„Damn it, Cas."
Cas flinched even though the curse was quiet and Dean didn't move. Still, Cas carefully checked the window that Dean was currently staring out of. No, no reflection. He was still hidden.
"Where the hell are you, man?"
It wasn't a prayer as such, Castiel didn't feel it tugging at him like a call. But still. "I'm here, Dean", he whispered and immediately regretted it, when Dean suddenly sat up straight and looked around the room.
But of course there was no one there.
Dean slumped back in his chair and went to staring out into the dark again. Castiel followed his gaze, but saw nothing but the reflection of the room.
His own gaze got caught on Dean's eyes.
It was hard. Hard for Castiel to read what humans thought just by their expressions. It was foreign. Just like the emotions themselves were foreign to him. But still. He could judge enough to see the tiredness around Dean's eyes. The silent despair that had set in. Castiel had noticed it more and more with every failed attempt at bringing Sam back.
"I just want you to be happy, Dean. You've done enough. Please understand." His voice turned into the tiniest gust of wind and it was lucky that the window on the other side of the room was still open and Dean could chalk up the fluttering of the curtains to that.
Dean got up to close the window. But then instead he just leaned on the frame. "I need you, Cas. I need you here with me."
This time, the tugging was more pronounced. Castiel knew he would feel it whether he was here or in heaven. But he resisted. Free will also meant this. It meant giving Dean the chance he deserved. Whatever his own feelings.
His own feelings. Castiel stumbled over the thought. He shouldn't have feelings. Not for Dean. Not for any human. All his love was for his father. But he saw Dean slumped in the window frame and all he wanted was to be reprimanded for being in Dean's personal space. Because he knew that would make it better. Would make it better for both of them.
Hesitantly, he took a step forward. Then another.
Making it better for both of them. Wasn't that a good thing? Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe this life wasn't what made Dean happy after all. Maybe, just maybe…
"Dean, honey, are you alright? Why are you in here in the dark?" The lights got turned on.
"Lisa." Immediately, Dean's posture changed. Turning away from her, he took a moment to compose himself. Then he shut the window with some force and faced her. "It's alright. Just thinking is all."
"Thinking about Sam again, huh?" A sympathetic look crossed her eyes and she came closer and took Dean's hand.
Dean cleared his throat. "Yeah, exactly, thinking about Sam."
"I'm so sorry, honey." She hugged him tight. "But sitting alone in the dark will not make him come back. So come on, let's go to bed. That will make things better."
Dean made as if to follow her but then he tugged at her hand and she turned back around to look at him. "I'm glad I've got you and Ben, Lisa."
Lisa just smiled and nodded "I know", before proceeding to lead Dean up to the bedroom while Castiel's heart shattered into a thousand little pieces.