets close to you, I want you to grab her and kiss her on the lips."

"You want me to do WHAT?" Yulia asked Ivan in total shock.

"Don't act so innocent, Yulia Volkova. I know all about you. I know the real reason why you were kicked out of your old singing group. I don't think I need to go into detail here, we both know what I'm talking about. So you go out there and you kiss Lena like you mean it. Make it look good for the cameras. If we do the song right the first time, I'll take you girls out tonight and buy you any dinners you want. Well, Lena's portions within reason of course…"

"But Ivan, it's wrong! Lena is not like that, and she will be very upset if I kiss her. It's unfair of you to ask this of us, Ivan."

"Don't worry, she'll get over it. It's not like I'm asking you to put your tongue down her throat. Not yet, anyway. Just do it the first take. If she gets flustered, I'll talk to her and let her know she needs to get over herself. Do what I tell you, Volkova, and I'll make sure things work out okay for you." Ivan left before Yulia had a chance to say anything else to him. He shut the door behind him, leaving Yulia alone to make a difficult choice.

About half an hour later, the shoot was almost ready to go. The girls were up on the stage in their starting positions, waiting for the music to begin. Ivan stood behind the cameraman, rubbing his hands excitedly, while the director coordinated everything with the sound man. Lena was beaming, genuinely excited about performing for the first time in many days. Yulia smiled too, but it was to hide her helplessness. What was she going to do? It was true that she wanted to kiss Lena very badly, but not if it would embarrass and upset her friend. And it made her angry how Ivan was using them both. What was he trying to show, anyway? Before Yulia could think about it much more, she heard the opening notes of the music and knew that the cameras were rolling. It was time to do or die.

The song started well, but as the musical interlude approached, Yulia started to get more and more tense. She had to make her choice, and fast. She dared one last glance at Ivan and swore that he was commanding her to obey him with his hardened stare. When she looked back, Lena was already spinning towards her. This was it! Lena ended up right in front of Yulia's face, as planned, and at the last possible second, Yulia turned away from her, as was originally called for in the choreography. The music only went on a few seconds longer before an angry voice pierced through the room yelling "Cut! Cut!" In shock, the sound man saw the furious flailing of Ivan Shapovalov and killed the music.

Chapter 5

Lena stood stock-still, her feet rooted to the stage. What could she have done? She sang perfectly, nailed every note and motion. For the first time in a whole week, Lena had gone through a number without a mistake. Why was Ivan angry with her? And then, to her horror, she saw that it was Yulia bearing the brunt of Ivan's rage. Instinctively she ran over to her friend and put her hand on her shoulder. Yulia had always protected Lena in the past, and now it was her turn. But when she realized what Ivan was saying, she couldn't help but shake a little. Ivan had never, ever sworn at her even when she made her worst errors, but now he was swearing at Yulia!

"You stupid little (bitch)! How dare you disobey me! I told you to…"

"Shut up, Ivan!" Yulia broke in. Lena swore she sounded terrified.

"God damn it I told you to kiss her and I meant it!"

Lena gasped. "You told her to WHAT?"

"That's right, I said Yulia has to kiss you. And we're starting this take over, right now, and you're going to (fucking) kiss her!"

"Ivan, you are a total (shithead)!" Yulia screamed, shaking with a rage of her own to match Ivan's. "If we do a hundred takes I will not kiss her, because it is just not right! You don't care at all about Lena's feelings, but I do, and no matter how much you insist otherwise, I will not hurt her." Yulia turned to leave, but Ivan grabbed the slight girl's wrist and yanked her back. Without even thinking Lena shoved Ivan as hard as she could, and in surprise he released Yulia's hand. Lena snatched Yulia's shirt and started running, away from the stage, away from Ivan, away from all of it. Both girls ran and didn't look back, and when they saw that they had reached their private room Lena shoved Yulia inside, slammed the door, and locked it behind them. Then she grabbed their chair and shoved it under the doorknob. She heard some kind of scuffling outside and some shouting, but then there was silence. The girls stood there in the locked room for a moment, speechless and shivering.

At last Yulia broke the silence. "I think we are going to be left alone." Her voice trembled as her thin body did.

"Come sit down, you're shaking too much," Lena said, although she was not shaking any less. She led Yulia over to the bed and they sat next to each other, numb for several minutes. After a time Lena asked her friend, "Why didn't you just do it?"

"Because I knew you wouldn't want me to, Lena."

"But you wanted to, didn't you? Be honest with me, I won't be mad."

chapter 5 cont'd

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Yulia sighed deeply. "Of course I did. I wanted to kiss you more than anything. Lena, I have to tell you, I love you. I can't keep it secret anymore. And I love you too much to go against your wishes. I have dreamed, prayed, hoped over and over that somehow I would be able to kiss you someday, but never if you were unwilling. That is not love. That is something terrible. But I'm sorry, Lena, I failed you. I broke my promise not to think about you as more than a friend. I just can't help it! You are beautiful, sweet, talented, wonderful…"

"Stop, stop, stop it, Yulia," Lena answered firmly, pressing one finger to her best friend's lips. "I am not any of those things. Those words describe you, not me. You have shown me a love that I can't even hope to deserve. You risked everything, even pushing your own wants aside, to protect me, and you put yourself in danger from Ivan. How can I ever measure up to that? I don't even deserve you as my friend." Stinging tears began to run down Lena's face, and Yulia reached up to wipe them away.

"That's ridiculous. Of course you do. Lena, you have my love, always. Even if you can't love me back, I don't care. As long as I can be with you, and you'll let me stay around, I am happy."

Lena wiped her face again and pulled Yulia close to her. "You'll always be with me. I'm never letting you slip away again. I was an idiot to lose contact with you before. I won't make the same mistake twice. People like you are too special to let go." They sat that way for a while, Lena crying and holding Yulia, and Yulia resting numbly against Lena's shoulder. She still could not believe all that was happening, and it made her head spin. But Yulia could never expect what Lena said next. "Yul, you did want to kiss me, right?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"I think you've earned it. Go ahead and do it."

Finally Yulia snapped back into reality. "No, Lena. It would make you uncomfortable. I don't want you to feel strange towards me."

"I'm being serious. Listen, Yul. I want you to kiss me. I really do."

"Lena, please…don't tempt me…"

"I'm not tempting you, I'm asking you. You should kiss me now. I can't say that I'll ever ask you to again. If it's what you've been wanting, do it."

Yulia turned to Lena and felt the redhead's warm breath on her face. "Are you sure?"

Lena looked straight into her friend's face. "I'm sure."

"Uh, okay, um, I guess I'm going to kiss you." Yulia hesitantly took her friend's shoulders in her hands. She decided that if she was only ever going to kiss Lena once, she had to make it a good kiss. More confidently she slid her hands around to Lena's back, leaned in, and pressed her lips sweetly against Lena's. She would have ended it quickly, but to her surprise, Lena kissed back, so Yulia lingered a second longer, stroking the redhead's hair and gently taking Lena's lower lip between her own. It felt amazing, and Yulia had never been so blissfully happy in her life, but she knew she couldn't let it linger too long. She let go, and reluctantly pulled away from the beautiful redhead. Yulia closed her eyes, remembering the moment, etching it into her mind forever. When she opened them again, she looked at Lena. Lena had a strange look on her face. Her cheeks were very red, and she was staring blankly. "Thank you," Yulia said, but Lena didn't seem to hear her. Suddenly Yulia was afraid she had done the wrong thing. "Lena?"

"Wha?"

"That was okay, right? You're not upset?"

"No, no, of course not. I wanted you to. It was fine." But still Lena would not look at Yulia. Yulia felt trapped, helpless, and she needed to make an escape.

"I'm going to change out of these stupid clothes," she muttered, standing up from the bed.

"Yeah, me too," Lena agreed quietly, but as soon as Yulia turned away Lena raised her fingers to her lips and held them there for a moment wondering…in the space of mere seconds, was it possible for the entire world to turn upside down?

Chapter 6

Ivan Shapovalov knew he was screwed. After he had tried to chase Lena and Yulia down their hall only to be wrestled to the ground by the soundman, camera man, and security guard, he had gone back to his apartment to stew. He had been determined to fire both girls the very next day, but at the same time he wanted to see if his production of the new song was any good. As he glowered at the tape from earlier in the day, he realized that the situation was worse than he could have imagined. There was no way he could fire Lena and Yulia now…because they were GOOD. Before the part of the song where their screaming match had started, everything had gone off without a hitch. The girls sang perfectly, kept in rhythm with each other, and above all were sexy together. They didn't just perform the song. They MADE the song. It was at that moment Ivan knew that if he didn't follow his plan through with Katina and Volkova, he wouldn't be able to follow through with it at all. There was a visible chemistry between the girls on screen, and Ivan doubted if he searched the whole city every night for the rest of his life he could find anyone else to reproduce this masterpiece. He gritted his teeth and admitted aloud the only conclusion he'd been able to reach in the past few hours. "I'm screwed. I'm stuck with these bitches. I'm going to have to make up with the little brats and fast, if we're to take this to the next level. It's disgusting, but if I have to beg on my knees I'll do it."

Ivan stood up from his chair and stopped the video of Ya Soshla S Uma after watching it for the ninth time. He needed a drink. He went to his cabinets and pulled out a bottle of vodka. Collapsing back into his chair he began to imbibe, muttering angrily to himself all the while. "Katina's still plain and pudgy, there's no two ways about it. And teaching her the routines takes twice as long as it should. Volkova's better with the dancing, but she'll squeak on a high note every once in a while and I'll be damned if the little urchin doesn't make me want to kill her with that attitude she pulls. I would have taught her a lesson she wouldn't forget yesterday if only Lena hadn't stopped me. I don't get it. Why would a clean, sensible girl like Lena stick up for that nasty little dyke? Friendship only goes so far, after all. Oh well. I counted on having ways to control both of them and that clearly didn't work. Katina's found a way to score a backbone and Volkova's quit being guilty about her perversion. But I am a psychologist after all…I'll find new footholds in those girls soon enough…ugh." Ivan stared ruefully at the bottle of vodka, which he had emptied halfway in his musings. "I'm gonna hate myself in the morning for this…"

Lena and Yulia finally emerged from their room sometime around ten o' clock the next day. Their bags were packed, the drawers and shelves in the dwelling cleaned out. Neither girl had slept the past night, because they knew what was to happen upon the arrival of the day. They would be kicked out, canned, fired. Ivan would find two new girls who wouldn't antagonize him, and their short career as performers would be over. Lena and Yulia hadn't spoken a word to each other about it, because they assumed it was a foregone conclusion. When they came out into the hall, the security guard who had been standing watch at their door turned to them. "Girls, I have to tell you something."

"What is it, Andrei?" Lena asked the burly man, though she swore she knew the answer already.

"Ivan called the studio this morning and said he wouldn't make it today. Apparently he's not feeling well. But he had some things to say to the two of you, and it's my job to relay the messages."

"We can guess it, Andrei," Yulia interrupted in a monotone, shouldering her backpack. "He wants us out. We're ready to go. You can take us away."

"Actually, that's not what he said at all," Andrei replied, clearing his throat while the girls dropped their belongings, dumbstruck. "Ivan wanted to say he was sorry for the way he acted yesterday, to both of you. He wants to keep you as the girls for his project. He realizes that you may be feeling a little bit of, um, hostility towards him right now, but he promised that if you'll give him the chance, he'll find a way to make it all up to you."

"Lena, I can't believe what I'm hearing," the black-haired girl breathed to her friend. Lena was too astonished to speak.

Andrei looked away and shuffled his feet. "It's really up to the two of you, whether you want to stay or go. You're not Ivan's slaves. He treated you pretty badly yesterday, and if you don't want to let him off the hook this easily, it would be understandable."

"I want to stay," Lena answered, pushing her bag back towards their room. "I don't want to lose my chance to sing and be famous just because Ivan acted like an asshole."

"I'm staying if Lena's staying," Yulia chimed in, instinctively moving towards the redhead. "But you can bet Ivan's going to have to suck up to us for a while before we forgive him for what he did."

Andrei stifled a laugh, and it came out a snort. "Well, girls, we at the studio are happy to keep you. And I promise that as long as I'm around here, Ivan will never lay a hand on either of you again. His behavior was totally out of line. As for today, you'll still have to meet with your tutors, but other than that there will be no work. I suggest you two both take it easy…you look like you've had a rough night."

Chapter 7

"Have some more ice cream, girls. I mean it. As much as you want. Even you, Lena…that is, er, nevermind. I'm so glad you girls decided to stay on the project with me. I'll be better to you in the future, you can bet on that. Now, I need to tell you something about your performance the other day. Fact is, you girls were wonderful. I want to try the take again, although this time we can spare the drama. You'll do the routine as it was originally choreographed. We just have to get your schoolgirl outfits back from the wash…"

Ivan was yammering on incessantly, but Lena was not listening. Unlike Yulia, Lena had barely touched her ice cream. The redhead knew her friend was squeezing every penny out of Ivan she could, asking him to take them out to the movies, to the arcades, and now finally for ice cream. Lena, however, could not relax and enjoy herself no matter what she did. When she tried to eat her lips tingled with the memory of Yulia's own cherry lips pressed against them. Her thoughts were jumbled and confused. She tried as hard as she could to forget about the difficult truth, but she could not lie to herself; that kiss had made her want Yulia! At first, it made no sense to Lena. She had never been attracted to girls before, and had always dated boys. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized that while she had DATED boys, she had not necessarily WANTED them sexually. When they tried to kiss her she would let them, and it was nice, but not thrilling. If they tried to go further with her she politely declined. The kiss with Yulia was different: fiery, raw, passionate. She knew her friend hadn't meant to have that effect on her, and she couldn't blame Yulia. But the thoughts disturbed her. Could she really be bisexual or even gay? Her rational mind said that even if she was, there was nothing wrong with that. She had meant it when she told Yulia she didn't care that the black-haired girl liked her as more than a friend. But she couldn't help but think about how furious her parents would be, how disgusted her other friends would be, how it would bring so much shame down on her head…

"Lena, your ice cream is dripping all over your shirt!" Yulia's giggling broke through Lena's reverie, snapping her back to the present. "See what happens when you space out? Here…" Yulia took a napkin and dabbed the melted ice cream off the front of Lena's shirt, and the redhead felt a surge of excitement go through her. Quickly she snatched the napkin away and began working at the mess herself.

"I got it, but thanks Yulia. Ivan, I want to go back to the studio now. I'm very tired and I need to go to bed."

"You're right, it is late for the two of you, considering that we have so much work to do now. Isn't your tutor testing you at the end of the week, as well? Sensible thinking, Lena. Let's be off. I'll call a taxi." Lena stared at her feet, facing away from Ivan and Yulia, blushing brightly and holding two fingers to her lips.

chapter 7 cont'd

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The bedroom at the studio the girls shared was dark, and the bright red numerals of the radio alarm clock glared 2:30 into the inky room. It had been five days since Yulia and Lena reconciled with Ivan, and it had also been five days since Lena had slept in this bedroom. She had shared the bed with Yulia the night they had gone out for ice cream, but after that Lena had been going home after work, saying that she wanted to see her parents and some of her other friends more than she had been. Those nights alone had been hell for Yulia. She tossed and turned in a bed that suddenly seemed too big for the slight girl, and she knew that she missed Lena's presence desperately. It was not as if she missed Lena's touch. Yulia and Lena never touched when they shared the bed, except by accident. But Yulia had always been aware of Lena's warmth beside her, aware of the sweet sighs her friend made in her sleep. It had made her so happy just to be close to Lena, and when she was gone Yulia felt empty. Finally this night Lena had stayed over at the studio again, but the relief Yulia felt was mixed with despair. All that week, Lena had been avoiding her during the day, and she knew it. They had talked and laughed together as usual, but Lena didn't go out of her way to spend time with Yulia while they weren't working, and she had noticed it. She couldn't help but worry that she had damaged their friendship by giving in to her desires and kissing Lena. Even though it was 2:30 in the morning, Yulia had not slept. Once she was sure Lena had nodded off, the smaller girl had turned around and just admired Lena off and on during the night. She tried as hard as she could to get to sleep herself, but every time she felt the slightest bit tired she found herself looking at Lena again. At 2:32, seemingly out of nowhere, Yulia felt her eyes sting. "My dearest Lena," she whispered, "what have I done to us?" And before she could notice or stop it, one of her tears rolled down her cheek and fell onto the redhead's face. Yulia's eyes went wide. What if Lena woke up?

The other girl yawned and stirred. As she blinked, adjusting her sight to the darkness, she started at seeing the shadowy object hovering over her. It took her a moment to recognize the shaggy black hair and crystal eyes. "Yul? Wha…"

"Nothing, Lena. I'm sorry. I just couldn't sleep."

"Oh." Taking a more careful look at her friend made Lena gasp. "You're crying! What's wrong?"

"I'm not crying, I just got something in my eye, that's all," Yulia lied, wiping her face quickly.

"Bullshit." Lena sat up and looked straight into Yulia's face. "Why are you crying?"

Yulia sighed and looked away. "I made a mistake, and now you are avoiding me. It's all right, I don't blame you. I just wish I hadn't kissed you, and maybe you would still want to be around me."

"Yulia! Of course I want to be around you." Lena looked down guiltily. "I guess I have been avoiding you, and I'm sorry. It's my problem, not yours. See, I've just had a lot on my mind lately. But it's not your fault! Look, that kiss you gave me, I really liked it. I liked it more than I thought I would. And the thing is…I kinda want to see if, uh…" Suddenly Lena looked up, leaned in, and planted her soft lips on Yulia's. Yulia was surprised beyond belief, but she gratefully took her friend in her arms and held her close. Lena didn't break away. Instead, she kissed Yulia again and again, and Yulia found herself returning the kisses. Before she realized what she was doing, she was kissing down Lena's jaw, down the side of her neck. She had nearly reached Lena's collarbone when she stopped herself at last and pulled away. Both girls just stared at each other for a moment. "Sorry. I don't know what brought that on," Lena muttered. Yulia opened her mouth to speak, but thinking better of it she simply broke out into a smile. "Like I said before, I just have some things to think about. I don't really want to talk about it right now. But I want you to know I'm sorry that I've been unfair to you, Yul. You didn't do anything wrong."

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to, you know that. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. But I'm glad you're not mad at me." Still grinning, Yulia laid back down on her pillow. "I do love you, Lena."

Lena found herself smiling as well. "I don't deserve it. I've been a jerk lately, and I know it. I'll be better, I promise." The redhead laid down beside her friend, inching close to her. Yulia became very aware of the soft warmth at her side and looked over at the other girl.

"Would it be all right if…I mean would you mind if…Lena, can I hold you?" Yulia asked shyly. Lena thought for a moment, then nodded and slipped herself into her friend's embrace. Yulia hugged Lena to her and sighed happily. She couldn't believe this was happening. Dared she hope that her most fervent wish might come true? The beautiful redhead she cuddled and stroked made her wonder.

WARNING: CHAPTER 8 CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T READ IT. IF YOU GET ME IN TROUBLE WILL HAVE TO KICK SOME ASSES Now have a nice day :)

Chapter 8

At last, their work was done. They had spent all day making their video, in the schoolgirl outfits just like before, with the original choreography, and it was done. Ivan had made them do nearly fifty takes. Lena and Yulia were exhausted, and after Ivan called "Cut!" for the final time, the girls sank down on the stage, leaning against each other, completely exhausted.

"That was good, girls, very very good. Because you worked so hard today, I'm going to let you have tomorrow off while I have the film edited. You can both do whatever you want. Have fun, relax a while." Ivan was rubbing his hands and grinning; he knew he had a masterpiece in the making. These girls would make him rich!

"Who is going to see our video, Ivan?" Yulia asked, turning to her manager.

"Some marketing people. Hopefully they'll like it and want to try some things with the two of you. Also, I've got our songwriters working on some other numbers for you to try. But that's for later. Right now, just take it easy. I'll see you girls in a couple of days." Ivan grabbed his coat from the coat rack, collected the master footage from the cameraman, nodded to Andrei standing guard at the door, and left.

"I thought we'd never be finished," Lena sighed, laying her head on Yulia's shoulder. "I'm so tired."

"Me too. But hey, we're free now." Yulia helped Lena back to her feet, and they made their way back to their room in order to pack. "You're going home, huh?" Yulia asked as they arrived at the door.

"Yeah, I guess so," Lena answered, shrugging. "I don't really have anything else I could do. Why?"

"Well, I am going home too. See, I just thought maybe, I don't know, you might like to come over and stay at my house. My parents wouldn't mind. They'd be happy that I finally found a friend to hang out with. Do you want to?"

Lena hesitated. Part of her screamed yes! yes! to Yulia's offer. She did want to spend some time with her friend alone, away from the studio. But another part was still afraid. She had let Yulia hold her as they slept last night. What would they do if they had an even more private room for a night? Lena was too confused to try to wrestle with that at the moment. She needed some time to think, to figure out these crazy things swimming around inside her head. She had to figure out how she really felt about Yulia, and she had to do it alone. "Normally I would, Yulia, but I still miss my parents and I want to see them a little bit while I have the chance. They miss me too, you know. They call me in our room to make sure I am okay."

"Yeah, I know they do," Yulia sighed. "You are right. It's too bad though. I really would have liked to hang out with you."

"Me too. Don't worry, we'll have other chances." Lena turned to face Yulia and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You know you are the best friend I could ever have."

Yulia smiled and hugged Lena tight. "Thanks, girl. I'm glad that I am."

Lena returned the smile, but the rush of emotion she felt when Yulia embraced her only confirmed her decision that she needed to be by herself the next two nights.

"Lena, you know, we are so happy to have you home with us for a bit. We miss you! It's hard not seeing much of you." Lena's mother gave Lena a cup of hot tea and sat down at the table opposite Lena, beside her father. "Tell us, how is it going? Are you getting anywhere with the project?"

"I missed you to, Mom. Actually, we made a film clip the other day that Ivan says he is going to show to some marketers. He said we are really good and he thinks we will be big stars!"

"Honey, that's wonderful!" Lena's mother exclaimed, reaching across the table to hold her daughter's hands excitedly. "And are you having fun?"

"Yes, of course Mom," Lena lied. It wasn't a total lie, anyway. Although working with Ivan wasn't fun, being with Yulia was.

"That's just great. You know, your father and I had some serious doubts at first. We were worried about taking you out of school, and we weren't sure about this Ivan character. How were we to know he wasn't just some crazy phony? But it seems as if everything is working out really well."

"Hey, how is your friend, Yulia?" Lena's father asked, sipping his own cup of tea. "You must have been so happy when you found out she was the other member of the project. I know how much you liked her when you sang together a couple years ago."

Chapter 8 cont'd

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THIS IS THE EXPLICIT PART just warning you :)

"Yulia is really good, Daddy. She's so nice to me. I couldn't ask for a better partner in this thing we're working on. And she's really talented too."

"You know you can invite Yulia over sometime," Lena's mom added. "Your friends are always welcome here."

"Your mother's right, Lena. And we are so glad you decided to spend some time with us. It's hard for us not to see you for so long."

"Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad. I am just really, really happy to be home."

Lena tossed and turned in her old, familiar bed. She could not sleep. She had been up for hours thinking. Everything was getting so complicated for her! "Why can't I just feel normal for a change?" Lena sighed, and rolled over onto her back. "Why do I keep having to remember…" As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Lena regretted them. The memories of her kisses with Yulia came flooding back to her, and it mingled together with the memory of sleeping in her arms. "Oh Yulia, I didn't mean to lie to you before. I really didn't think I'd feel the same for you that you do for me. But now something seems to have changed. I cherish you, and now it seems that I want you as well. What can I do, girl? You have turned my life upside down." Suddenly Lena felt a terrible need for Yulia. She didn't want to be alone in her dark room with no one to hold her, not when there was someone so beautiful and passionate out there who would be happy to lay by her side. Before Lena knew it, she found that her thumb was hooked in the waistband of her underwear near her belly button. She was about to pull her hand away, surprised at herself. But she thought better of it. Lena knew she needed this release. With a quick glance at her door to make sure it was locked, Lena slid her hand down her underwear and let her fingers slip into the softness between her legs. She could not remember the last time she had done this. "Yulia," she breathed softly, thinking of her feisty spiky-haired friend, imagining that it was Yulia's hand that touched her now and not her own. She closed her eyes and stroked herself softly, letting the pleasure seep into her bones. Her head fell back onto her pillow and she put her hand over her mouth to keep herself quiet. After several minutes Lena's back arched and she nearly forgot not to make noise as she reached her peak. She didn't stop what she was doing until the feeling had come full circle, and then she sighed deeply, feeling all the tension go out of her body. She looked up at the ceiling through half-lidded, sleepy eyes. She felt heat in her cheeks and knew she must be blushing. "Yulia," she muttered, in a daze from her pleasure still, "what have you done to me?"

Chapter 9

It was almost spring in Moscow, but the weather was still cold. Lena pulled her coat up tighter around her face and shivered in the brisk air. Still, she was happy to have come to the park with her parents. They hadn't done anything together in a long time. Her parents flanked her on either side, her mother to the right and her father to the left. Lena had always loved the park. There was a pond there, and because it was thawing the birds were finally coming back. Lena watched the birds and listened to their calls, smiling. She always loved the signs of spring. Lena and her parents were not the only ones walking in the park that day. Scores of young lovers walked down the quiet paths in pairs, enjoying the clear weather and the chance to be out together on a nice day.

"Aww, look at those two," Lena's mother cooed at a particularly handsome young man stealing a kiss from his girlfriend. "Young love is so special. Don't you think?" Lena's mother asked her husband.

"Yes, it's adorable," Mr. Katina agreed. "Not to put any pressure on you of course, Lena," he added, squeezing his daughter's hand. "I'm not in any rush to lose my little girl, you know."

"Daddy," Lena chuckled, squeezing back. She had always enjoyed the special affection her father showed to her. She was very close to both her parents, but for some reason her father in particular always made her feel cared for and protected. Just then, Lena noticed her mother was staring at something. Mrs. Katina looked somewhat revolted.

"What is it, Mom?" Lena asked, trying to follow her mother's gaze. She saw at last what had disgusted her mother and froze. A blonde girl and a brunette were sitting on a park bench in a grove, kissing each other's lips gently. The blonde was petting the back of the brunette's head, and the brunette was leaning into her girlfriend affectionately. Lena felt a chill run down her spine.

"It's nothing, Lena, don't look," her mother replied, revulsion apparent in her voice.

Lena's father saw what had unnerved his wife, sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, girls. There aren't many of those types around, and it's easy to stay away from them once you've found them." He steered his wife and daughter in the opposite direction from the affectionate les bian couple, doing his best not to look at them.

"It's getting cold anyway," Mrs. Katina remarked. "We should be getting home before Lena catches a chill. Ivan works her so hard she's probably more vulnerable than usual."

"Sure, Mom," Lena agreed, sinking her head into the collar of her coat and wanting to just disappear. It might as well have been she and Yulia kissing on that bench like that. "Oh God," she whispered to herself, too softly for her parents to hear. "What am I going to do?"

"Lena!" Yulia exclaimed when she saw her friend two days later at the studio. She hadn't realized how long two days could be without Lena. Not only that, but she couldn't help but worry a little what with Lena saying she had so many things on her mind. Yulia couldn't be sure those thoughts had to do with her, but it was her best guess, and a part of her was afraid Lena might want to distance herself because things were getting too complicated. She was relieved when Lena smiled at her and threw her arms around the smaller girl, pulling her close.

"I'm so happy to see you, Yul," Lena sighed. Yulia quickly checked to make sure no one was looking and gave Lena a soft kiss under her jawbone. Then she pulled back and flashed Lena a cheeky grin. "I take it you missed me too."

"You could say that," Yulia replied. "So how was it with your parents?"

"It was really nice," Lena replied, and it was almost true. Everything except the incident in the park had been wonderful. She could not get that terrible scene out of her head, nor forget how disgusted her parents were at the sight of two girls kissing.

"Did you find the answers you were looking for?" Yulia asked more seriously.

"Maybe. We can talk about it later," Lena answered, patting the smaller girl's shoulder.

"No problem. Anyway, we should be getting to work. Ivan has some new songs for us I think. I hope they are as good as Ya Soshla S Uma. Ready to go?"

"Absolutely."

chapter 9 cont'd

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That evening Yulia was brushing her teeth in the bathroom. Lena was changing into her pajamas and sitting on the bed. As she listened to Yulia clean up for bed Lena felt the familiar worry creep back into her stomach again. Her chest tightened as she became more and more nervous. Yulia was coming back to bed soon. What would happen tonight? Lena had a terrible desire for her friend that had only grown stronger during their brief separation, but she also harbored the dread of the stigma that came with these feelings. It was already hard for her to get people to like her. Why did things have to be more complicated? What would her parents, her friends think? They would hate her. But what of her spiky-haired friend? What about Yulia's feelings? Yulia had already shown a great concern for Lena's feelings. Did Lena have the courage to reciprocate?

"I am so tired," Yulia commented, yawning into her hand. "I am not so sure about these new songs, Lena. They seem to lack the feeling of our first song. They are more like the (shi tty) ones we started with. What do you think?"

Lena flopped back on the bed. "Eh, I dunno. I don't want to talk about work."

"No problem," Yulia giggled in reply, sliding under the covers next to Lena. Slowly she slid her hand over Lena's stomach and pulled the redhead in close to her. "I didn't really want to (bit ch) about work either. I just want to relax with you." Lena smiled, but inside she felt the fear creep into her again. A tiny shudder went through her. Yulia wasn't deliberately touching her to turn her on, but it was happening anyway. And when Lena started to sweat under the soft cloth of her p.j.s, she knew she was terrified. Yulia could not pick up on Lena's nervousness, because she had lost herself in the soulful green-gray eyes of her love. Without really thinking Yulia began to give Lena soft kisses on the side of her neck. Lena froze. She was reaching the breaking point. This was it…she was either going to give in to Yulia or freak out. She hoped and prayed for all her strength that she would not take her worries out on the girl giving her affection in such a trusting manner, but in the end it was a foregone conclusion.

"Enough!" Lena yelped, and rolled away from Yulia so forcefully that she fell off the bed. Yulia rushed to look over the side to see if her friend was hurt, but Lena had immediately leapt to her feet, startling the dark-haired girl.

"What's wrong?" Yulia asked, clearly puzzled.

"What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong!" Lena shouted, not caring if anyone heard her. "You! You…you turned me bi! How could you, Yul? You promised we would be just friends! Now I am changed, and it is all your fault! Yes, that's right, I'm bi. I can't deny it any more. I can't deny that I ache for you, that I dream of you, but what good does this do me? Everybody is going to hate me now! My parents, my other friends, all of them will be disgusted by me. It's wrong, it's shameful, but now I am stuck like this! It's all your fault, Yulia! (Fu ck it), I hate you!" Lena finished her speech, breathing hard and shaking, her hair tossed about by her wild gesticulations, looking for all the world like a wild woman who peered out from her cave too soon. And as soon as she had stopped ranting, Lena would have given her life to take the words back and never to have said them, because there on the bed she shared a small, wounded girl was crying her eyes out.

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WARNING. THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL. IF CHAPTER 8 WAS TOO MUCH FOR YOU DEFINITELY DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER.

Chapter 10

"Yulia…oh God…Yulia, I am so sorry. I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it…dammit…c'mere…" Lena sat down on the bed again and laid Yulia's head against her chest, stroking the soft black hair. "I could never hate you. Never, ever. I do not hate you. You are my best friend. You are everything to me. I don't know what came over me. I think I am going crazy. Yulia…I am so scared! I admit it. I'm afraid. I've never been this afraid in my whole life."

Yulia had let herself go limp against Lena. She could not remember the last time her heart hurt so badly. Hesitantly she looked up into the gray-green eyes while her own crystal eyes shimmered with tears. "Why are you afraid, Lena?"

Lena took a deep breath and confessed. "I am scared because I think…I think I love you, Yulia."

Yulia stared into Lena's eyes, stunned. "What? Are you sure?"

"Yes, but I have not shown it at all. Yul, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for ignoring you, being strange to you, and being a bi tch to you just now. It was all out of fear. I am sorry I can't be a stronger person for you. But these feelings I have are so new and strange. I don't know how to handle them! I don't think I have ever been so passionate about anything in my life, not even singing and performing. So many people have always told me that this is wrong, that this is sick and abnormal, but I ask myself, how can that be? How can anything having to do with my beautiful Yulia be wrong?" Lena felt a tear roll down her own cheek and she shuddered. She felt Yulia take her around the waist and she laid back on the bed slowly, taking the smaller girl down with her. Lena closed her eyes and whispered, "I am empty now. I don't have the strength left to feel anything." She turned to Yulia and opened her eyes again. "It has been so hard not to say anything to you. But I didn't want to give you hope and then take it away again. I am still afraid that's what might happen. Keeping this in any longer would have made me lose my mind, though." Lena reached up and wiped the glistening tears off of Yulia's pale cheeks. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course. I would forgive you in a heartbeat, if you will just be with me." Yulia laid her head on Lena's chest again. It felt good there. Both girls just laid like that for a moment, resting. Then Yulia asked, "Lena, did you mean what you said?"

"Which part of what I said?" Lena wanted to know.

"The part about you thinking maybe you love me."

Lena hesistated for a moment. "No, I lied."

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"Oh," Yulia whispered, and started to pull away a little. Lena immediately pulled her back in close, putting her lips so close to Yulia's ear that Yulia could feel the other girl's warm breath tickle it.

"I lied when I said I thought I loved you. I know it. I love you, Yulia. There's no two ways about it. I love you. God, it sounds so strange to say, but I have to say it. I love you, Yul, I love you so much…" In a moment the two girls were kissing each other hungrily, and Yulia placed her hands up on Lena's shoulders, holding her on either side of her neck and letting her thumbs wander over Lena's delicate collarbones. Lena purred into Yulia's mouth and slipped her hands up the back of Yulia's pajama top, feeling the heat of her back seeping into her palms. Feeling the passion rising in her blood Lena laid one of her legs over Yulia's hips.

"Lena, I want to look at you," Yulia muttered between kisses, and she was starting to undo the buttons of Lena's pajama top.

"Only if I can look at you too," Lena replied, and gently lifted Yulia's shirt over her head after Yulia let her go for a moment. Yulia finished unbuttoning Lena and slid the top back over her shoulders. Lena laid back on the bed, her arms falling out to her sides, revealing herself unashamed to her love. Yulia tossed her own shirt aside and positioned herself over Lena, letting their bodies touch softly. She kissed down Lena's throat, then kissed across her chest, finally reaching one of Lena's nipples and gently sucking on it. Lena groaned softly and ran her hands up and down Yulia's sides. It was then she knew the best way she could pay Yulia back for the terrible things she had said. Yulia looked up at Lena in surprise as Lena brought one of her hands around to Yulia's stomach and began to caress softly with the back of her hand just below Yulia's belly button.

"What are you doing?" Yulia asked, amused.

"I want to make you happy," Lena said calmly, tugging at the waistband of Yulia's pants.

"You already are," Yulia chuckled. "I'm happy to kiss your beautiful body."

"No, I mean I want to make you really happy. I want to satisfy you." Lena reached down into the softness between her friend's thighs and hoped she knew what she was doing.

Yulia breathed in sharply at Lena's touch. She managed to stammer, "Lena, you don't have to do that. You don't owe me or anything." But the truth was, she didn't really want Lena to stop.

"Shh. I know. Don't argue. Just enjoy." Lena guided Yulia's head back to her bare chest and let her rest it there as she rubbed her. Yulia groaned and began to kiss Lena's breasts again. Lena made sure her fingers were wet enough and rubbed Yulia more quickly as she heard the dark-haired girl's breathing become heavier and faster. She smiled to see Yulia dig her fingers into their bedsheets and hear her sigh and whimper. After Yulia could no longer stand it, Lena stopped and let her exhausted friend collapse against her. The redhead reached down and pulled the covers over them both.

"I love you, Lena," Yulia mumbled, her speech slurred.

"I love you, Yulia. I will always love you," Lena replied, kissing the top of her friend's head. It was not long before the two drifted off into a deep slumber.

Chapter 11

Yulia Volkova was exactly where she wanted to be. The first rays of the dawn were streaming through the bedroom window onto her face, and she blinked a few times, trying to clear her vision as she woke up. Slowly Yulia turned and admired the sweet, serene girl sleeping soundly beside her. Lena had never let go of Yulia during the night, and Yulia nudged closer to her, laying an arm over Lena's side. For that moment, Yulia's world was perfect, relaxing in the arms of the girl who she loved and, even better, who returned that love. Several minutes passed by when Yulia dared not move, never wanting this taste of heaven to end. But her resolve finally got the better of her, and Yulia slid out of bed, careful not to wake Lena up. Yulia laid the covers over her redheaded lover to keep her warm, then walked over to their desk in the corner of the room. She sat down at the desk and swept everything aside except the two things she needed: a pen, and a copy of the lyrics to Ya Soshla S Uma. Squinting at the words in the dim light, Yulia followed them with her pen. "I have lost my mind, I have lost my mind, she is beautiful…" Clicking the pen once to expose the ballpoint, Yulia drew a line through the words "she is beautiful" and wrote instead, "I need her." The slim girl nearly lost track of time as she went to work with her pen, wielding it like a surgeon's knife, drawing lines through some words and replacing them with others of her own. At last, she was satisfied with what she had done. Ya Soshla S Uma had gone from being a vague song about admiration for another girl to a full-fledged declaration of forbidden love. Yulia turned it over and stood up from the desk. She could not give this to Ivan. Not yet. He wouldn't take it well…she was sure of that. But she would show it to Lena, later on when the moment was right. And someday, together, they would sing their new version in front of a cheering crowd. She would see to that. Creeping back to bed, Yulia slipped under the covers with the greatest of care, but she nudged Lena once too often and the other girl woke up, squinting her eyes.

"Yul? Were you out of bed?"

"I just went to the bathroom. Don't worry about it. It's still really early. Go back to sleep."

"Okay," Lena agreed, laying her head on Yulia's chest and cuddling her. "My Yulia."

"My sweet Lena," Yulia sighed, smiling, and closed her eyes.

Later that morning, the girls and the crew of the studio were taking their lunch break. Ivan had given them a new song to learn, but the girls' hearts clearly weren't in it. The lyrics just weren't any good. The soundman had suggested that a lunch break might allow everyone to clear their heads and come back refreshed and ready to work. An exasperated Ivan agreed, but as the girls shared sandwiches and milk together in a corner Ivan approached them. "Girls, can you come here a moment? I'd like to show you something."

Lena put her sandwich down and turned to her manager. "Sure, Ivan, what is it?"

"Just come over here to this monitor," Ivan replied, and motioned for the girls to follow him. When Yulia and Lena had entered the tech room, Ivan pulled out a videotape and popped it into the VCR slot under the main monitor. "Lena, Yulia, this is the polished video of the two of you doing Ya Soshla S Uma. I want you to watch it and tell me what you think." Ivan pushed play and the video began. The girl's eyes widened as the video went on, and Ivan stole a glance at their surprised reactions. A victorious grin played at the corners of his mouth.

"We…we're so good!" Yulia breathed.

"Exactly." Ivan stopped the tape and ejected it, then put it back into his jacket. "Look, you two girls have the potential to make audiences go crazy. When you're hot, you're hot. I want to see this kind of talent more often! If you girls always performed and sang like this, well, you'd be number one in Russia in no time."

"We would, Ivan, it's just…" Lena hesitated.

"It's the songs, Ivan," Yulia finished. "Ya Soshla S Uma is so good. It's a perfect fit for us. These new songs, they just don't have any heart. The words are like we are advertising ourselves to the audience or something. I don't understand it. Aren't we supposed to be expressing emotion to the people who hear us?"

chapter 11 cont'd

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"Well, that's part of it, but that's not the only thing you're supposed to express."

"What else, then?" Lena wanted to know.

"You just let me worry about that, girls. That's why I'm the manager. My job is to create your image. Your job is to do what I say. If you can just remember that, everything will work out fine. Now go finish your lunches, girls, and then we're going to try this new song again." Before either girl could object, Ivan turned his back on them and left. Realizing they had a moment or two alone, the girls shut the door to the tech room and sat across from each other.

"Yulia, I'm worried. I don't like the direction Ivan is taking us. It seems like he is just using us as some kind of showgirls, instead of singers. But what can we do?"

Yulia took Lena's hand in hers and placed it on her knee. "Don't worry. I have a plan. I'm going to fix this."

Lena raised her eyebrows incredulously. "You're going to fix it? How? Are you going to start writing our songs?"

"Well, no, but I can do the next best thing. Seriously, I've got it figured out. I'm going to get us out of this mess, and we'll impress the audience our way, not his way." Yulia paused for a moment. "I don't think I can do it without you, though. Will you help me, Lena?"

"Of course I will, but what do I have to do?"

"Nothing, yet. I'll let you know when it's time. I just wanted to give you some hope, that's all. We can't give up on this project, Lena, even if Ivan seems determined to screw it up. This is our moment. Together we can reach out and take it!"

"Yeah," Lena smiled. "Together."

Chapter 12

CLANK! The girls were almost ready to start their next take when a loud, abrupt noise shook the whole studio building. The lights flickered, and for a moment everyone thought the electricity had been cut off, but the lights stayed on and the equipment remained functional. What was going on?

"Stay here everyone, I'll check it out." Andrei, the security guard, walked out of the room quickly, flashlight in hand just in case the lights did go out. Quickly he swept the first floor and, finding nothing, headed down to the basement. After only a few minutes, he came back up with an annoyed look on his face. "Somebody call up maintenance, the heater's dead."

"What???" Ivan roared, furious. "What the hell? That's what I get for renting out a crumbling old ruin of a studio. Oh well. Call them, dammit. We need to fix this. I think a blizzard is supposed to be hitting soon. Do they expect us to freeze to death?" After a moment, Ivan calmed down at last and looked to the girls. "Well, I can't ask you to work in a refrigerator. Until they get things fixed, you're off the hook. Do you want to try to go home to your parents?"

"No, we want to see a movie. The heating will work THERE," Yulia purred sweetly.

Ivan reached for his wallet and grimaced. He knew he was being milked for all he was worth by the dark haired girl as revenge for the day he had shouted at the girls. "What can I do…" he muttered to himself. "Fine, Volkova, you want a movie, you got a movie. What would you like to see, LENA?" Ivan asked, deliberately turning away from Yulia to ask the redhead what she wanted to watch, hoping it would be something that Yulia would hate.

"I want to see whatever Yulia wants to see," Lena answered sweetly.

"Why am I not surprised," Ivan grumbled. "All right, girls, get your coats, we'll walk to the theater."

chapter 12 cont'd

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Three hours later a very ill-tempered Ivan returned to the studio with Lena and Yulia in tow. Yulia was still carrying her half-full tub of popcorn that she insisted on getting. The girls had picked the sappiest, girliest movie they could find, not necessarily to watch it but to annoy Ivan. Pissing Ivan off was mostly Yulia's game, but Lena had picked up on her friend's antics and had become her accomplice. Ivan had fallen asleep halfway through the movie, and Yulia took that opportunity to begin to run her hand up and down the inside of Lena's thigh. The girls didn't dare try to kiss in the theater in front of all the other moviegoers, but their hands found places to roam that no one else would notice. When they had finally left the theater dragging Ivan behind them, both girls were blushing. Ivan assumed it was from the cold. Lena and Yulia had exchanged knowing grins.

"All right, girls, I hope you enjoyed that movie, because hopefully the heater is fixed now and we can make up for lost time. We've still got a few hours left to work. Andrei! Is maintenance through with the heater yet?"

"Well," the lanky security guard answered patiently, "there is good news and there is bad news, Mr. Shapovalov."

Ivan sighed. He'd endured enough games for one day. "What's the good news?"

"The heater's fixed."

Ivan brightened momentarily. "Oh, great! What's the bad news, then?"

"Well, Mr. Shapovalov, I guess you put the fear in those workers, because they fixed the heater a little too well. It's stuck on full blast and in a few more minutes this place is going to be an oven." Andrei did his best to keep from laughing at the misfortune of the grouchy manager, who he did not like.

For a moment Ivan looked as if he were going to explode again. Suddenly, his face became completely blank. "All right. All right, if that's how it's going to be, I'm just going to go home. Right now. Girls, I won't let you freeze to death, but when it comes to roasting you're on your own. I'll see you tomorrow, when that damn heater works properly!" Ivan growled nastily as he made for the door.

"He's not very smart to go out in that blizzard. But oh well, he can make up his own mind," Andrei sighed. "Lena, Yulia, I'd offer to see you get back to your homes, but you both live pretty far away and I'd be worried you'd have an accident in the snow. The roads and tracks are already starting to ice up."

"It's all right, Andrei. We can stay here," Yulia assured him, taking Lena's hand in hers discreetly. "We'll just need some cold drinks to tide us over."

"I'll go get you some. I think the rest of the staff is probably going home too. A lot of them can walk."

"Thank you, Andrei," Lena said, giving him a smile. The guard smiled back and left the girls alone. "He's kind of cute, don't you think?" Lena asked her friend after he was gone.

"What?" Yulia asked, clearly not amused. She dropped Lena's hand and gave her a look.

"No, no, I don't mean that way." Quickly looking to see that no one was around, Lena gave Yulia a soft kiss on the cheek. "You know I only think of you that way, Yulia. I'm just saying, he is so nice to us. I think he is on our side. I think we can count on him."

"It might be a different story if he found out about us being together," Yulia snorted. She liked Andrei too, but it had irked her to hear Lena call him cute. She was jealous.

"I don't think so. I think he might already know. He always keeps people away from our room and makes sure we have our privacy."

"That's true," Yulia agreed. "Well then, let's go to that nice private room of ours." She winked at Lena.

"Yes, let's." Lena took Yulia's hand again and squeezed it.

Chapter 13

"Damn, Andrei was not lying about this place heating up! I think I'm going to melt," Lena sighed, trying to fan herself and finishing off another of the sodas Andrei had brought them earlier. Yulia grinned, gulped a can of her own, and let out a loud burp. "Yul, that's disgusting," Lena chided, but she was laughing.

Yulia responded with an impish grin. "You're just jealous you can't do better. Wow, it's really coming down outside," Yulia noted, staring out the window of their bedroom at the fast-blowing snow.

"Good thing we're not out there. I've had enough of cold for awhile. When is it going to be spring already?"

"I wouldn't mind being out there, as long as I had you with me to keep me warm."

"Aww, that is so sweet. But us keeping warm isn't going to be an issue in here. I'm almost tempted to open the window a crack."

Yulia stared at Lena. "You crazy? You want that wind in here blowing our stuff around?"

"I said I was tempted. I didn't say I'd do it." Lena looked at Yulia, one corner of her mouth turned up into a half-smile. She bit her lower lip. "Why don't you come to bed? It's getting late and there's nothing to do."

"Okay," Yulia agreed, and started to strip off her thin t-shirt and sweatpants.

"What are you doing? You can sleep in that."

"Not if I want to stay cool I can't." Yulia continued to strip down, and when she took off her bra Lena blushed.

"Yul…I can't believe you're doing that," Lena whispered.

"Why? It's comfortable. Besides, it's one less layer between me and you." Yulia adopted a devilish grin. "You should try it." The slight girl stepped out of her underwear and threw them in the corner. Lena stared. Yulia started to approach the bed, but when she saw her friend looking at her she stopped and let the other girl admire her.

Lena chuckled. "I almost forgot that you're actually blonde."

"Lena!" Yulia began to crack up and turned herself away from the other girl.

"Hey, don't hide from me," Lena begged, getting up from the bed and resting her hands on Yulia's elbows. "I like what I see."

"Really?" Yulia asked, staring up into Lena's eyes. She felt as if Lena was not only talking about her body, but that part of her which made her unique, which made her Yulia. She knew it was a part that could not be seen with the eyes alone. The heart had to help.

"Yes," Lena answered, giving Yulia a lingering kiss on the lips. Not looking away from Lena's face, Yulia reached out and began to take Lena's clothes off. When she was finished, the two girls stood facing each other for a moment. They had never really been naked in front of each other before. Then Yulia grabbed Lena by the back of her head, kissing her fiercely, and began to push her towards the bed. The room was sweltering hot, and both girls glistened with a thin layer of sweat. Lena allowed Yulia to bear her down to the soft mattress, and she helped her lover climb up after her. Yulia continued to kiss Lena hungrily, her tongue teasing Lena's. Lena arched her body up into Yulia's, wanting as much contact between them as possible.

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Yulia pulled back briefly, her face flushed. She gripped Lena's hips and held them against her. "Need something?" she asked teasingly.

"Nothing special," Lena mumbled, but when Yulia had grabbed her hips one of Lena's knees had come up by Yulia's side.

"I think you're lying," Yulia whispered seductively. "I seem to recall you having made me happy once. I never got to return the favor. What do you think, girl? Time to balance the scales?"

Lena's breath caught in her throat, so Yulia leaned down and spoke softly in Lena's ear. "If that's what you want, you have to ask me."

Lena could feel a current run through her everywhere she was pressed against her lover's body. She needed release badly. "Yes, please Yul, please…" Lena remembered the night in her room alone where she imagined Yulia touching her and thought to herself that the reality blew the fantasy away.

"As you wish." Yulia winked at Lena, then began to kiss down her throat and down the center of her chest. When Yulia reached the middle of her stomach she licked the smooth skin teasingly, making Lena whimper with desire. Yulia looked up with the same impish smile on her face as before. "Hm?"

"Lower…" Lena sighed, running her hands through Yulia's spiky hair, gently pushing her head down. Yulia said nothing but continued to trail kisses all the way down Lena's stomach, finally reaching the boundary of soft reddish fuzz. Instinctively Lena put her calves up on Yulia's shoulders as Yulia went down. When the other girl's tongue began to explore her Lena shivered. She grabbed a fistful of Yulia's hair, not pulling it but holding it tightly in her hand. Yulia ran her hands up and down Lena's thighs as she worked, looking up at the redhead's face to see her reactions. Lena's free hand went up to her forehead, trying to wipe the beads of sweat away. At one point she was afraid she was being too loud and covered her mouth.

"No, don't hold it in. It's okay, no one's around. I want to hear you," Yulia insisted before returning to the task she was enjoying so much. Lena felt her muscles tighten and her back arched involuntarily. She moaned loudly as she came, pulling Yulia's hair and digging her other hand into the mattress. Yulia knew her friend had gotten off, but she didn't stop what she was doing. Only when Lena was nearly to the point of passing out did Yulia finally pull away from her. Propping herself up on her arms Yulia peered down into Lena's face, taking in the beauty of her exhausted lover. "Hey," she whispered, making Lena open her eyes. "Want a kiss?" Yulia stuck out her tongue playfully. Lena began to laugh and rolled over a little.

"Yul, you're going to be the death of me," she chuckled softly.

"No way." Yulia eased herself down behind Lena and grabbed her so that they were spooning. "You can't go anywhere now. My life's not worth living unless you're in it."

"That's not true. Your life is a beautiful thing, Yulia. Just like you. I love you."

"I love you too, Lena," Yulia whispered, nuzzling her nose into Lena's hair and closing her eyes.

***

Chapter 14

Yulia sat at the desk again, with Lena sound asleep, and looked over her handiwork. She had copied down her modified lyrics to Ya Soshla S Uma onto a sheet of notebook paper. On another sheet of notebook paper was a letter. It read:

"Dear Songwriters: I don't know if there's any way you could do this, but if you could, we would be extremely grateful. The songs that Ivan is commissioning you to write for us, Lena and Yulia, are lacking in emotion and beauty. You probably know this already. I am guessing that Ivan is telling you what to write. Enclosed with this letter is a modified version of Ya Soshla S Uma, our favorite song. Can you please write more songs like this one and give them directly to us? I understand that you will still have to write for Ivan but we promise that if you do this favor for us, I will find a way to pay you. I can't tell you what to write, but if you look at the way I changed the song I sent back, you may have an idea what I am talking about. Thank you. Sincerely, Yulia Volkova."

"Well, it will have to do," Yulia sighed, hoping her plan would work. She looked at the clock. It was nearly time for them to get up and start getting ready to sing for Ivan again. Lena was still sleeping, but the person Yulia was looking for should have been up. Quickly Yulia threw on a tank top and some jeans and slipped out the door of her room so as not to wake her lover. She looked around outside. The studio was still quiet, but there were people around. "Andrei? You around here?" Yulia called out hesitantly. There was no answer. Yulia waited a few more minutes, and just when she was about to give up and go get Lena for work, Andrei just happened to walk by.

"Morning, Yulia. Why are you out so early?"

"I was trying to find you. Andrei, maybe you can help me out with something. Would you?"

"Sure, if I can."

"All right. First I have to ask you, when Ivan gets new songs for us, does he go pick them up, or do they get dropped off here?"

"They get dropped off here. I usually pick them up and take them to the soundman, who gives them to Ivan."

"So Ivan doesn't really have direct contact with the songwriters?"

"He does, but not when he picks up the songs. They mostly all go through me."

"That's good to know. Andrei, the next time the delivery person comes, can you give this to them and ask them to take it back to the writers? And please don't read it. It's really quite important. Will you do it?"

Andrei took Yulia's envelope containing her letter and her modified song. "Of course I'll do it. And if they bring anything that's expressly for you and not Ivan, I'll give it to you directly."

"Thank you so much! You really do look out for Lena and I. Whatever you do, don't let Ivan find out about this. If he knew what I was trying to do I don't think he'd be happy."

"I won't. But be careful. It would be terrible if you girls got fired."

"No kidding," Yulia mumbled under her breath. "Well, I have to go wake Lena up. Thanks again, Andrei."

chapter 14 cont'd

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Later that day, Ivan had the girls in the recording room, singing a new song. He hadn't made a dance for it yet. To their surprise, the girls liked it. It was the first song since Ya Soshla S Uma that seemed worthwhile to them. Ivan had warned them that he wasn't sure whether they'd like it or not, but when he saw how excited the girls were about it, he quickly decided to go through it a few times, grateful to have found a number that would spare him another argument with Lena and Yulia. The song was called Malchik Gey, and he had only commissioned it because it made the girls sing about longing for male company, with a healthy dose of sexual innuendo thrown in. But they liked it, so Ivan counted himself as lucky and rehearsed the song. Near the end of the session, Lena excused herself to go to the bathroom, leaving Yulia alone with Ivan again.

"Doing pretty well today, Yulia," Ivan commented, giving her a suspicious smile.

"Thanks," Yulia answered slowly, feeling as if Ivan were up to something.

"Yes sir, you girls are going places, let me tell you. I'd say you're almost ready to do your first gig, maybe at a club. You know, I wanted to ask you about something…"

"Spit it out, Ivan," Yulia cut in bluntly.

"All right, all right. Damn, Volkova, you're not one for pleasantries are you? Well fine. Here's the deal. You've gotta kiss that redhead. I know you flipped out about it before, but just hear me out, all right? I don't think it will be any big deal to her. She likes you. I bet you're her best friend in the world. One little kiss wouldn't change that, now would it? She'd understand that it was all for the sake of the show, that you didn't mean anything by it."

"I thought I already told you I wasn't going to kiss Lena for the sake of performance."

"Yeah, I know, but look at it this way, you've wanted it for a while now, right? Don't tell me you don't find Lena cute. I bet she's just your type. It'd be a way for you to, you know, have a little taste of fantasy, know what I'm saying? Hey, wait a minute…before you said you wouldn't kiss Lena at all. What's this about for the sake of performance?"

Yulia kicked herself inwardly. Ivan was sharp, she had to give him credit for that. But instead of trying to backpeddle, Yulia decided that honesty was the best policy. "I have kissed Lena. Many times. But not for you."

"What??? Why you little…you know what, Volkova, I'm tired of your games. If you don't straighten up, I'll tell your precious Lena about you. Oh yes, I'm sure Lena would love to find out that she's been letting a real live dyke kiss her! She'd love to know how you tricked her into thinking it was all innocent…"

"Cut the bullshit, Ivan. It's not going to work. Lena knows all about me, and she doesn't care. You can't use that as a weapon against me anymore."

Ivan was speechless. He hadn't expected this at all. Before he had the chance to try a new angle, however, he spied Lena coming back into the booth. "When she comes in here you better act like nothing happened."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ivan. Of course nothing happened."

"Good. We'll continue this discussion later."

***

Chapter 15

"What a day," Yulia grumbled, throwing herself facedown on the bed she shared with Lena after she had finished doing her homework for the tutor. Yulia hadn't been getting good marks lately, and she knew if she didn't bring her grades up her parents would yell at her again. The problem was, she had been planning how to contact the songwriters, and to make matters worse Ivan was getting on her nerves. Yulia buried her face in a pillow and closed her eyes, sighing.

"Oh I don't know, at least we got a good song again for a change. I like Malchik Gey. It's got real feeling to it, instead of the usual crap Ivan feeds us." Looking at her friend Lena could see that Yulia was annoyed and exhausted. She walked over to the bed and sat down beside the still figure of the smaller girl. "What's wrong? Still having trouble with your tutor?"

"Yeah, but that's not all of it."

"What else is there? C'mon, tell me. I could help, maybe."

"Nah, don't worry about it. It's no big deal."

"Well, okay, if you say so," Lena answered reluctantly. She placed her hand on Yulia's back and could feel the tension the girl was holding inside. "Yul, you're a wreck!" She began to rub Yulia's back softly.

"Mmmm…that is so nice. What would I do without you, Lena?"

"Who cares? It'll never happen. You're stuck with me now."

"Good." Yulia reached out her hand and laid it on Lena's thigh. "Mine."

"Yep, I'm all yours." Lena pressed her thumb into a particularly stubborn knot near Yulia's neck. "I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"No, it feels good." Yulia laid still, enjoying Lena's affections. For a long time neither girl said anything. Then Lena spoke again.

"Can you please tell me what's wrong?"

Yulia turned her head so that she was looking at Lena. She studied the redhead's face and saw genuine concern. She sighed. "All right. Ivan asked me to kiss you again today. I said no. We got into an argument. That's all." Yulia deliberately left out the nature of that argument.

"Aww, Yul. I'm sorry. I know he really gets to you sometimes."

"Doesn't he get to you? He treats you so badly, Lena. He still doesn't let you eat enough. I have to sneak you food to keep you healthy. Otherwise you'd turn into a human twig. And I hate the way he looks at you. It's like he is thinking about you in sick ways." Yulia shuddered. In truth, she didn't like anyone looking desirously upon Lena, no matter who it was. Lena belonged to her, and that was all there was to it.

"Calm down, you're tightening up again. Just relax. None of that matters right now. You know I don't like it either, but I'm not going to let him bother me. Not when everything else is so right. Now quit thinking about all that negative stuff. You're with me. When you're with me I want you to be happy." Lena kicked off her shoes and straddled Yulia's hips, gently leaning into the heels of her hands until Yulia's spine popped back into place.

"Oh sh it," Yulia yelped, surprised at being straightened out so abruptly. Then she breathed out slowly, feeling half the soreness in her back vanish. "That was great. Thanks so much girl."

"This is what you get for slouching all the time," Lena scolded mockingly. She was rubbing Yulia's shoulders.

"I'll do you next, if you want."

"Nah, I'm fine. I'd rather you kiss me."

"That can be arranged." Yulia flipped herself over, with Lena still on top of her. She smiled coyly and motioned "come here" with one finger. Lena leaned over and let Yulia kiss her. She took Yulia's top lip into her mouth while Yulia sucked on her bottom one. "This is just for you," Yulia muttered between smooches. "Not for Ivan, not for anyone else. I won't have our love made into a sideshow."

"Don't worry, it won't be. We won't let it. Besides, no one else understands us anyway. It's just better that we keep it between us."

"Who cares if anyone does or doesn't understand us. They don't matter. All that matters is that you are my Lena. As long as I have that, I'm happy."

Chapter 16

A week passed, and every day Yulia gave Andrei expectant looks when no one was around. Each time the security guard shook his head slowly and shrugged his shoulders. Yulia was becoming increasingly agitated about her plan. What if the songwriters wouldn't help them? After all, why should they? Ivan was their employer, and he had already given them money. There was no guarantee the girls would pay, and moreover, going behind Ivan's back was dangerous for them; he could fire them. Yulia had nothing to back her up but the strength of her plea.

Rehearsals with Ivan were hard. Tension between the girls and their manager was growing, despite the fact that he let them work on Malchik Gey as much as they wanted. He was pressuring them to get ready for a first performance, but the girls knew they were nowhere near where they needed to be to perform. They had both been live singers in the past and understood the preparation needed to get up on a stage. Not only that, but they had argued over the fact that Ivan was clearly playing up their appearance as sex objects. It got to the point where Ivan had reached the end of his rope with both of the girls, but especially the spitfire Yulia.

"You know what, girls, you know what…" Ivan spat at the end of their rehearsal a week after his private conversation with Yulia, "I can't deal with this. I need a vacation. I'm taking a couple of days off, and therefore so are you. I advise you to go home to your parents, clear your heads, think about the way you're acting, and then come back ready to follow directions. Now get out of my sight." Ivan grabbed his coat and stormed out the door into the pouring rain.

"I guess we should call our parents," Lena sighed.

"Oh great," Yulia groaned, rolling her eyes. "My parents aren't exactly happy with me right now. My tutor sent a note home. I'd invite you over, Lena, but I know you probably want to see your parents and mine are too annoyed to say yes."

"That's all right. I'd invite YOU over, but we couldn't really be together the way we like to be because even though my parents like you, they can't stand…well…lesbians, and they don't know that we're together. They'd flip out."

"Yeah. Well, it's only a couple days, right? We'll manage. I'll call my parents first. I think Ivan left his cell phone here by mistake. Let's use it and make HIM pay for it."

That evening, Yulia sat in the living room with her father. Her mother was in the kitchen, cooking dinner for both of them. Mr. Volkov was reading the paper and sitting in his recliner. Yulia tapped her feet nervously on the floor. She knew what she had to do now, and she had always felt a certain understanding with her father, but it didn't make her any less uncertain. She decided to start the conversation with something trivial.

"Lena and I are learning a new song in the project, and it's coming along really well."

"Your tutor gave you bad marks this quarter," Yulia's father sniffed, turning the page of his paper.

"I know. I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm doing better. Lena helps me with my homework sometimes."

"That's fine. How's that Ivan character?"

"Well, he is an all right manager, I guess, but we fight with him a lot. To tell the truth, Dad, he's a big jerk. But I don't want to quit the project. I love the project. Just not Ivan."

"You don't let him get away with anything, do you?"

"Of course not, Dad."

"That's my girl." Yulia's father cleared his throat and turned the page again. He had not looked at Yulia once since she first came home a couple of hours earlier.

"Dad, I have to tell you something. It's kind of important."

"Yeah?" Mr. Volkov shook his newspaper in order to straighten a crease out.

"I…I'm in love." Yulia's father peered over the edge of his newspaper and met Yulia's gaze with two steely eyes. "With a girl." This time the paper went to the man's lap and he sighed. It was not an angry or disapproving sigh. It sounded tired.

"Again? Yulia, I thought you weren't going to do this anymore."

"I can't help it, Dad. It's the way I am. It's the only way I can love."

Yulia's father broke eye contact with Yulia. "I know. It wouldn't really matter, except all it gets you is a broken heart, seems like. Does the girl know?"

"Yes."

This seemed to surprise Mr. Volkov. "And? Does she mind?"

"She loves me back, Dad."

Yulia's father raised his eyebrows, and a faint smile played at the corner of his mouth. "I see. Is that what she told you?"

"Yes." Yulia continued to fidget. "She tells me all the time. And she means it."

Yulia's father nodded. "Well, I hope it works out for you. Does this mystery girl have a name?" Yulia hesitated, not knowing whether to answer the question. "Well?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's Lena," Yulia blurted out. Her father stared at her. "Yeah, the Lena I sing with."

"I thought Lena liked boys."

"Well she does, or did anyway. I don't know. I just know that she loves me. She really does, Dad." Mr. Volkova shook his head and sighed. "What? What's wrong? I thought you liked Lena."

"Oh, sure, Lena's a sweet girl. It's just her parents I could do without. I trust they have no idea about all this."

"No, they don't. Lena's scared to tell them." Yulia found herself suddenly afraid. "Dad, you wouldn't tell them, would you???"

Yulia's father looked at the girl as if she were crazy. "Oh sure, I'm going to call Mr. Katin right now and tell him my daughter turned his daughter out and is dating her. Because you know there's nothing in this world I'd rather do then bring misery and suffering upon my head unnecessarily."

Yulia giggled, relieved. "Thanks, Dad."

Yulia's father shrugged. "What can I say. You're my daughter. A troublesome, crazy little daughter with a penchant for screwing up, but mine nonetheless." He picked up his paper again and reabsorbed himself in it, indicating that the conversation was over.

"Dinner's ready!" Yulia's mother called from the kitchen.

Yulia's father folded up his paper and groaned as he got up from his chair. "C'mon, time to eat. You can tell your mother if you feel like it. I won't say anything."

***

Chapter 17

Yulia came back to the studio early the next day. Her father had work in that part of the city and offered to drive Yulia if she wanted. She accepted, wanting to squeeze out a little extra time with her father. She had never really been close to him in the usual sense. He was a very reserved man and kept his distance from his family. But Yulia had always felt a certain gratitude towards him for giving her a long leash and letting her have her space. In a lot of ways she was like her father; not quiet and distant, but not readily willing to open up to others either. There was only one exception to this rule, and that was her love, her Lena.

"Here you are," Mr. Volkov sniffed as they pulled up to the door of the studio. "Will someone be there to let you in?"

"Yeah, there's always security at least. But the tech people are probably here too. They come in early to do sound-check and test the equipment."

"How about Lena?"

"No, I don't think she'd be here yet. Lena hates getting up in the morning." Yulia chuckled in spite of herself.

"Well then, you'll be here waiting for her, won't you," Yulia's father replied, giving her a faint smile. "Take care, Yulia, and call your mother sometime."

"Thanks, Dad." Yulia got out of the car and shut the door, then watched him drive off. She was glad her father had accepted her love for Lena, but she also knew what he said about the Katins was true. They would not be happy when they found out. Yulia sighed and shook her head. That was a worry for another day. She walked up to the studio door and knocked. After a minute or two she heard the door unlock and it opened slowly.

"Welcome back, Yulia," Andrei greeted her, holding the door for her as she entered.

"Hi, Andrei. Who all is here this early?"

"No one you'd be concerned with. No Lena, no Ivan. Then again, you might be glad there's no Ivan…I have something for you." Yulia's eyes went wide as Andrei laid a somewhat fat envelope into her outstretched palm.

"Andrei…is this from…"

"I think you know who it's from. Go hide it in your room, before anyone else sees it."

"Thank you!"

"Shh, just go. Don't blow your own secret."

Yulia knew Andrei was right, so she dashed off to her bedroom and shut and locked the door behind her. Flipping on the light, Yulia tore open the envelope, unable to contain herself any longer. It contained several sheets of paper. The first one was music to a song that she and Lena had already rehearsed. Yulia tossed that page aside, uninterested. It was nothing new. The next page was just words, with a title written across the top. "Nas ne Dogoniat," she read aloud, perusing the lyrics. Her face brightened into a smile as she looked over the handwritten words. "These are perfect! This is exactly what I was hoping for." Finally, Yulia managed to tear her attention away from the new song to look at the last page. On the top it had instructions to sing the new lyrics to the tune of the old song. Then it had something that made Yulia frown…a price. Below the total was one last line of scrawl: "Next song delivered upon payment." Yulia sighed. "Well, I did say I'd pay them. But this is a lot. It's a whole paycheck." Carefully Yulia folded all the papers back together and packed them back into the envelope. Then she slid it into her desk drawer beside her copy of the revised Ya Soshla S Uma. "That's all right. I'll pay it. Lena and I deserve real songs, songs about us! When we sing for people, we will sing about the way we are. We won't have to be ashamed anymore, or hide. Someone out there, somewhere, will love us the way we are. I know my parents will be proud. Maybe this will be what it takes to make Lena's parents understand too."

cont'd

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Suddenly Yulia heard a key in the lock. Only one other person kept the key to the room with her all the time, so Yulia had an idea as to who was coming. "Lena?"

"Oh, are you already here, Yul? Of course it's me." The door swung open and the redhead stepped into the room, walking straight over to Yulia and embracing her. "I'm glad to see you."

Yulia hugged her friend back, resting her head on Lena's shoulder. "Me too. I missed you." She gave Lena a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Mmm…aren't you sweet today? What put you in such a good mood? Not that I'm complaining."

"Shut the door first, then I'll tell you." Lena kicked the door shut without letting go of Yulia. "All right. First of all, I told my parents about you."

"You did what??? What did they say?"

"They are fine with it. My father said he just wants me to be happy. My mother didn't ask too many questions but I don't think she minds it too much. They like you, Lena."

"Wow. I didn't realize that anyone would actually be okay with us."

"I knew I was taking a chance, but I had to try."

"Wait, your parents wouldn't tell mine, would they? Oh God, I'd be so dead!"

"Nooo, my father knows your family too well. Their lips are sealed. They promised."

"Whew. That's good. So what else is such good news?"

"Come here. I want to show you something." Yulia led Lena over to the desk and opened the drawer. She pulled out her copy of Ya Soshla S Uma, the one where she had crossed out the words and added her own, since she had mailed her handwritten one. "Look at this."

Lena took the sheet and read over the changes Yulia had made. "Wow, I didn't think this song could get better, but it did! Yulia, did you do this???"

"Yeah, but that's nothing. Look at THIS." Yulia handed Lena the lyrics to the new song, Nas Ne Dogoniat. "It's to the tune of Piece Of Crap #2." Yulia giggled at the nickname she and Lena had given to one of their scrub songs.

"Oh my God…this is fantastic! Did you write this one too?"

"No, our songwriters did. They're going to write for us behind Ivan's back, as long as we pay them. They'll give us songs just like this, Lena, as many as we need. We can have real feeling in our performances now!"

"Was this your plan?"

"Yup."

"You sick little genius! You're crazy!" Lena burst out laughing and kissed Yulia over and over.

"I'd do anything to get kisses like this," Yulia quipped.

"How much are they asking for the songs?"

"Well, this one was free, I guess. But to get the next one we have to pay. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. My paycheck will cover it."

"Oh no you don't. I'll be singing these songs too and I want to chip in. Don't even try to stop me, Yul, you know better."

Yulia sighed. "Oh all right. They are kinda steep. I'm just glad I made you happy."

"You make me happy just being mine," Lena said softly.

***

Chapter 18

Yulia and Lena left their room at around 10:30 that morning, ready to go back into the recording room and work with Ivan. As they passed Andrei on the way, Yulia slipped an envelope into the security guard's hand. Lena noticed but made no indication of that fact. Not a word was spoken during the transaction, and Andrei didn't look at the girls. It was as if they had merely passed in the hall. As the handsome young guard walked away the envelope vanished into his jacket pocket. At the same time, going the other direction down the hall, Lena squeezed Yulia's hand. Their plan was going to work, she knew it.

"There you girls are. You're late. Come on in, we need to get started." Ivan stood at the entrance to the tech room, arms folded, tapping his foot impatiently. "Here's what's going on, girls. I need to get you performance ready NOW. There's a lot of people out there who are very interested in the two of you. A few clubs have expressed a willingness to book you, but only if we act fast. So no more screwing around or wasting time. Starting today, we are going to solidify your act. I know we don't have a lot of songs yet, but these clubs aren't expecting you to do a long set. You need five songs to be completely perfect in order to make it up there. Ya Soshla S Uma looks great, and I know you really like Malchik Gey, but that's not enough. You've got bear with me, suck it up, and work on some other tunes. And, also, I need you to try on some more costumes. I picked these out for you." Ivan held up strapless white tube tops and pastel shorts that resembled boy-shorts underwear. Lena winced, and Yulia rolled her eyes. "You can try them on later. Right now we need to work on more choreography. I have a new routine to teach you."

Ivan worked the girls at slave-driver pace through lunch and late into the afternoon. By the end of the day, the exhausted, frustrated girls had learned the elaborate routine, but all parties involved had earned themselves frazzled nerves. Even the tech man looked worn out. At 5:00 the choreographer who Ivan was using as a consultant came back into the staging room and announced that he had ordered pizza, because there had been no lunch and he was starving. It was to arrive in five minutes since he had placed his order around 4:30. The studio crew immediately started to abandon their jobs, anxious to take a break and grab a bite. Ivan sighed, shrugged, and hoped the pizzas didn't have mushrooms on them.

"Whew, it's a miracle. I thought he wouldn't let us stop till we fell over dead," Lena panted as she leaned on Yulia. Her soft red hair was matted and frizzed and her face was pale.

"Yeah, I'm probably starving worse than that choregrapher," Yulia growled. Usually she tried to have patience with Ivan's habits because she wanted the group to succeed. Pushing Ivan too far might endanger her future in the project with Lena, and to be without Lena was a thought Yulia couldn't bear. But today Yulia was particularly fed up. She wanted to be ready to perform as badly as Ivan wanted her to. However, Ivan always seemed to be working at cross-purposes with the girls. They wanted to focus on the music and the feeling while Ivan kept his attention on the staging and how they looked. And his nastiness always seemed to be aimed at Lena, which infuriated the spiky-haired girl.

"Pizza's here," the tech man announced, helping the delivery boy to carry stacks of pizza boxes into the studio. A general murmur of relief went through the crew as people began to drift towards the food. The cameraman cleared his equipment off of a table and motioned for the boxes to be set down there, and in seconds the studio crew was swarming around the table like hornets around a hive. Even Ivan, seeing that there were no mushrooms on the pizza, found himself snatching up a slice. Lena and Yulia approached, prepared to elbow their way through, when the cameraman spotted them and cleared a path for them.

"Go ahead, girls, no one's been workin' harder than you today," he told them between bites.

"Thanks!" Yulia nodded to him and tugged Lena towards the open boxes. They collected a couple of slices and made their way back to the edge of the crowd. Yulia tore into her pizza immediately. Before Lena could take a bite, however, Ivan cleared his throat.

"Not on your life, Katina. Did you not pay attention earlier when I showed you the new costumes? The last thing you need is to be eating pizza with thighs like yours. Your legs look like tree trunks as it is."

Lena lowered the pizza hesitantly. "That's not fair. I haven't eaten since yesterday."

"Well it doesn't show. Go on, get rid of that. If you go eating like that, by the time you're up on stage you'll be as wide as Volkova is tall."

chapter 18 cont'd...

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"Shut up, Ivan!" Yulia screeched, causing the room to go silent. Everyone recognized the familiar sounds of Yulia losing her temper by now. This time, the crew really couldn't blame her. "Lena is beautiful, and I won't let you or anyone else suggest otherwise." The dark-haired spitfire turned to her friend. "Eat it, Lena, you know you're hungry."

Ivan was livid. "You know, I've had just about enough of you. Guess what…you don't run this show, I do! And I'm the one who says when Katina looks good enough. No one cares what you think of her. You're no judge."

Unable to help herself, Lena downed the pizza quickly, grateful to silence her growling stomach at least for a little while. Meanwhile, Ivan and Yulia stared each other down. Ivan presented a cold, hard, impenetrable façade. He didn't realize that this was the day Yulia had passed the breaking point. The slight girl started to shake with rage.

"No judge? I've more right to judge it then you do! Lena doesn't belong to you!"

"Well she doesn't belong to you either."

"Wanna bet?" Without warning, Yulia turned to Lena, grabbed the taller girl roughly, and pulled her into a fierce kiss. Everyone in the studio's jaw dropped, but it dropped lower when they saw that Lena was kissing back, that her desire for her lover temporarily erased her knowledge that their entire production crew was watching. In a moment, though, Lena's sense of embarrassment returned, and she pushed Yulia away. What had her crazy friend done?

Ivan didn't flinch. He gazed at Yulia levelly, a triumphant smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "Impressive. Shame you couldn't have done that the first time I asked you to, or the second. But that proves nothing. Face it, Volkova, you lose. This time, you girls will just have to admit I've got your reins."

"Fu ck you, Ivan. I love Lena. I love her more than anything."

"Yul, what the hell…" Lena muttered under her breath.

"You're digging your own grave, girl, but go on, keep ranting."

"You dum bass, don't you get it? Our love is stronger than anything you could have on us. We have each other, forever, and that makes us free from you! You can't hold us, you can't control us, because the only thing in this world that matters is that we have each other, and that we can't be broken apart!" Yulia whirled around to face Lena. "Tell him, Lena. Tell him that nothing can come between us."

Ivan was laughing. "Sure, tell us, Lena. Tell us that Yulia is crazy. Listen to her going on about love! What a misbegotten little deviant she is. Go on, Lena. Tell us how it really is."

Tell us how it really is. The words echoed in Lena's head so loud it made her want to scream. She was equally sure that she wanted to take Yulia in love then and there for being so brave and that she wanted to wring Yulia's neck for being so stupid and thoughtless. Yulia had forced her into a terrible position. The last thing Lena had wanted was to bring their relationship out into the open, especially in front of EVERYBODY. But what could she do? Lie? Disgrace her only love in her moment of vulnerability? Steeling herself Lena spoke. "You want to know? You all want to know? Fine. I'LL TELL YOU. I love Yulia. I love her with all my heart. I will never love anyone but Yulia, and I will die before I let anything come between us. And I don't give a sh it what you think about it, any of you!"

Ivan's face had come to resemble a ripe beet during the course of Lena's retort. His trump card, his ace in the hole, his secret weapon, had fallen through. He felt sick, in more ways then one.

"You disgusting little who res! I thought I only had to deal with one dy ke here. I can't believe this. What the hell is wrong with you two? What planet are you living on? You're supposed to be into each other for show, to tempt the men who watch you. You're not supposed to actually want EACH OTHER! That's completely repulsive…"

Before Ivan could even finish, Lena seized a very smug Yulia by the scruff of her neck and dragged her out of the room in a full retreat to the safety of their quarters. She would have been perfectly content to fall off a cliff in that moment, but only after she had shoved the other girl off first. When she reached the door to the bedroom, Lena fairly threw Yulia inside and slammed it behind her, her chest heaving, her whole body shot through with anger and shame.

"Way to show 'em," Yulia congratulated her friend, laughing.

Lena's hands were clenched into tight fists. "I'm going to kill you."

***

Chapter 19

Yulia's smile vanished. "Huh?"

"What the he ll were you doing out there? That was so fuc king stupid, Yulia! What the fu ck were you thinking?"

"Lena, I don't know what you're talking about."

Lena started to shake, her frustration growing more by the minute. "How about announcing to the whole fuc king studio that we're together? How about telling them that you love me and then forcing me to say I love you back?"

At this Yulia's temper started to rise again. "Hey, I didn't force you to say anything…it's not like it isn't true!"

"Yeah, but you didn't give me any choice about when and where I would express it, and that sure as fu ck wasn't the place! And then you kissed me…KISSED me in front of all of them, Ivan, everybody!"

"But you kissed back!" Yulia protested.

"You promised you would never make a performance out of our love! You lied, Yulia. You used our relationship as leverage against Ivan in public, and now everyone knows all about us."

"So what? It was going to come out sooner or later."

"It didn't have to!"

"Wait a second, you're not saying we should have hidden it, are you? I mean, I know your parents aren't cool about it, but other than that there's no reason to make it a big secret."

"What fantasy world are you living in? It's not that easy!"

"Sure it is. We do what we want. Screw everyone else if they don't like it."

"Maybe it's that way for you, but not for me!"

Suddenly a pained look crossed Yulia's face. "You're ashamed," she whispered.

"That's not what I said," Lena shot back, her voice rising as her throat tightened with a panic she couldn't hold back.

"It's close enough! Why don't you just admit it…you're ashamed of us, ashamed of me! You think our love is something dirty, something to be hidden."

"No, it's not true! You just don't understand. You don't think, Yul, you don't have any sense. You think that you can just do whatever you want and it never has any consequences, never affects anyone else. Well guess what, it affects me! You can't just go running around making decisions for me and expect me not to be upset."

"Oh, I think I understand just fine. I should have known. This is what I get for falling in love with a straight girl!"

chapter 19 cont'd

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"What are you saying?" Lena asked tersely. The panic was growing and Lena felt like a heavy weight was crushing her chest.

"It's all just a game to you, isn't it, Lena. You don't love me. You can't love me. I'm just something to hold you over till you find the right guy…"

Before Lena even knew what she was doing, she saw her hand flash out in front of her and connect with Yulia's cheek. She felt the hard sting of her palm on skin. It took her an instant to realize that she had just slapped Yulia. In another instant, Lena found herself on the floor, a throbbing pain drilling into her temple. Yulia's fist had connected with her head so fast that she had not even seen it. Slowly Lena looked up and saw Yulia standing over her, a red welt marking her left cheek. Yulia's right hand was clenched, and she was staring at it. She looked from her fist to Lena, her face showing a terrible mixture of disbelief and despair. Lena felt the two shining crystals that were Yulia's eyes boring into her as the dark haired girl whispered, "How could you…?"

"How could you!" Lena screamed back, and she felt the tears of her helpless rage burn tracks down her face like acid. She didn't try to get up. Her eyebrow had only suffered a bruise, but her heart felt mortally wounded. It was not Yulia's punch which had scored her to the bone, but the words that had come before. Lena let her head drop, red waves of her hair falling down to cover her face, and sobbed with abandon.

Yulia stumbled back towards the bed feeling as though the contents of her stomach had been ripped out. Never in her life had she felt a pain so deep and awful. The sadness she had experienced when Lena had yelled at her once before seemed like heaven compared to this raw agony. She did not dare look over at the girl crying convulsively on the floor. The only acknowledgement she made of Lena's existence was pressing her hand to the spot on her cheek where Lena had hit her. She fell back limply onto the mattress, her strength and spirit broken. Even breathing felt painful. Yulia clenched her eyes shut and gave in to the torture, letting her own tears seep out numbly. She didn't even have energy to sob, unlike Lena. Yulia laid still as if her punch had been aimed at herself instead of Lena and had knocked her out. The only sign she was conscious was her ragged breathing and sluggish flow of salt water from the creases of her eyelids.

They stayed like that for what seemed to each of them an eternity. The room was eerily silent except for Lena's periodic sniffles. Outside twilight had arrived, casting the room in a choking dimness. Yulia let her eyes come open again, though they would not adjust to the strange half-light and she saw only shades of gray. She stared at the ceiling, her feeling alternating between deathly numbness and unbearable ache. "Lena…" she mumbled.

On the floor, Lena heard her, but said nothing. The sound barely registered in the redhead's mind. "Lena," Yulia said again, more loudly but in a monotone devoid of life. "Lena, I'm here, on the bed, hurting. Is this what you wanted? Do you want me to hurt? I'll do it, for you, but it's sickening. I want to die. I'll die for you, Lena, just say the word and I will. I'll be happy to do it, to end this terrible hurting. But please, the only thing I ask, please don't let me die alone. Torture me, make me suffer, I don't care, just don't make me be without you." Yulia's voice was completely flat and calm as she said this.

Lena heard every word clearly, and they hit her like a chisel hammering into her skull. Still she could not bring herself to move.

"Lena…" Yulia's call was still quiet, but much more pained. She couldn't stand much more. She would have sworn in that moment that one more minute of silence from the girl on the floor would stop her heart forever. "Lena!" She cried out as if it were the last word she would ever speak.

Lena shot to her feet and ran over to the bed, collapsing beside her best friend and taking her in her arms. She squeezed Yulia so tightly she was afraid the slight girl would break, but she couldn't make herself ease her grip. "Yulia, oh God, Yulia, don't…" she moaned between sobs, her forehead pressed to the covers of the bed. "Please don't cry anymore, it's killing me to see you cry."

Slowly Yulia's arms found their way around Lena's middle, and she didn't hug the other girl, but rather rested her hands weakly on the girl's back. "I'm sorry…"

"No, no, it's all right, shhhhh. Don't say anything. It doesn't matter. Just don't hurt like that…I don't ever want you to hurt Yulia…God what have I done!" A fresh wave of sorrow broke over Lena and she wept bitterly next to Yulia.

"I don't care, just don't let me go, whatever you do." Yulia winced and squeezed the fabric of Lena's shirt between her fingers.

"I won't, I promise I won't. Oh sh it, Yulia, how could we do this to each other?"

***

Chapter 20

Yulia did not respond to Lena's question. The sobbing redhead lifted herself up slightly to look over into the face of the girl next to her. Yulia was staring straight up. Lena had to position herself straight over Yulia before the her crystal eyes focused clearly on Lena's sad face. "Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know…" Yulia whispered. "I really don't." Lena noticed the red stripe that had formed on Yulia's cheek, and she gently put her hand to it, cupping Yulia's face in her palm. Yulia leaned her head into it, savoring Lena's touch. The redhead had caused her so much pain, and yet all she wanted was to feel that skin on hers. After a minute, Lena moved off of Yulia and slid herself off the bed. "Lena?" Yulia whimpered. She did not even want Lena to leave her sight, for fear she would lose her.

"I'm right here, my sweet Yulia," Lena reassured her. Kneeling down at Yulia's feet she took her shoes and socks off. Then she took off her own and, lifting up Yulia's legs under her knees, she swung the smaller girl onto the bed completely, so that she was not laying sideways on it anymore. Climbing up beside her, Lena tenderly lifted Yulia's head and laid it on the pillow. Yulia reached out for Lena and pulled her in so that the two were laying face to face, in each other's arms. Lena let her hand drift up to the back of Yulia's head, where she pet the soft, spiky hair. "Ready to talk yet?"

Yulia hesitated, not responding to the question at first. She stared blankly into the pools of gray-green that were the window to her friend's soul and wished that she really could see inside. "Lena, just tell me one thing, and be honest. I want the real truth."

"All right. I'll tell you anything you want to know, and I promise to be truthful."

"Do you love me?"

"Yulia!" Lena cried out, the words cutting her deeply. "Of course I love you! I love you with everything I am, everything I could be. You are my happiness, my future. You're my Yulia. How could I do anything but love you?" Lena sighed and looked away. "That's why when you said I didn't I…well it hurt so much for you to say that, I didn't realize that I had even slapped you until it was too late. I'm so sorry! These hands should give you comfort and pleasure, not pain. I hate myself for hitting you."

"I can understand it," Yulia replied, feeling more herself again. The three words she needed to hear from Lena were like a panacea that cured anything and everything. "If you had ever, well, questioned my love, especially like I did, I might have snapped too. I just don't understand why you wanted to hide, why you thought our love was something that shouldn't be acknowledged outside this room. Still, I should have known better than to say what I said. And never in my life should I have punched you. Like you said, I didn't even know what I had done till I saw you on the floor. It was a reflex. When someone hits me, I hit back. But not you, Lena, it never should have been you." Yulia rolled over and gently kissed Lena's bruised brow. "I love you more than anything in this world, Lena. You're my life now. I was never even happy until I knew you, and those years without you, everything was always incomplete, empty. The thought that maybe I would lose you again drove me insane."

chapter 20 cont'd

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"No, you're stuck with me. And I forgive you for hitting me. I slapped you first, which was terrible. But you know, I'm never going to do that again, because I barely nicked you and you dropped me on the floor. I think you could kick my ass, Yul."

For the first time since the beginning of the whole fight, Yulia laughed. "Never. If there's anyone's ass to be kicked, it would be the unlucky bastard who messes with my Lena." Yulia began to plant light, gentle kisses all over Lena's face, making the redhead smile. "You're not hurt, right? I didn't hurt you?"

"No, I'll just have a bruise there I guess. It's no big deal. My hair will cover it up anyway. Hey, listen to me a second," Lena said, becoming serious again and nudging the other girl away from her. "I want you to know why I freaked out like I did. Look, you have always been the one who says 'screw you' when someone gives you problems. You can stand up to anybody. I can't." Yulia started to interrupt, but Lena put a finger to her lips. "Just listen a while. See, sometimes I do care about what other people think of me. I can't help it. I was taught to make myself pleasing to other people, to not make waves. Especially my mom, she always tells me that if someone doesn't like something about me, it's up to me to figure out why and change it. It's like, no one ever said to me that maybe I was the one who was right. It was always about everyone else's opinion. Now, I finally have someone whose opinion matters…yours. But it's hard to switch off all those other voices in my head. I guess I'm just not as strong as you, Yulia."

Yulia sighed. "That's not true. I keep everyone at a distance. You are too sweet and kind to be that way. I wouldn't want you to change, to try to be more like me. I think you're very strong. You sure gave 'em hell in the studio earlier," Yulia chuckled. "I should have been more respectful of your feelings, Lena. You're right. I did force you into a choice you shouldn't have had to make. From now on I'll keep our love more low-key, unless you tell me otherwise. Can you forgive me?"

"Aww, Yul, I already have." Lena dragged Yulia back on top of her and kissed her. Suddenly feeling passionate, Yulia deepened the kiss, her hands coming to rest on either side of Lena's neck, thumbs hooking under Lena's collar. Lena was taken by surprise. "Are you trying to start something, girl?"

"If you're in the mood," Yulia grinned, her voice teasing. "What better way to make up? I can't think of one. Besides…day clothes are so lame in bed." Yulia's crystal eyes flashed at her love as she toyed with Lena's shirt collar."

"Well, it would be a shame to let this beautiful girl on top of me go to waste," Lena agreed, smiling brightly and letting her hands roam down to Yulia's waist. She snuck her hands up the back of Yulia's shirt, feeling the warmth of the bare flesh seep into her fingertips.

"I'll take that as a yes." Yulia kissed Lena fiercely as she began to undress her.

***

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Chapter 21

Lena laughed in spite of herself as Yulia fairly tore her clothes off, giving her deep, aggressive kisses every couple of seconds. "Damn, Yul, you're not playing around are you?"

"Hell no," Yulia chuckled as she yanked Lena's jeans down and off. "I need you, my sweet beautiful Lena."

"I need you too." Lena managed to get Yulia's shirt off even as Yulia continued to paw her. "I need to see that gorgeous body." She reached back and unhooked Yulia's bra, letting her modest bosom free. Then she helped Yulia slide her tight pleather pants off. She started to take off Yulia's underwear, but the dark-haired girl stopped her. "Not yet."

"Why? You left mine on too. What are you up to?"

"Nothing you won't enjoy." Yulia gently trailed the back of her hand up Lena's thigh, almost tickling her but not quite. Lena shivered, and leaned up to take one of Yulia's nipples in her mouth. Yulia uttered a low growl of pleasure but did not stop her subtle teasing of Lena. After a while the redhead began to squirm, trying to inch herself closer to Yulia in the hopes of getting her hand to graze higher. "Uh uh, you stay still," Yulia chided. "Or I won't give you what you want."

"You're so mean," Lena mock-whined.

"Oh I know." Yulia continued to just brush the inside of Lena's thigh right next to her underwear until she sensed the hunger in her lover. Then she moved up higher, laying her fingertips on top of the soft cloth that was Lena's only cover at the moment. She stroked Lena steadily, feeling the warm wetness on the other side of the fabric. It was all she could do not to strip Lena completely, but she controlled herself, knowing that in the end it would only be better for both of them. Lena groaned and tried to arch into Yulia's hand, but every time she pressed harder Yulia would soften her touch even more, so that Lena could do nothing but be teased mercilessly.

"Yul…" Lena sighed, her eyes pleading.

"Okay," Yulia agreed, feeling the time was right to up the intensity. She climbed on top of Lena and stretched her whole body out over her lover so that they matched up perfectly. Lena inched Yulia up so that she fit snugly in the gap between her knees. Yulia met Lena's lips swiftly and began to grind on her. Both of them still had their underwear on. Yulia felt a shock go through her as she pushed her hips into Lena harder. She had thought she was in control of herself. She was wrong. Her own desire made it even more difficult to restrain her need to take Lena all the way. The fact that Lena had grabbed Yulia's behind, one hand per cheek, and was kneading it did not make it easier.

"You're dripping sweat on me," Lena quipped, feeling a few flecks fall onto her chest and neck.

"Sorry," Yulia rasped, her voice husky.

"Like I care. Let's get rid of these." Lena hooked her thumbs into Yulia's underwear and started to take them off. Yulia did not stop her. She backed away slightly and wiggled her hips until she was free from her last stitch of clothing. Then she returned the favor, stripping off Lena's now-soaked underwear. She wasted no time in crashing back into the other girl, pushing her whole body against the redhead's glistening figure. Both girls moaned loudly and called out for each other between kisses so ferocious they nearly swallowed each other's tongues. They didn't stop until they had brought each other through several climaxes each, one using wandering fingers to help the other out when she got close. Completely exhausted they collapsed in a sweaty heap, a tangle of hair and limbs. Lena held Yulia close to her, subtly kissing and licking the spiky-haired girl's face and ears. Yulia just panted, causing the sweat on Lena's skin to start to evaporate. "Hey Yul," Lena muttered.

"Yeah?" Yulia stared off into space, barely able to focus on anything.

"I love you."

Yulia drifted back into reality at the sound of these three words which held so much joy, pain, and meaning for her. She laid a limp hand over Lena's waist, petting her back. "I love you too. You're my only Lena. I'll never stop loving you." Curled up in each other's embrace, the girls fell into a deep slumber, for the moment forgetting about the problems each of them still faced.

Chapter 22

"So…I guess this is the end, then." Lena and Yulia slowly made their way to the studio down the hall, assuming that it would be for the last time.

"Probably," Yulia answered the redhead, staring at her feet. "I don't think Ivan's going to forgive this one."

"You won't leave me, will you, Yulia?" Lena asked, obviously feeling vulnerable.

"Don't you ever think I would," Yulia answered firmly, pulling Lena in close around her shoulders. "We'll find another way to be together. I promise you."

"Girls," a voice rang out from behind them. They turned suddenly. It was Andrei.

"Hi Andrei," Yulia offered, not sure how the guard would respond to them after yesterday's 'incident.' He walked quickly over to them, his face giving nothing away.

"I think this is for you." Andrei produced an envelope from his jacket pocket and handed it to Yulia.

"From the songwriters? Andrei, I hate to break it to you…we may not be needing this after today."

"You should have it anyway. Even if, well, you don't work here after today, maybe you can do the song on your own, together." Andrei sighed. "Keep your spirits up, all right? No matter what happens today, you girls are going to succeed in life. Don't forget, you have each other." A small smile crept onto the guard's face.

"Why have you always been so nice to us?" Lena blurted out suddenly. "You know about us. You probably have for a while. Don't you think we're disgusting?"

The security guard shrugged. "Love is love. Who cares what form it comes in. I lost the woman of my dreams once, because her family hated me and she valued her parents' opinion more than my affection. So she refused my offer of marriage. I would never wish that feeling of loss on anyone. I want the two of you to remember that what other people think isn't the important thing. It's how you feel about each other." The guard lowered his cap over his face, obviously embarrassed about having to make such an emotional speech. "You girls get in there now, and be strong."

"Thank you for everything, Andrei." Yulia brought Lena over to their friend, and Andrei shook hands with each of them. Then, without another word, the two star-crossed lovers walked towards an uncertain future, holding each others' hands.

They entered the studio staging room, and everybody stared at them. A few people moved away, and a few of the techs would not meet their eyes. "Volkova. Katina." Ivan was waiting for them. He motioned them into the sound room and shut the door behind all of them as soon as the girls entered. "Siddown." Yulia hopped up onto the counter, sitting in the space between two panels of dials. Lena grabbed the swivel chair. Both of them had only one thought on their minds…be strong. "Well, that was quite a little display you girls put out there yesterday."

"Are you through with us?" Yulia asked matter-of-factly.

Ivan snorted. "Are you crazy? Do you two have any idea how much money I've invested in the two of you? I'm not stupid enough to throw that away."

"You're not firing us?" Lena gasped.

"Hell no. Look, I'm revolted by the idea that you two are…together…but honestly, I have more important things to think about. I don't care what you two do behind closed doors. I really don't. Do I look like a moralist to you? Anyway, what you two girls did there, that was performance material right there. You two girls WILL get up on each other on stage. No two ways about it. You'll fill stadiums with that stuff. I'd rather you not kiss during your first performance, but maybe someday we'll work that in two. For this time, just feel each other a little. Be subtle about it. Men don't need much of a hint to get ideas about things, believe me."

"Wait just a minute…you lined us up for a performance? Already???"

"Yep, you're booked for a small club, and you're due to go on at 8 o'clock next Friday. So you'd better be ready if you know what's good for you."

"This is unreal," Yulia stammered, feeling unsteady. "You're throwing us up on stage already? And you expect us to make an act out of our sexualities?"

"More or less," Ivan said without emotion. "Look, I know you two girls have done the performance thing before. You both know what it's like to flop on a stage, what that does to you inside. It stays with you forever. I'm not gonna threaten you girls with anything fancy this time. Just know that next Friday you WILL go up on that stage if I have to have you carried up there. Whether you sink or swim is entirely your problem now. So I suggest we get outside and get to work, fast. We have absolutely no time to waste. Luckily, no one's quit over you so far, although I had to negotiate some raises for a couple crewmen who you made sick yesterday. Just ignore the stares. Let's go." Ivan threw the door open and strode out.

"Lena…" Yulia whispered, rising from her perch, "we are so screwed!!!"

Chapter 23

"What's on your mind?" Lena asked the girl in her arms, who was silent and staring up at the ceiling. The lovers laid together in bed, cuddling, attempting to process their long, trying day. Even though Lena had asked the question, she already suspected the answer. She could not see Yulia's features clearly in the darkness of the room, but she knew that expression well.

"I don't know what we're gonna do about this performance," Yulia mumbled, saying it to herself more than to Lena.

"We'll figure it out." Lena held Yulia closer and kissed her forehead. "We still have a little over a week to get it together." Yulia said nothing. "Yul? You okay?"

"Yeah…I guess so. We should start practicing the new lyrics to our songs, in secret."

"Are you kidding me? You really plan to use the songs we were sent behind Ivan's back?"

"Well yeah, we can't use those stupid ones he wants us to do. We both know that spells disaster."

"But what else can we do, Yul?"

"All the new lyrics are to the tunes of the old songs. We just go up and start singing the words we want to. It's that easy."

"Sure, it's that easy until Ivan starts screaming at us from backstage!"

"I don't think that would happen. Ivan knows better than to interrupt a performance or act like anything is wrong. That's stage suicide. Ivan may be a nasty bast ard, but he's not stupid, and he doesn't WANT us to fail. He may be pis sed for a little while that we went against him, but as long as it works, and keeps working, his pocketbook will overcome his ego eventually."

"Da mn, you sure are comfortable with taking chances. I've never understood that about you, Yul. You're willing to risk everything to do it your way, and you've always been like this. Aren't you ever scared that it will all just fall apart?"

"Not really. What do I have to lose? There is only one loss in this whole world that could ever really get to me, and I don't think that's going to happen. You wouldn't let it, would you Lena?"

"What do you mean?"

"You'd never let me lose you."

"God, no! Of course not. I can't stand being without you."

"Well, then, what threat can possibly bother me? We are going to get up there and be us, be Lena and Yulia, and we are going to do it with our music. OUR music, Lena. Doesn't that mean something to you? Songs about us, for us, that we paid for with our own money!"

"That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about…our songs, you're right, they're about us. They're about us being in love. Are we really going to get up in front of an entire crowd of people and sing about being, well, les bian?"

"Why not? It's what we are. If they have a problem with it, they can eat it."

Lena sighed. "I wish it were as easy for me as it is for you. But Yul, everyone will be talking about us! He ll, all of Moscow will know! You really, truly don't care what all those people think?"

Yulia frowned, and stared deep into Lena's green eyes, as if searching for something. "What are you so afraid of?" Lena turned her head away, and didn't answer. It was the question Yulia kept coming back to, kept tripping over. But she wasn't going to push the issue, not tonight, not when so much was going on in both their heads. "It's all right. You don't have to answer me." Yulia rolled over to face Lena, and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I don't want you to be scared, though…I want you to feel like I can protect you, like I can make it better. I would do anything for you. Don't you know that?"

In reply, Lena kissed Yulia deeply. The conversation was over.

***