A/N—This takes place during the 9th season (1945-46). Olivia returned home the same time John-Boy did. This also takes place before her tuberculosis returns, and she goes to the sanitarium in Arizona. Ben has returned from the Pacific Theatre. Joy is eight. Rose and her grandchildren aren't living with the Waltons; they moved back home. This replaces Season 9 episode, "The Move." With that, Happy Reading!
Eight-year-old Joy Walton broods in the tree house by the house. It's the tree house that Grandpa built when Daddy, Uncle Ben, and Aunt Amy were little. She has enjoyed it ever since Jim-Bob taught her to climb the ladder into the house. Now that her brothers and sisters are grown, it's her own refuge. Sometimes, however, she gets lonesome, feeling as if someone is missing. She finds herself talking to this "someone" every now and then. Today, she feels a bit closer to that "someone." This "someone," she has named Margaret. She had a bad day at school: Hank Gormley, who is a distant cousin of Maude Gormley, yanked her pigtails and dipped the ends in his inkwell, staining her dress. Mama wasn't home when she came home from school, so Mary-Ellen helped her get her dress to soaking. She changed into another dress, climbed into the tree house, and has been there since, telling "Margaret" about her day, especially her dealings with Hank.
Mary-Ellen walks out of the house, calling the family to supper. Joy watches her brothers and sisters race into the house, followed by Daddy. She remains in the tree house and sighs. supper's one of the last things she wants right now. Mama often lectures her about not messing up her dresses, and then with Hank and the ink stains...
"Joy, supper!" Mary-Ellen calls.
'Great,' the girl sighs, 'Margaret, "Mama the Second," is sent out to bug me.' She continues her brooding, ignoring her eldest sister's calls. 'I wish she'd leave me alone. Yeah, she helped me with my dress, but she can be even stuffier than Mama.'
Mary-Ellen walks to the barn, then the shed, and down the road, calling her sister to supper. She shrugs her shoulders. "I can't find Joy anywhere," she calls as she goes back in the house.
"Where is that child?" Olivia shakes her head. Elizabeth sets the table.
"I'll get her," Erin offers, rising from the table.
"No," the matriarch declines, discarding the dish towel by the sink, "I'll find her."
Joy watches her mother exit the house, circling the yard, calling her name. She doesn't move from her spot.
Olivia starts back to the front porch and pauses. She looks up at the tree house, and sees her youngest. "Olivia Joyce Walton, come down from there and get in the house. supper's ready."
However, Joy pretends to ignore her.
Olivia climbs the ladder into the tree house. She catches her breath, feeling winded from the climb. Joy stares at her mother. "Joy, why didn't you come down when you were called?" A tear rolls down the girl's cheek. "Joy?" Olivia starts, concerned, sitting by her daughter. "What's wrong?" She's met with silence. "Tell me. I can't help you if you don't talk to me." Again, silence. Olivia tries again. "Mary-Ellen told me about the dress."
Joy frowns. "Why'd she have to do that?!"
"She didn't want to," she starts, stroking her daughter's hair. "I saw it soaking and asked her about it. Tell me."
"Hank Gormley," she cries. "He... he yanked my pigtails. I told him to stop, and then he stuck them in the inkwell. It stained the dress." Her face falls. "I'm sorry, Mama. I know you keep tellin' me not to mess up my dress. I didn't mean to."
"Sweetheart, it's not your fault."
"I just wish that ole Hank would leave me alone."
"Did you tell the teacher?"
"I did, but not before I popped him one."
"You popped him one?" Olivia reflects, eyes wide.
"I did," she declares proudly. "He was annoying me."
"Now, I don't condone what Hank did, but you can't just go around popping everyone who annoys you."
"But Mama..."
"Don't 'But Mama' me." She inhales, trying to suppress a cough. "How 'bout comin' down for supper?"
Joy turns back toward the tree house wall. "I'm not hungry."
"That's not a request. Come on down, and wash up for supper."
"Yes, ma'am."
Joy follows her mother down the ladder and into the house.
That night, as the family listens to their favourite radio program, Joy sits on the couch and stares out the window. Olivia studies her daughter, wondering what she is thinking. The show concludes. Erin shuts off the radio, as she, Elizabeth, Ben and Cindy, Mary-Ellen, Jason and Jim-Bob head to bed. Joy remains planted on the couch, staring into space. Olivia and John exchange looks and then at their daughter. John nods and walks up the stairs, leaving Olivia with Joy.
"Joy?" Olivia begins, sitting on the couch beside her. She's met with silence. "Joy?" She strokes her child's hair. "Joy? Wanna talk about it?"
Joy startles.
"I didn't mean to startle you." She regroups. "Wanna talk about it?"
"Talk about what?" she shrugs.
"What's been botherin' you?"
"Nuthin's botherin' me."
"You look like you were lost in thought."
She shakes her head. "Nah. I was just lookin'." Joy yawns and starts for the stairs. "I'm gonna go to bed now."
"All right," Olivia replies, still concerned and a bit confused. "Do you want me to come tuck you in?"
"That's okay."
"All right." She watches her daughter climb the stairs, then turns off the lights downstairs, all except for one small lamp. Olivia looks at the stairs and then the couch, choosing to lie down there instead. 'What's going on with that child? She's so distant nowadays.'
John rolls over in bed stretching his arm over to Olivia's side of the bed, expecting to feel her beside him, instead, finds her side empty. He awakens and goes downstairs, only to discover his wife asleep on the couch. "Liv?" he calls, gently shaking her awake.
"Oh!" Olivia startles, suppressing a cough. "I guess I fell asleep."
He notices something's not right with his wife. "What's wrong, Liv? You look worried."
"I'm worried about Joy. She's so different."
"She's eight. You remember the other kids at eight."
"No, this is different." Olivia feels defeated. "I've been away so much."
"Don't blame yourself. It was out of your control." It hurts him to see his wife in such pain. "It's not your fault you had tuberculosis."
"I decided to stay with John-Boy," she fires back. "I should've been here with Joy. I missed so much of her childhood."
"You're here now. That's what counts."
Olivia gives a weak smile. "I know." She tries to stifle a cough, but is unable.
"Still got that cough?"
"Oh," she dismisses, "it comes and goes."
"You look a little pale. Do we need to take you in to see the doctor?"
"No, I'll be fine. It's just a little cough." She waves him off and rises. "I'm gonna check on the kids before turning in."
"All right." He places his hands on her shoulders, and they exchange a peck.
Olivia looks in on her kids. Jason is stretched out on his back. Jim-Bob sleeps on his stomach, half way underneath the covers, one arm hanging off the side of the bed. She kisses her youngest son on the cheek, and straightens the covers around him. Next, she spies Mary-Ellen and John Curtis fast asleep. Last, she checks on the girls. Erin and Elizabeth are sleeping, but she hears Joy mumbling. She doesn't realize Joy is crying.
"Margaret, I wish you were here. I feel so... I dunno... like something's missing. Nobody understands. I can't do anything right. Mary-Ellen fussed at me the other day for finishing off the peaches. How was I supposed to know she was saving them for a pie? Erin keeps treating me like a baby, patting me on the head and stuff. And, Jim-Bob and Elizabeth keep telling me I'm too young. Jason's always gone with his music, and Ben's busy with Cindy and the baby. Daddy won't let me help him with his work. And Mama doesn't have time for me. She's always gone. I wish you were here with me."
Olivia's heart breaks, hearing her youngest. She hesitates, wondering whether or not she should go to her child. However, she falls into a coughing fit just outside the girls' door. Joy stills, trying to act like she's asleep. John walks up the stairs and embraces his wife from behind. "Why don't you go on to bed?" he whispers, placing a small kiss on her neck.
"I'm gonna check on Joy and then I'll join you." She kisses her husband on the cheek and tip toes into the girls' room. Olivia kisses Erin and Elizabeth, then sits on the side of Joy's bed. "Joy?"
The girl opens her eyes. "Yes, Mama?"
"You all right?" She softly wipes the tears from her daughter's face.
"I'm fine, Mama," the girl replies, stoically.
"You sure?"
"I am."
"Joy, would you please tell me what's troublin' you?"
"Nothing's troublin' me!" Joy frowns, tiring of her mother's prying. "I'm fine. I just wanna go back to sleep."
"Okay." Olivia rises and kisses her youngest on the forehead. "Good night." She leaves the room and joins her husband in bed.
Meanwhile, Joy turns over, pulls the covers close, and sobs.
The next day, Elizabeth and Joy get ready for school. Olivia stands at the bottom of the staircase and calls her two youngest, "Elizabeth! Joy! You're gonna be late for school! Get a move on!" The girls race down the stairs, grab a couple muffins, their books, and race out the door. Elizabeth runs ahead, while Joy lags behind. "Joy," Olivia prods, "quit dawdling. You're gonna be late if you don't go on."
"Yes, ma'am," she replies, solemn. As she ambles down the path toward the school house, frustration increases. 'Margaret, I wish you were here. I just don't fit in. I can't do anything right.' She sighs. 'I sure hope Hank doesn't bother me today.'
"Joy, quit draggin' your feet. You're gonna make us late."
"Even my sister's on my case, Margaret!" Joy doesn't realize she said this out loud.
Elizabeth stops in her tracks. "Who are you talking to?"
"No one," she sneers, as she storms past her older sister. "Just leave me alone."
"Joy, wait!"
"Can't. Don't wanna be late for school."
The girls walk the rest of the way in silence.
After school, Joy walks back home by herself, telling her sister she wanted to be alone. As she walks up the driveway, she sees Cindy holding Ginny. "Joy!" Cindy calls. "Can you watch Ginny for a little bit? I'm tryin' to get some sewin' done, and she just woke up from her nap."
"Can't Ben watch her?"
"He's running errands for your Daddy."
Joy nods and receives her niece. Cindy goes back inside the shed, and Joy sits in the swing, holding the baby. "Ginny, I should introduce you to Margaret. No one else would believe me if I told them about her. You see, she's my friend. I can't see her, but I know she's there." The baby gazes at her aunt and smiles. "You understand, don't you?"
Erin walks out of the house to hang up wet laundry, and hears Joy talking to Ginny. "Joy?" the older girl begins, confused, "who is Margaret?"
Joy stiffens, and tries to cover her tracks. "No one. I'm just telling Ginny a story. She likes my stories."
"I didn't know you enjoyed telling stories."
"Well, I do. Now, can I finish telling Ginny this story?"
"All right," Erin snickers, as she resumes hanging up the wash.
As the days pass, Joy becomes increasingly withdrawn, preferring to be by herself. John and Olivia suggested that the other kids try to involve their youngest sister. Erin paints her nails in the bathroom and sees Joy pass by. "Hey Joy! Wanna have me paint your nails?"
She wrinkles her nose. "No thanks. And you'd better not let Mama see them. She'll make you memorize at least twenty Bible verses."
"Suit yourself," Erin shrugs, picking up a bottle. "I like this colour. It's called Gunmetal Silver."
"Gunmetal Silver," Joy frowns. "It looks silly."
"Or, I was thinking about Lost Red. It goes with my lipstick, Sassy."
"You'll be rethinkin' 'Sassy' when Mama gets after you." She calls, as she heads toward the stairs.
Mary-Ellen is in the kitchen, making a chocolate cake. Joy descends the stairs, making a beeline to the front door. "Joy!" Mary-Ellen calls, "Wanna help me bake a chocolate cake?"
"No thanks," Joy declines, shaking her head.
"I'll let you lick the bowl afterwards."
Joy shakes her head.
"Are you sure? You always like my chocolate cake."
"I'm goin' down to Drucilla's Pond."
"Just don't be too long. Mama and I will have supper on by six."
"'Kay!" she hollers on the way out the door, letting it bang shut behind her. As Joy races from the house, Jim-Bob, with fishing pole in hand, calls her name. She stops in her tracks.
"Wanna go fishin' with me?"
She hesitates, then shakes her head.
"Oh, come on, Joy," he persists, "you're the best fisherman in our family."
"All right," she relents.
"Great! Lemme get your fishin' pole." Jim-Bob enters the mill and sees his dad and Ben sawing some logs into two-by-fours. "Daddy, Joy and I are goin' fishin'."
"I really need your help, son. I need you and Ben's help to get caught up."
"Well, Joy's been standoffish, and not wantin' to do anything with us. I got her to agree to go fishin' with me."
John contemplates what his youngest son said. "Maybe you can get her to tell you what's bothering her. Okay, you can go."
"Thanks, Daddy." Jim-Bob leaves the mill, two fishing poles in hand. Joy is waiting outside. "C'mon, Joy. Let's go while the fish are still bitin'."
The pair make their way to Drucilla's Pond, and find that no one else is around. They bait and cast their poles, and wait, sitting in silence. Jim-Bob takes a risk and breaks the silence. "Joy, can I ask you somethin'?"
"You just did."
"You know what I mean," he replies rolling his eyes.
"Fine."
"What's been botherin' you? You've been acting awfully standoffish. Everyone's noticed it... especially Mama."
She ignores the question, concentrating on her line.
"You can talk to me."
Joy sizes her brother up, contemplating on whether or not she should say something, then decides to take a chance. "Okay, I'll tell ya."
Jim-Bob catches a fish, reels it in, and put it in the bucket. He faces his sister. "Okay, I'm listening."
Joy catches a fish, then confides in her brother. "You promise not to say anything to anyone... especially Mama?"
"Uhh, I dunno."
"Promise or I won't say anything," she glares.
"Okay," he relents.
"I feel so... I dunno... like something's missing. Nobody understands. I can't do anything right. Mary-Ellen fussed at me the other day for finishing off the peaches. How was I supposed to know she was saving them for a pie? Erin keeps treating me like a baby, patting me on the head and stuff. And, you and Elizabeth keep telling me I'm too young. You know Ben and Cindy, and Jason..."
"Yeah, I do."
"Daddy won't let me help him with his work. And Mama doesn't have time for me. She's always gone." She begins to cry, but blinks back tears.
"I'm sorry, Joy."
"And, it's not just that."
"What is it?"
"I feel like... I feel incomplete... like I'm missing someone." She scoffs, "Aww, it's just weird."
"No, it isn't."
Joy is shocked that he affirmed her feelings. "It isn't?"
"I feel that way sometimes too."
"You?" she questions in disbelief.
"Yes, me. You see, you and me are twins."
"No, we're not. You're older than I am. How can we be twins?"
"I didn't mean you and I were twins," he chuckles. "I mean, you and me, we each have a twin."
She mulls his words over. It makes sense! She has a twin! 'Wait. Where is my twin?' "If we're each a twin, what happened to our twins?"
"My twin, Joseph Zebulon, he died when he and I were born."
"Oh. Well, what about mine?"
"Mama lost your twin a few months before you were born."
"Huh?" Joy is very confused.
"Mama lost a baby when she was about three months pregnant. Then, a month or two later, Mama and Daddy told us that she was expectin' you."
"Then, how are me and the baby she lost twins?"
"Because she was about four or five months along when they told us she was expectin' you. It's not common, but she lost your twin, but she carried you until you were born."
Joy contemplates the news she has been told. "So, kinda like you and your twin, my twin died, and I got to be born."
"Yes." He sees his sister's change in affect. "You okay, Joy?"
"That's a lot to take in," she replies, still overwhelmed. "I've always felt so alone, and I love y'all, but I just couldn't explain it."
"I felt the same way. I found out when John-Boy and I discovered his birth records."
"No one told you?" she questions in disbelief.
"Nope. They never said anything. Grandma said the birth was hard on Mama and so they never said anything. No one besides Mama, Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa knew. I always felt like I was missing someone too."
"Why didn't anyone tell me about my twin? Everyone knew about Mama losing the baby."
"I dunno, Sis. It was hard on Mama, and she was real careful until you were born, but I don't know why they never mentioned your twin to you."
"Why did my twin die and I got to live?"
"Maybe your twin wasn't strong enough, and you were." He inhales, carefully considering his next words. "Why don't you talk to Mama and Daddy about this?"
"No," she scowls. "Why should I? They never pay me any mind."
"That's not true, and you know it."
"Daddy's always workin' in the mill, and Mama's always gone. She looks like she's gettin' sick again, which means she'll be needin' to go away again." She begins to cry. "Mama's real skinny and she's coughin' a lot... just like she did before she went away the first time." She buries her head in her brother's embrace and sobs. "I don't want Mama to go away again!"
"I don't either. Maybe she's just a little under the weather."
"No, she's not, Jim-Bob. I was little then, but I remember when she had to go away."
"Talk to her, then. If she has to go away again, she doesn't need to go away thinkin' that you're gonna be upset."
"I don't want to."
"I mean it, Little Sister." He reels in another fish, then she reels in another. Seeing that she's uncomfortable, he changes the subject. "A few more fish, and then we'll have enough for a fish fry tomorrow."
They finish catching fish and walk back to the house. Elizabeth sees the pair. "There you are. I was looking all over for you, Joy. After you clean up, would you like to help me bake some bread for supper?"
Joy, at first, was going to decline her sister's offer, until Jim-Bob shoots her a look. "Okay."
The pair fix yeast rolls and pop them in the oven as Mama cooks roast, carrots, potatoes and onions. "Girls, can you two make a salad." Olivia spies Erin walking past the table. "Erin, can you set the table?" Mary-Ellen situates John Curtis in his high chair. "Mary-Ellen, call Cindy, your brothers and your Daddy to supper."
"I'll do it," Erin volunteers, handing the plates off to her older sister. She sees Ben and their dad in the Mill, then goes to the shed, where Cindy is walking a screaming Ginny.
"I'll take my supper later. Can you have your mother put it in the warmer for me? Ginny's teething and she's been fussy all day," an exhausted Cindy answers.
"All right," Erin smiles, sympathetically, "I'll ask her."
"Thanks."
Erin returns to the house. "Mama, Cindy asks if you can put her supper in the warmer. She thinks Ginny's teething and won't let her put her down."
"All right," the matriarch replies, remembering those days.
The family eats their supper and the girls clean the table. Olivia starts for the door, to aid her daughter-in-law, but John stops her. "Don't you think you need to talk to Joy? Mary-Ellen can help Cindy." She nods, as John motions for Mary-Ellen to assist Cindy instead.
"Joy," Olivia begins, hesitantly, "can you come help me with something in my bedroom?"
"Do I hafta?" she frowns. Jim-Bob gives her a nod of encouragement. "Okay." Joy reluctantly follows her mother into the bedroom.
Olivia closes the door behind them and sits on the bed. "Joy, come sit with me."
"Okay." Joy is very confused, and planning an escape plan from the room. "What'd you need to see me for?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
"'bout what?"
"There's something troubling you and I want to know what it is."
"Nothin's troubling me. I'm fine," she scowls.
"I know you," she contradicts, smoothing back her daughter's hair. "Something is bothering you, and I want to know what it is."
"There is nothing wrong. Can I please leave? I've got homework." Joy rises from the bed and starts for the door.
"Okay," she relents, defeated. "Do you need me to help you with it?"
"No thanks. It's math. I got it. It's easy." The girl calls, as she makes a hasty exit from the room. Olivia sighs, as she watches her daughter leave. 'How can I get through to her? What's going on inside that child's head? It's almost as if I don't even know my own daughter.'
John walks up the stairs and sees his youngest daughter enter her bedroom. "Joy?" The child doesn't respond; instead, closes the door behind her. He knocks on her door. "Joy? May I come in?"
"Leave me be." Joy drapes herself across her bed.
"Suit yourself." John gives up, going into the master bedroom. He sees his wife fretting in her rocker, and sits on the bed beside her. "Liv?"
Olivia wordlessly looks at her husband.
"Joy?"
She nods, allowing the tears to fall.
"Hey," he starts, enfolding his wife into an embrace.
"John." She sobs into his shoulder, ending in a coughing fit.
"Your cough is worse. I'm taking you to the doctor's tomorrow."
"I want to wait another day."
"Liv."
"No John," she huffs, "I know the tuberculosis has returned. I've denied it, but I just can't deny it anymore."
"All right," he relents. "If you begin running a fever, I'm taking you in immediately."
"I hope I can get through to Joy before I leave. That girl has had more than her fair share of hurts." Her body is wracked with sobs, turning into a severe coughing spell. "I hate this! I'm tired, I can't catch my breath, and I feel I'm a terrible mother to Joy! I wish I didn't have to leave her again."
"I wish you didn't have to either. And you're not a terrible mother." He strokes her back and plants a kiss on her neck. "But the sooner you go, the sooner you will get better and come home."
Unbeknownst to the couple, Jim-Bob had heard his parents' entire conversation. Pondering for a second, he decides to knock on the door.
Olivia sits up and regains her composure, "Come in!"
Jim-Bob opens the door. "Can I talk to you?"
"Sure," John answers, "have a seat."
"I have to tell you somethin', but I don't know if I should."
"What do you mean?" Olivia queries.
"I promised Joy..."
"Joy?!" She echoes.
"I promised her I wouldn't say anything, but..." He pauses, contemplating on what he would say next. "I'm sorry, but I heard you saying something about tuberculosis and needin' to go away." He exhales, ashamed of eavesdropping. "I didn't mean to hear, but I did."
"It's all right," Olivia assures, placing a soft hand on her son's knee. "Please, tell us."
Jim-Bob explains the conversation he had with his youngest sister while they were fishing. "Remember when I felt like I wasn't a Walton and found out about my twin? She's feeling about the same as I did."
"John, we never told her about my miscarriage."
"She calls her twin 'Margaret.'"
"Wasn't that the name you'd picked out for Joy?"
"It was," she smiles, "You were the one who wanted to name her after me."
"Yes, I was," he grins, kissing her on the cheek.
Jim-Bob blushes, a bit embarrassed.
"No wonder she's been so standoffish," Olivia regroups.
"And," he continues, "she thinks you're getting sick again, Mama. She's afraid you'll hafta go away soon."
"How did she figure that out?" she wonders aloud.
"Joy's pretty perceptive. She remembers when you had to go away the first time. We all do."
"There's no denying it now," she frowns. "I'll have a sit down with her tomorrow and I'll let everyone know at supper. John, go ahead and call the doctor, and let him know, so he can arrange everything for the next day." A tear rolls down her cheek.
"I'm sorry, Mama."
"No. I'm glad you came to me. Joy's been having a tough time, and I haven't been able to help her."
"I'm going to bed. G'night." Jim-Bob declares as he exits the room.
John and Olivia dress for bed. "Now we know what's bothering Joy."
"I knew it was me not being here," she weeps.
John enfolds his wife into an embrace. "It's not your fault. It was out of control. Just like this time is out of your control."
"I know, but it really hurts that I've been absent for such a long time."
"Let's get some sleep. Tomorrow, you can talk to Joy."
"I'm keeping her out of school tomorrow, so we can talk... just the two of us."
They exchange a peck, and slide into bed. Sleep quickly overtakes John, but Olivia remains restless for most of the night.
The next day, Olivia fixes breakfast for her family. Elizabeth and Joy rush down the stairs, ready to leave for school, Elizabeth grabbing a sausage biscuit and rushing out the door, allowing it to slam behind her.
"Gotta go! I wanna get some last minute studying done for my English exam."
Joy sits at the table and eats her breakfast.
"Joy," Olivia begins, "you're staying home today. I've already sent word to your teacher."
"Why?" the child asks, curious.
"I thought you and I could spend the day together... just you and me." She sees a small smile creep on her daughter's face, and then quickly disappear. "Anything the matter?"
"No."
She sits beside her daughter. "What would you like to do today?" Joy shrugs. "We could go on a picnic..."
"Can we have your fried chicken?"
"Sure. We still have some from the other night. I'll pack a couple pieces, some potato salad, and the chocolate cake."
"Thanks," the girl grins, to her mother's delight.
It feels good to see her daughter smile again. It's been so long since she's seen her daughter truly smile. She hates the news she'll have to break to her youngest; it's going to crush her. She shakes herself out of her brooding, remembering her husband's words: "this is out of your control." It is out of her control. She would have rather not have gotten tuberculosis. She would have rather not have her son be classified as MIA, and then be found, seriously injured. And, she would have rather not have had tuberculosis resurface. However, these aren't anything she can change, so she'd best deal with reality, instead of what she'd rather have.
"Mama?"
"Yes, honey."
"Are you going away again?" the child asks, point blank.
"What?" Erin calls from the stairs, hearing her youngest sister's question. "Mama?"
Olivia sighs, knowing she can't put it off any longer. "Come here, Erin." As the older girl sits at the table, the matriarch sighs. "I was gonna tell everyone at supper tonight."
"It's back, isn't it?" Erin concludes.
"Yes. It is. I'm leaving tomorrow." Joy darts out of the house, in tears. "Joy!" Olivia calls, rising from the table.
"Let her go, Mama."
"No, I need to talk to her." Olivia leaves the house, and searches for her youngest. She finds the child at Drucilla's Pond.
"Margaret," Joy sobs, "I miss you so much! Mama's going away tomorrow. She's sick again. Why does she have to leave? Why can't the doctor just let her stay here and give her the medicine here? You're gone and now she's going away. Sometimes I wish I could go away."
Olivia's heart breaks hearing this confession. "Joy?" She scoops her daughter into her lap.
"Mama!" she cries into her mother's arms.
"Shhh. Baby, I'm so sorry."
"Do you hafta go away? You just got back!"
"I don't want to. But, the sooner I go, the sooner I can get well and come back home."
"Jim-Bob said I'm a twin... just like he is, and that our twins both died." Olivia's face falls and Joy continues. "He said that you thought you'd lost me and then found out you were still having a baby."
"Yes. It's true. Your Daddy and I were happy when we found out I was having a baby and then so sad when I lost the baby. It was a surprise when the doctor told us I was still in the family way, and that I had been carrying twins again."
"Why didn't you tell me? Jim-Bob said he didn't know either... until he and John-Boy found out from the hospital."
"When I lost Joseph, and then your twin, it hurt so much. I hope you never have to find out how much losing a child hurts. It's not something people really talk about... especially if the mother loses the baby early."
"But everyone else knew and I didn't."
"We should have told you. I am sorry."
"It's okay."
Olivia looks her daughter in the eyes. "Can I ask you a question?" Joy nods. "I hear you talking to someone named Margaret."
"I've always felt like someone was missing. I call her Margaret. I guess it's my twin... just like Jim-Bob." She frowns. "Is it okay that I talk to her?"
"It's fine," she hugs her child. "You know, I wanted to use the name Margaret, and name you Margaret Joy, but your Daddy wanted to name you Olivia Joy."
"If my twin had lived, would you have used the name Margaret?"
"If she was a girl, I suppose so." She pauses. "Would you like me to show you where Margaret and Joseph are buried?"
Joy nods. Mother and daughter trek to the family cemetery, where Oliva shows her the graves. She kneels at the plaque, which reads, 'Baby Walton' beside Joseph's grave. "Is this Margaret?"
"Yes."
"Can we add her name?"
"If you'd like, we can have your father add it."
"I'd like that."
They sit at the graves, talking until lunchtime. "Do you still want to go on a picnic?"
"Yes," she grins. "I love you, Mama."
"I love you too."
John sees a peaceful Olivia and Joy skipping up the road to the house. He smiles, figuring that their picnic was successful. "Liv?"
She smiles at her husband. "Joy, go put the picnic basket away, and I'll be there in a minute."
Joy nods, doing as her mother asked.
"John!" Olivia grins, from ear to ear, as she embraces her husband.
"I don't have to ask how everything went."
"We have amazing kids."
"That, we do." John shuts the mill off. "Let's take a walk over to Drucilla's Pond and you can tell me all about it."
The couple settles at their favourite spot and Olivia tells him about the picnic. "It couldn't have gone any better."
He gazes into her eyes, missing her already. This will be the third time she's gone away for an extended period of time. He doesn't know how he's going to be able to bear it. We're just no good apart from each other!
"What?" she chuckles, perplexed as to why her husband is staring at her.
"I was thinkin'..."
"About what?"
"Liv, we're no good apart from each other."
"You know I have to go."
"I know, but what if I went with you?"
"John, you can't. You've got the mill, and yes, most of the kids are grown, but Joy needs you."
"Listen. I've turned the mill over to Jim-Bob. He's doing a fine job of running it. And, the older girls can take care of Joy."
"It's not that," Olivia begins, conflicted. "It's Joy's already gonna have to deal with one parent going away... again, but now both parents? John, I don't think that's right."
"Liv, sometimes we need to focus on us... our marriage." He pauses. "You being away liked to have killed me. I'm worthless without you."
Olivia feels tension rise in her shoulders. "But John, you can't just up and leave the kids."
"Tell ya what. It'll take you a couple months to get settled. How 'bout I join you then. I'll take that two months and get Ben and Jim-Bob up to speed on the mill and spend some extra time with Joy. Then, you'll be on the way to feelin' better and I'll have the time to get everything in order." She starts to protest, but he stops her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Liv, I know you're worried, but this is something I've got to do... for me... for us."
"If you're sure."
"I'm sure." He moves his hands from her shoulders, down her forearms to her hands. "I love you." He gazes at his wife. How beautiful she is! They've shared a lifetime together: the births of each of their children, sickness, health, times of plenty, times of need... He can't imagine being separated from her again. Tomorrow's going to be one of the worst days in his life. "I love you," he exhales breathlessly, as he brings her in for a passionate kiss.
Conversation at the supper table is lively this evening. Most surrounded a cute guy, who showed up at the defense plant and was smitten by Erin. Jim-Bob caught some fish for a fish fry the next day. Ben expresses delight of his plans to go to Engineering college. Mary-Ellen shared some of John Curtis's antics from this day. Cindy asks Olivia and Mary-Ellen for advice about having an infant. Elizabeth expresses excitement about acing a test for which she had to study and work hard. Jason relays his excitement over his new composition. Joy is very quiet.
After the dishes are cleared and washed, the family retires to the living room. Mary-Ellen has put John Curtis down for the night, and Cindy has done the same with Ginny. Jim-Bob starts to turn on the radio, but John stops him. "What is it, Daddy? Charlie McCarthy is about to come on."
"Your mother and I need to talk to you kids."
"What about?" Ben queries.
Joy remains silent, eyes downcast.
"I don't know how to say this," Olivia begins, sadly, "but I'll just tell it to you straight."
A look of realization spreads across Elizabeth's face. "You're leaving again, aren't you, Mama?"
"You've got tuberculosis again!" Jason laments.
"Yes, I do. The doctor has arranged for me to go to the sanitarium tomorrow."
"The same one?" Jim-Bob asks.
"No," she frowns. "It closed down. The only one he could get me in to, is one in Arizona."
"Arizona!" Elizabeth protests.
"I'm sorry," John states. "It's the only one that's either not full or closed down."
"Aww, Mama!" Joy wails, as she leaps into her mother's arms. "I wish you didn't have to go away again."
"I wish I didn't either," she starts, her hands framing her daughter's face, "but the sooner I go, the sooner I'll get well enough to come back."
The kids, including Cindy, all enfold their mother in an embrace. Olivia tries desperately to suppress a cough, but is unsuccessful. The kids release their embrace, giving their mother room. Tears stream down her face as she coughs.
Mary-Ellen fixes a glass of water and brings it to her mother.
"Thanks," she replies, trying to catch her breath.
"It's bad this time," Elizabeth notes, "isn't it?"
Olivia nods, knowing that if she speaks, she'll wind up in another coughing fit. She wheezes, trying to stop the coughs. Soon, she's able to catch her breath.
"I'm following your mother to Arizona in a couple months."
"You sick too?" Joy questions, trying to hide the panic from her eyes.
"I'm not sick." He explains his plans for the family and the mill. "I'm tired. Mary-Ellen, you, Ben and Cindy understand, but the rest of you may not until you marry..." He smiles at his wife. "I miss your mother terribly when she's not around. I'm getting old and it's not good for us to be separated anymore."
"We understand," Jim-Bob pipes. "I know I'm not married, but you and Mama are at your best when you're together."
The rest of the kids nod in agreement.
Ben looks at his wife, who nods. "Daddy, I can stay here and help Jim-Bob run the mill."
"You don't have to do that," the younger man argues.
"It's a big job, and it's gonna take the two of us. I can take a few courses by correspondence."
"Thank you, Ben," John states.
"Jason?" Olivia starts.
"Yes, Mama?"
"Can you play me your new composition? I'd like to hear one of your pieces of music before I leave."
"Yes, Mama." He retrieves his guitar and plays this piece and a few of his mother's favourites.
"Thank you. Why don't you kids go on up to bed? The doctor will pick your mother up after breakfast, so you'll be able to see her then."
The older kids say goodnight and go to their respective bedrooms. Joy hangs back.
Olivia holds her arms out and summons her youngest. "Come here, Joy."
Joy climbs on to her mother's lap and falls asleep in her arms.
"I'm gonna miss this," she sighs.
"I know you are, Liv." He looks at the clock. "It's getting late. Let me take her and then you can tuck her in."
She nods as her husband picks their youngest up and carries her to the girls' bedroom. Olivia follows and tucks the sleeping child into bed. "I love you." She kisses her on the forehead, and the couple walk to the door.
"I love you, Mama," Joy replies as she sees her parents shut the door behind them.
The next morning
John and Olivia awaken as the sun rises. They gaze in each other's eyes, both grateful to spend another morning together, and sad that they will be separated, again, for a time. How pretty she looks as the sunlight splashes on her face! He lies there, memorizing every detail of her face to hold in his memory until the time they can be reunited. She does the same.
"Mornin'" he smiles.
"Hi." She starts to rise. "I gotta get breakfast ready and then finish packing before the doctor comes."
"Stop." John places a soft hand on her shoulder.
"But I need to..."
"The kids are cooking breakfast, and you'll have time to finish packing." He caresses her face. "Let's just lie here for a few minutes more. I wanna make this last." A tear rolls down her cheek, and he kisses it away. She starts coughing and sits up. He rubs her back until they subside.
"I'd better get up," she frowns.
The couple reluctantly dresses for the day. They descend the stairs, seeing the beautiful breakfast spread that the girls have laid out, including a fresh bouquet that Joy picked. Olivia chokes back tears, as her heart is warmed by the love shown by the children. "Breakfast is served, Mama!" Joy squeals with delight.
"It all looks so beautiful!" She kisses each of the kids on the cheek. "Thank you!"
John gives thanks for the breakfast, and adds a blessing for Olivia's safe travels and quick recovery. All too soon, the doctor arrives. Olivia quickly finishes packing and grabs her coat. She takes one last look around the house, soaking in the visual memories of each of the children's rooms, ending with the master bedroom. "You ready?" John calls from the threshold.
"No," she sighs, "but I'll go." She cries into his arms. "Out of all the times I've had to go away, this one hurts the most."
"I know."
Jim-Bob gently knocks on the wall by the threshold, startling the couple out of their embrace. "The doctor's here."
"Time to go, Liv." He picks up her suitcase and escorts his wife to the house's entrance, where the children and grandchildren have gathered.
"Give your Grandma a kiss," Mary-Ellen directs her son, as he gives Olivia a kiss. Cindy passes Ginny to her, and Olivia gives her granddaughter an embrace, then passes her back. Each of the kids embrace and kiss their mother. Joy hangs back.
"Joy?" John calls.
"I'll be okay, Mama," the girl begins. "I'll miss you, but I've got my brothers, sisters, and Cindy, and John Curtis and Ginny... and of course, I've got Margaret too."
"My baby girl." Olivia sniffs.
"I'll write to you."
"I'd like that."
"Can I telephone too?"
"Not at first," John replies. "We'll have to wait until the doctor says it's okay."
"I hope you're the first one who calls," Olivia smiles.
"I will be!"
"Liv?" John voices.
Joy embraces her mother one last time, then joins her brothers, sisters, sister-in-law, nephew and niece, following her parents to the car. They allow their parents some distance, so they can say their good byes.
"I'll see you in a couple months," John begins.
Olivia nods, choking the tears back.
"I love you." He turns to the doctor, "Doc, have her escort call us when she's settled. They can reverse the charges if need be."
The doctor nods.
"Liv, you gotta go. I'll see you soon." He helps her into the car as the doctor loads her suitcase.
The family watches as the car drives away.
Later that day, Joy treks back to the cemetery, to be close to her twin. She brushes the dirt away from the plaque. "Mama's gone, Margaret. I told her I'd be okay." The girl weeps, tears splashing on the stone. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to visit or talk to you as much. The rest of the family needs me... since Mama's gone away. Daddy's gonna go away too in a couple months. So, I have to be strong for them." She brushes the dirt off Joseph's stone too. "I'll still visit you though." She rises, stretches, and walks toward home, knowing that although she'll miss her parents terribly, she has a family who loves her.
-The End-