Summary: Post-FMA03, Pre-CoS. It was so important that Roy sees the newly-restored Alphonse with his own eyes.
A.N: So, FMA has existed for 11 years and yet there are hardly and Al and Roy-centric stories of that two-year period following Ed's disappearance. I can't imagine why.
I await your constructive feedback and advice on how to improve my writing. Thanks and I hope you like this!
Update 14/8/2014: fixed some minor issues.
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Reader
Leuteniant Riza Hawkeye knew her commanding officer Colonel Roy Mustang for a long time. One wouldn't go to the extent of saying they were childhood friends, but they have certainly grown to know each other very well.
And although neither of them were old - not in the physical sense - they felt like they have known each other a lifetime. Their conception of their own existence had become this: the world before the Ishbalan war, and the world after.
And how far away the world before Ishbal seemed.
That war could not be forgotten, and what they had done could never be completely atoned for. It marked the day they both became killers. It had changed them, of course; the terrible things they had seen and done.
But no matter the hardships, no matter the horrors, no matter the blood and the smell of death that lingered long even after the war was over…as early as Riza could remember, Roy had always been gifted at reading people's eyes.
oOoOoOoOoOo
Roy never told his most trusted lieutenant that he had - more than once - come very close to ending his own life. Sometimes, though, he feared she suspected something. She was as intuitive as she was strong, and he could not bear the thought of her disappointment and grief over him. He was her colonel; he should be an example to go by.
He had always wanted to become a soldier; that was his childhood dream - to be a protector of the people. His best friend Maes had always insisted they were very alike for they both loved people, but that was about the only aspect of their personalities Roy could agree was true.
On hopeful days, he liked to think he was still Roy (just 'Roy-boy', as he used to be called), merely a grown-up version of his young self who loved to have fun and hung outdoors and played football with the other lads all day and all night. On those days, he almost believed he still had a chance to repent; to become that good boy once more, and wipe the last remains of genocide blood off his hands. He used to have a dream - a dream of one day becoming Fuhrer of Amestris, protecting his nation and its people from all harm, and forging peace with the neighboring nations.
"Roy-boy, when you dream, you dream big," his foster aunt used to say in affection. "Just promise me you won't drown before you reach the shore."
The one thing that never changed was that he always looked straight into the eyes of any person he met. When they refused to meet his eyes, he made them. They be friends or foes, he looked into their eyes.
And even when he was called into the throes of the Ishbalan extermination, he looked into the eyes of every human he killed.
He had looked into the eyes of every one of his men who would inevitably become his most trusted subordinates - subordinates that deserved his time and protection.
The only subordinate he had ever accepted without looking into their eyes first was Edward Elric.
It was the biggest gamble on another human he had ever taken.
oOoOoOoOoOo
...
A man and a woman walked up the narrow path leading up to a bright yellow house on a green hill. It contrasted sharply against the clear blue sky overhead, and looked for the entire world like a cottage out of a fairy tale book. Resembool's calm, spacey meadows stretched all around them, hardly a human in sight.
Roy's steps were uneven but urgent, his right side leaning quite a bit on the cane in his right hand. One onyx eye looked straight ahead at the steadily-growing house, his mouth a somber line on his face.
"Sir, slow down," said Riza on his right. Her brown eyes regarded him with a softness few people had the privelage to see. "They're not going anywhere."
"I'm fine," he said shortly. He lifted his left arm and wiped his bangs off his damp forehead. He was not wearing his ignition gloves. Riza doubted he had even looked at them since that day.
Riza did not think she could forget the day they received the news of Edward's disappearance in Roy's hospital room. He was dead as far as their unforgiving military leaders were concerned.
She could never forget the look of horror, anguish, and finally self-blame in her superior's face. It had burned her own heart.
He assured her over and over that he was fine. He insisted with an intense, stubborn, desperate determination in his one remaining eye that Edward was alive somewhere.
"He would never just leave his brother like that."
He said it as if the boy was the very last straw of hope he could hold on to.
But if that were true - if he really and truly believed that..why was she the one who often felt like her most important person was withdrawing further and further back into a dark, terrible place he had barely made out of the first time?
First it was Maes, and then it was Edward. Riza knew how much both meant to her commanding officer. Maes Hughes was his best friend, his partner and his confidante.
Edward Elric, also known by different people as Mustang's Prodigy, Youngest State Alchemist in Amestris, Hero of the People, and even 'Roy's Brat', was the kind of man (no really, she thought bitterly, he was just a child) Riza could not understand Roy taking as a subordinate - a soldier. It was dangerous. It was unfair. She thought she knew why he did it - she knew him so very well and how intently he strived to make up for his mistakes - and yet..she did not voice her concerns; that their relationship should not be one of commanding officer and soldier. She had had so much faith in her colonel's decisions. She would follow him to the ends of the universe, even then.
But how much she regretted not opening his eyes to how wrong that decision was from the start. Edward was very special to the colonel, and the reasons were many, and if there was one thing Riza knew Roy loved about the boy were his eyes.
The black dog on the porch began to bark, pulling Riza out of her depressing thoughts. As she bent down and murmured to him on one knee, the door opened and a small old woman with a pipe in her hand and a dismayed look on her face said:
"You again?!"
Riza got up and stood by her colonel's side. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Rockbell. I've come to see Alphonse," the man said.
"Haven't you seen them enough over the past four years?" said the old woman shortly. She surveyed him carefully with scrutinizing beady eyes. "Why're you really here, Colonel Mustang?"
The Roy Riza knew by heart, would have stridden into the house and got what he wanted after 'good afternon'. This Roy, though, remained at a respectful distance on the porch. His knuckles tightened on his cane. "I want to see him with my own eyes. It would give me some peace. I know what you think of me and the military, Mrs. Rockbell, but no matter how you feel about my presence in their lives I have the right to at least see how he is.."
"Al remembers nothing," Pinako cut across him impatiently, not having it in her heart to worry much about his strangely weakened, unimposing appearance. "So interrogatin' him on Ed or how he's back in his body is pointless, and I won' allow you to put him through that kind of strain. I'm just grateful the boy came back in one piece and it's no th–"
"I don't understand," said the colonel, as dread began to fill his gut. What exactly had Ed done? "What does Alphonse not remember?"
"He doesn't remember anything. Those past four years never happened...he wouldn' even recognize you, Colonel."
Riza felt Roy sag onto his cane, and she moved quickly to steady him. His eye searched the elderly lady's face for a lie, or a spiteful intent, but he found nothing. Pinako, for the first time since opening the door to lay eyes upon the last person she wanted (but expected) to see, was taken aback. Roy turned his vulnerable eye to the floorboards of the porch, and Riza placed her own hand on top of his shaking one.
Pinako tilted her head absently to look over her shoulder at something inside her house only she could see. Her displeased face seemed to gain a few more years in those short seconds before she turned to look back at the two visitors. "Those boys didn' tell enough about the things that happened to them during those past years," she said, her tone less unwelcoming for the first time since she opened the door. "Nothing at all. I'm a parent and I'm not blind - I know they've seen some terrible things, and I know they've changed, but no matter how terrible it was, whenever they were back here, they could be the boys they used to be. I am their grandmother; I've watched over them ever since their mother passed away." she looked into Roy's eye carefully once more, and Riza wondered what her small bright eyes were seeing. A heartless commanding officer? A child killer? A desperate sinner? A man searching for his surrogate boy? "And now that no one even knows where Ed is and Al just won' let it go…sometimes I wake up in the mornings and I'm almost glad he doesn' remember."
"Please let me see him."
"He's not here," said Pinako, sadly. "He's back in alchemy training with his master in Dublith, then he intends to search for Ed."
"He..thinks Edward-kun is alive?" asked Riza.
"He'll accept nothing else. He says his brother would never just leave him like that," said the old grandmother and Roy's breath caught in his throat. "That child.."
The look on Pinako's face was so sad it hurt Riza to gaze upon.
"Thank you. We must be going," murmured Roy as he turned around to leave the porch, but whatever else he was going to say died on his lips as his eye met the blue ones of a Winry Rockbell.
The tall blonde girl - soon a woman - looked from Riza to Roy and back again, until her gaze settled on the man. She adjusted the basket of apples in her arms and the sun reflected softly off the blue sash in her straw hat. She took in Roy's appearance with a mixture of curiosity and coolness in her orbs that Roy could read very clearly. "Colonel Mustang….you were right, Granny. You knew he'd come here."
"Hello, Winry-chan.." began Riza, offering her a smile.
"Leave Al alone, Colonel." said Winry coldly. She kept her hard, protective orbs on Roy as if Riza was not there. "He's been through enough."
"Miss Rockbell –"
"I don't want to hear what you have to say," she cut across him, voice rising. "Our family's been broken into a thousand pieces because of this country's military. I don't care about anything you have to say to rest your conscience."
"Winry," warned Pinako, extending her arm towards her granddaughter in what was supposed to be a soothing but authorative gesture, but Winry apparently took it as a signal to relieve the weight she was carrying, and dumped the apple basket into her granny's arms. A few fell and rolled away. "You've done enough. Leave. Just...leave us alone so we can fix whatever's left of this house that you're leaving emptier and emptier."
Roy looked away from the girl's face, and Riza pressed in closer discreetly to her colonel in a gesture that was both comforting and protective. "Winry-chan," she began calmly. "The Colonel only wishes to see Alphonse-kun because he cares for his wellbeing. The Elric brothers are one of us."
"So you're here to make him a State Alchemist," Winry affirmed her fear, looking appalled at the man who had doomed her home since childhood. It was so hard to remember that he was capable of remorse. "After everything that's happened to them and after Ed's disappeared God-knows-where and who knows where in the world you've been then when he-"
"I have no intention of making Alphonse a State Alchemist," said Roy in a strained but clear voice. He looked into Winry's eyes, and the girl remained silent in face of the guilt and truth in his face. "I am under no official business to collect him nor would I have done so even if that were the case. I came to see him as a friend."
"You'll have to pay him a visit in Dublith, then," said Pinako, pulling back everyone's attention to her. Winry looked shocked that her grandmother would disclose such information, and Roy's spirits were plummeting at a dreadful rate, Riza could sense.
She bade the two women goodbye, and steered her commanding officer off the porch and back onto the long, winding road.
Winry gave her granny a hurt, betrayed glance and disappeared promptly into the kitchen. Pinako heard the too-loud slamming of a knife against the cutting board. Winry was trying to make apple pie again. She heard her granddaughter quietly gasp back angry tears. Pinako understood; she really did. Winry was still a child– a child who felt like her own home was being disassembled brick by brick.
But she could not say no to the Colonel's plea. The look in his eye told her what she needed to know, for his house was just as broken as theirs.
The elderly Rockbell watched Colonel Mustang and his lieutenant walk away until they were merely stick figures on Resembool's great green canvas. She closed the door, and looked once more to the bulletin board that hung in her living room. Pictures of her children and grandchildren biological and adopted - adorned the surface of it like pieces of a puzzle, but one picture was missing.
Or rather, one half of a picture.
Pinako had expected Al to choose a picture where his brother looked exactly the way he remembered him – a boy of eleven – to take with him to Dublith. But to her surprise, Al had unpinned that one casual photo of his brother and himself, taken when they were fifteen and fourteen. In the photo, Al was a towering suit of armor. Alphonse had looked at the picture for the longest time, even as Winry softly explained that he indeed was the armor and how that came to be.
To his adopted grandmother's shock, Al had torn the picture in half, and took the piece that had his brother's face into his breast pocket carefully as if it held the secret to finding him, and discarded the half of his armor self on the table by his alchemy books as if he forgot it even existed.
In the kitchen, Winry could be heard whispering a comfort prayer her late mother used to chant for her as a child.
oOoOoOoOoOo
Riza stood staring up at the walls with her jaw wide open. Roy stood next to her with an expression of awe on his face. He was the alchemist of the two; he understood.
The massive Mr. Curtis stood behind them at the doorway, his wet butcher knife still in his beefy right hand. The man was of little speech, and had told them upon their arrival and enquiry in a few cool, clipped words that Alphonse and his teacher were training in the north. Not very far from the infamous Wall Briggs. All while he hacked away at a cow's ribs without hint of fatigue.
"This is Alphonse's work?" breathed Roy. "He drew all of this?"
"You're an alchemist, yet you're impressed. My wife was beyond angry."
The walls of Alphonse's room were a kaleidoscope of transmutation circles, some of which Roy had never seen before. Circles adorned even the cieling. Diagrams splayed on wide parchment across the floor, and when the parchment was not enough, the bedsheets were a substitute. Drawings were intricate and colored in chalk, pencil and ink. Alchemical equations were even scribbled into the nearby commode in a familiar, clean handwriting.
Roy looked around to the man in disbelief, indignation blooming on his face. "How could she not be? He's fifteen and he could deduce these figures! That circle? I could only create this in my adult years."
"...he's eleven. He returned a boy - both in mind and body."
That's when Roy's mouth really did drop open like a trap. "This is..he - !" speechless with this new knowledge, his eye flashed in sudden anger that quickly overtook his indignation. "Why is she unsatisfied? What does she expect of him?"
"She expects him to be reasonal. His obsession with finding his brother was consuming him."
"He's hellbent on finding his only family!" shouted Roy, throwing his arm behind him to gesture at the walls. "You know as well as I do how those brothers are, and that if you don't help them they will-!"
"He crossed the line when he began to draw transmutation circles in his own blood."
Roy's furious words froze on his lips. "He – what?"
Riza saw it first. "Sir. Sir, look at this. " she said, and she pointed to direct his line of sight. In the small crook between the bed and commode where a person lying in the bed could access, Alphonse had drawn another unfamiliar circle on the wood.
In blood.
"Alphonse is very inventive, and those are only the ones we can see. Izumi thinks he's hidden more. That was the last circle he drew before she took him up north," said Sig, his grave voice even graver. "She was furious with him. She took away his alchemy books, and almost sent him home."
Roy never forgot that Alphonse had scored the highest on the state exam's written test on record when he was only eleven. He had told no one; not even Edward knew.
And even with the grim implications of Alphonse's growing desperation, Roy did not feel fear, but pride. Alphonse was truly something else. The boy was intelligent and resourceful and every bit as driven as his brother, but many failed to see it; for he was the type to silently work towards his goals without calling attention.
Roy did not notice the small human transmutation circles adorning the tiny gaps between the much larger circles on the walls.
oOoOoOoOoOo
The frozen fortress stood imposingly against the grey, darkened sky. The blizzard blew on relentlessly, and the world was a shower of blindingly white snow.
Riza pulled her woolen parka about her and shook the flakes from her hair, her eyes never ceasing to roam their bleak surroundings. Briggs was a raw environment – a dangerous, secluded world at the very north of Amestris by the borders of an unfriendly country.
Roy was trudging by her side and muttering complaints in a voice raspy with cold, shaking snow from his hair and staggering every once in a while to dislodge his boots from something, be it a lonely root protruding from the snow, a slippery crevice, or even the remains of a fox's carcass. He even complained about the color of her coat.
Though his complaints were not lively and inventive as she exasperatedly albeit fondly remembered, but dull and withdrawn. The way Roy had become ever since Edward disappeared.
They had been searching for nearly forty eight hours. Mr. Curtis's description of Izumi and Alphonse's possible location was vague at best. "He could have just said he had no idea where they are!" complained Roy, throwing his arm against the expanse of white. "Do you even know where we are, Lieutenant?"
"About half mile west of Wall Briggs, sir."
"Oh would you believe I did not know that, when the damn wall is right there and we are right here!" said Roy sarcastically. He was about to go on when Riza's hand shot up against his chest, indicating he stop, her intense brown eyes narrowed with concentration. She looked into the bleak hazy horizon east from where they stood. She kept her free hand on the holster underneath her parka.
"Do you see something?"
She didn't answer. Her grip tightened on her handgun but otherwise remained motionless. Roy squinted his remaining eye hard against the terrible weather, and as if emerging from a dream, a person's silhouette began to make itself visible.
"Who goes there!" called Roy in a clipped, authorative tone. The person seemed to hear him, and began to move determinedly towards them.
"Colonel, you stay behind my shoulder." said Riza tersely. "I think..it's a woman.."
When Roy began to identify a flurry of braids around the still-hazy face, he lifted a hand to Riza's shoulder to ease her.
"Colonel Roy Mustang!" boomed Izumi Curtis even when she was no less than twenty feet away. "This is the last place I expected to see you. What are you doing here?"
"We went to your place, and your husband told us we'd find you up here." called Roy over the increasing flurry. "Is Alphonse with you?"
Izumi came to stand in front of them, and Riza immediately noticed the unnatural pallor of her face, and the slight bony indent in her cheeks.
"What do you want with Alphonse?" asked the master, black irises boring into Roy's own.
"I want to see him," answered Roy like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I have not since his body was restored."
"You couldn't wait until his trial is over? Why come all the way out here?"
"I've waited long enough. Please tell me, where is he?"
Izumi regarded him, distrust written all over her face. "Right now? I'm not sure myself..probably looking for food. Why do you care so much, Colonel?"
Why does everyone keep asking him that?! "Those brothers have been under my supervision for over four years! They are a part of my team. Think all you want about me or the military, Mrs. Curtis, but I am neither a traitor nor heartless - I look out for my own."
Izumi continued to stare into Roy's face, and after what felt like an eternity, she closed her eyes and let out a long-suffering exhale. Her face looked exhausted. "I'm not going to stop you from seeing him. I don't have the right. He would have come to you anyway."
"I will do everything in my power to help him," swore Roy. "I will aid him in finding his brother and protect him should he ever need it-"
"Don't," interrupted Izumi suddenly. Roy stared at her uncomprehending. "That Al…I have sworn to teach him and look after him until he's ready to travel on his own. I could not say no to him..I could not tell him that finding his brother…"
"He will find him. He will," said the colonel. "I know he is out there, and Al will find him. We both will."
"Colonel Mustang, you've done enough," said the master over the screaming wind. Riza's mind flashed back to Winry. "I will not allow you to turn him into a State Alchemist. He's as bullheaded as his brother and he will approach you. If he ever asks you to become one -"
"Alpohonse will not become a State Alchemist," said Mustang. Izumi's words came to a halt, and she regarded the man before her cautiously, questioningly.
"I had already made Edward this promise a long time ago."
When Izumi closed her eyes and re-opened them, Roy saw his own withdrawn face reflected in her sad, sad eyes. "Is that…a promise you would make on your life, Colonel Mustang?"
"On my life," he affirmed.
"Then…I ask you to be his friend. To advise him. He needs to know he has friends who care what happens to him. He has to know he has a responsibility towards others by not hurting himself.
He is lonely, and utterly reckless. He wasn't like that before."
"I will talk to him. He will know where to find me should he ever need me. Where should we wait for him? Where do you shelter?"
"This is a trial. I remain closeby to observe him. Alphonse shelters alone and he doesn't see me."
"You..do not stay with him? How long does his trial last?"
"Forty days. Ten have already passed."
"In this scarce environment?" whispered Riza. " Is this not too harsh for his age?"
Unexpectedly, Izumi grinned. A huge, diabolical grin that brought Edward's face back to the front of Roy's mind so suddenly it was like the re-opening of an infected wound. "He's been through worse. I'm his teacher, I know what he's capable of. I wouldn't have brought him here if he couldn't handle it.
"He's got to learn that alchemy is not the answer to every problem. There are no taking shortcuts or performing miracles with it. He is not allowed to use alchemy at all during this trial, and if he can grasp this lesson and prove it to me by the time the fortieth night is up, I will resume teaching him. If he uses it once - once, I will send him home."
"How will you know if you don't always know where he is?"
"I have my ways," said the teacher, without elaboration.
Shortly after, the lieutentant and the colonel were trekking once more through the snowy planes. When Roy caught the flash of red amidst the blinding white, complemented with a distinctive cross of Flamel, he did not understand at first. His heart jumped in his throat, and he called his youngest subordinate's name in a voice choked with joy and anger, dread and hope. He began trudging down the icy slope in the direction of the wandering boy. A dark cavern lay overhead; it was where the boy in the red coat seemed to be heading. Roy called again, more desperately, staggering and Riza rushed to catch up. Only upon the third calling did the person seem to hear, and turned their head towards them.
oOoOoOoOoOo
The boy threw his hood back, and Roy saw Alphonse for the first time.
They say that the more mature a human becomes, the deeper the shadow of their eyes. The depth of their gaze stretches back into the infinity of their head, their intents, and their souls. An ever-growing bottomless well of thought, memory, and emotion.
Alphonse's eyes were a beautiful silver; complementary to his brother's in the strangest sense. There was depth, made there by the sadness he had to endure in his short life, but it did not match Edward's. His face was cherubic and pleasant, hair a shade darker than his brother's, but still derived from gold. The top of his head did not even reach Roy's collarbone. A young child, not the fifteen year old he should be. Even at such a young age, one could tell from the shape of his shoulders and stance that his body was strong and healthy.
Alphonse tipped his head forward in a respectful bow. "It is nice to meet you..Mr. Colonel Mustang.." said the younger Elric. His teeth chattered terribly, and his voice rasped with bitter cold. "Once my trial is over, I want to meet everyone..who has ever helped me and my big brother on our journey.."
That voice, full of pure intent, could never be mistaken. It was Alphonse Elric's voice. But for a few moments, Roy could not find his own. His eye burned with a new grief, and his heart was betrayed by a sense of horror as he finally and truly understood.
There was no recognition is Alphonse's voice. It was as plain as asking a stranger for directions.
"Where...would I be able to find you, Mr. Colonel..?"
Roy forced himself to speak calmly. "..By the time you return to Dublith, I will be in Central. But I will come to see you again at your master's house, and I'll let you know where you can find me. Listen well to your teacher, Alphonse."
Alphonse smiled. "Yes, sir. When I'm done..do you think you..can help me find my brother..?"
Roy answered firmly, and Alphonse beamed. His eyes shone appealingly and he bowed once more. Riza noticed the odd-looking rings on his fingers when he had put his hands together in gratitude, and wondered if they were there by Izumi's doing.
They left. It would be a long, difficult trek back to their small motel before they could take the train back to Central in two days' time. Riza spoke to her colonel about many things. She told him of the upcoming renovations in Liore, the possibility of her and him taking part in the conservation of the remaining people of Ishbal, and what he could do to aid Alphonse in his search for their missing Fullmetal Alchemist.
Roy remained silent. He had still not told her that he would be officially relocated to the north in two weeks' time.
"..And Alphonse-kun..he looks so much like Edward-kun, yet different," said Riza morosely, but with an affectionate smile on her lips. "Did you..see what you wanted to see?"
"He is worth it. I can see why Edward fought so hard. He is worth it."
It was one of those statements that Riza knew better than to question. Time would tell.