Dawn-ing: Bad Eggs
by Rob Morris

1998

ENTRY 1

That my sister is stuck-up is sooo way well established. But maybe she does that in response to Mom. Mom keeps on thinking Buffy's doing some drugs or something. Like with the amount of times I've searched her room, I wouldn't know if she were. Mothers.

Things here are even more tense than Daddy said. I wish I could have kept staying with him. Buffy never smells of alcohol, despite coming in late, but Mom always asks that. And what is up with Mom always taking the school's side when they call up? Me, she asks what happened. But never Buffy. That should make me happy, but it weirds me out. I think it has something to do with that weird summer camp she went to three years ago. I mean, nobody ever told me she was going. They took her for a doctor's appointment, and then no word for six weeks. Couldn't have been too deluxe, in that place. When Buffy got back, she hugged me and cried. Mom and Dad she wouldn't speak to.

Like I say, Buffy's stuck-up and perfect, but maybe its a defense. Mom is always waiting and watching for something.

Now, this is rich. Buffy just warned me against touching some dumb egg she got as a school project. How 80's. Are Zack and Screech coming over, too?

ENTRY 2

Hurry Up And Wait. That's the first rule of army life, Hollywood, and being Dawn Summers. Only I don't get paid big, and I don't get to shoot anybody. I CAN'T be-lieve she's making me wait out in the car, all so she can come back while arguing with Buffy--again. Not that Buffy argues as much, lately. She almost seems to wait it out.

Once again, my big sister's crime doesn't seem to match what Mom's yelling about. So she wasn't here waiting, like Mom barked? Wow, what if I get those orders, and stop at Quick-Grab for a chocolate lowfat milk? Will she call out the Marines? I used to think Buffy got away with everything, but this isn't how I wanted to see justice done. Its like Mom knows something she doesn't want me to know. Its like Mom knows something she doesn't want Mom to know. That's not good. The last time that happened, I think Mom and Dad were arguing about that six-week summer camp again. Dad wanted to bring her home after three, but Mom signed her up for three more without telling him. Dad got pissed. He went to have a long lunch with his lawyer friend. I think it was the same guy who handled the divorce, now that I think about it.

I hate sympathizing with Buffy. She strolls around like she's Harriet Potter or something, with some secret burden. Yah. She's just moanie because Cordelia Chase is rich and has better taste in clothes. Cordie should watch out for that blonde, though--Melody? Whatever. She reminds me of StarScream from the old Transformers reruns on Xander's tapes. But back to Sis. She deserves to get pulled down from the high-and-mighty pedestal. Mom wants her in the dungeon, though. Not in a bad way, but that's where she wants her. Not like a prisoner, but like a rare painting or one of those cars old guys keep on blocks and never drive. Then again, maybe that is prison. Mom always starts out saying how much she loves Buffy, and she does. But I've got a sick feeling that one day, she's gonna or-else Buffy right out the door, and how will that make me look in school? God, do either of them even think about me when they pull this cra--garbage. Mom, I wrote garbage, in case you decide to totally shred my privacy and read this.

That's really it, isn't it? Mom's all over Buffy for stuff I can't figure. So where does that leave me, when I'm her age? Buffy gets into fights. Big whoop. Mom doesn't know school rules. Buffy hangs out late. I know you had her narc-tested, Mom. Nothing found. The only liquor is yours. She hangs out with an egghead, a nice but nerdy guy, and hel-lo? THE LIBRARIAN? Better call the ATF, Mother. It sounds like another Dungeons And Dragons cult. Better confiscate her twelve-sided dice. Mom won't nail her on anything to do with anything, like always telling me to go away. But she goes ballistic on stuff that just doesn't matter. Good thing she doesn't know Buffy broke her stupid school egg. She tried to hide the shell fragment, but nothing gets past me. Like that locked trunk? Duh? Its prolly overflowing with Playgirls. I should get a skeleton key made for that.

OKay. I'm going in. What the hel-heck could she and Mister Giles be talking about for so long, anyway? And why is the school deserted at this hour? I just hope that I do not run across that troll of a principal, the one Mom calls for info when he isn't calling her. (Yeah, I saw you, Mom. No one else did. But I saw.) I hope someone eats him like they did the other guy before I get here.

What, is she hatching a new School Egg?

ENTRY 3

There's someone at Buffy's window, standing on a ladder. But I'm not going to report it to Mom. Maybe some things are just meant to be between sisters.

Mom is here. Daddy isn't. Mom works hard for us, and takes care of us. But she's forever peeking around the corners to find out the answers about us, especially where Buffy is concerned. That's really kind of funny, because the truth is right in front of her. I still can't get a handle on it all. Maybe this is why Buffy's clammed up. If she has trouble with it, and I really have trouble with it...well, ya know, Mom.

The details are all a big jumble. Mom and Mister Giles tried to hold me down, when I got inside. I think I would have done as they said and stayed still, but then Mom said she didn't need any more rebellion from me. That's her thing with Buffy, not me. So I knew something was off, and I ran like a scared---okay, I was a scared jackrabbit. I ran blind, straight into someone. Someone who grabbed me, and held me until I stopped crying and shaking. I was ashamed, for being so weak. Then I looked into their eyes. I never realized before, but Xander Harris is freaking beautiful. How can Buffy not be, well, ya know, with him?

I heard my sister then, and she told him to keep me safe, no matter what. Where did she think she was going? Wherever it was, we were going there too, after about two minutes of non-waiting. I asked Xander about what Buffy said. But he said that working with my sister meant assuming that things wouldn't go according to plan. I had no idea what he meant. I almost wish I still didn't.

Xander must have some feelings for me, too. He totally knocked Willow and Cordelia on their butts to stop them from going at me. Everybody was in the basement. Everyone had low-rent lobsters on them. There was something in the middle of the place. Something that wanted out. The only two people not digging were these sub-urban cowboys, one of which grabbed me and asked his brother whether I was *marryin' age*. Gr-oo--ss! Even grosser? As Buffy punched the brother out, my no-way intended got dragged in to the hole, screamed--and then stopped screaming. But what really impresses me is Xander. I mean, he can reallllly take a punch. And how does he get thrown around like that so much, and keep going? I stopped looking at him, long enough to notice Buffy and the other cowboy are gone. That jerk emerges from the pit, yelps, and moseys on out. Pick-axe in hand, someone else emerges from the pit. That octo-thing is octo-gone. Deader. Its Buffy. My big sister just killed a monster. I saw her. Well not saw saw, more like heard saw, instead of see saw---stop. I'm writing like Willow talks.

Covered in really icky black stuff, she makes for the showers, but not before telling Xander to *tell her.* Getting out of my Mom's awakening line of sight, he leads me off. I'm almost wondering if he wasn't going to kiss me. I mean, I know. But unless you saw him fight, you just wouldn't get it. But I'm still a kid, so he just sits me down and tells me a story. The bottom line : My sister isn't just stuck up. She's a superhero. She kills demons, and vampires. She saves people. All the time. My sister Buffy is The Slayer. I wish I knew what that really meant, because it sounds so way cool.

Mom would go ballistic if she knew. If--she admitted she knew. I'm tracing a line, here. Right back from the most current grounding, which if a gas leak is the story, and if she thinks it's true, then why more punishment? Because she doesn't really think its true. It's the same thing as when the divorce hit. Daddy decided to let Mom decide when they would tell us. Mistake. He was almost packing when she finally did. Mom knew then. She knows now. But Buffy isn't going anywhere. I won't let her. I mean, I just found out my big dumb sister is really great. I can't let her run off, after that.

Boy, that was a weird train of thought. Guess I can expect a lot of that, now that I'm in the know. I'm not upset she didn't tell me. Why would this be any different from anything else she doesn't talk to me about? I even helped her out. Mom was headed for Buffy's room. I stopped her by complaining that my hand was sore again. It was the one Ted grabbed, so a teensy guilting was involved. But Mom only goes into Buffy's room to get herself angrier, lately, so I'm doing them both a favor. I wonder how Mom will react when she admits what she knows to herself? Will she be upset with me for keeping quiet? Well, sorry. I love you, Mom. But I have to keep this secret. It's like Xander said. I'm one of the Scoobies, now.

I wonder what HE thinks *marryin' age* is. I can't kid myself, though. Until I'm at least thirteen, there's just no way he'll take me seriously.