Right Just a few words before the actual story… I'm so so sorry I've been MIA for a while I can't apologize enough, but unfortunately it was down to circumstances beyond my control. Long story short, I live in the countryside and things tend to flood including my internet box, so that's what happened and I've been waiting for Mr internet Man to come and fix it. On a better note though, he came a day earlier than expected so here I am. Secondly… so Proud of Jac for getting her award totally deserved it. Very sad (actually sad isnt the right word) devastated that David is leaving EE but I can understand why he felt it the right time to go. So thanks to no internet… I had no distractions which meant more writing et Voila…. My Version of Joey "Leaving" Hope you enjoy it and the Next update of Rules of the game will be up later too xxx
Always
Joey stared at the familiar door biding his time before he did the one final thing he wanted to do and probable made one of the most difficult decisions he'd ever make. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as the flashing red light of Rudolph's nose glistened on the step. His eyes flickered to the window, where the curtain was twitching, luckily he was at a safe distance not to be seen. If he was seen his actions probably looked a little stalker-ish, hiding behind a bush in the gardens wasn't exactly considered normal behavior. He caught glimpse of her through the glass, just enough for him to have a decision finalized in his head. The plan was to go to number 5, knock the door and tell Lauren he was leaving, it was a flawed plan, but a plan none the less.
Joey knew deep down, he wouldn't be able to go and talk with Lauren, that side of their relationship he had cherished so much 18 months ago , was well and truly out of the equation. They had barley spoken the last few months, especially since Lauren had her new boyfriend. This was the new boyfriend who Joey had had the displeasure of meeting once at Roxy and Alfie's. He was introduced by Lauren as her older cousin, which wasn't a lie, but both of them knew they would always be way more than cousins.
Finally, Joey was sure his coast was clear. He wasn't going to get caught and most importantly he was sure he was doing the right thing. Slowly, his feet trudged through the last bits of snow as he strode the small steps to number 5. His breath hitched as her tapped at the knocker on the door, hoping it would be Lauren so he could make quick work of this.
"Alright Joe?" Max questioned as he saw his nephew on the doorstep.
"Erm is Lauren in please?" he could feel the nerves building in the pit if his stomach, was this really the right thing to do ?
"She's just gone in the bath, might be a while you know what she's like" Joey nodded, he was no stranger to having to wait for Lauren. Her speed wasn't really a speed it was more like a constant shuffle. "Your more than welcome to wait"
"No no, it's ok" Joey reached into his back pocket and handed max quite a thick Manila envelope. "Can you give her this for me please…tell her. Just tell her I said Always" Max looked at him confused "She'll understand".
Max nodded and took grip of the packet , he gave his nephew a once over. Why could they not see they were meant to be. It had taken a while for Max to get his head around the idea but eventually even the most ridged of disbelievers (Lucy and Dot) realized how in love the young Brannings were. "She's still in Love with you Joey."
The most heartbreaking of sighs emitted from Joey as he dared a look at his uncle. " She's happy with Jake, all I want I her happy Max. I told you when she came back from rehab, I wasn't going there again, and ye it hurts to see her with someone else, but not as much as it hurts to see her alone and drunk- hurting because of me…"
"Joey…" Max placed his hand on Joeys shoulder.
"Just Make sure she gets the letter ye?" he croaked, his voice hitching a little as the reality hit him.
"Of course…see you later"
Joey forced a smile and walked back down the steps onto the street.
*JL*JL*JL*
Lauren walked into the living room half hour later, as soon as she walked in she saw her Dad and Kirsty as well as Abi and Cora staring at the table, she knew instantly something wasn't right. "What's happened?" they all looked at each other Max standing up and walking over to her. "Dad …what's going on?"
"Joey came round…" Abi whispered sensing that no one else was going to say anything, and she'd learnt when it came to this family, things were best in the open.
"Oh" was the only words Lauren could muster. "is that all?" she raised her eyebrow looking at the others in the room.
"He left you a letter" Max said picking the envelope up from the table. He saw Laurens demeanor change as she held it with shaky hands. She moved and sat on the edge of the arm chair where her Nan was hovering. "We'll let you read it alone ye?"
She nodded and smiled as they filtered from the room. Her hands shook as she hesitated at the seal, did she really want to read it ? after a short pause her fingers were tearing the top open. There were several things inside, a letter which she could see he'd clearly taken his time over writing. Then there were several pieces of paper, it took her a while to work out what they were, that was until she turned them over. The images on the paper stood out, the memories almost jumping from the page. Their first kiss that was instigated by the two of them, their first time. Her eyes looked over to the sofa briefly, never again would that be the same. She'd wondered for months where the pictures had disappeared to, guess Joey had had them all along. She placed the images on the table and took out the letter.
To Lauren,
For so many weeks now I've been searching for words that could start what I want to say to you. But every time I open my mouth all that comes out is a simple silence; anything other than what I really needed to say. You know I'm no good about feelings and that, I just don't know how to be happy here & right now I'm not strong enough to pretend. I remember the first time I saw you. walking down the street with your long hair & beautiful smile, you looked so happy then. You made my heart beat double speed and you never stop it doing that, even the slightest mention of your name and my heart reacts.
You had a way about you that I've never seen before. You had love, but so much hurt coursing through your veins. I could see it in your eyes, read it in your words, hear it in your voice, the second I saw you I wanted to be the one to help that go away and I'm sorry I wasn't able to . You're the type of person no one could forget Lauren, even if they wanted to- I should know babe I've tried to many times. You were the type of person who could smile & everything would be okay and I wish that's how it could have been for us. I wish things could have been more simple and then maybe we would be happy and you'd be smiling again and for the right reasons. I haven't been here long but everything that has happened has made me realize, I've been here longer then I needed to be. So much has happen here Lauren and it's just a place that holds bad memories for me. It doesn't translate into words. it's just images and recollections but everything reminds me of you and it all links back to you one way or another.
In all honesty, knowing you had a big part in shaping the person I am today, makes it even harder to try and say what needs to be said. Things with us … all happened so soon I'm sure you'd argue that, but if things with us had of worked I think we could have been happy. But too much has happened…to the both of us; and I know this is the last resort but I can't stay here any longer. I can't be around to live in this place where all that's left is you, and you're not even mine.
So I'm leaving, I'm going back home. I'm leaving Walford and I know you deserve and explanation as to why, so I'm hoping this letter has done that. Just know I'll always be loving you Lauren, no matter where I am, you'll always be my Lauren. The only girl I've ever truly loved. So I need you to do one last thing for me, you need to let me go. You need to go and be the amazing person you are and most of all be happy Lauren, I couldn't bear the thought that id hurt you again.
I love you Lo…All my Love Joey xxx
The small tears hit the paper instantly smudging some of the ink. Her eyes scanned the words for any indication of when he was going. She guessed it was soon, he wouldn't have stuck around to see her hurt. The chair nearly fell back as she raced from the room and flung the front door open.
"Lauren!" Max shouted seeing his pyjama clad daughter racing down the street. "Lauren!"
She speed off in the direction of number 36 Joey's house. Well she hoped it still was Joeys. Her feet were soaked, slipper socks weren't really appropriate for the outdoors never mind when the ground was covered in snow. She reached the door and hammered on the glass, sobbing as she did so. It wasn't too late but she guessed Kat wouldn't be too impressed if she woke Tommy.
"Alright coming … Keep your knickers on" Lauren sighed as Kat opened the door a sad look on her face.
"He's gone hasn't he?" Lauren cried her body sagging.
"About two minutes ago, he went to the tube station"
"Thank you!" Lauren called as she ran off, obviously to the tube station.
"Lauren Babe wait!"
"Shut up Dad! I need to stop him… He can't leave" Max shook his head and had to speed up a little. Her running had definitely paid off. She was way quicker than he'd anticipated. She ran and ran in the direction of the station, a little bit of her losing hope each corner she turned and he wasn't there. Finally she saw him, holdall in hand about to step through the barriers.
"Lauren…" Max's voice echoed to the station causing Joey to Freeze and Lauren to let out a sob. Max stepped back when he saw Joey virtually sprint towards her.
"You aren't meant to be here.." he sighed watching her cry. "Please, Lauren…" he reached for her bringing her shivering body close to his.
"Don't go…" her whisper hit Joey hard, he had no idea how difficult this was going to be, although all dues given, she wasn't meant to be there. "Please…don't leave"
"I have to Lo…" she shook her head against his chest. "I do babe… there's nothing here for me anymore, I need to go home."
"This is your home Joe" her words were almost inaudible over her erratic breathing and sobbing.
"It's not baby…you read the letter, you know it's time for me to go. I've stayed way longer than I intended and we all know why that was ay?" he smiled brushing at her cheeks with his thumbs. "Alice has Gone Lauren, you have someone else…"
"I don't… I never did have him, his wife did" Joey could see the heartbreak in her eyes, the pure devastation was as clear as day all over her face. "Please… Don't make me say another goodbye to you…I can't take it again."
"Then we won't say it…baby" he kissed her head gently as an announcement came over the tannoy system. "That's my train"
"No" she shook her head against his chest, which just made it even harder to leave her. "I'll go with you…"
"I'm sorry Lauren… I love you but I have to go" It was the hardest thing he'd ever have to do as he pulled away from her and walked through the barrier to the steps. "I love you…always"
He could hear her sobbing and crying his name, the further he got away though the more painful the sound became .
"What are you doing?" he asked himself, "You Love her" he turned on the spot and ran back down the stairs to the entrance, Lauren was still on the floor sobbing into Max's arms and didn't see Joey coming back through the barriers.
"You're like a drug Lauren Branning…I just can't live without you" Her eyes snapped up and she climbed from the floor flinging herself into his embrace. He breathed her in like she was air, scooping her into his arms bridal style. "Your freezing cold"
" Don't care" she mumbled into his neck as her arms clung to him.
"I do…I don't want you to get sick…let get you home" she shook her head "Lo?"
"I know how this works Joey…we go home, I wake up and you've gone. So If you're going to do that just do it now… go and get that train…" she soon shut up though when Joey's lips hit hers. The love and passion so evident in his touch. This was the first kiss they'd shared in over 9 months. It was electric and she was now 100% sure that Jake was just a distraction. There was no connection, he was simply a replacement for what she couldn't have. Joey and Alcohol.
Joey pulled away from the kiss "I'm going nowhere… tried that a few time and came back to find you in pieces. I don't ever want to see you hurt like that again"
"Me and you" she breathed their foreheads touching, lips in such close proximity it was murderous.
Joey nodded and gave a small kiss to her lips "Always"