Hesitant
I don't miss Alabama. For the 16 years that I spent there and the 3 years I spent out of it I never wanted to go back. There were some things that I kept with me. Like the strong southern accent and my killer cooking skills, but then again I guess I got that all form my momma. My poor momma who was killed with her husband when I was 13 and I was in the care of my brother.
We had moved to Kalispell, Montana. To get away from the people and the police. Also the grief was too much to bear. Little did I know that I would meet the Cullen family there. I knew they were different from the start, but I didn't press them about it. Really they reached out to me and I immersed in their beautiful world. Well somewhat beautiful, it was a heap better than mine. They used to call me the Southern Belle of their little clan. I loved them for that but then I screwed things up. The one person there that I wanted to be around, that I wanted to be with, I pushed him away and now his family was trying to push me back to him.
"You know this whole stalking thing is getting pretty old."
"You need to talk to him Selene. Right now."
"Alice just because you're his sister doesn't mean that you get to boss me around."
"He's making the rest of our lives hell, his constant moping, him reminiscing over times that you were together but weren't really together. It's driving us nuts."
"Alice-"
"He doesn't smile anymore." she said.
That knocked a pause in me. To imagine his bright handsome face never widening with a smile, to imagine not seeing his jaw-dropping dimples. It caused my brown eyes to drop down to the floor.
"Alice-"
"Please just come see him tonight. He expects you to at least be there."
After several seconds I nodded my head. I at least owed him this. Even though deep in my heart I knew that he did not expect me to be there.
I stood in front of the full sized mirror in my bedroom, scanning the girl looking back at me. I was really nervous of going to the Cullen household. I gave myself a once over in the mirror once again. The floral dress fitted my 5'9 form perfectly. My chocolate brown skin glowed as per usual and my raven curls were pinned on top of my head with a couple of long tendrils coming down my neck and face. I applied a little mascara to my lashes and a little gloss to my plump lips. I slipped on my baby doll shoes, grabbed the little wrapped box, and left out of the apartment.
It thrills me after all that I've been through, I have my own apartment. After the incident I went to the University of Great Falls, got a job and got a small apartment. I was feeling a little better about myself because I could it on my own, but then I found out I didn't like being alone.
The drive was long and drawn out probably because I was so nervous, I didn't exactly leave things okay.
Finally I came up to the large house in the back of the woods. I parked my car nest to the large expanse of trees and took several deep breaths. I slowly got out of the car and walked up the polished wooden stairs. Before I even knocked on the door a bouncy Renesmee answered the door.
"Selene! I can't believe you made It." she said as she engulfed me in a hug.
I smiled and hugged her back. I hesitantly walked into the house with Nessie clutching my hand. Bella was standing next to Edward but both of them were hugging my in an instant.
"You have no idea how much this means to us." Edward whispered. I nodded and fought against the tears that threatened to spill over my cheeks.
"Selene." I looked over and saw Esme there with a knowing smile. Seeing her almost hurt me as much as thinking about how much I let him down.
"Mom." I said as I walked over to her and held onto her tightly. She really was like a mother to me when I didn't have one. Carlisle smile and I smoothed his hand down my back.
"I-"
"Shhh. We know." He said and smiled gently at me.
Jasper was next to Alice and he gave me a genuine smile and so did Alice.
"Where is he?" I whispered.
"Upstairs."
I nodded and slowly made my way to the staircase. I found myself having a hard time going up the stairs. I felt especially clumsy.
I felt warm hands helping me on. I looked over and saw Jake with his hands on my back.
"It's okay Selene. We are all down here to help you."
"Thank you Jake."
I grabbed onto the railing and made my way upstairs. The hallways were dark but I knew my way around since I used to always come here. I came to a dark mahogany door and with trembling hands twisted the knob and went inside.
This room was not the room that I remembered. The king sized metal bed that was usually sheeted in a dark blue blanket was now stripped. The walls that used to have posters of boxers and cars were now bare. The large flat screen T.V still sat on a desk, but it disturbed me how clean the room was. I was used to it being carpeted by clothes. I looked over and saw the walk-in closet door closed. I walked to it slowly and opened the door.
There in the darkness of the closet was Emmett sitting on the floor staring into the darkness.
"Emmett." I said in a trembling voice. He looked like he was snapped back into reality and looked at me with pitch black eyes.
He walked towards me but I backed up to the bed.
"Selene. You're here." he said in a quiet voice.
I nodded my head. This Emmett scared me. He was so quiet, so drained of energy. I could hardly bare it.
"Did Alice…"
"She did, but I wanted to come."
He came closer to me, eyeing me like he didn't recognize me.
"You look good." he said.
"I did it for you."
"For me. Now I have a hard time believing that." he said bitterly.
"Emmett I had no choice but to send you away. That life that I was living was destroying not only me, but you too. Every time that you came around I saw disgust in your eyes. I couldn't bare you looking at me like that. Also I'd thought you'd want that, to be away from me." I said as my silver tears ran freely down my face.
"Did you really think that I was disgusted with you…Selene ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE!" he shouted at me. I jumped and bumped into the bed.
"I was never disgusted with you. I was disgusted by what that low-life did to you. I was disgusted at how I couldn't see what was going on with. How I couldn't smell him on you. How I couldn't hear how slowly your heart was beating…how I couldn't see how drained you were not only of blood, but of spirit. Why in the hell would you think that I would want to be away from me?"
"You honestly mean to tell me that you weren't mad at me in any way?"
"I was mad at you. I was mad that you never told me. But then I came to realize that it was never your fault. It was mine. There were sign that I should've seen."
"Oh Emmett!" I shouted as I jumped up and held his cold face between my hands.
"It was never your fault. I didn't have the strength to stand up against him. Every time that he came into my room at night, it took pieces of me away. I was weak and I took it out on everyone that was not responsible. I took it out on myself. I took it out on your family, they didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve that. And I did it right after Rosalie's passing, which makes the worst person."
Rosalie Hale, the most beautiful girl that you could've ever seen, committed suicide by purposely going out in the sunlight. The Volturi came for her the next day. Emmett was so messed up. How can you live with a person you've been with for 76 years? It was indeed true that I made life for the Cullen's life extremely difficult. Especially the day that I finally snapped.
"Selene…what happened?" Esme said calmly.
"You know damned well what happened. He's dead."
"He's…. did you do it." Alice said.
I looked up at the family through crazed eyes.
"Did you really not see?" I whispered.
They didn't answer.
"DID YOU REALLY NOT SEE?" I screamed.
"You Edward, the excellent mind-reader. Did you really not hear his mind, did you not hear mine? You Alice, someone who can see the future, did you not see my future every night? Did ANY OF YOU FUCKING VAMPIRES NOT SEE OR SMELL MY LIFE! HOW CAN YOU STAND BY AND LET ME GO THROUGH THIS ALONE!"
"Selene-"
"No forget it! I hope they catch me. I hope they succeed in doing what I failed to do years ago. I hope they stick the needle in. Then I won't have to deal with the fact that the only friends I have are monsters. Just like he was."
Emmett reached out to me with the saddest eyes.
"Selene-"
"Goodbye…all of you. I wish a very very long eternity." I said slowly suddenly drained of any energy.
I heard distant police sirens and walked out of the house back to my house. The sirens grew louder.
Until they were right in front of me.
"Ms. Anderson? Whose blood is that?"
"My brothers."
My brother was 31 years old when he died. I stayed with him until then. 17 years in a house with a freak. A sick freak. At 15 I had gotten pregnant. He slapped me and told me to go to the clinic and get rid of it. I did. I didn't want that child to grow up with the knowledge that his uncle was his father. Ever since then I had cut and purged my life away. He still came every night, but I'd grown silent, encasing myself in a shell. That was until the Cullen's came and got me to poke around in the light.
"I am so sorry Emmett. It was never your fault. Ever."
It looked like it finally got through to him. I let go of his face and backed away from him again.
"I came here to wish you a happy birthday, and to give you this." I said as I sat the little box on his bed.
"Goodbye Emmett. I won't plague your life any longer. You don't have to feel guilty." I said as I came up closer to him. I kissed his cheek and slowly walked out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I walked down the stairs.
"Selene. You don't have to go." Esme said.
"Yeah." Bella said.
"Please stay." Nessie said as she walked up to me.
I gave her a sad smile.
"I don't deserve this life." I said as I neared the door.
"You're still letting that bastard win."
I stopped and turned around.
"What?"
"You're still weak." Emmett growled as he came down the stairs.
"Emmett!" Edward said.
"No. You said that you were weak. That you never stood up to him. Well he's dead now. Why are you letting him hold you back?"
"Emmett you don't understand."
"No! You deserve all the happiness that you can get. Why can't you stay in a place that makes you happy?"
"Because-"
"Because what?"
"BECAUSE I'M FUCKED UP EMMETT! WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE AROUND A GIRL WHO GOT FUCKED BY HER BOTHER FOR 15 YEARS? WHO CARRIED HIS CHILD? WHY?"
"Because it wasn't your fault babe." he said softly as he came closer.
"No Emmett. It's too late for me." I said as I went to open the door.
He grabbed me and whirled me around so that I was millimeters away from his face.
"You're not leaving me again." he growled and I couldn't stop the pang of heat that went through me as he held me close.
"I think it's best if you guys leave out for awhile." he whispered, but I new that everyone heard him.
They all silently left the house.
"I'm going to show you how much you mean to me." he whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my neck.
"Emmett please stop it. That's not fair" I breathed out
"You know you deny yourself too much. I want to give you everything." he said as he kissed my neck slowly, tasting my sweet skin. He nipped my ear and I gasped as I felt my sex getting shamefully wet. I had had him before. Two years ago before I cut him off completely. Two years of yearning for him.
He sensed my heat and smelled my fluids. He chuckled and reached down to gather up my dress, purposefully scrapping his fingernails against my soft thighs.
"Stop fighting me Selene." he whispered as he ran his fingers along my inner thigh.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I collapsed against him. He skillfully picked me up in his arms and carried me back into his room and onto his bed. I looked up into his eyes and licked my lips. I felt a jolt of fear and desire as I came to the realization that Emmett had taken my heart and had no intentions of giving it back.
He leaned down and kissed me slowly, his tongue exploring every cavern of my mouth, eliciting moans from me.
I wrapped my finger in his short dark curly hair to bring myself closer to him and nip his bottom lip. He growled deep in his throat. He ripped at my clothes, not even sparing my bra and panties.
His dark eyes over my supple body. His hands made quick work of massaging my breasts and tweaking the dark brown nipples. I whimpered and writhed against the bed. I ripped off his shirt; feeling is muscles ripple under my touch.
He ran his tongue down my taught stomach to the place where I needed him the most. As he licked at my dripping core I cried out his name and gripped the mattress.
He looked up at me and I saw him smirk. He crawled his way back up my body and quickly disposed of his pants. I saw his arousal almost forgetting how it fitted his 6'5 frame. It was hard and long and I couldn't wait to have it back inside of me.
"Emmett."
"Selene." He thrusted into me, not even waiting for me to adjust to him and I didn't mind. He pumped into me with reckless abandon and I could barely take it.
"Emmett…Oh God baby. It feels so good!" I moaned loudly. I didn't care if anyone could here me. Just as long as he knew how much I needed him. How much I loved him.
"Selene… I can't take much more." just as he said it, I came as hard as I could. Feeling like I was high off of some kind of drug and the drug was called Emmett. He threw his head back and roared so loud the glass from the windows broke, as he spilled into me. He collapsed by my side, both of us panting as if we had been running a marathon. I pulled myself over his chest and we laid there for awhile in silence. I quietly drew concentric patterns on his washboard abs.
"I want to change you." I raised myself above him and smiled.
"I'm already yours. We might as well make it official. But when do you want to do it?"
He smiled and I finally saw his dimples and he looked like the Emmett that I had fallen for.
"Why not now?"
"Well first of all, you're starving. Second of all I need some clothes. You've destroyed mine." I said as I got up and walked over to his closet.
"I don't know. I like the view from here."
I threw his a smirk over my shoulder.
"I'm sure you do, but I don't think that I'll be walking around your house naked, no matter how honorable your brothers or Carlisle are." I dug in his closet and found a shirt that said "I'm not a dick, you're just a pussy." I got it for him from Spencer's.
I slipped the shirt on and it came down to my knees.
"I didn't realize I'd lost that much weight." I said as I took the pins out of my hair and shook the curly locks until they came down to my back.
"Yeah you should go eat something. I miss my thick chick, but looking at you from back here allows me to see that you didn't lose that much weight in your ass , makes me want to go another round." he said as he got up in his full nudity and walked towards me. I could already see his manhood coming to attention.
"Uh uh. Put on some clothes. I'll be downstairs waiting for you. Besides we'll have plenty of time for that later on and I don't want to keep your family out of their own house."
"Sure sure."
I smiled and gave him a quick peck on the lips. I walked downstairs into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from inside of the refrigerator. I turned around and saw Esme sitting there with Alice. They had smiles plastered on their faces.
"How long have y'all been here?" I asked as I unscrewed the cap from the bottle.
"Awhile." Alice said.
"I don't know if I should be embarrassed or insulted." I said with a smirk.
"Darling, don't you think you need more than water?" Esme said as I saw concern in her eyes.
"It's alright Esme. Besides I'm trying to keep my girlish figure." I said in a mock British accent. That made her laugh.
"You haven't eaten in three days." Edward said as he casually strolled into the kitchen.
"I ate yesterday."
"A cracker doesn't count."
"Fine since it matters so much to y'all."
I walked back over to the refrigerator and pulled out butter and some milk. I stride back over to the pantry and look around until I saw grits in there. It didn't surprise me that they were there. Since I was always there I always ate at their house.
I got a pot, filled it with water, poured the grits in and sat it on the stove.
"Are you cooking what I think you're cooking?" Alice said excitedly.
I smirked. "You wanna cook the biscuits for me Alice?"
She nodded her head.
"No Fair! I wanted to cook." Renesmee yelled from the dining room.
"Well too late." Alice sang.
"Fine, but make some for me too Belle. I love your cooking." Nessie said.
"Not me. Last time I ate your cooking my stomach wouldn't leave me alone for a week." Jake said with a grin. "Nice shirt." he added.
"Thank you. And don't blame me for you not being able to handle spicy food. Besides this is my last meal. In a few days I'll be hungry for something else." I said as I stirred.
"A few days?" Esme said as her eyebrows scrunched up.
"Yes. I don't need to prolong the life that I'm living. I want start anew."
"Alright dear, if you're sure that's what you want."
"It is."
"Yeah it's about time she came around. This way you'll be able to cook for me 24/7." Nessie said as she came in. She looked me up and down.
"I wish I had clothes for you. You don't feel uncomfortable do you?"
"No. Surprisingly I'm at real ease right now. And I plan to make it last forever."
"Eternity you mean." Emmett said as he appeared by my side, his arms wrapped around my waist.
"Eternity." I said as I smiled at him.