I was only a kid
When I said goodbye to you
Ten summers ago
But it feels like yesterday
Lost, scared and alone
Nothing I could give to you
I tried, I really did
But I couldn't find another way

And I want and I need
Somehow to believe
In the choice I made
Am I better off this way

Seeing her today again for the first time in ten years had shocked Nikki. She thought she had dealt with that part of her life, thought she had gotten over it, forgotten about it. She knew that at the time of the break up the reasons had been just. Nikki couldn't give her what she wanted.

Diane had wanted to be out in public. Nikki just couldn't do it. She had tried to accept her feelings fully, but she couldn't accept being in love with another female. So going out in public in the straight world had been too much. Even the gay pubs which she had tried had been almost too unbearable. So she had done what Diane had been about to do and broke up with her. It hurt her tremendously, but she considered that afterwards she could be normal, go back to being normal. It was for the best really, she couldn't have given Diane what she needed.


I can hear the voice inside my head
Saying you should be with me instead
Every time I'm feeling down, I wonder
What would it be like with you around

Now Nikki was sitting in the car, at a park somewhere, she wasn't quite sure where. She had called Doug and told him that she had had a hard day at work and needed a few minutes to de-stress. He was fine with that, he didn't question they both needed to do it occasionally. But sitting in her car looking out at the park she saw two women walking past hand in hand, her mind drifted. What would have happened if she had have stayed, if they had just waited a bit longer until she was comfortable before they came out in public. Would she still be with Diane, would they be happy? She saw the two girls laugh, kiss and then walk off. Would that have been them, should it have been?

So I, I made my way
Cold and roaming in the wild
I'm forever changed
By someone I never knew
Now I've, I've got a place
I've got a husband and a child
But I'll never forget
What I've given up in you

She had told herself that what she was doing was right. For all those years, she told herself that she had done the right thing. She had Doug and they had the kids. It was all she wanted. True, before today she had been completely happy. She still was, but that face, it shook her, it made her question something that she didn't want to question.


And I want, I need
Somehow to believe
In the choice I made
Am I better off this way