Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.
I'm trying to think of where to start… Alright, well I have no idea, so just read my short ramble.
Since December, this story has been sitting in my little yellow notebook. Too lazy to get it out and take the time to type it, it's been collecting dust. However, because of some recent, slightly disturbing (lol) AkuRoku fic, I was not in the zone to write. Anything. Because I promised some twelve or so people a second chapter to one of my previous stories, I knew that I had to, absolutely had to snap out of it. So, I took out my notebook and typed up another AkuRoku. Be happy, children, because you get a neat oneshot now, and a smutty Akuroku later. Yay!
Important: This story is a bit more artistic, in the way that literature can be, than my other AkuRou fics… Meaning, that this has a lot of symbolism and comprehension, so if it's not your cup of tea, I understand completely.
Oh, and this is yaoi (T-rated because yaoi is a mature matter).
Enjoy~
XXXOOOXXXOOOXXXOOOXXXOOO
After a meaningless day's work, drenched in rain and my own pity, I stumbled up the brick steps and met my dreams.
I fell on the cement walkway that led to the balcony of the clock tower. My face smashed into the ground, pain sweeping through my bones, rattling my very core. Too exhausted to get up, I closed my eyes, feeling the rain dampen my cheek. Thunder echoed in the distance. How gray.
XXXOOOXXXOOOXXXOO
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday; and you're still not here.
I plucked off the last rosebud petal on the flower I prayed so earnestly to.
I don't remember anything feeling so rugged against my back. The grandiose brick was cradling itself against my spine, as if the rock could feel my guilt, and were forcing my sins back upon me. I wasn't a sinner, just a rebel without a cause.
Some days were worth less than others.
XXOO
Spring has passed, and summer fled like the butterflies of May. Unlike me, those winged creatures know how to exercise life. They have an intrinsic alarm that dictates their migration schedule.
And so, with the annual increase of my love for you, the butterflies sway north and south. Their prime is where warmth hides - my prime is gone. It's gone like the Rose of May.
Now, I can let my tears fall freely because I'm alone. No one is sneaking behind me to watch me cry, although I wish there were. Above all, I wish you could be here with me. I know the difference between want and need; Roxas, I need you to be in my life.
I looked in the direction of the sun, seeing its yellow glows cast translucent shadows across my eyelashes. My eyes were ignited with indifference; the tears no longer came but small beads of water that hanged loosely on the tips of my eyelashes. Steadily, I looked to the copper clock above me, resting my head against the wall I had propped myself against.
The sun was bathing me in warmth, lighting my tired and empty soul to pieces.
I leaned forward and sprang myself off of the brick pillar. My feet met the ground, and my mind went up in fire. Somehow, everything seemed denser today, like it was preparing itself for a catastrophe. A premonition of some sort. Yet, what could be coming? And on this structure, no less?
With each ray of the sun that beamed my way, realization set in deeper that I was mingling in vicarium. First of all, when I traveled to the 'Digital Town,' where the 'real' you existed, we never took notice of one another. Actually, that's untrue; I trailed you instinctively. You, however, didn't give me the time of day. My brain just imagined, seemingly fathomed, our memories together.
Well, that's what Xemnas told me.
Then I slip a tear - I could never dream of someone like you; you're my undying perfection, my beautiful melody of an immortal symphony. You are my entirety. I couldn't have conceived someone as your worth.
Could I?
No… There was a time when I believed there was something worth living for, but now I'm at a loss.
Uneasily, I began walking on the brick surrounding the base of the tower. Mind you, the bronze pillar was a long way's up from the ground. Walking on the edge of red rock, with nothing but the glittering sun aiding my balance, was hard. I started to teeter, walking in a tentative line. To avoid plummeting to my death, I outstretched my arms, keeping my bodily equilibrium.
Sullenly, I cried out to the auburn sky. The sound emitted from my throat was unrecognizable; it sounded so lonely. My reflexes ceased to stop. Further crying out, the voice was haunting me, even. I never knew that solitude could lead to… This.
No amount of misery was worth anything anymore. With my ghastly screeches to the sky, I let my sorrow cascade out of my chest; deep, aching sobs that rocked my body. Bludgeoned so deeply within, a knife twisted my body so much so, that its original tint of silver was painted a terrible maroon.
My feet halted at the corner of brick; I was nearing the side perpendicular to the square-shaped balcony. I don't know why I stopped walking, but I did. Nor do I know why I wasted all of my fucking time, thinking about our dying love and mundane relationship… But I did. Somehow, I felt a reason lay ahead.
Filled with trepidation, I braced myself and hopped off the dangerous ledge that had a great view of the bittersweet town.
Apprehension gripping every inch of my body, I began to pace along the base of the clock. There was no hiding the fact that I was in a horrible state of alarm. I hated this prickly feeling rising under my skin. It made me feel so weak. So stupid, for not knowing that things would inevitably end like this.
Sunlight dodged behind teeming clouds, thus vanishing the glittering, golden daylight from my vision. The whole city fell to a sheen of gray. Curious, I walked to the edge of the brick. Placing my hands atop the cold stone, I peered over the ledge. Serenity draped the town in shadows; a perfect name for the community, Twilight Town.
Where my eyes first laid eyes on you… Where I shared with someone, my first laugh, first smile, my first real loss. Twilight Town is where you met your demise, and yet, this is where your life began… With a quick tatter, I slipped my hands within my coat and placed myself atop the brick niche, where we used to sit together. The slight breeze felt wonderful on my legs, dangling in the evening sky.
Blinking slowly, my vision was cutting out and I felt a throbbing pain. I could smell blood, though I was sitting in perfect tranquility. What in the world?
My emotional devastation was finally relinquishing its effects on me. On my conscious. I was emotionally devoid, physically exhausted, and mentally depressed… Still, the fingertips of twilight couldn't quell the salt emitting from my eyes. Now dark and solitary, the town was still; no movement existed, except for the soft rumble of the train. Not a bird cooed, there were no yells from below. For once, everything was in perfect harmony.
My heart sings to you. My eyes search for your existence, but love is not even seen or conceivable. My Love, my hands feel your warmth pour into my body; nothing calls to me more than the silent touch of your hands to my cheek. I am but an empty pot, in desperate need of a darling Rose. The enigma in my 'heart' has been traveling in quest of your soul, yet none has yet to display. Passion's call goes unrequited, like a broken clock; only the creator can engineer and repair the item to its original. Only two hands are meant for the clock, though the third may help… This third hand does no good.
A dawn never comes that its skies don't hold my questions and pleas. I wonder where you could be, Roxas.
Someone was behind me.
… Then I start to remember.
I sprang into a battle stance, summoning my chakrams. I was prepared to fight anyone.
… There's something impossible about you. You don't exist.
The mystery person launches themselves at me, catching my off-guard. Irritably, I reach for their hood, because they're wearing a cloak similar to mine. No, actually - it is an exact replica. Wind's ghostly breeze knocks their falsification away, making my job easier. Now I can see their face.
I can't breathe.
… You don't exist!
… And yet…
Suddenly, I lost my balance. I teetered on the edge of life and death (seeing as my powers were conveniently rendered useless, by Saix's doing, of course). I felt myself slipping away, my breath caught. Now, I truly couldn't breathe. Everything was in slow motion, I couldn't believe I was about to die, and all because of some pesky blond. As I was voicing my last goodbye to the world, something amazing happened. The blond - he raced to me, grabbed my arms, and pulled me back up like no tomorrow. Seeing as I was already a few seconds lingering in the air, I was impressed that someone had flung the life back into me - literally.
Now, I was trying to recuperate myself. Because human skulls don't do well against brick, I was slightly dazed.
After a few seconds, I slowly stood up, chakrams still in hand. Glaring at my attacker/savior, I realized why I lost my breath the first time.
Warm tears stung his eyes. He threw his dual key blades aside, wiping his face with one of his delicate hands. His bottom lip was quivering, begging me to cry. Those sapphire-speckled eyes were full of insecurity and something else I couldn't place.
"I'll never let you fall," He confessed softly. And now I remember, the only way of life, it's you! I… I can't live without you. You have to be with me, you have to clutch me close to you. Just to stay here, forever, forever… Just with you, forever… I felt the warmth of his body against spread throughout my body. This love…
I perked up - outstretched, he held a glass rosebud, that was to be bloomed in May. "Let me lift you high above, and it will all be over," that voice pleaded. My lover had found me, had conquered death to find me.
"Roxas… I'm… I'm afraid, Roxas," I whispered out bashfully.
He breathed slowly, "Of what?"
"I'm afraid… To close my eyes," My voice tumbled out, before my face collided with his chest. Water quickly fled my orbs, like they were afraid that if they stayed in my body for too long, they would suffocate in my fiery spirit. "If I close my eyes, you may not… Be there, when I open them again."
"Axel," He delicately wrapped his arms around my body, drawing me closer to him, making me feel safe. So, incredibly, inexplicably, safe. "I love you, and I will love you, until the rivers stop flowing and flowers no longer bloom. Until the swallow no longer sings its sweet melody and the ocean doesn't reflect the liberating blue; until the shaking of the world can be stopped, and Heaven is my only love's remedy," His voice stopped briefly. I noticed a difference in his articulation; it sounded airier, wise. His spirit, I know it, it had fused with a higher intelligence. I had a feeling my pain would end soon.
"Until the clock ticks its final tock, I'll love you. The feeling in my chest is undying - those eyes which pierce my soul so dearly, which are able to penetrate me completely - there are too many reasons of why I love you. Though by your hand an undignified heart has been, my fruits of passion will, and always have been, yours for the keeping. Guard the sweets well, because although love is immortal, I'm not. To you, all I can give is my eternity, and for that, I want nothing more than your return of love to fuel my soul for a thousand years!" His hand traced my wet cheek.
"My love, I exchange my love's will for yours… Now, you see, we're both complete, a single soul with reason to live. The both of us have hearts… I'm not undying, so live with this token of love I've bestowed upon you, for it will determine the course of your life. I know that I've caused you pain, but Axel, please…" A bird flew overhead.
"Say you'll share with me, this love, a lifetime. Say the word, and I'll follow you into the dark. Forgive me. Love me. That is the, single thing, that I ask of you."
It was the moment when you realize that you love someone so much, that you get tired just thinking about their perfect existence. The smallest things, like the glitter of his white teeth as they smile at me, make me want to give him the world. I learned, long ago, that Roxas and I loved each other. I could hear it, the two harmonies, complementing each other in ways unknown.
We were two cadences, perfectly in sync, that cased each other's beauty to pigment the world's skies. I love Roxas with such a complexity of light that my brightness conquers Heaven's rays, and the glittering white of midnight air. The steady drum of Roxas's voice confessing himself to me was the melody that woke me up. Or put me to sleep? I'm still not sure.
His innocently spoken truths were just so… Beautiful. The legato flow of his words were louder than the crashing of the sky, yet smother than an opal. So soothing - mystical, beautiful, frightening, even.
If I opened my eyes…
He was no longer apart of me.
XXXOOO
Though my soul was lost, I realized that Roxas left behind an immortal legacy. He was the 'Nobody' who gained a heart; he had control over his life. A rare, unheard of ability for a 'Nobody,' control of their life. That was such a feat, and the fact that he dedicated his spectacular life to me - I've never been more honored.
The wind carries his name, gently whispering to me in the eerie hours of dark, drying my tears, blowing my problems away.
I could feel a throbbing pain throughout my whole body, the metallic odor of blood still permeated my senses. While I tried to move, my body disagreed. Completely paralyzed, I was frightened. My body couldn't move, couldn't function. My vision was blurring again…
Ah, there is that spectacular sunset. It was setting so distantly in the horizon.
Though my body didn't move, my spirit did. I lifted my arm to the rusty wind, its color scraping my pale skin. This tower… Its clock may never stop, but I think the idea of 'forever' will be more bearable with him beside me.
Outstretching my hand to the damned sky, Roxas's figure slowly apparated in front of me.
Hands are used for prayer, to confess sins and revoke love in one's body. Hands are ways of communication; they are the handles of the soul.. Lips are the fools of affection - a kiss. Lips can belittle truths or brighten a breeze; "I love you" comes out of the most beautiful lips.
I peered into Roxas's flecked orbs - it was time, my time had come.
Coughing up blood, I saw a pool of scarlet around me. My body was soaked in blood - my blood - and the color had left my face. Slightly dizzy, I gazed upward: that tower. That damn tower. I knew it was a bad idea to walk up there, but when did it happen?
I laughed.
Walking on that wall had been a less than wonderful idea, no doubt, but I feel that this isn't an accident.
How long have I been dreaming?
Roxas's spirit took my hair. He gently stroked my locks, looking at me intently. In his gaze, I saw a bit of a longing, like he had been waiting for this day to come. Muttering comforting words to me, he was waiting for my soul's true death. Lying on my back, unable to move, and completely heartbroken, I had never been so grateful for his presence. I begin to think of the past, and how I should've said all of these things to Roxas. It was a mistake to keep myself bottled up for so long… My emotions coincided with Roxas's attempt to keep me at ease. He noticed my struggle. "Stop," he tenderly commanded.
Thankfully, he made my suicide less than painful.
"Let's go, Axel. Let hands do what lips do," He began to float ever so slightly into the air, waiting for me.
"Roxas." Concerned, his cerulean eyes pierced mine. I gently made my way over to him, admiring his beauty in the hues of the setting sun. Shyly, I enveloped him in my grasp. I pulled his light body to mine, inhaling his golden scent. The soft cloth of his clothes gently rubbed against my face; it felt so nice, to feel his warm body in my arms, to feel his clothes grace my skin. It occurred to me, then, that we were glowing. Our bodies were becoming more evanescent, disappearing into out sweet piece of forever.
Carefully, I lay a black-clad hand on his cheek, noting the golden outlines of his face. My Roxas was staring at me, his eyes half-lidded, his lips moist, and half-open. Our languid movements slowly meshed together as I savored the sweet, petal-like flavor of Roxas's lips. Our mouths matched so perfectly, rubbing in agreeable syncopation. He coursed his hands between knots in my hair; I cocooning him in my body, blissful because of our endearment.
When my lips met his beautiful, angel-like face, I felt my eyes crack. There were so many untold feelings, sorrows, lies; so many emotions during the kiss. It was then I felt a velvet touch on my cheek, soothing my internal battle. Like silk, he pulled his lips away from mine, fluttering his long eyelashes along my cheek. "Now isn't the time to cry… There is too much of our unlived life waiting, Axel." Like a true angel, his voice calmed the fear within my body, instead coating my heart in interludes of yellow notes.
He took my palm; and as I felt the gentle, cold wind give rise to my flight, I looked across the sparkling blackness surrounding my body. Sun had finally said adieu, and had vanished from the sky. I heard the twilight's bells grow more distant, and felt Roxas give life to me. I've traveled through the air many times, yet this final flight gave me a new liberation that I was determined to keep inside of me, beside the golden treasure of Roxas's heart, forever.
The wind blew frantic notes, and the bells in the distance accompanied nature's natural rhyme. Leaves gusted up beside me, flowing in a languid spiral of the colors of the wind.
When the sun sets, I rise.
XXXOOOXXXOOOXXXOOO
There you have it, my very poetic oneshot. I hope you liked it, because as always, I enjoyed writing it. I didn't bother to revise, though…
Oh, and for those of you who were angry when you figured out my update wasn't for, "With A Heavy Heart" - be patient, my darlings! I'm writing the second chapter with complete OCDness because it has to be absolutely perfect… Not that I don't try to make everything great all the time, but you get the picture.
Did you like this? If so, I'd appreciate a review from your beautiful cranium (;
I accept flames blah blah blah. Praise works, too.
-SKF