Reprieve
By J. "Mysterious Wind" Ruisu
Please note that this fan fiction contains spoilers for season five.
The bench felt cold beneath Cas, something he had still not become accustomed to; the little subtleties forever making him feel more and more Human. Chills, fever, the beating of his heart. Surely he still obtained many of his angelic qualities, but it seemed that the longer he spent on Earth, the more sensitive he became.
Still, Castiel was almost glad for the reprieve of feeling. He had become so numb, so.. empty.
He felt the vibration in his pocket, let he hand wander to his small cell, pull it up to his ear.
"Dean?" he growled, eyes closed, leaning against the back of the bench. He held his breath.
"Hey, Cas. Where did you say you wanted to meet, again?" Dean's voice was kind and unassuming, like always. Had he been more aware of how Humans minds worked, he might have realized that much of the way Dean spoke to him was out of pity. Still, the angel exhaled quietly and let himself relax a bit more.
"The park near your motel. I am sure you can see it?"
"Yeah. Give me two," Dean replied, and the phone line went dead.
Castiel waited, his lungs filling with the cool midnight air, exhaling little clouds. Sometimes, when he was in a better mood, he would simply sit and let himself be mesmerized by the apparent smoke being released from his lungs. At least, he might've, a few thousand years ago. Here and now, there was too much to do, too much to feel.
Sure enough, the rumble of the Impala filled Castiel's ears quickly. He had chosen a bench near the parking lot, so that Dean would not have to look far. The faster he was with the Human, the more relaxed he would become.
The click of shoes on pavement. The slamming of the car door. Mumbles from Dean as he walked down the gravel path to Cas. He almost passed by the angel, have obscured in shadow, before the raven-haired man spoke up.
"Dean, I'm right here," he spoke in a quiet, emotionless voice.
The dirty-blonde looked over, eyebrows raised. As recognition clicked in, he allowed himself a small smile, walking over to Castiel and plopping himself down on the bench. He pulled a silver cask from inside his jacket, taking a swig and then holding it in offering to the angel.
Tentatively, Cas moved to grab at the bottle. His fingers wrapped around it, trying to ignore the sparks that lit when their calloused tips brushed up against Dean's, bringing the bottle to his lips. He let them rest against the circular opening for a moment, not daring to drink any of the brew inside. Just to let them soak in the texture of the other man's mouth, lost among the cool grey metal.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Dean asked, taking the bottle back from his companion, expression belying his obvious confusion at the angel's actions.
"I... I just need you to tell me what happened with Joshua, again," Cas murmured. He didn't like lying; it still felt unnatural, uncomfortable. But what else was he going to do? Dean, I fear I have become quite emotionally attached to you, and although I don't think that you would approve, I think it's pertinent to let you know.
Dean sighed, slouching against the bench and running a hand through his hair. "Really, Cas? You couldn't have waited until the morning?"
Cas shook his head, not daring to speak, not daring to let the cursed Human voice give way to his nerves.
"I've told you everything, already. You're torturing yourself, Cas. You can't keep analysing it!" Dean put his hand on Cas' knee. The angel's head snapped to Dean, eyes narrowed, focused on his face.
"Please don't touch me."
Dean laughed incredulously, pulling his hand back.
They were both quiet for a moment, Cas leaning forward, elbows on his knees, Dean looking the very definition of relaxed even in the cool weather.
Straightening his back, Cas looked up.
"You can see the stars in heaven, too."
"I know. I saw them."
Cas shot daggers at Dean, who quickly shut his mouth, slight smirk on his lips.
"I used to wonder why, when Heaven felt so far from Earth. I realize, now..."
"What?"
"There are some things, Dean, that no one can reach."
Dean tightened his jaw and furrowed his brows, looking away, closing his eyes.
"Forbidden fruit," Cas mused aloud, confusion clear in his tone.
"You get worked up too easily, dude," Dean muttered.
Cas allowed himself a small smile. "I thought I told you already, a long time ago."
"What?" Dean glanced over, taking another swig of alcohol.
"You owe me some respect."
Dean chuckled, shifting so that he looked like he was about to get up.
"I'm not going to tell you about Joshua again, Cas."
"Why?" the angel murmured, sincerely bewildered.
"I can't stand seeing your face and knowing that it's my fault," he murmured, pulling himself upright and rolling his shoulders.
Cas felt the breath whisper from his lungs, all of his resolve withering away. He looked up, hoping that all of the words he could never say would be shown through his eyes.
Dean smiled sweetly again, and reached his hand out to ruffle Cas' hair. "Try to relax a bit. We'll figure something out, soon enough. I promise you."
As he walked away, Castiel stared with an aching heart. He had seen the Humans call this emotion love sometimes. It didn't seem to fit; such a beautiful word for such a painful emotion.
"Dean!" he called, quite suddenly, shifting himself to a stand directly behind Dean.
The man turned to look at Castiel, eyebrows raised.
"Try... you try to relax, too." I love you.
Dean grinned. "I would if you'd stop calling me." I'll never feel the same.
The sound of flapping wings and a reluctant transmission mixed together.