My Fault
"Master Splinter. Where home, but Master Splinter. . .Father! He's. . ." Donny hung his head as Raphael placed a comforting, knowing hand on his shoulder. "And it's all my fault!" he shouted as he clutched his head.
"My fault!"
"My fault!"
"My fault!"
"My fault!"
"My. . .fault. . ." Donatello said to himself as he sat in front of his work bench, still numb at the recent disappearance of their father; Master Splinter. He hadn't moved an inch since he locked himself in his lab the moment they got home. He grew tired of his brothers; Leonardo, Raphael and even little Mikey telling him through his door that it wasn't his fault. He knew better. It was his fault. He was the one who reactivated Serling's weapons systems. He was the one who turned the decompiler program into a particle blast. If he would have never done such a thing, or maybe if he would have taken the weapons off line once he shot Viral, maybe. . .maybe their Father wouldn't be scattered into thousands of bits in cyber space right now.
Donny clenched his hands into tight fists and he stood up suddenly and with a mighty yell cleared his lab table of its projects and tools. The action made him weak and the room spun, forcing him to grab onto the table so he wouldn't fall on his shell. He once again became still as he now stood on unsteady legs.
Six days. . .six days since they returned home. Six days that he's been locked in his lab. Six days since he's been working on this stupid algorithm. Six days. . .that their Father has been scattered in cyber space. "It should be me," he whispered as he lowered his head feeling the pricks of tears coming to his eyes once more. No! He wouldn't cry. He didn't deserve to cry. It's his fault that their Father is gone, he wouldn't allow himself to cry, or eat, or sleep. He didn't deserve any of it. He wanted to die, but even that would be a release from this hell, and he most definitely didn't deserve that.
"Doing a little remodeling Donny?" Raphael's voice came from behind him. He turned around and faced his red clad brother; his eldest brother was walking in behind Raphael.
He never even heard the door open. "How. . ." Donny's voice sounded off to his ears. It sounded. . .small.
"It's not that hard to pick these locks Donny-boy," Raph said as he twirled a small metal rod in his hand.
"I'll remember that from now on, now if you'll excuse me I have work to do," he said turning his back on his older brothers and started to pick up the now broken electronics off the ground.
Leonardo and Raphael exchanged a look before the blue clad brother advanced on his younger sibling. "Don, we're worried about you. You've been in here for almost a week now. You need to stop blaming yourself."
Before Leo could even say 'it's not your fault,' Donatello spun around to face his brother, only to regret it a second later as the room once again spun. He recovered quickly and balled his fists as he glared at his eldest brother. "Don't even say it Leo! It IS my fault!" Don screamed at Leo, his voice cracking.
"Donny!" Raph tried to keep his voice calm, but seeing his little brother in such distress was pissing him off. He couldn't seem to help his brainy brother which made his feel useless, and he hated feeling useless. It just pissed him off even more.
"NO!" Donny screamed as he slammed his fist on his lab table, sending the few remaining objects that had escaped his wrath earlier to tumble to the floor. "I. . ." he stopped for a moment and held his head. 'Oh god. . .my head is killing me. Why can't they just leave me alone!' he thought as he regained his composure glaring at the concerned faces of his brothers. "Why do you care?" He seethed quietly. He let his question hang for a minute before continuing louder. "I killed our father! Why the hell do you care what happens to me?! You should be the ones ready to kill me, and believe me, I wouldn't stop you." His headache was now pulsing with his heartbeat which only served to make him nauseous, and make the room tilt and spin in wild, unpredictable ways. He suddenly felt cold as he stumbled back two steps so he was leaning on his workbench. 'This is. . .new,' he thought as he held his head once more.
Scared that their brother would hurt himself in his unstable condition, Leo and Raph rushed to Donny's side as he fell against his workbench. While Raph slinked an arm behind his brother's shell, Leo seized Donny's left arm. He was so shocked by the intense heat that was radiating from his little brother that he almost let go by reflex. Leo's eyes grew wide as he quickly placed his free hand on Don's forehead.
The blue clad turtle's expression was unsettling as Raph watched Leo. "What's wrong?" he asked quickly, there was something about it though that was very un-Raph like.
"He's got a fever. A high one," Leo's voice was dark; it held anger, but most of all concern.
'Fever,' the word rang in Donny's head which now felt like a huge void in which he was floating in. He felt so light, but also very heavy – and cold. 'That doesn't make sense,' Donny told himself as he 'floated' between his brothers, his eyes now closed. 'How could. . .I have a fever? I'm so cold.'
Donny gained some coherence back, enough to realize that he wanted to be left alone. He summoned the rest of his strength and tried to push his brothers away from him, but all he succeeded in doing was falling to his knees; moaning as he felt frantic arms latch onto him to keep him from falling completely to the floor. A static filled his ears as he saw multi-colored dots flash behind his closed eye lids; his head pounded more fiercely than ever.
'Let's move him to his bed,' he heard a voice say and sure enough a few seconds later he felt the floor drop from beneath him. He moaned at the sensation as it made him sick to his stomach. He just wanted to let go, fall into the black abyss that was slowly covering his mind. 'I'm passing out,' he thought objectively as he fought to stay awake. 'No. . .I don't deserve rest. I'm glad this is happening. I'm glad I finally get to suffer physically for my crime.'
Suddenly he felt his world tilt again, but he quickly realized that it was Raph and Leo guiding his descent. He could not withhold the moan of relief as he sank into his soft mattress and pillows. Almost immediately though he rebelled at such comfort and began to shift off the bed. Unluckily for him though, Leo and Raph were there to stop such efforts. He fought them - though it wasn't much of a fight in his weakened state. He soon heard voices from above him.
"Donatello! Stop this right now. We don't want to, but we will tie you to the bed if we must." Leo's voice warned as he tightened his grip on his brother's wrists which were secured by his head. He stole a glance at his red clad brother who had secured Don's legs.
Raph knit his brow in worry as he tightened his grip on Donny's legs. "Should we get some of his 'happy juice'?"
Leo thought for a moment as he stared down at his distressed younger brother. "No. Let's try something less drastic first." As he spoke he leaned down closer to the purple clad turtle locking Don's arms with his forearms. He then began massaging said turtle's temples with gentle but firm pressure, whispering soothing words into his ear. He witnessed Master Splinter do this when he was younger when Mikey was sick and had an extremely hard time sleeping; he hoped he acquired the skill that worked so well in his Sensei's hands.
Raph watched in awe as Donny's strength began to fail him, and his breathing deepened. He saw Leo nod back in his direction and he oh so slowly released Don's legs while he watched Leo with the same stillness release their brother's arms - still continuing his ministrations, though lighter in pressure.
The comforting whispered words, the slow release of his limbs and the warming sensation that raked his body from Leo's 'attack' on his stressed head all caused a sensation of zero G's. Donny felt like he was floating but in a good way this time. He felt so light and warm; like he was lying and covered in a warm cloud. He tried to escape the comforting sensation, the outward show of love and concern from his brothers, but it was no use. His head soon fogged over as he tumbled into the welcoming darkness. His last though before knowing sweet oblivion was one that brought tears to his eyes, 'Father. . .please. . .forgive me.'
Leo and Raph both sighed when Donny finally succumbed to sleep; Leonardo cradling Don's head in his hand for a moment. He was shocked when he felt something wet run down his hand and quickly turned back to his brother. Seeing Donny in so much pain made Leo want to cry as well, but he had to be strong for his family, now more than ever. He carefully untied Don's mask and wiped the tears away with his thumb.
"Is. . .he going to be all right?" Raph asked as he watched Leo place the now wet bandana on the night stand.
"I. . .hope so Raph. I really hope so." He said almost in a whisper. "All we can do is be by his side."
Raphael nodded, "And tell him that none of this was his fault until it finally gets through that thick head of his."
Leo just nodded in response.
Don't worry, Mikey's coming up soon. XD
TMNT is not mine. This is purely fanmade! Not for profit.