Tears streamed down Lily's face as James and Sirius sat down across from her at the Gryffindor table. Was she okay? Had Snape upset her? They'd only split as friends six months ago-had he actually had the nerve to try and talk to Evans? James had no way of knowing since he'd been in the Hospital Wing with Moony after a full moon for the last few hours. They stayed in shifts, if it was a practically bad full moon-it was Wormtail's turn today.
James automatically reached forward to take her hand but then mentally slapped himself-would Lily want him holding her hand? They haven't been friends longer than a few months. Maybe it wasn't appropriate ? It was better to be safe than sorry, so James awkwardly crossed his arms. "Are you all right, Evans?"
Lily and her friend, Mary, looked up at James. Mary had an arm around Lily. She patted Lily on the back and pulled away from her friend. "I'm glad you're here, Potter. Maybe some good old flirting with cheer Lily up."
Lily sniffed. The corners of her mouth jumped, as if she found that funny. "Potter and I don't flirt, Mary."
"Sorry," Mary seemed to shrink her seat a little. "If that's what you think." Mary turned away from the conversation, and opened a Potions book. She stared at the book for a few seconds, before she glanced at Sirius, blushed, and then turned back to the book, blushing even deeper.
Now that Mary was out of the conversation-well, apart from eyeing Sirius-James leaned forward a little. "Wh-What's wrong, Evans? Did someone upset you?"
"Y-Yes." Lily rubbed the tears off of her cheeks. Sirius, meanwhile, started piling his plate with food. He didn't glance at James and Lily or Mary. James was lucky to have a friend like Padfoot who knew that James wanted a private conversation.
"My sister brought a boy home for dinner, and I didn't even hear about it from h-her! Mum told me in a letter," Lily sniffed.
James' jaw dropped. "That's disgusting, Evans! I didn't even have a sibling, but if they did that-I-I'd jinx them!" How could someone be that disloyal to their own family?!
"Please don't go around jinxing anyone, Potter." Her voice was cold and her eyes narrowed. Then her eyes softened. "But thank you for the concern." Then her voice was filled with passion again. "B-But I just wish Tuney didn't h-hate me so much! We're sisters. I just want us to be able to tell each other everything, but she won't let me in! I hate it. And I want to hate Tuney, but I can't. I love her too much to hate her."
Emotions were complicated things. James had seen Sirius rant similarly about Regulus being a big fan of the Death Eaters before. Both of Lily and Sirius' siblings seemed like pricks and yet both of them seemed so hurt about their siblings' actions. Perhaps they were both grieving the loss of a relationship, more than the actual jerk of a sibling.
"I'm sorry, Evans." If only he could do something to make her smile! No ideas were coming to mind, so the only option he had was sitting there like a dolt.
Lily pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed her eyes. "Thanks for listening, Potter. It was very nice of you-and by the way, you can hold my hand if you want." She smiled. "I saw you jerking your hand away."
#
"So Padfoot, have you noticed Mary fancies you?" James had been in the same place with Lily not wanting to date him.
He was still in that place.
He knew the hurt of liking someone and having them reject him. It was something from the conversation with Lily that was still nagging at him—Mary giving Sirius all those hopeful looks and Sirius not even noticing.
James sat down on his bed and started digging for the Marauders' Map. he had an epic prank planned and he needed to see were Flitch would be. Sirius, meanwhile, had sprawled out on James' bed.
"Yeah, but I don't like her back," Sirius said, sighing. "It's hard to explain but… I'm not interested in girls or dating or any of that." James peeked over the top of his trunk and saw Sirius was blushing. "Don't laugh, Prongs, but I don't… I don't find girls attractive—"
"So you're gay?" James didn't really care either way. Padfoot was Padfoot and his love life didn't matter an iota if he was happy.
"No," Sirius said, shaking his head. He was frowning, his face pale. "I don't like blokes either. I don't really like anyone either way. Romance and dates just sounds boring when we could be turning Snape's hair into noodles, you know? Or riding a motorbike." Sirius let out a dreamy sigh.
While James liked pranks… He also liked the joke/insult-y barter he had with Evans. He flung out an old melted cauldron as he dug deeper in his trunk, deep in thought. He and Lily were actually sort of friends now and James enjoyed spending time with her. He thought back to their last conversation. Comforting her about her sister was more satisfying that getting a 'yes' to go on a date. It felt good, knowing that she was happy. He wanted to make her happy all the time.
"I don't know," James didn't want to lie to Padfoot. "I can't say I totally get not being attracted to anyone; I'm not you." He imagined himself and Lily, strolling around a deserted street under the stars. Sigh. Finally James found the Map under muddy Quidditch robes. Ick. He pulled out his wand and Vanished the mud off the Map. He definitely wasn't telling the others he'd been that careless with the Map. He'd never see it again! "Found it! Anyway, Padfoot… Even though I can't understand were you're coming from, you're still my best mate and if you don't fancy anyone, I'm not going to laugh at you." James stood up and closed his trunk with magic. Sirius had sat up and he was beaming at James.
"Thanks for understanding Prongs." Sirius stood up and they headed on the dorm together. Sirius did not stop smiling the whole way and James didn't make a big deal out of it. Sirius must have worried James would laugh. But he wouldn't of course. That wasn't what friends did, after all. Sirius bit his lip. "You don't think something's wrong with me, do you? For not being attracted to anyone or not wanting to go on dates?"
James could tell by the crease in Sirius forehead that he was deeply worried about this.
"No way!" James said. "There's nothing wrong with you, Padfoot." Of that, James was certain.
However, James was still concerned about Mary. He'd forgotten she was the reason he had started the conversation to start with. He knew what rejection was like—he remembered Lily turning him down that day by the lake and while he'd deserved it, it had still hurt-Sirius needed to tell Mary he wasn't interested: It was the right thing to do.
"You know mate, you should really tell Mary you don't fancy her," James said. "Let her down so that she can move on with a bloke who likes her back, you know?"
Sirius frowned. "I guess." He sounded depressed at the idea. "But Prongs, I barely know Mary! How do I even go about it?"
James wasn't sure… He'd never really had to tell girls he didn't like them—he wasn't Sirius. He didn't have girls falling at his feet. He'd have to think about that.
#
James continued to ponder on this for a while. Nothing came to him right away, but he kept thinking about it, for over a week he pondered Sirius' dilemma—a dilemma he felt he was forcing on Sirius by telling him he should do something about it.
"Potter!"
James jerked his head up and saw that Lily was staring at him, eyebrows raised and frowning.
"Oh, eh, what?" James said, looking up at Lily across from him at the Gryffindor table. He'd been thinking about the situation—he didn't want to pressure Padfoot into talking to Mary and have it blow up—what if Sirius told her about him not fancying anyone, and somehow the whole school found out? Sirius had been nervous just telling James he didn't really care for dating, James didn't want the whole school to know if Sirius wasn't ready.
"You're dripping gravy onto your lap," Lily said with a giggle, nodding at James' fork. Her eyes sparkled with amusement. "But are you okay?" Her voice rose with concern. "You seem kind of spaced out."
James felt like he'd been hit by a thunderclap—Lily and Mary were friends! Maybe Lily would have ideas on how to handle it.
"If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to tell anyone?" James whispered. "It's sensitive and I don't want the wrong people finding out."
James and Lily found somewhere private, which ended up being behind a statue in the Charms corridor, and James told her what Sirius had told him, ending with how nervous Sirius about been about the whole thing "… and we usually tell each other everything!" James finished.
Lily tapped her chin. "Maybe you're being too sensitive, Potter. All he has to say is 'I'm not interested, and you deserve someone who is.' He doesn't have to tell her that he's never had feelings for anyone romantically."
Hmm, when Evans put it that way, maybe he had been overthinking it. But how could he not? He didn't want someone to find out and make fun of Sirius, or hurt him somehow.
James squeezed Lily's hand. He liked holding her hand. It felt warm and snug. Safe. "Thanks, Evans, you're right. Maybe I was just overthinking it because P—Sirius is my best friend and I don't want advise him wrong and have him get humiliated."
"It's not a problem, Potter." Lily squeezed James' hand back.
James walked away from the conversation. He was glad to have friends like Padfoot and Evans. Even if he and Lily were never more than friends, he would be okay with what they had now. And she was right, Sirius would be okay, James knew it.
Author's Note: So ever since JKR once said on her website that Sirius was "too busy being a big rebel to get married" I've always taken that to mean he's asexual. I know people love to pair Sirius up, whether with fannon!Marlene or Remus, but I hope you guys enjoyed this fic anyway! :) I know writing the marauders' era is second nature for me and a great world to write in. :D