Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I claim to own any of the Twilight characters.
Therapy
"Hello, Bella, Edward," the voice sang melodiously, mockingly. Edward put his hand on my arm, trying to protect me from whatever it was that had called us here. My heart palpitated in response, and I blacked out, but after about ten minutes, with Edward's help, I was back on my feet.
"Take a seat," the voice whispered from behind the desk. Edward pulled out a chair for me, before sitting himself right next to me.
The chair behind the desk slowly spun around, to reveal - no, not a monster, not another vampire, not a zombie.
But a girl. A very beautiful girl with strikingly amazing features that I would never possess even if I tried.
She was glowing, smugly. "We're here to talk about your flawed personalities."
"I do not have a flawed personality!" I exclaimed.
"Unfortunately, Bella," the girl said, putting her hands together, shaking her head, "you are the epitome of an author insert, a cliche, even."
"I am not!" I whimpered pitifully.
"She is not!" Edward growled handsomely, baring his wonderfully majestic sharp teeth. His perfect, chiseled, angelic face twisted angrily as he gloriously pounded his fists on the desktop. "She isn't! Bella is perfect!"
Oh, how I love him. Oh how unworthy I am of him, and he defends me to the death.
The girl confidently put her hand up, a firm, "talk to the hand" stance, and, aggravated, she 'shh'd' the both of us. "You, sir," she began, her soft, full lips keeping in an awfully serious straight line, "do not even speak. I can go on for days about your various character weaknesses."
"Edward has no imperfections!" I shouted passionately. "Edward is...Edward is-" I couldn't find any words to describe how wonderful, miraculous, or forever spectacular Edward is. There aren't enough words in my pocket thesaurus. There aren't enough words in Webster's Dictionary. There aren't enough words in the English language.
I could feel myself easily getting distraught and upset. My face flushed. My heart rate quickened. I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. How could anyone doubt Edward's perfection?
"Calm down, Bella," Edward muttered graciousy into my ear. His breath, cool and wonderful, minty and fresh, tickled me. I felt my skin goosebump all over, all of my hairs were standing on edge.
He took his hard, cold, and dry hands into mine.
My heart stopped.
I thought I would die right there.
If I hadn't fainted, I'm sure we could have taken advantage of the mood, and Edward could have made sweet, passionate vampire love to me on that desk.
If only I hadn't fainted.
Damn my weak constitution.
"Bella, get a hold of yourself!" the girl exclaimed, snapping me out of my mini-faint. "There is a life beyond this boy!"
"There isn't."
"There is!"
"But how can I live only for Edward if I'm living for myself?" Obviously this girl has never been in love. Clearly. True love doesn't devour your soul, nor does it take over your life. True love becomes your life.
Wait.
I decided not to think too hard on that philosophy.
"I love Edward! He's beautiful and charming and wonderful-"
"Sweetheart," the girl stated plainly, making her way from the desk to the window. "Whether or not Edward is beautiful is debatable-"
"I actually take offense to that!" Edward muttered, his gruffly, gurgling monster sounds were music to my ears.
"Not debatable!" I countered. "Look at him."
She looked at him, eyes fixed solely on the wonderment that is Edward, and sighed helplessly.
"Well. He is not charming," the girl decided. "He is not a gentleman! He carried you into this room, and shoved you into that seat. Look how quickly he has assumed the role of a patriarch. A male chauvinist!"
"I only do these things because I love Bella!" Edward, my prince, my charming and beloved prince, retorted. "I only wish to protect her!"
"Bella doesn't know any better. She needs to learn how to stand up on her own. Have you noticed that she doesn't make use of her brain when she's around you? "
"That isn't true!" Edward said.
The girl let out an exasperated sigh. "You," she said, driving her pointer finger into Edward's strong, hard chest for effect, "are the sole cause of this girl's insanity!"
"Excuse me," I interrupted, trying to find my place in this conversation. "I fell in love with Edward. Irrevocably in love. Do you even know what that means?"
"Not that kind of love, no," she muttered. The girl got up, to draw the blinds open to let the spring sunlight into the room.
I nearly choked on my own saliva in surprise.
"No!" I shouted. "Close the blinds!" I got up from my chair, to run the short distance to the window. Sunlight was pouring in too quickly! Somehow, I tripped, and tumbled miserably over my own two feet before I could shut the blinds.
"Bella!" Edward shouted, concerned. He ripped off his shirt in angered frustration at my clumsiness, and walked slowly towards me to help me up, but it was too late.
The sparkling. The glistening.
Edward's pectoral muscles.
I hyperventilated, trying to absorb all his beauty at once. I died, right there in his arms.
"Are you kidding me?" The girl crossed her arms, annoyed. "You both are a hopeless case."
Author's Note: I actually wrote this for an English assignment! We had to take two fictional characters and insert them into "our world". Naturally, these two were the obvious choice. Honestly, I don't care much for Twilight, but I did write this in good humor, attempting Ms Meyer's style. Hopefully, the die hard Twilight fans won't hate me.
-vee.