Hi all, I wrote this a while ago after an idea came to me. I'm still working out the kinks but I thought I'd see if there was any interest before I spent lots of time on it. I will assure you all that I have not forgotten The OD Patient, just trying to get the creative juices following again. I am still working on the rest of that story, it is not forgotten :) Anyway, hope you like it.
One.
The engine ticked over quietly as she waited outside the building. She really wasn't entirely sure what she was doing bringing herself to one of these dippy support groups, it wouldn't be much help to her now. But then, the rational side of her mind wondered, Can I help others? Most of the girls in this group were likely to have been the standard, the ones who fall pregnant during high school, but she wasn't like that it. Nothing about her situation had constituted the norm for teenage pregnancy. Of course, she was no longer a teenager, at 21 she was likely to be older than most of the girls in the group.
"Mummy?" a little voice called from the backseat.
Bella turned in her seat to meet the eyes of her curious six year old daughter.
"Yeah?" she replied, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she paused seeming to think over an answer, "why are we just sat here? Are we waiting for something?"
Waiting for me to be brave enough to face a group of strangers who will look down on me the moment they see us together, why yes, yes we are waiting.
"No sweetie, we're not waiting for anything."
Now strictly speaking, that wasn't true. Bella was always waiting. She had spent the last six years waiting for him. She had searched to the best of her ability for him. Her father had searched too, being a detective should have made the job an easy task but yet the years had gone by, their child had grown and their time together was slowly becoming just a memory.
"Why are we sitting here then?" her daughter questioned again, "I'm bored, and a little hungry."
Bella tried not to laugh, her daughter was always 'a little hungry', it was like she was her father without even knowing him. He used to always be hungry but, then he'd been a teenage boy and, she supposed, that was normal. She had no idea how he would act now.
"We're sitting here because mummy's a coward," she explained honestly, not really knowing whether her daughter would make any sense of her words.
"You're not a cow, mummy," her daughter replied assuredly
Bella couldn't help but laugh at the misinterpretation of words.
"No I'm not, am I?" she replied, the smile still lingering on her face.
She summoned her courage and said, "Come on then, let's not be cows."
She killed the engine and got out the car, moving to assist her daughter after. Her daughter clasped her hand around her mother's fingers and held on tight to her as they made their way to the community hall up the street. As they approached, she saw the sign outside 'Support group for young mothers, 11am Every Saturday." It was 10:55 by her watch, at least her dawdling hadn't made them late. She was grateful for that at least.
"Sss-uh-per-per-or-t... Supppport?" her daughter spelt, overemphasising the 'p's', reading from the sign.
"Support," Bella corrected gently, "you're getting really good at this!"
Her daughter continued to decipher the words until Bella ushered her inside the building a few minutes later. On entry, an older woman met them at the reception and took them down. The judgemental looks started with hers. Bella knew that she didn't look 21, more like 18 and she understood why her and her daughter were greeted with these stares, it appeared to strangers that a teenager had child in kindergarten. She had been young, only fifteen, when her daughter was born but she hadn't been that young.
The looks continued as she entered the space. However, not all the other girls looked at her this way. A young blonde with a baby sleeping against her chest met her gaze after a few minutes and actually smiled at her. Bella didn't quite know how to process the gesture since it was that unfamiliar to her. She hurriedly got herself and her daughter a seat together just as the meeting started.
"Good morning, ladies," another older lady addressed them all then, "Nice to see such a great turn out this morning and some new faces to, that's always nice to see." She addressed this part to Bella, looking at her as she did so.
"Today's meeting is the first session of the year, so just have a good mingle and get to know each other," she explained with a reassuring smile.
Despite the offered reassurance Bella panicked at the idea of 'mingling'; she wasn't good with people. Correction, she wasn't good with females, she loved her daughter but she genuinely had no idea how to socialize with woman. She blamed her own mom for this. She blamed her mom for most things really. She was internally cursing her mother when a voice spoke close by her.
"Hi."
Bella looked up and was met with the sight of the blonde girl again. She looked as shy as Bella felt but she was definitely braver.
"Hey."
An awkward silence hung for a moment between them until a little voiced pipped up from the chair beside her.
"You have pretty hair," her daughter said then, gazing at the blonde in wonder.
"You look like Cinderella," she continued, "My mummy's Belle, so you can be Cinderella if you like."
The blonde smiled, directing her words to the young girl, "Thank you, I think I would like that very much."
"My names Rose by the way," the blonde explained, taking a seat beside Bella, "this is Henry." Indicating the still dozing baby she held against her.
Now Bella was obligated to say something, she cursed internally again before replying.
"I'm Bella, and this is my daughter Elizabeth."
"Mummy," her daughter whined, "my name is Beth!"
Bella smirked, they were more alike than she realised, "I know, sorry!"
Bella was her shortened name from Isabella and taking the second half of their name seemed to be a trend for the Swan girls.
"So what brings you here?" Rose asked, to which Bella frowned awkwardly.
She thought it was pretty obvious but, decided not to say anything offensive or sarcastic in reply. Almost.
She raised her eyebrows just slightly and pointed to Beth who sat beside her. The little girl was starting to fidget, until she noticed the toys bordering the room, she looked up at her mother for permission and Bella nodded once. Within seconds, her conversation buffer was gone.
"Sorry dumb question," Rose stated, just as her baby began to fuss.
She reached down and attempted to pick up her bag. Bella felt a twinge of pity for the girl as she watched her struggle for a moment. It was when the baby began to cry that the mother in Bella overcame her awkwardness. She grabbed the bag from the floor and held it open in front of Rose. The gratitude shone from her eyes as she dug her hand into the bag and drew a bottle from it.
It was only when her baby was happily sucking down the formula that Rose spoke.
"Thanks," her voice was timid and unsure, "I'm not very good at this."
Bella saw it then. In those words, she understood why she had come here.
"Nobodys good at this to start with," she explained, "trust me, I had absolutely no idea what to do when Beth was tiny, and he doesn't look that old, what twelve weeks?"
Rose smiled slightly, "he's just turned eleven weeks."
"See," Bella replied, "You haven't been a mother that long, don't beat yourself up about it. I still struggle now, anyone who says motherhood is easy is a liar."
Rose chuckled, and silence fell for a moment. She looked ready to speak up again just as Bella's phone bleeped. She uttered an apology as she dug it out of her bag. She sighed as she read the text message from her father.
Don't forget to talk to them, you don't make friends if you silently scowl at people.
She tried not to laugh out loud but failed to contain it all, resulting in a strange sound that made it sound like she was choking. Despite the fact that he had only known her for six years, her father knew her better than her mother ever had. She opened the camera, summoned her best scowling expression and sent the resulting photo to her father with the tag line "But I like to scowl."
Rose spoke as she threw the phone back into her bag.
"Was that him?" she asked.
Bella frowned, she wasn't entirely sure what the girl was chatting about.
"Huh?"
"You know, was that her dad?" she explained.
Bella tried not to look hurt at the question, she had spent ages this morning psyching herself up for these kinds of intrusive questions.
"No," Bella explained, "haven't heard from him in a very long time."
"Oh," Rose replied, trying not to meet Bella's gaze, "I'm sorry."
"Nah, nothing to be sorry about."
"I shouldn't have brought it up," Rose continued, looking apologetic and awkward, "especially since its sore subject for me too."
Bella just nodded, she really didn't want to get into this. The silence was awkward for a moment again until Beth interrupted the silence. She came running up, looking excited about something. The moment she reached her mother she stated loudly, "that girl should be Snow White!"
"Beth, what are you talking about?" Bella asked, to which Beth pointed across the room to a girl sat across from them. She had a buggy beside her chair and was whispering down towards it, almost like she was singing. Bella understood her daughter's comparison from this one glance. The girl was pale, with short black hair and she dressed kind of punky and with it wore red lipstick.
"Sweetie," Bella said gently, as punk girl looked up towards her daughter's accusation of being Snow White, "you can't force Disney personas on people, it's not polite."
"Okay," her daughter conceded, before swiftly launching herself across the room, crying, "I'll ask her first!" as she went.
"Oh fuck!" Bella cursed quietly, and Rose chuckled lightly as Bella launched herself across the space after her offspring. Unfortunately, six year olds are usually faster than their parents.
"Will you be my Snow White please?" Beth asked the punk politely just as Bella reached her.
"Huh?" the confused girl replied.
"Beth, come on, leave her alone," Bella said to her daughter, addressing reluctantly the other girl after, "I'm really sorry she disturbed you."
The punk girl smiled then, "its okay no worries really, she's not disturbing me. She just caught me off guard."
Beth smiled brilliantly as punk girl spoke, "what did you say? Something about Snow White?"
"Mummy is Belle, the lady with the pretty hair is Cinderella and mummy said I had to ask, but I think you should be Snow White. Do you want to be Snow White?"
The punk girl seemed a little confused for a moment longer before she too smiled and Beth had acquired another Disney princess to be her mother's friend.
"I'm Alice," the punk girl introduced herself after a moment, "and this in the buggy, that's Ellie. You?"
"Bella and you've met Beth," she explained, before forcing the words out that she was reluctant but felt duty bound to say now that they punk girl had joined the ever growing legion of princesses.
"Do you want to sit with us?"
Alice smiled and nodded, rising from her seat to bring herself and her buggy over to where Bella and Rose were sat. As they approached, Bella felt extremely awkward as she introduced the two girls.
"Rose, this is Alice and Ellie. Alice, this is Rose and Henry."
Rose and Alice exchanged 'hellos' as Bella's phone chirped again. She contemplated ignoring it for a moment, but realised it was probably her dad and she tried to not ignore him. He was one of the best things in her life, she could never ignore his messages. She muttered a sorry and dipped her hand into her bag to retrieve her phone.
Beth peered over the phone as Bella opened the message. Her daughter liked to watch what Bella did on the phone, she liked to watch things that she didn't understand. She liked to learn and Bella didn't mind, she could read but that didn't mean she understood what she read.
I have such a beautiful daughter.
His sarcasm was so dry that Bella had to force back the laughter yet again. Her phone chirped again before she could reply. Beth continued to watch for a moment before flitting off back towards the toys.
Please try to make friends.
Bella suddenly felt rather terrible. She had been messing around with him when genuinely he seemed concerned for her and her inability to make friends with people of the same sex. An idea struck her when the conversation picked up around her.
"So what made you come here today?"
Alice tore her eyes from the inside of her pushchair for a moment to reply, "I just wanted to meet people, make some new friends. All my old ones want nothing to do with me anymore. Well, it's not just Ellie's fault, my new look doesn't go down well with them either."
There was a private joke in there somewhere, Bella could tell from the tone of her voice.
"What about you guys?" she asked.
"Same really," Rose replied, "For reasons I won't go into now, I basically moved here from Rochester in New York and I don't really know anyone. My foster mom told me about this group. Seemed like a good idea to start with. Bella?"
"Oh, similar I guess," she said looking as awkward as she felt, "kind of wanted to help people where I could too, you know. It's really scary being a young mom and now that Beth's in kindergarten, I thought I might be able to offer advice or some shit like that. God knows why I thought that, I'm really not a people person."
"Oh and my dad," she indicated her phone, "wants me to make friends who aren't related to me or under drinking age."
She laughed at her own words only to stop when she realised her mistake, "Oh shit, sorry."
To her surprise, Alice laughed lightly on her left and Rose chuckled again.
"I guess we can't really help you there," Alice told her, still smiling, "You're over twenty-one? You don't look it."
Bella surprised herself by feeling relieved at their light-hearted response, she hadn't meant to offend them and was glad that she hadn't.
"Yeah, I was twenty-one last September. How old are you guys?"
"Nineteen," Alice replied.
"Make me feel young, why don't you?" Rose spoke then, looking a little awkward, "I'm only just seventeen."
Bella laughed lightly, before replying.
"How old we are doesn't really matter. I think my dad would just be chuffed that I spoke to someone who isn't male!"
Both girls shot her looks of curiosity, and Bella realised another mistake.
"Oh god, not like that. Just I only have one friend and he's a boy."
Alice remained curious, "You're only friends with her dad now then?"
Rose flinched, remembering the awkwardness from earlier.
"Her dads not around," Bella explained, feeling hurt once again by having to remind herself of that fact. Even after all this time, she was still so bitter about it all. They had only been kids and had made naïve promises, but she had clung to those promises through all the shit and somehow the promises had grown into expectations that had never come to pass.
"Damn, I'm sorry," Alice apologised, "You won't be only one with that situation here though. I should've thought twice about it really."
"Honestly," Bella replied, "it's been so long and we were just kids after all. I mean, he was younger than me for Christ sake. It's not like I expected us to get married or anything, people really shouldn't get married just because of a baby."
Alice went silent then and Bella looked over at her, only to notice that once again she'd put her foot in it. On Alice's ring finger was a thin band of silver.
"Don't," she told Bella swiftly, "Our parents made us. I love Jasper, but I didn't want to get married because I had too either. I think exactly the same as you. We just weren't given the choice."
"I'm pretty sure my dad would've tried that had the option been there," Bella admitted, "Beth's dad and I got separated. We were in the foster system for a time together. We used to call it limbo, because we were stuck there just waiting for the next step. We were both waiting for the social services to track down a next of kin. We got together for a little while until they found his family, he went to live with them and my dad came to get me the week after. I didn't find out about Beth till I was already living with him."
"Woah," Alice replied, "Does he know?"
Bella shook her head, "Not for lack of trying I might add, he's been impossible to find. Dad reckons he's changed his name or something."
"At least you tried though," Rose spoke then.
Bella smiled slightly, "I'll never stop trying to find him. He has a right to know."
Silence fell for a moment again and Bella looked down at her phone in awkwardness. She didn't really understand why she had opened up to these two girls but she was glad that she had in a way. She really did want to make friends with people who were like her. It was the reminder of making friends that made her decide to suggest it.
"Could you do me a favour?" she asked them both, "My dad doesn't believe that I'm capable of making anything remotely like a friend."
She gestured her phone camera and Alice nodded after a moment.
"Sure," Rose stated, leaning towards Bella's right shoulder as Alice leant towards the left. Bella sent the photo to her dad hoping it would be enough to convince that she was making friends. She smiled at the thought of female friends and tried not to laugh out loud as her dad reply came through.
How much did you pay them?
She didn't know how to reply and settled on; 'not nearly enough. I scowled at them and they ran away.'
"So," Rose spoke again then, drawing Bella's attention from her phone, "You said you were in foster care?"
Bella was surprised for a moment before she nodded and explained, "Yeah, my mom got arrested," she began, leaving out all the reasons why, she didn't know them that well yet, "and I got put in the system till they could tack down the 'Charlie Swan' on my birth certificate. He didn't even know about me so they had to do DNA tests and all kinds of legal shit before I could go."
"Oh, did you not go back to live with your mom?"
Bella tried not to let her distaste show at the mere suggestion. Her mother was rotting in a jail cell where she belonged and even if she wasn't, Bella had no intention of going anywhere near her ever again. After all that woman had put her through, she liked to pretend that she didn't exist. Beth certainly had no idea about her other grandma and she never would. Her dad's wife, Sue, was the only grandma Beth needed to know about.
"Hell no," Bella told her, "She's still inside."
Rose's eyes widened, "Geez, what did she do?"
Eight counts of unlawful neglect towards a minor… the judge's words echoed through her mind …endangering a minor, causing unnecessary suffering and abuse of a minor. Solicitation and coercing a minor to engage in sexual activity to the same ends.
There was no answer that Bella could come up with that was remotely true, it was a part of her life she would rather not discuss ever. Her father knew and Beth's father knew, but it was only them and the courts. No one else needed to know about the past.
"She sold drugs and got caught speeding with a shit tonne in her car boot," Bella lied easily, she was used to lying about that.
"Woah, I'm sorry," Rose apologised genuinely, "I really shouldn't have asked. It's just, I moved to foster placement a few months before Henry was born and I was just curious after you said that you were too."
"Nah, its fine," Bella assured, "honestly, we're good."
She smiled to reassure the concerned looking teenager, just as Beth came hurtling over to them all.
"I'm hungry," she announced, "Can we go now?"
The girls laughed at the forwardness of the six year old.
"Soon, sweetie," Bella told her before reaching into her bag and handing her daughter a cereal bar. She had hoped that Beth would make it through the morning without needing it, but actually Bella was just impressed that Beth had lasted this long without moaning about her stomach, especially after her comments in the car. The little girl climbed up onto her mother's lap, whacking her in the jaw as she did so.
"So," Alice began, bring about the conversation again, "what are you guys up to after the group?"
"Nothing much," Rose replied, "We can hang out if you want? I'll just have to let my foster dad know if I need a later lift home."
Bella smiled, despite her prediction it would appear that she had indeed made friends or at least potential friends, and they weren't running away. They actually wanted to spend more time with her.
Before Bella could speak up, Beth replied for her.
"Can we go get ice-cream?"
Alice and Rose laughed lightly at the child's comment.
"I don't see why not," Bella told her, "What do you say, Snow, Cinders, you up for ice-cream?"
"Hell yes," Alice stated, "As long as it's chocolate."
"Erugh no," Rose argued, "Strawberry all the way."
Bella didn't get involved in their argument over ice-cream flavours and instead moved to text her dad.
Going to be home later than planned, I think I actually made friends.
A few seconds later his reply came through, glad to hear it, but remember stranger danger. Don't let them steal your kidney.
Laughter vibrated through her and she smiled. Maybe coming here today hadn't been such a bad idea after all. She hoped then that her dad would agree with her assuming she returned later with both her kidneys.