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Prologue
Every once in a while, someone walks into your life and changes it forever. For me, that girl was Jamie Sullivan. Now, you all know my story. How my life changed the spring of my senior year at Beaufort High, but what you don't know is what happened the summer following that year. It was the best summer of my life…my last summer with Jamie.
So now we go back to that unforgettable day. I'm standing nervously at the altar, surrounded by friends and family. My dad is the closet to me as my best man. And as the music begins, the church doors open, and I see Jamie. My Jamie. Suddenly, my nervousness fades and peace overcomes me. She slowly makes her way closer to me, a graceful smile lighting her face, and all I can think about is how much I love her. She stops in front of me, her father taking his place in front of us. I take her hand in mine and mouth an "I love you." And she says she loves me back.
And so on that day with tear filled eyes, I swore to love and cherish Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan, in sickness and in health, all the days of my life. By the way, just for the record, I had every intention of keeping the promise for the rest of my life.
Chapter One
Early summer came. The soft sunlight was peering in through the curtains. My eyes fluttered open, my thoughts in blur. Taking in my surroundings, I realized that I wasn't in my old bed. Calmness overcame me when I remembered yesterday; I had married Jamie yesterday. Jamie. My thoughts immediately went to her. I quickly shifted my head to the right to find her sleeping peacefully next to me. Her breathing was steady; her face looked so soft in the sunlight. I couldn't help smiling as I looked down at her adoringly. My hand traveled up to her cheek, brushing it gently. Feeling my touch, her eyes slowly opened. She smiled at me, her brown eyes staring at me for a few moments before she spoke. "Good morning." My smile grew at her small voice, and I leaned down and kissed her.
"Good morning to you too. How do you feel?" Her eyes closed briefly and she smiled contently.
"I feel…absolutely perfect." My eyes fell, feeling as though she was trying to spare me, but when I looked at her again, I knew she wasn't.
Because for Jamie… she was feeling perfect. That's just how she was. Her body may have been weak but her soul wasn't. I stared at her for a little while in amazement. She was so happy and filled with such joy. Just enjoying each day for what it was worth.
"I love you." I told her with a shallow breath and she smiled at me again.
"And I love you. Thank you." She added and I furrowed my brow in curiosity.
"For what?"
"For making my number one come true." My heart clinched and I closed my eyes attempting to fight my emotions.
"How am I going to make it without you?" I asked. Her hand rose to my face and caressed it gently.
"With faith." She whispered. I looked away and sat up fully, my face going into my hands. I felt her fingers on my shoulder. "It's true you know." I looked at her again, and I knew she meant it. My lips curved up slightly and I nodded. Jamie brought herself closer to me and pressed into my back, her chin resting on my shoulder.
"Do you ever wonder about time? I mean if you could freeze one moment in your life and make it last…what would it be?" I questioned. Jamie cocked her head where she could see my face, and spoke without thought.
"This… right here with you." I stared at her in wonder. Jamie only smiled at me. "What about you?" I paused for a second, and then leaned my head back slightly to see her.
"I guess any moment that I've spent with you." Her mouth curved up.
"You don't have a specific one?" She asked lightly.
"Well…let's see there's the one where I fell in love with you…and our first date… oh yeah, and who could forget the night in the cemetery…" She giggled slightly and I managed to laugh a little as well. "But seriously, I liked marrying you." My eyes roamed her face; her gentle expressions making me love her even more.
"You did?" She questioned in almost an honored way. I looked down and back up at her again and said…
"I think it was the best moment of my life."
Chapter Two
My summer with Jamie was perfect. It was so serene…I guess that would be the word for it. Maybe because for those few months, I didn't worry about the other things in life. Instead I took each day for what it was, not knowing if it would be my last with Jamie. Since she had become so weak we couldn't do a lot of things, but we tried to have an outing each day. Sometimes we would just go for a drive, but it was still doing something. Even though some might think that would be boring, not doing much all summer long, I couldn't disagree more. Because for me, I had never lived so much in my entire life.
Each moment spent with Jamie was filled with more life and more love than I could have ever imagined. By just sitting and listening to her talk, I learned so much. When I first found out that Jamie was sick, my world crumbled, even when we married I was saddened that she would be leaving me soon. But Jamie…Jamie taught me to be at peace with the situation. Through her love, her joy, and her constant faith.
I remember one day in particular. Jamie and I had been married about a week, and we decided to have a picnic. So there we were, sitting on the same blanket we had only weeks before, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. We had enjoyed our lunch and were now sitting in the peaceful sun. Jamie was resting on her palms, her head back slightly and her eyes closed. I was lying on my elbow, watching her with a grin. I think she must have felt my eyes on her because she opened one eye suspiciously and soon laughed.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?" She asked and I shook my head.
"No…no your face is perfect." I breathed. Jamie tilted her head with a prying smile.
"Then what?"
"You just look so peaceful." I told her somewhat amazed.
"I am." I looked back up at her surprised in a sense. I knew she wasn't lying, I just couldn't grasp the fact that she was okay with everything, but she was.
"How?"
"Landon how can I not? How can I not be at peace with God's plan?" Her voice was so soft when she spoke. I looked up at her almost shocked. She sat there patiently while I absorbed her words.
"I do believe you know. I just have a hard time excepting that you're going to be taken away from me." I admitted. Jamie's hand went to my cheek, her fingers then made their way into my hair.
"Landon I'll always be with you…always." She promised.
"I never thought about it like that." Jamie's next words penetrated straight to my soul. I know that sounds crazy, but it still gives me chills to think about it.
"You're my angel on earth and when I die…I can be yours." She said it with such hope in her voice… almost pleasure. I can remember the tight feeling in my throat at that moment, and the over flowing love that I felt for her. My hands went to her face lovingly, and I was finally able to speak after what seemed like an eternity.
"Don't you know that you already are?"
Chapter Three
I guess you're probably wondering where Jamie and I lived once we were married. My father actually came through again. He paid for us to rent a place for the summer. Although we were all praying for a miracle, we knew that Jamie wouldn't be with us much longer.
I found her reading on the porch one evening and knew that it would be the perfect opportunity to give her my present. I walked out into the summer air casually. The door hinges made a slight sound, but Jamie didn't look up. She was reading her book intently. It was another one off Mr. Rothman's list. I shook my head and approached her. She was curled up in a white wicker chair; her hair pulled back, her eyes steadily moving back and forth on the page. I took a seat in the chair next to her and spoke.
"How's the book?" Jamie looked up startled. She smiled the next the breath.
"Oh hey…I didn't hear you come up." I smiled at her, leaning forward in my chair.
"Listen I wanted to give you this." I held out the wrapped box and she looked at me curiously.
"What is it?" She asked, taking it from my hands.
"You have a tendency to ask that." I commented amused, referring to when I gave her the pink sweater. She laughed at the thought and began opening the box. Her smile faded as she looked at the gift admirably. It was a book, similar to her mother's, only it was ready for Jamie to fill it with her own thoughts. She carefully lifted it, tracing her fingers over the soft design of colors on the cover. "I…I thought you could uh…you know…fill it with your thoughts…and sorta leave something behind like your mother did." I stopped talking or stumbling shall I say. Jamie shook her head once, every so slowly. Her glistening eyes rose finally and stared at me. I stared back nervously waiting for her response.
"This is wonderful…thank you." She whispered. She looked so touched; I was so glad I had gotten it for her. Jamie's eyes fell once more, and I wondered what she was thinking. But she looked up again the next moment. "You're so good to me." She breathed. I smiled, my eyes watching her intently. I leaned over a few moments later and kissed her gently. We stared at each other again and smiled. It was such a content feeling.
"Landon would you mind getting me some tea?" She requested softly.
"Sure." I kissed her head and then stood. We smiled again as I went inside. I had a feeling that Jamie wanted to make her first journal entry, I just had no idea how much that entry would later to mean to me.
Chapter Four
I found Jamie sleeping on the couch when I got home one day. I told the nurse she could leave and then I tended to Jamie. I smiled at the sight of her. She was holding some wrinkled paper in her hand. Obviously, she had fallen asleep reading it. I carefully removed it from her tiny hand and laid it on the coffee table. I then gently lifted her in my arms and carried her to the bedroom. She stirred slightly when I laid her down, but didn't wake. I covered her with a blanket and kissed her head. Jamie always had such a peace about her, but she always looked the most peaceful in her sleep.
I did a few things around the house and soon took a seat on the couch. My eyes caught the papers that Jamie had been holding. Picking it up, I scanned it quickly. My breath caught in the back of my throat when I realized what it was. It was, in fact, Jamie's list for her life. She had made check marks by the things she had already accomplished. I was proud to see that the biggest check belonged to her number one. One that I had helped come true.
I read down the page, past being in two places at once, past getting a tattoo…I laughed when I saw a check by number forty-two: "Befriend someone I don't like." Yet another one I helped her accomplish. My heart sank when I realized how many things on her list wouldn't come true. There were things on there that she would never be able to do…things she didn't have enough time to do. But I immediately began thinking about Jamie's perspective on this matter. In her mind, it didn't matter what she wouldn't be able to do, what mattered was what she had done, and she had done a lot.
A new idea sprang into my head the next moment. I needed to find all the things that I could still make come true for her. I began looking over the list again. My eyes stopped at number twenty-three. "To be kissed on a bridge at sunset." I smiled; Jamie's tru.e girl side was showing in this dream. Nevertheless, it was something I had control over. I continued to look through the list, making mental notes of the ones I could manage. Jamie woke up an hour later, so I put the list down and went to her soft call.
"Hey." I said quietly and received a sweet smile.
"Hi." Jamie whispered back as I walked towards her, taking a seat on the bed and kissing her cheek. "How long have I been asleep?"
"Well, you've been asleep for an hour since I've been home." I told her and she nodded.
"So…what have you been up to?" She asked casually. Sudden guilt over came me. Maybe I shouldn't have been reading her list. After all, it was very personal. I intended on telling her, but I decided to wait to tell her since it would ruin my little surprise. "Just a little reading." She nodded once more, and looked down briefly. I placed my hand over hers.
"Say…do you feel up to a little outing?" I asked and received an immediate smile.
"Definitely." She said with a positive nod of her head. Jamie and I had a quiet dinner that night, and then I drove her to the bridge. Our bridge. It was where we kissed for the first time, and I thought it only appropriate this time as well. The sun was just beginning to set as I put the car in park. I could tell Jamie had no idea what I was doing which made me even more anxious.
"So…can you walk or do you need me to carry you?" I asked. Jamie paused for a moment and then turned to me.
"I think I'd like to walk tonight." She decided thoughtfully.
"Okay." I helped her out of the car and kept a secure hold around her waist. We slowly walked across the bridge and stopped at our spot. Jamie sighed contently.
"Every time I come to this place it reminds of who is responsible for it all." I watched her for a moment. She never ceased to amaze me with her genuine words. I turned her towards me and wrapped my arms around her. Our faces were inched apart as I spoke.
"Twenty-three." I said making Jamie cock her head in confusion.
"Twenty-three?" She repeated.
"Here… let me show you." I whispered as my lips descended upon hers. That kiss lasted for what seemed like an eternity. It was filled with love, joy and hope…just like Jamie always talked about. When we pulled away, Jamie had a strange smile on her face.
"You peeked." She said with a cute smirk.
"I peeked. I'm sorry." I admitted, inhaling quickly.
"What, for making another dream come true?" Jamie questioned with appreciation in her voice.
"I just didn't want you to be upset that I read your personal list." But I could see in her eyes that she wasn't upset at all. She was just the opposite in fact. Her expression was gentle and filled with pleasure.
"Landon what's mine is yours." She breathed. I know at that moment that my eyes must have been burning with love for her. I could almost feel the love rushing out of them, if that makes sense.
"I love you." I told her softly, the words catching in my throat. She smiled once more as my lips fell to hers again.
Chapter Five
When I went to bed later that night, Jamie was already in bed writing in her journal. I slipped under the covers beside her and stared at her for a few moments. She was concentrating thoughtfully on her words that she was composing. "So I guess you're enjoying my present." I said conversationally. She turned at my words with a smile.
"Very much."
"So what are you writing?" I attempted to find out with a prying grin. Jamie looked at me with a tiny smirk on her face.
"Well I'd tell but uh… then I'd have to kill you." Laughter erupted immediately after she finished her sentence.
"Now where have I heard that before?" Jamie paused as if in deep thought.
"I don't know…probably from a very wise person."
"Probably." I agreed, the last bit of laughter escaping my mouth. There was a brief silence before I spoke again. "Hey are you tired?"
"Nope." Jamie said proudly.
"Would you do something for me then?" I asked and Jamie smiled.
"You know I will."
"Would you sing for me?" I requested with a grin.
"Sing for you?"
"Yeah…I want to hear you sing the song that made me fall in love with you." Jamie paused, searching my eyes and then gave a single nod.
"All right." She agreed softly as she stood and walked to my side of the bed, taking a seat on the edge. I rested against the pillows and listened to her sweet voice sing the words to that unforgettable song.
"There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again"
My eyes closed as the chorus began.
"So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
I felt sadness overcome me when I realized that this would be the last time I would hear her sing these words.
I give you my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope…"
Jamie finished the song softly. I looked at her in silence for a while. Her mouth slightly turned up in the corner, her eyes were shining down on me with love. My hand slowly rose to her smooth shoulder that was only covered with a thin, silky strap. My thumb glided across the softness of her skin, then my hand made its way up to her neck and then her cheek. Jamie's eyes closed for a brief moment at the sensation. When she opened them again, they were filled with tears.
"Baby I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make you cry." I apologized, but Jamie shook her head.
"No…no…it's just…" Her brow furrowed as her eyes fell.
"Just what?" I asked concerned. Jamie finally looked at me and took a deep breath through her tears.
"I'm afraid." She told me.
"Baby of what?" My heart ached for her, but she surprised me with her next statement.
"Landon I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid for you."
"For me?" I questioned confused.
"Landon I need to know…if I'm going to see you again someday." She barley got the last words out. I could tell in was very difficult for her to say, but I knew she didn't mean it judgmentally in any way. She was truly concerned for my salvation, and that touched me deeply.
"Jamie I know that when I saw you that night in the cemetery I was lost…but I believe now. I believe." I whispered.
"Do you believe in miracles?" Was her next question. I smiled slightly.
"How could I not when one's sitting right in front of me?" Her features softened even more.
"Oh Landon I just needed to hear you say you believe now. I knew you did…I guess I just needed to hear it from you." She had relief in her voice and I could see how pleased she was.
"You know I didn't think it was possible for me to love you more, but you've proven me wrong. I love you…I love you so much." My next breath was shared with Jamie as her lips fell to mine suddenly. Her hands were on my face, her fingers in my hair. My own hand intertwined in her long hair, my other bracing her back as she leaned into me. Our kiss continued to grow. I can't possibly begin to describe the love that Jamie and I knew at that moment. I can only say that even though Jamie's life was slowly slipping away…our love was continuing to grow more and more.
TBC
Song Credit: "Only Hope"-Mandy Moore-Written by Jonathan Foreman
Prologue
Every once in a while, someone walks into your life and changes it forever. For me, that girl was Jamie Sullivan. Now, you all know my story. How my life changed the spring of my senior year at Beaufort High, but what you don't know is what happened the summer following that year. It was the best summer of my life…my last summer with Jamie.
So now we go back to that unforgettable day. I'm standing nervously at the altar, surrounded by friends and family. My dad is the closet to me as my best man. And as the music begins, the church doors open, and I see Jamie. My Jamie. Suddenly, my nervousness fades and peace overcomes me. She slowly makes her way closer to me, a graceful smile lighting her face, and all I can think about is how much I love her. She stops in front of me, her father taking his place in front of us. I take her hand in mine and mouth an "I love you." And she says she loves me back.
And so on that day with tear filled eyes, I swore to love and cherish Jamie Elizabeth Sullivan, in sickness and in health, all the days of my life. By the way, just for the record, I had every intention of keeping the promise for the rest of my life.
Chapter One
Early summer came. The soft sunlight was peering in through the curtains. My eyes fluttered open, my thoughts in blur. Taking in my surroundings, I realized that I wasn't in my old bed. Calmness overcame me when I remembered yesterday; I had married Jamie yesterday. Jamie. My thoughts immediately went to her. I quickly shifted my head to the right to find her sleeping peacefully next to me. Her breathing was steady; her face looked so soft in the sunlight. I couldn't help smiling as I looked down at her adoringly. My hand traveled up to her cheek, brushing it gently. Feeling my touch, her eyes slowly opened. She smiled at me, her brown eyes staring at me for a few moments before she spoke. "Good morning." My smile grew at her small voice, and I leaned down and kissed her.
"Good morning to you too. How do you feel?" Her eyes closed briefly and she smiled contently.
"I feel…absolutely perfect." My eyes fell, feeling as though she was trying to spare me, but when I looked at her again, I knew she wasn't.
Because for Jamie… she was feeling perfect. That's just how she was. Her body may have been weak but her soul wasn't. I stared at her for a little while in amazement. She was so happy and filled with such joy. Just enjoying each day for what it was worth.
"I love you." I told her with a shallow breath and she smiled at me again.
"And I love you. Thank you." She added and I furrowed my brow in curiosity.
"For what?"
"For making my number one come true." My heart clinched and I closed my eyes attempting to fight my emotions.
"How am I going to make it without you?" I asked. Her hand rose to my face and caressed it gently.
"With faith." She whispered. I looked away and sat up fully, my face going into my hands. I felt her fingers on my shoulder. "It's true you know." I looked at her again, and I knew she meant it. My lips curved up slightly and I nodded. Jamie brought herself closer to me and pressed into my back, her chin resting on my shoulder.
"Do you ever wonder about time? I mean if you could freeze one moment in your life and make it last…what would it be?" I questioned. Jamie cocked her head where she could see my face, and spoke without thought.
"This… right here with you." I stared at her in wonder. Jamie only smiled at me. "What about you?" I paused for a second, and then leaned my head back slightly to see her.
"I guess any moment that I've spent with you." Her mouth curved up.
"You don't have a specific one?" She asked lightly.
"Well…let's see there's the one where I fell in love with you…and our first date… oh yeah, and who could forget the night in the cemetery…" She giggled slightly and I managed to laugh a little as well. "But seriously, I liked marrying you." My eyes roamed her face; her gentle expressions making me love her even more.
"You did?" She questioned in almost an honored way. I looked down and back up at her again and said…
"I think it was the best moment of my life."
Chapter Two
My summer with Jamie was perfect. It was so serene…I guess that would be the word for it. Maybe because for those few months, I didn't worry about the other things in life. Instead I took each day for what it was, not knowing if it would be my last with Jamie. Since she had become so weak we couldn't do a lot of things, but we tried to have an outing each day. Sometimes we would just go for a drive, but it was still doing something. Even though some might think that would be boring, not doing much all summer long, I couldn't disagree more. Because for me, I had never lived so much in my entire life.
Each moment spent with Jamie was filled with more life and more love than I could have ever imagined. By just sitting and listening to her talk, I learned so much. When I first found out that Jamie was sick, my world crumbled, even when we married I was saddened that she would be leaving me soon. But Jamie…Jamie taught me to be at peace with the situation. Through her love, her joy, and her constant faith.
I remember one day in particular. Jamie and I had been married about a week, and we decided to have a picnic. So there we were, sitting on the same blanket we had only weeks before, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. We had enjoyed our lunch and were now sitting in the peaceful sun. Jamie was resting on her palms, her head back slightly and her eyes closed. I was lying on my elbow, watching her with a grin. I think she must have felt my eyes on her because she opened one eye suspiciously and soon laughed.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?" She asked and I shook my head.
"No…no your face is perfect." I breathed. Jamie tilted her head with a prying smile.
"Then what?"
"You just look so peaceful." I told her somewhat amazed.
"I am." I looked back up at her surprised in a sense. I knew she wasn't lying, I just couldn't grasp the fact that she was okay with everything, but she was.
"How?"
"Landon how can I not? How can I not be at peace with God's plan?" Her voice was so soft when she spoke. I looked up at her almost shocked. She sat there patiently while I absorbed her words.
"I do believe you know. I just have a hard time excepting that you're going to be taken away from me." I admitted. Jamie's hand went to my cheek, her fingers then made their way into my hair.
"Landon I'll always be with you…always." She promised.
"I never thought about it like that." Jamie's next words penetrated straight to my soul. I know that sounds crazy, but it still gives me chills to think about it.
"You're my angel on earth and when I die…I can be yours." She said it with such hope in her voice… almost pleasure. I can remember the tight feeling in my throat at that moment, and the over flowing love that I felt for her. My hands went to her face lovingly, and I was finally able to speak after what seemed like an eternity.
"Don't you know that you already are?"
Chapter Three
I guess you're probably wondering where Jamie and I lived once we were married. My father actually came through again. He paid for us to rent a place for the summer. Although we were all praying for a miracle, we knew that Jamie wouldn't be with us much longer.
I found her reading on the porch one evening and knew that it would be the perfect opportunity to give her my present. I walked out into the summer air casually. The door hinges made a slight sound, but Jamie didn't look up. She was reading her book intently. It was another one off Mr. Rothman's list. I shook my head and approached her. She was curled up in a white wicker chair; her hair pulled back, her eyes steadily moving back and forth on the page. I took a seat in the chair next to her and spoke.
"How's the book?" Jamie looked up startled. She smiled the next the breath.
"Oh hey…I didn't hear you come up." I smiled at her, leaning forward in my chair.
"Listen I wanted to give you this." I held out the wrapped box and she looked at me curiously.
"What is it?" She asked, taking it from my hands.
"You have a tendency to ask that." I commented amused, referring to when I gave her the pink sweater. She laughed at the thought and began opening the box. Her smile faded as she looked at the gift admirably. It was a book, similar to her mother's, only it was ready for Jamie to fill it with her own thoughts. She carefully lifted it, tracing her fingers over the soft design of colors on the cover. "I…I thought you could uh…you know…fill it with your thoughts…and sorta leave something behind like your mother did." I stopped talking or stumbling shall I say. Jamie shook her head once, every so slowly. Her glistening eyes rose finally and stared at me. I stared back nervously waiting for her response.
"This is wonderful…thank you." She whispered. She looked so touched; I was so glad I had gotten it for her. Jamie's eyes fell once more, and I wondered what she was thinking. But she looked up again the next moment. "You're so good to me." She breathed. I smiled, my eyes watching her intently. I leaned over a few moments later and kissed her gently. We stared at each other again and smiled. It was such a content feeling.
"Landon would you mind getting me some tea?" She requested softly.
"Sure." I kissed her head and then stood. We smiled again as I went inside. I had a feeling that Jamie wanted to make her first journal entry, I just had no idea how much that entry would later to mean to me.
Chapter Four
I found Jamie sleeping on the couch when I got home one day. I told the nurse she could leave and then I tended to Jamie. I smiled at the sight of her. She was holding some wrinkled paper in her hand. Obviously, she had fallen asleep reading it. I carefully removed it from her tiny hand and laid it on the coffee table. I then gently lifted her in my arms and carried her to the bedroom. She stirred slightly when I laid her down, but didn't wake. I covered her with a blanket and kissed her head. Jamie always had such a peace about her, but she always looked the most peaceful in her sleep.
I did a few things around the house and soon took a seat on the couch. My eyes caught the papers that Jamie had been holding. Picking it up, I scanned it quickly. My breath caught in the back of my throat when I realized what it was. It was, in fact, Jamie's list for her life. She had made check marks by the things she had already accomplished. I was proud to see that the biggest check belonged to her number one. One that I had helped come true.
I read down the page, past being in two places at once, past getting a tattoo…I laughed when I saw a check by number forty-two: "Befriend someone I don't like." Yet another one I helped her accomplish. My heart sank when I realized how many things on her list wouldn't come true. There were things on there that she would never be able to do…things she didn't have enough time to do. But I immediately began thinking about Jamie's perspective on this matter. In her mind, it didn't matter what she wouldn't be able to do, what mattered was what she had done, and she had done a lot.
A new idea sprang into my head the next moment. I needed to find all the things that I could still make come true for her. I began looking over the list again. My eyes stopped at number twenty-three. "To be kissed on a bridge at sunset." I smiled; Jamie's tru.e girl side was showing in this dream. Nevertheless, it was something I had control over. I continued to look through the list, making mental notes of the ones I could manage. Jamie woke up an hour later, so I put the list down and went to her soft call.
"Hey." I said quietly and received a sweet smile.
"Hi." Jamie whispered back as I walked towards her, taking a seat on the bed and kissing her cheek. "How long have I been asleep?"
"Well, you've been asleep for an hour since I've been home." I told her and she nodded.
"So…what have you been up to?" She asked casually. Sudden guilt over came me. Maybe I shouldn't have been reading her list. After all, it was very personal. I intended on telling her, but I decided to wait to tell her since it would ruin my little surprise. "Just a little reading." She nodded once more, and looked down briefly. I placed my hand over hers.
"Say…do you feel up to a little outing?" I asked and received an immediate smile.
"Definitely." She said with a positive nod of her head. Jamie and I had a quiet dinner that night, and then I drove her to the bridge. Our bridge. It was where we kissed for the first time, and I thought it only appropriate this time as well. The sun was just beginning to set as I put the car in park. I could tell Jamie had no idea what I was doing which made me even more anxious.
"So…can you walk or do you need me to carry you?" I asked. Jamie paused for a moment and then turned to me.
"I think I'd like to walk tonight." She decided thoughtfully.
"Okay." I helped her out of the car and kept a secure hold around her waist. We slowly walked across the bridge and stopped at our spot. Jamie sighed contently.
"Every time I come to this place it reminds of who is responsible for it all." I watched her for a moment. She never ceased to amaze me with her genuine words. I turned her towards me and wrapped my arms around her. Our faces were inched apart as I spoke.
"Twenty-three." I said making Jamie cock her head in confusion.
"Twenty-three?" She repeated.
"Here… let me show you." I whispered as my lips descended upon hers. That kiss lasted for what seemed like an eternity. It was filled with love, joy and hope…just like Jamie always talked about. When we pulled away, Jamie had a strange smile on her face.
"You peeked." She said with a cute smirk.
"I peeked. I'm sorry." I admitted, inhaling quickly.
"What, for making another dream come true?" Jamie questioned with appreciation in her voice.
"I just didn't want you to be upset that I read your personal list." But I could see in her eyes that she wasn't upset at all. She was just the opposite in fact. Her expression was gentle and filled with pleasure.
"Landon what's mine is yours." She breathed. I know at that moment that my eyes must have been burning with love for her. I could almost feel the love rushing out of them, if that makes sense.
"I love you." I told her softly, the words catching in my throat. She smiled once more as my lips fell to hers again.
Chapter Five
When I went to bed later that night, Jamie was already in bed writing in her journal. I slipped under the covers beside her and stared at her for a few moments. She was concentrating thoughtfully on her words that she was composing. "So I guess you're enjoying my present." I said conversationally. She turned at my words with a smile.
"Very much."
"So what are you writing?" I attempted to find out with a prying grin. Jamie looked at me with a tiny smirk on her face.
"Well I'd tell but uh… then I'd have to kill you." Laughter erupted immediately after she finished her sentence.
"Now where have I heard that before?" Jamie paused as if in deep thought.
"I don't know…probably from a very wise person."
"Probably." I agreed, the last bit of laughter escaping my mouth. There was a brief silence before I spoke again. "Hey are you tired?"
"Nope." Jamie said proudly.
"Would you do something for me then?" I asked and Jamie smiled.
"You know I will."
"Would you sing for me?" I requested with a grin.
"Sing for you?"
"Yeah…I want to hear you sing the song that made me fall in love with you." Jamie paused, searching my eyes and then gave a single nod.
"All right." She agreed softly as she stood and walked to my side of the bed, taking a seat on the edge. I rested against the pillows and listened to her sweet voice sing the words to that unforgettable song.
"There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write
over and over again
I'm awake and in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and
over again"
My eyes closed as the chorus began.
"So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have
for me over again
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope
I felt sadness overcome me when I realized that this would be the last time I would hear her sing these words.
I give you my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back
So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
And pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope…"
Jamie finished the song softly. I looked at her in silence for a while. Her mouth slightly turned up in the corner, her eyes were shining down on me with love. My hand slowly rose to her smooth shoulder that was only covered with a thin, silky strap. My thumb glided across the softness of her skin, then my hand made its way up to her neck and then her cheek. Jamie's eyes closed for a brief moment at the sensation. When she opened them again, they were filled with tears.
"Baby I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make you cry." I apologized, but Jamie shook her head.
"No…no…it's just…" Her brow furrowed as her eyes fell.
"Just what?" I asked concerned. Jamie finally looked at me and took a deep breath through her tears.
"I'm afraid." She told me.
"Baby of what?" My heart ached for her, but she surprised me with her next statement.
"Landon I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid for you."
"For me?" I questioned confused.
"Landon I need to know…if I'm going to see you again someday." She barley got the last words out. I could tell in was very difficult for her to say, but I knew she didn't mean it judgmentally in any way. She was truly concerned for my salvation, and that touched me deeply.
"Jamie I know that when I saw you that night in the cemetery I was lost…but I believe now. I believe." I whispered.
"Do you believe in miracles?" Was her next question. I smiled slightly.
"How could I not when one's sitting right in front of me?" Her features softened even more.
"Oh Landon I just needed to hear you say you believe now. I knew you did…I guess I just needed to hear it from you." She had relief in her voice and I could see how pleased she was.
"You know I didn't think it was possible for me to love you more, but you've proven me wrong. I love you…I love you so much." My next breath was shared with Jamie as her lips fell to mine suddenly. Her hands were on my face, her fingers in my hair. My own hand intertwined in her long hair, my other bracing her back as she leaned into me. Our kiss continued to grow. I can't possibly begin to describe the love that Jamie and I knew at that moment. I can only say that even though Jamie's life was slowly slipping away…our love was continuing to grow more and more.
TBC
Song Credit: "Only Hope"-Mandy Moore-Written by Jonathan Foreman