A/N: Hey, friends and readers! Sage speaking. Yes, I know this may be my first upload, but it is by far not my first fanfic. I don't mind critiques and even mild flaming, but NOT if you're flaming the pairing or characters or whatever. Just flame with good reason. Otherwise it makes you seem petty and a little dumb.
This was written for bunnyrave1 in exchange for an IchiHime fic for the song Ocean Avenue
Word count prior to AN: 2,482 words.
Song: "Second Chance"-Shinedown
POV: Rukia, first person.
sometimes goodbye is a second chance
a renruki fanfic
I never really believed in second chances, especially in grief.
The moment my brother fell, I could tell he wasn't going to be the same again.
He was moping around for days on end, hardly eating or sleeping or taking care of himself. It really hurt to see him just staring at the walls, unresponsive.
My eyes are open wide
By the way, I made it through the day.
Believe me, it hurt me too, being my brother and all. I was secluded for about 4 days before Lieutenant Hinamori told me, straight from experience, that skulking in the shadows wasn't going to help anything or anyone else who needed my consolations. So, I dragged myself out of the corners over the span of the next three days.
Yet he would not do anything now.
It was a knife to my heart.
But I wasn't prepared for what he had planned to do.
Three weeks after the battle that had stolen Nii-sama's life, I was heading quickly down the halls to his office, prepared for another day of grief and awkward silences. I had even brought him cookies that Orihime had baked to cheer him up. I slid his door open and put an encouraging smile on.
"Renji, I brought you-"
I dropped the plate of cookies.
I watched the world outside
By the way, I'm leaving out today.
He wasn't there.
"Renji, if you're here, this isn't funny," I called, looking around desperately as I continued through the door. I closed it quietly behind me, making sure not to tremble. And then I saw it.
To Rukia
A letter to me? On Renji's desk? This is when I really began to worry. Stumbling with terror, I rushed over to the desk and began to fumble with the folded paper. My hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't hardly open it. At this point I had begun to fear for the worst.
Thankfully, I didn't have long to fear, because I finally was able to open the letter. Taking a deep breath, I began to read it quickly.
Rukia,
I'd like to talk to Former Captain Kuchiki about something at his grave.
Would you accompany me? 8:00 tonight.
Please come.
-Renji.
The first thought that went through my mind was, "Thank god it wasn't a suicide note." Otherwise, I would have gone into depression for weeks. I looked at the clock on Renji's desk: 12:00, almost to the point.
I wish he would have just told me what he was thinking straight up instead of freaking me out with what I thought was a suicide note. I decided to keep myself occupied, and expected to not see him for the rest of the day.
Nervously picking up the cookies, I left his office, returning it to it's empty state, his note in tow.
I just saw Halley's Comet, she waved,
said "Why you always running in place?"
"Denial," was the only word Orihime said when I had finished telling her the story.
I blinked a couple times. "Excuse me, I'm a bit confused..."
She crossed her arms. "This whole story is rife with denial! First, there's Renji having trouble cuz he's in denial that Former Captain Kuchiki is..." she slowed down "decapitated."
I nodded. That made perfect sense. "And what about the rest of it? How do I fit here?"
Orihime smiled gently. "You really need me to tell you?"
I leaned in eagerly. "What?" I had to know what I was doing wrong here.
She giggled. "You're denying that you are in love with Renji!"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere.
I choked a bit. Before I could say anything, she continued. "Rukia, I know how somebody in this kind of situation acts because I've been in it. You can't keep denying that you really need somebody if you truly care about them. It's not healthy for you or them, because chances are they feel the same."
At that moment, we heard Ichigo's voice asking for her, and Orihime bid me farewell.
I crossed my arms behind my head and fell back onto the ground. That couldn't be true.
...Could it?
Tell my mother, tell my father,
I've done the best I can
Finally the time for me to meet Renji rolled around. I was hurrying to my brother's grave, and with each step towards it I took I felt a bit of me die again. I missed Nii-sama dearly, and looking at the place were his body was would hurt.
As I grew closer, I pulled out the "wrist watch" that Orihime had given me today so that I could check the time without being close to a clock. 8:47.
I didn't know why the hell Renji wanted to meet me here. I wished that he would have at least given me his motives in that note if he had to write me one instead of telling me to my face. I mean, if a guy has something to say, shouldn't he say it to the girl's face like a man? Aww, damn, now I'm proving her right! I sound like one of my romance manga...
My thoughts had distracted me, making me forget about how fast I was moving, so in just a moment I had realized I was right there. Standing not even a quarter kilometer away from my brother's grave. But there wasn't just the tall,scarfed form of Renji there; no, there was something beside him. It wasn't humanoid at all; it didn't appear to have legs. It looked like...
I held back an excited gasp. Renji, you didn't!
Beside my brother's grave was a sakura tree, standing just taller than Renji and looking almost ready to begin making buds. By spring, it would have beautiful flowers which would drop their petals on his grave, honoring not only his Zanpakuto, but also the general grace in which he moved, spoke, acted.
I could already imagine the majestic tree blooming next spring. I was imagining it so vividly, actually, that I didn't realize how close I was to the grave until I rammed headfirst into Renji's back. I stepped back and began to rub my head, and he turned around quickly.
To make them realize this is my life
I hope they understand...
"You came!" He gasped, smiling for the first time in what seemed like ages. Removing my hands from my head, I looked up at him and smiled.
"Of course I did, you idiot," I whispered. I gestured to the tree. "It's beautiful. That was very thoughtful, Renji." He nodded, looking too choked to speak. "So..." He turned back around, "What did you call me here for?"
Renji coughed, and knelt down to my brother's grave. "I have something very important to tell him." He explained hoarsly. "He's gotta approve, though. You should really hear what I have to tell him."
I scowled questioningly and got to my knees beside him. He wasn't looking at me; rather, he had begun to light some incense. And I realized something: I was staring at him the whole time.
Jolting, I looked back down at the grave, blushing like mad. I still bet that somebody up there was laughing at me. I could hear Shirayuki's laughs, so there's one count against me. Shut up, I mentally snapped at her.
Oh, but Rukia, Sode no Shirayuki chuckled, you should know by now that I share your every emotion. You are quite obviously in love with Renji. I grumbled and halted the conversation there. Renji was now looking at me in confusion.
"Rukia, are you okay?" he asked, looking genuinely worried. "Look, you can leave if you want to-"
"No, no, that's okay, Renji. It's just Sode no Shirayuki harassing me again..." I could hear the Zanpakuto protesting indignantly in my head, but I smiled at her irritation.
"...I see." Renji said, quirking an eyebrow. "Well, what was she saying?"
I flinched. "Nothing important. Just blabbering to me, and I wanted her to stop so that you could talk to Nii-sama." I was telling the truth, really; how I felt about Renji wasn't important right now. He nodded, seeming satisfied with my answer, and continued to light incense.
Rukia, Shirayuki sighed, if you admit to yourself that you love him, I promise I'll leave you alone to talk to him. Truly.
I stiffened. Shirayuki, stop. I'm not in love with Renji! But even in my head, my argument was weak, and in my mind's eye saw my Zanpakuto shaking her head at me. No, I whispered to her. I'm not...
Rukia. She was stern this time. If you keep living this way, the way you have for over fifty years, you'll only end up hurting yourself. And possibly him.
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
sometimes goodbye's a second chance.
But...I couldn't even protest anymore. Am I really? I asked quietly. Through my mind's eye, I could see her nodding. She knelt down beside me and gave me a hug. I really do love him, don't I?
This is not a bad thing, Rukia, she assured me, It was not just you suppressing the truth until lately. You don't even need to say anything to him yet. All you need to do is accept the truth.
Remember, she whispered, sometimes, goodbye is a second chance.
With those last words, she did as she promised, leaving Renji and I alone.
That seriously confused me. What could she mean by that? 'Goodbye is a second chance?' I would have growled out loud had Renji not finished lighting incense.
He coughed. "Captain," he began solemnly, "I know when I asked you this while you were still alive, before we met Kurosaki Ichigo, you looked with such disdain on my idea. And I never got to ask you again."
I shook my head, confused. "What do you mean, Renji?"
He looked at me for a few moments, but turned back to the grave without a word. "You changed after we met Ichigo. But...I never got my second chance to ask you this." Second chance...He took a deep breath, as if he were preparing himself for what he had to say.
"Let me tell Rukia this time."
My heart leapt.
What?
Please don't cry one tear for me
I'm not afraid of what I have to say.
A soft wind blew, shaking the budding sakura tree. I noticed something, though; the tree seemed to be very slightly glowing light pink around the branches. I felt a familiar reiatsu as the tree began to shake in a way that resembled nodding.
"Nii-sama..." I whispered. Tears flooded my eyes. "Is this your last goodbye?"
This is my one and only voice,
So listen close. It's only for today.
The tree shook again, the same way. I smiled solemnly. "Thank you, Nii-sama. We miss you."
"Captain..." Renji choked. "I..Thank you. I will continue to serve the sixth division as you expected. Goodbye."
The tree shook one more time and, as the faint glow left, went still.
As soon as the breeze stopped, I couldn't help but break down in tears. That was the last time I'd probably ever be able to speak to my brother. Second chance, huh? I thought bitterly, That was my LAST chance. I'll never hear from my brother again.
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life
I hope they understand
I stopped for a moment in my tears when I felt Renji pull me into a hug. "It's okay, Rukia," he whispered. "You can cry. I miss him, too." There was a gentleness that his voice rarely contained that made me feel safe. Shirayuki, I won't deny it ever again. I love him. I love him so much...I cried harder and harder, for what seemed like forever until I just couldn't cry anymore.
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
sometimes goodbye's a second chance...
"You know," Renji whispered in my ear, "he gave me permission." I looked up, confused once more. "A long time ago, when I first became his lieutenant, I told him that I had something very important to tell you. He refused, of course, because that was when..." he trailed off. "Anyway, I figured after we met Kurosaki, he'd have a different take. And it turns out that he did."
"Renji, what do you need to tell me?" I asked, standing up impatiently. Don't judge me, reader; wouldn't you be a little tense if your best friend/guy you love was randomly monologuing? That's right, yes you would.
He blinked. "Let me explain. Ever since you left to become a Kuchiki, your brother kept my opinions about you suppressed." He sighed. "And now, I can finally tell you."
Here is my chance
He stood up, put his hands on my shoulders, and took a deep breath. "Rukia, I've been with you for a very long time"-I couldn't take it anymore-"and I realized"-I grabbed him by the scarf and pulled him down and-"that I-mmph?"
This is my chance.
We stood like that for a long, wonderful moment. Renji was stiff with shock at first, but he eventually relaxed. My mind was in a state of total bliss, and I wouldn't have cared less if all of Soul Society was watching us now. Alright, Sode no Shirayuki, you were right. I thought. This is the greatest moment of my life!
We broke apart after a moment. Renji stared at me in shock. "You know," I whispered to him, "I know what you two meant by second chance now." When Renji looked confused, I said, "Sode no Shirayuki said 'goodbye is a second chance'. Saying our final goodbyes to my brother was exactly the chance you needed...and the one I needed too."
A flash of light distracted me. Looking up, I saw a bright comet scaling through the night. It looked like fire and ice at the same time, shooting through the sky with such majesty that I dropped Renji's scarf in awe.
He looked at me and smiled. "That's Halley's comet, Rukia," he explained. "It only comes around every 75 years. What luck!" As the comet blazed past the stars, I silently thanked my brother. Only he could have made this such a beautiful night. Renji leaned down next to my ear and whispered, "Race you back to Seireitei?"
Before I had time to answer, he was off running. Smiling at his frivolousness, I wheeled around and sped after him, Halley's comet shooting over our heads.
I think I believe in second chances after all.
I just saw Halley's comet shooting,
said "Why you always runnin' in place?"
Even the man in the moon disappeared
somewhere in the stratosphere.