AN: I will leave it up to you, the readers, to decide how old the characters are and over how long of a time period this story takes place and where Pikachu is when he is not mentioned. I'd like to think they're older than 10. This is very slightly AU in the sense that Brock never came back from Valencia Island and they never met Tracey. I did not feel that this story deserved an M rating, but please note that it is more of a mature T. Inspired by the song "Hard Times" by Plan B. I do not own the characters.
It started out innocent. That's what it was. Ash and Misty hadn't traveled just the two of them since the very beginning of Ash's Pokemon journey. Once they had made it to Pewter City, Brock had been there with them the entire time. After journeying through Kanto together all the three of them, Brock decided to stay in Valencia Island where he felt that Professor Ivy needed him more than they did. While they were sad to leave him, they knew that it was a great opportunity for him to further his two main goals: finding true love and becoming the world's best Pokemon breeder.
The first day on their own was rough. After a long, exhausting day where they got lost countless times, encountered multiple near-death experiences, battled Team Rocket, and saw things they hoped they would never need to, they settled down for the night. That may be when something between them that they had always buried deep down rose to the surface.
After the day they had, it was no surprise that they had set their sleeping bags up very close to one another that night. That was how they stayed. Some time throughout the night, Misty gently draped her arm over Ash's side. They woke up in that same position. For reasons they did not completely understand, neither objected. In fact, dare they say they enjoyed the closeness.
The more they traveled, the more they found that this sleeping arrangement wasn't so bad. In fact, maybe it was preferable. It wasn't every night. It started out as a seldom occasion. Usually only when they had a particularly stressful day. It made them feel safer, although they never could explain why.
On particularly cold nights, they found that sharing one sleeping bag was a much warmer option than using their own. So when the weather was unpleasant, they would often both curl up into Ash's sleeping bag, assuming the position they had come to be fond of. Sometimes, however, Pikachu noticed that they used that cold excuse as just that; an excuse. Certain nights that they claimed to be cold, they never would have flinched at the temperature a year ago. But no one questioned it, and in the morning, no one talked about it.
Things took their first turn for the "maybe not so innocent" when they met Ralph and Emily in Yambera. The two young trainers had both lost their Nidoran. Ash and Misty agreed to help them find them and quickly learned that Ralph and Emily did not care much for one another. Upon finding the two Nidoran, they learned that while their trainers did not, the Pokemon liked each other a lot. Misty could not explain how she knew, but she knew that Ralph and Emily did like each other a whole lot more than they were leading on.
When Ralph and Emily finally agreed to make peace for the sake of their Pokemon, the two Nidoran kissed each other and immediately evolve into Nidorina and Nidorino respectively. The whole thing was mystifying and confusing.
"Do you think people change when they get kissed?" Ash asked hesitantly trying to make sense of everything.
"I guess we'll have to find out for ourselves," Misty blushed furiously.
Instinct didn't usually overcome Ash the way it did right then, but against his better judgment, he walked up to Misty, leaned in and kissed her. She was not expecting it and he had no idea what he was doing. It was awkward and clunky, but she was not upset. They pulled away and looked at each in confusion. But then, as if on cue, they tried again, this time more successful. To answer Ash's previous question, they would both be lying if they said nothing about them changed in that moment.
Kissing was something they found that they actually enjoyed. It came as a surprise to both of them. Neither wanted to admit it so the subject was always approached very tentatively. At first when they kissed, it was a simply peck on the lips. It usually only happened before bed and usually in a very quick motion. They never talked about it afterwards.
As they became more comfortable with the kisses as they were, they became more frequent. Sometimes happening when congratulating one another for a battle won, sometimes to say 'goodnight', sometimes to say 'thank you', and sometimes for no reason at all. Eventually, the kisses started to last longer than just a quick second. Sometimes several seconds. A big deal was never made, but rather it was never acknowledged.
Sometimes when they were close to each other at night, they noticed that their bodies often took over their minds. They found themselves doing things with one another without really thinking about it, or even talking about it. Sometimes when they would be kissing at night, it would last a long time. When they were close to one another in the same bed or sleeping bag, sometimes they found their hands beginning to roam.
It was never talked about, but the first time it happened, Ash did not even know what came over him. During one of the more heated kissing sessions, which had become more regular as time went on, he found his hands wandering all over Misty's body; reaching places that, if he were of sound mind without his hormones taking over, he never would have thought of touching. But in this case, he found it exciting and could not get enough and wanted to keep exploring her.
When she had first heard stories about boys and growing up from her sisters, Misty always thought their stories sounded awkward. She loved the romantic part of fairy tales, but the physical part was not an idea she had warmed up to. But this was nothing like what she had imagined. In fact, she did not want him stop. She also found it exciting and each touch released a new feeling that she had never experienced before. Sure, it wasn't exactly like what her sisters had said, but she felt comfortable and safe and wanted to continue. But she didn't want to tell Ash that either. Something about talking about it just seemed weird.
As time went on, and the wandering hands became a more regular part of their nightly regimen, Misty, too, found her hands beginning to wander all over Ash. At first she was nervous. She had grown to like when he did it, but she had always shied away from doing the same. For some reason she was afraid of doing it wrong, if that was even possible. She started out timidly touching his chest and stomach under his shirt. It was exciting, and based on how he responded to her touches, he seemed to like it. So to make access easier going forward, she tugged at his shirt and he removed it entirely. And that was where they stopped for a while.
As they grew to become more and more comfortable with each other's bodies, more barriers were broken and new areas were explored. While the upper regions had become more familiar, below was still a little scary. But they were always conscious of each other's boundaries and never pushed further than they were ready for. They started to learn where they did and did not like to be touched and always respected one another's preferences. The more regular this became, the more comfortable they got with it. While they still never liked to talk about it, both felt lucky that these were milestones that they could experience together.
Neither of them could ever forget the night when that final barrier between them was broken. Based on where their nightly activities had been taking them, this moment was inevitable, it was only a matter of when. Everything leading up to it that evening had been proceeding as it normally did. There was kissing, touching, and some clothing removal. Misty was the first to speak up initiating that next step.
"Ash," She murmured as she slowly broke away from him.
He looked down at her afraid to say anything. She was nervous, and from the look of it, so was he.
"Do you have-" she began, but she was embarrassed to finish that sentence. She simply looked down.
"Uh?" He asked fairly certain he knew what she meant but did not want to assume anything. Especially about this.
"You know," She whispered still motioning downward.
Now, he knew exactly what she meant. "Are you sure?" he asked her.
"I think so," she nodded nervously. He smiled.
And for the first time in his life, Ash was thankful for that painfully awkward conversation his mother insisted on having with him before he left home. He rummaged through his backpack until he found what he was looking for with his heart pounding harder each second. This was it.
It wasn't anything like they had seen in the movies. Not at all. It was uncomfortable, it was awkward, and for her, it was quite painful. But at the same time, it was still something they could never imagine doing with anyone else. They tried for a few minutes until they decided to stop. They guessed this was something they need to get used to. Neither of them said anything the rest of the night, just laid there holding each other. Neither of them slept that night.
Things were a little awkward between them the few days following. They were unusually quiet around each other in a way they never were before. It made them realize that maybe they weren't as ready for it as they thought. Pikachu sensed the tension and felt Ash was incredibly off his game when it came to training his Pokemon.
Finally, one evening at dinner, the silence got the better of him and Ash couldn't take it anymore.
"Ok, what is going on, you haven't talked to me since, well, you know," he cried, "are you mad at me or something?"
Now Misty was genuinely confused. "What are you talking about?" She nearly yelled, "you're the one that hasn't been talking to me. If anything, you've been avoiding me. I thought I did something wrong."
He just looked at her with tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "You didn't do anything wrong," he whispered as he looked away from her.
Misty was not as lucky as tears began falling down her cheeks freely. "Then what is it?" She asked, "Did we ruin everything?"
"No," he answered without even thinking. "I just thought you were disappointed or something-"
She cut him off, "Look, I'd be lying if I said that it was perfect. Or how I expected it to be. And you would too. But I've thought about it, and we're beginners. Does anything go perfectly the first time?"
She looked up at him and he smiled. And suddenly, they were both smiling. Laughing almost.
"When you put it that way," He giggled, "I guess we need some more practice."
She sweat dropped a little bit as he said that, "Yeah," she said hesitantly, "but maybe we shouldn't jump back into it again right away."
At this, he got up, walked up to her, hugged her, and told her, "We'll wait as long as you want."
She smiled, and for reasons she could not begin to describe, she started all over crying again. What she did know was that talking about it was a huge weight lifted off her shoulders.
It was a while before they tried again. They didn't feel like they needed to. They were content with how things had been before and stayed there. When they did, it was much more successful the second time around. For Misty, it was not as painful as it was the first time, but still a little bit uncomfortable. She supposed it would still take some more getting used to. Ash, on the other hand, had found a rhythm he enjoyed. Really enjoyed. More so than he had any control over. And while Misty still wasn't quite there yet, she was happy that she could make him happy.
With more practice, they both became more comfortable with each other physically, just like with everything else they had done. It almost made them wonder why they had made such a big deal about it at first. And while communication was never exactly a strength of theirs, they could never deny the first time those fateful words were spoken. It was a night just like the others, and things were progressing as they normally would. But similar to their most recent milestone, this time it was Ash to interrupt.
"Misty," he said abruptly as he pulled away.
She looked at him slightly confused. He looked back at her as he searched for the right words.
"I love you," he finally choked out.
"Really?" She questioned. Not because she didn't believe him, but because she was surprised that he would actually say something like that.
He nodded, "I never thought I would actually say that, but I'm sure of it," he said looking away.
She smiled, "I love you too," she replied.
And with that, they continued on with what they were doing with a new form of confidence added. They didn't say it again. Not for a while. They never felt like they had to. Knowing was enough.
When Ash qualified for the Johto League, Brock came in from Valencia Island to cheer him on. He was excited to see his old friends just as much as they were excited to see him. It only took Brock a few minutes of hanging out with them again before he sensed that something was different.
When Misty had left briefly to take her Pokemon to the water, Brock and Ash finally had a moment when it was just the two of them, Brock held nothing back as he addressed what he had noticed.
"So Ash," Brock began, "what's been going on with you and Misty?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ash answered immediately, proving Brock's theory even more.
"I think you do," Brock answered, "Otherwise you wouldn't be so squirrelly about it right now."
Both young men stared at each other waiting for the other to speak. Ash didn't want to say anything. He and Misty had never talked about whether or not it was okay to tell other people about it. Frankly, he wasn't sure if he would want her telling anyone, so why should he.
Brock then broke the silence in the most blunt way possible, by asking outright. "Are you two having sex?" he asked as if it was the most causal thing ever.
"Brock!" Ash yelled. But Brock did not flinch and still stared at him waiting for an answer. "How did you know that?" Ash finally whispered after a long pause.
"Sometimes you can just tell," Brock laughed, "I can tell by the way you two are interacting with each other that there's something more than friendship going on between you. So how long have you been together?"
Ash looked at him not really knowing what to say. "I don't know," he began, "We're not exactly 'together.' I don't know what we are."
"What do you mean?" Brock asked, "How can you not if you're intimate like that?"
"I don't know," Ash looked away, "I guess we've just never actually talked about it," he mumbled.
"Well you really should talk about it before it's too late," Brock explained, "Do you like her?"
"Well, yeah," Ash said getting annoyed with all of the questions. How could it ever be too late? That didn't make sense.
"Are you at least being careful?" Brock asked again releasing his parental side that Ash didn't miss as much.
"Of course!" Ash shot back, still not wanting to discuss the still unknown status of his relationship with someone other than Misty.
"Ah young love," Brock smiled, finally sensing that this was the most he was going to get out of Ash about this. Thankfully, Misty returned shortly after and the conversation was dropped.
The Johto League Tournament overall went well. Ash made it to the top eight, which was further than he advanced in the Indigo League previously. Ash and Misty stayed to watch the remainder of the tournament while Professor Oak, Ash's mother, and Brock all returned home after Ash had been eliminated. Ash promised his mother he would see her again in Pallet Town as soon as the tournament was over.
It was when they made a pit stop in Viridian City on the way back to Pallet Town that changed everything. Misty received an urgent call from her sisters demanding she come back home to Cerulean City and take over as Gym Leader while they traveled around the world. On top of that, as fate would have it, Nurse Joy had somehow managed to fix Misty's bike that Ash had destroyed all that time ago.
This was the most defeated either of them had ever felt. All of the conversations they never got around to having were coming back to bite them. Hard. Ash could not get Brock's words out of his head, 'You really should talk about it before it's too late.'
Misty did not want to go back home to stay. She wanted to keep traveling with Ash to the next region. But more importantly, she wanted him to ask her to stay. Ash didn't want her to leave either. He wanted her to keep traveling with him too, but he was afraid to say anything knowing that being a Gym Leader was something that would further Misty's own goal for herself. He couldn't ask her to give that up. But those were things they left unsaid.
The walk up to the fork in the road where they were forced to separate was silent. When they got there, tears were shed, hugs and kisses were given, 'I love you's were shared, and promises to visit, call, and write each other were made. But the question of "us" was left unanswered. As it would most likely remain.
"Maybe it's for the best," they thought tearfully as they said their final goodbyes. Because they never had that necessary conversation, Misty returned home to Cerulean City to stay, while Ash went back home to Pallet Town and set out to depart for his next adventure in Hoenn. Alone.
Ash had many journeys through many new regions. He made new friends and traveled with new people in each one. But none of them could ever measure up to traveling with Misty.
He got to Hoenn and familiar circumstances led him to meeting May. May was an inexperienced, new trainer from Petalburg City just starting out on her own Pokemon journey. As they became friends, Ash saw himself as a mentor to May and helped her to become an established and successful trainer after a somewhat rocky start.
Ash and May supported each other on their journey together and it was nice to have a companion, but it wasn't the same. This was especially evident when Misty came to visit him in Hoenn. Ash and Misty kept in touch. They talked on the phone often and May noticed that Ash talked about her all the time. When she arrived, Ash was so happy to see her. But a series of rather stressful events prevented them from really reconnecting. After a short visit packed with plenty of action, Misty had to leave Hoenn and go back to Cerulean City. Ash was devastated to see her go again, especially, once again, without talking about what needed to be talked about.
Throughout their journey in Hoenn, May met Drew. Drew was a fellow coordinator that May competed against in many of her Pokemon Contests. After several encounters, Ash observed a more flirtatious demeanor between the two of them. He also noticed May talking about Drew more and more. It made him think about what Brock had told him once before. So Ash relayed the message to May, "Let him know how you feel before it's too late," also noting that he knew what not doing that was like.
When Ash's Hoenn journey ended, he and May parted ways rather anticlimactically. Taking Ash's advice, she had finally talked to Drew and the two of them decided to travel to Johto together and participate in contests there. Ash and May promised to remain friends, which they did. They kept in touch throughout Ash's next adventure in Sinnoh. But leaving Hoenn and leaving May, Ash could not help but notice the lack of emotion that plagued him when he left Misty. He was happy for her that maybe she would be able to have that special relationship with Drew on her next journey that he had with Misty before.
Ash's next journey took him to Sinnoh. He got off to a rather rough start with Team Rocket stealing Pikachu right off the bat. But things got much better when he met Dawn. Like May, Dawn was a new trainer at the beginning of her own Pokemon journey with high hopes of becoming Top Coordinator, just like her mother. Dawn reminded Ash a lot of himself. They had very similar personalities, both passionate and headstrong. They supported each other, and kept each other grounded. Despite their different goals, they trained together and even traded Pokemon. Dawn was a great friend, but she was just that, a friend.
During their Sinnoh adventure, Ash met Kenny. A coordinator that Dawn grew up with in Twinleaf Town. Kenny liked to tease Dawn. He liked to pick on her in a playful way using a nickname she didn't care for and tell humorous stories about her from childhood. The same type of teasing Ash and Misty used to do to one another while they traveled through Kanto, before anything else had happened between them. While Dawn was annoyed by this attention, Ash could tell that Kenny liked Dawn. Ash knew that Kenny was jealous of him for getting to travel with Dawn and always wanted to battle Ash to impress her when he was around.
After the Grand Festival, Kenny hinted that he wanted Dawn to travel with him on their next journey, but seemed afraid to outright ask her. If there was one thing that he learned from leaving Misty, it was that Brock was right. You have to say something before it's too late. Possibly against his better judgment, Ash relayed this advice to Kenny. While Ash felt bad when Dawn ultimately told Kenny that she was not interested in traveling with him right now, he rationalized that knowing and having a definite answer would have been better than being plagued by not knowing every day after like Ash still was.
As time went on, the once frequent phone calls with Misty became fewer and further between. Ash didn't talk about her as much as he used to. It got to the point where it hurt too much to think about her without that constant communication they used to have. When his journey in Sinnoh ended, much like when he left Hoenn, Ash and Dawn went their separate ways. Once again, they promised to remain friends, and they did. Their goodbye was platonic, just like May and Brock.
When Ash departed for his next conquest in far away Unova, he met Iris and Cilan. After traveling with them for a short while, Ash picked up on something that finally gave him an understanding of what Brock had told him back in Johto about how sometimes you can just tell that there is something more than friendship going on between two people. Iris and Cilan definitely gave off that vibe. Sometimes he felt like a third wheel with them. But more often, he felt jealous of their closeness and wished Misty could be there with him. He wasn't sure if this was something he would have picked up on had he not experienced it for himself before. It made him want to talk to her more. He made a better effort to call her than he had in Sinnoh, and it helped a little but, but ultimately, the busier they got with their own endeavors, it was more difficult to keep in touch. Ash wondered if it ever would be the same.
Once again, when his league adventure in Unova was over, he parted ways with Iris and Cilan. And just like Brock, May, and Dawn before them, it was a bittersweet goodbye between friends with promises to stay friends.
Realization hit Ash like a ton of bricks when he set off for his next journey in Kalos. It started off like his previous journeys through Hoenn, Sinnoh, and Unova. He met Clemont and his younger sister, Bonnie when he arrived and traveled with them throughout their native region.
Along the way they met Serena. Ash vaguely remembered meeting her once before at Professor Oak's summer camp when they were kids. Apparently, he made a pretty big impact on Serena back then. She treated him very differently than his female traveling companions before her. While Ash pretended he didn't notice, Serena seemed to admire him in a way that stemmed beyond the support of a friend. Much unlike May, Dawn, and Iris, Serena dropped hints that maybe she was interested in him in another way. Like she wanted to be the type of "friend" Misty was.
Ash felt conflicted about this. He liked Serena, she was a sweet girl who was always so supportive of him. He liked traveling with her and saw a lot of potential in her as a Pokemon trainer. But he also wondered if getting too close to her would lead to something he wasn't sure he could commit to. Some days he thought about giving Serena a chance. She was right here, it would be so convenient, and she liked him so much. Other times, he felt like he was betraying Misty for even thinking about it. More than anything else, Ash was tired of being haunted by a conversation he didn't have many years ago. Something had to be done. In the meantime, Ash could not bring himself to talk to Misty until he figured it out. This did not go unnoticed by her.
The more Ash was around Serena, the more guilty he felt. He felt bad for Serena, he did not want to hurt her feelings. He felt bad for Misty, too. He felt bad for ignoring her, but he had no idea how she would respond to his internal conflict. Communication had never been a strength of his, and now more than ever he wished it was. He couldn't take it anymore.
One evening when he and Serena were left alone, he finally said out loud all the things he had been holding in. Whether it was for Serena's or his own benefit, he wasn't sure, but admitting it was the first step. So he finally sat her down and talked.
"I like you, Serena," He began, "You are an amazing friend, a great Pokemon trainer, and you are so supportive of everyone. And it's pretty cool how we were able to meet up again after all these years. "
With that, Serena's eyes lit up, and Ash knew this talk was about to get a whole lot more difficult.
"But there's something you need to know," he began unable to look her in the eye. "There's this girl back in Kanto."
And then Serena's face fell.
"She and I have a lot of history together," Ash continued slowly, still unable to look in her direction, "I've been thinking about this a lot the past few days. I haven't been able to think about much else. I don't know what she and I are, I never really did, but I do know it's something. And I don't think there's anyone else I could be with. That is, if she still wants to be with me," He followed nearly in tears at his bottled up admission.
Serena would have been lying if she said she wasn't disappointed, but she took the news surprisingly well. She noticed how upset Ash had gotten letting everything out. She reached over and gave him a friendly hug. He hugged her back and they didn't say anything for several minutes.
Finally, Serena spoke, "If that's how you feel, I think you need to go to her. She's the one you should be telling this to, not me."
Less than twenty-four hours later, Ash found himself at the doorstep of the Cerulean City gym. Even though he made it there it record time, it still felt like the longest day of his life. He could not remember a time that he had ever been this nervous. Misty answered the door and was dumbfounded to see him there, especially since they had not talked in a while.
"Hi," Ash said timidly.
"What are you doing here?" She asked with a hint of frustration in her voice.
"I had to see you," was all he could choke out.
"Why?" she asked, still not sure how to respond to the sight in front of her, "you've been ignoring me for weeks."
"Can I come in?" He finally asked.
She rolled her eyes and let him inside. "What's this really about?" She asked. Neither could help but notice the irony that given how often they talked they never communicated well.
"Misty, what are we?" He asked. She didn't really have an answer for him. "This thing that we have, or had, going on, what is it?"
"Where is this coming from?" Was all she could squeak out.
"I-," He began as tears started welling up in both of their eyes, "I want to try. I love you, that hasn't changed since the first time I told you. And something happened recently that made me realize that I can't go on not knowing anymore. If I have one regret in my life, it's that we never talked about it before we left each other."
She was still speechless. There was a crazy mix of emotions going through her head. A mix of anger, happiness, sadness, and confusion. "Why did you let me go?" Was all she managed.
He knew what she meant. "I didn't want to," he told her, "I wanted you to keep traveling with me. Through Hoenn, Sinnoh, everywhere. But being Gym Leader sounded like such a good opportunity for you, I didn't want you to miss out on it because of me," he cried. "Why didn't you say anything?"
She didn't have a good answer to that. That was something that she had been asking herself over and over for the past several years. "I was hoping you would ask me to," she whispered, "but when you didn't I didn't think you wanted me to."
"I don't know why I didn't," he said. At that, he walked up and hugged her. They stayed in that embrace for many minutes with only the sounds of their crying.
Ash was the first to break the silence, "So what do you say? Can we try? Come back to Kalos with me."
"Ash," She said gently, "you know I can't do that. I would love to try, but how would that work? We're in different places in our lives right now. I'm doing well here at the gym. I can't leave now. And you know you can't stay here. What about the Kalos League?"
"I don't care," Ash pleaded, "I can't even think about the League right now. We can make it work. I'll stay home longer in between journeys through different regions. A lot longer. You can come out to see me whenever you can get away from the gym. We've been doing alright so far without even knowing what we are for all these years. Let's figure it out now. Nothing has to change except we won't have to wonder what could have happened anymore."
She didn't exactly have a response. She just kept crying.
"So many people have asked over the years about it. Brock, May, my mom, they all had it figured out long before we did."
"My sisters too," Misty smiled.
"See," He pleaded again, "everyone else thinks we can do it."
She sighed, "I'll tell you what," she began, "We can try out your plan until the end of the Kalos League. After that, we'll talk about it, and I mean we will actually talk about it, and see what we want to do from there."
It was the best answer he could ask for given the circumstances. They spent the rest of that day and night together before he had to go back to Kalos. When he got back, it felt as though a huge weight that he had carried around for years had finally been lifted. As far as he could tell, their plan was successful.
When Ash qualified for the Kalos League, Misty surprised him by showing up and watching the tournament. While things were slightly awkward at first when she met Serena, the two quickly found a common ground a respected one another. Even though Ash did not win the conference, Misty was proud of him for making it as far as he did. And he was just happy that she was there to cheer him on.
Ash and Misty returned to Kanto together. They never ended up having that conversation about where to go from here. Not because they were afraid like they always had been before. But this time, because they didn't need to. There was no doubt in their minds that this was the way things should be. Together.
Ash stayed true to his word. Instead of setting out on a new journey right away, like he usually did after completing one, he stayed. He helped Misty out at the gym, he caught new Pokemon that he missed before, and he spent time with Professor Oak and his Pokemon that he did not often use in battle anymore.
When it was finally time for Ash to depart for a new adventure, it was a completely different experience from the last time they had to leave each other. Of course he was sad to leave Misty behind, but this time, it was something they were both able to prepare for. They planned ahead with consistent visitation and phone calls scheduled. Plus, everything was that much easier with the confidence they now had in their relationship and the communication that they were learning to perfect.
Even though they were apart most of the time, they knew that, for now, they were where they needed to be. It wouldn't be like this forever. They knew that one day they would be together in the same place when they both accomplished their lifelong dreams. But in the meantime, they would continue to always support one another from wherever they were.
Through the hard times, let me know that I'm not alone. Because right now I need you more than I ever did before.