"NO! JUMP! STUPID MARIO!!!" Yes, it's true. I'm the type to yell at my games. I'm Matt, A.K.A. Mail. Well, truly A.K.A. Matt. Mail is my real name, but Matt sounds better, doesn't it? It does. I know.

"MATT! I NEED MORE CHOCOLATE, PRONTO!" Ah, yes. My "lovely" comrade Mello. "I'm coming, Mello. And do you really need more chocolate? You're gonna get fat." Whoops. That was probably stupid to say to Mello who usually carries a gun in his tight leather pants. . . How does he do that, anyway?

"MATT!!! I WILL KILL YOU! THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY TO A VERY GIRLY-LOOKING GUY, YOU KNOW!" Mello yelled at me. "So you're admitting that you're girly-looking? By the way, do you mean you're going to Keehl me? HA HA! Pun totally intended," I said back. Since we're bestest buddies, I can try to irritate him without much risk of being killed. It's fun.

I tried to find Mello, and eventually found him brutally punching Near with a chocolate wrapper in his hand. I saw Linda (God, that chick ticks me off) walking around with a sketchbook. She looked over at Near with a shocked look on her face. She ran over and pushed Mello away to try to save the love of her life, Nate Rivers. "OH MY GOSH! ARE YOU OKAY, NIA-TAN? I'LL ALERT THE PAREMEDICS!" Linda yelled. Near rolled his eyes and said "I'm. Fine. LINDA. It happens all the time. Oh, and thank you. . . Bye."

I stared at her. "You realize you're gonna get seriously killed for that, right?" Linda stared at me with a very blank expression. "HA HA HA HA. Very funny, Matty. Mello can't hurt me. De ne ne ne! De ne ne! Ne ne! Ne ne! Can't touch this," Linda screeched and walked away. I think I'm scarred for life.

After that scary incident, I decided to confront Mello about him rudely trying to kill Near. "Mello! Mello! Where are you, Mells?" I yelled into the nothingness that was the front hall of Wammy's Orphanage. Perhaps he had run back upstairs after all that insanity. Of course, I pulled my game out of my vest pocket and walked up the stairs, bumping into a few kids on the way.

I preceded to my room where I found Mello in a fetal position in the corner where I kept my game cases. "Did the mean game cases hurt you, Mello?" I asked. "NO, MATT. I ISH UPSET!" Mello screamed at me. Deciding to stay out of the situation to avoid getting hurt, I walked away to my bed where I played Super Mario Sunshine. Mello sat up with a small chunk of chocolate stuck in his long blonde hair. He must have been on an extreme sugar rush. Stupid chocolate. It always got me hurt . . . Thank God for this puffy vest I wore.

As I played my game and got a severe case of "Gamer's Thumb", Mello sat in the corner, still in that fetal position. After a few hours of Mario jumping over Goombas, Mello came up behind me and put his head on my shoulder, and watched me play. I shrugged him off and he started to vent. I was in for a few cold hard hours sitting there listening.

Sobbing, Mello said "He's always first, Matt! We got the latest test results today, and he was one point ahead! ONE POINT! I can't believe it. I used your quiz games and everything!" I was shocked. "YOU WHAT? THOSE GAMES ARE VERY HIGH QUALITY!" I screamed at the blonde. "I didn't steal them," he yelled back. "I stared at them over your shoulder until they were memorized. How many times can you play those in one go, anyway?" I sighed. He really is clueless, isn't he? It's not about the game, it's about saying you beat the game repeatedly. From then on out, the conversation was pointless; only about how Mello really was better than Near and how Near was just a little albino loser-face. Why did I hang out with people like Mello?

"Come on, Matty-kun! We're going on a quest. Isn't that what they call adventures in your games?" Mello said as he woke me up. "Uugh," I groaned. "It's only like five o'clock in the morning, Mells. Why are you using gaming language, anyway?" Mello laughed at my exhaustion from playing Grand Theft Auto all night. "I don't know why, Matty-kun. Get out of bed, get your goggles or whatever, at least get the chip crumbs off your vest, and COME ON!" Why is it that he is always nagging me? I shook out my hair, picked up my goggles and my Game Boy, and left with Mello.

I yawned as Mello used his stolen key to open up the Wammy House garage. There, stored under some tarps and blankets and things was Mello's motorcycle and helmet. Oh. My. God. He was not going to make me ride on the back of his motorcycle again. I could at least just drive my own car. "Alright, Matty-kun! Here's your helmet. Go ahead and get on," Mello told me. He was making me ride on the back of his motorcycle! This is so humiliating. I mean, I really could just like highjack L's Ferrari or something. Yeah. I've got skills like that. "Mello, you are not going to force me onto your motorcycle. I mean, I have my own car," I said.

We both looked scared as we heard someone yell "BROOKLYN RAGE!" I stared at Mello and said "Well, the mental asylum down the street explains a lot of strange things." We laughed and reluctantly I sat on the motorcycle's leather seat. You know, the wind rushing around a helmet feels good. We arrived at the convenience store by the Wal-Mart supercenter on some street that I didn't know. Mello went in and quickly came out with three king sized chocolate bars and a pack of cigarettes for yours truly.

I opened the bag and lit a cigarette. Yes, I was a huge chain smoker. Mello bit into a bar of chocolate and drove off with one hand. To tell you the truth, I was completely terrified. Being lazy, I threw the dead-ish cigarette to the side of the road and held on to Mello for dear life. I'm pretty sure he knew what he was doing though. You know, possibly. Maybe. Okay, not at all.

Mello finished his chocolate and put both hands on the handlebars. Finally I felt somewhat safe. But, I felt like a complete idiot with all the people on the street staring at me. Among those people were two high school girls with purple hair and a short girl (maybe junior high?) with extremely long blue hair. I told Mello to pull over so I could light another cigarette. After doing that, I saw that the short girl with blue hair was carrying a gaming console. Maybe I should talk to this chick after all.

"Konata, must you really take your games to school?" the girl with long purple hair in pigtails asked. "Haven't you already played that game, anyway? Like a million times?" The girl who supposedly was Konata replied "Yes, Kagamin. I simply must! It is against the otaku code not to. And besides, it's not about playing the game. It's about saying you beat the game repeatedly."