Dear God,
If I decided today to write you today after buying this journal, it's because I have no one to talk to, no friend, no confident, I feel so lost and so lonely. Today, I just found out, how the woman I thought was my mother really felt about me. She hates me with a passion. She resents my father for keeping me with him and marrying her. She said I should've stayed with my tramp of a mother, the cheap little actress… I was shocked to hear her talk like that. My father wasn't defending me… What did I do that was so wrong? I broke a window…only a window. Something that could be replaced in no time. But coming from her mouth, the window sounded more important than me her s…, her stepson. I also heard her say that tramp who was really my mother was as she said a "cheap actress"... Eleonor Baker. That was a shock…. That was the shock of my life! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Eleonor Baker was my real mother! I was happy, that this mean woman I called "mother" didn't share any blood with me. Eleonor Baker was one of the most famous actress in America and she had taken London by storm too…I've seen her in magazines, she was so beautiful. I even snuck out from boarding school, to go see her on stage. She played "Nana" to the perfection. I felt good seeing her, I felt like joining her on stage. I was drawn to her and now I know why…. She was my mother! My mother! That beautiful and talented actress was my mother! I heard my father and my stepmonster arguing… It turns out that my father was in love with my mother, she got pregnant but he couldn't marry her because of some stupid rules of society. Now I had a miserable childhood, without the woman who gave birth to me, because my father couldn't keep his pants on, then didn't have the courage to defy the rules of society and stay with the woman he loves. He married the toad and I got a stepmonster…I understand now why my father put me in boarding school, it was because my stepmonster can't stand the sight of me. Every time I called her "mother" it made her want to puke… Strangely enough hearing the truth from my stepmonster about how she really felt, was a relief. Because I was always wondering why she never, ever smile at me. Only my father seemed encouraging sometimes. She never showed any affection for me, never. I actually thought it was my fault. I also heard them arguing about the duke's title, which goes automatically to the elder son, thus me. The bastard child, like she called me, or not, that title was going to be mine… I don't really care about it, but I might just claim it when the time comes just to stick it to her. I went back to boarding school that evening on cloud nine. Finally was beginning to feel like I belonged somewhere… Why me, the son of the Duke of Grandchester, was dreaming of being on stage with Eleonor Baker and act by her side. What I felt was more than a crush on my favourite actress…it was the voice of blood, calling my name. My mother was calling me…And I was going to respond. I was going to America to find the woman who had given birth to me.