I shut the door on Miles' back and turned to face the window. As long as I lived, this would be the hardest thing I would ever do. And if I did it, dying might not be such a bad thing. I looked around my room, how many times had Daniel been here? How many kissed had we shared from that window? And now I had to tell him they meant nothing. Had to lie to him.
He flew in soundlessly, his wings folding in behind him just before they could touch the curtains. When he saw my face his smile fell. "Roland was telling the truth."
I nodded, even though it wasn't really a question.
"I don't understand. Why him? Why now? What can he give you that I can't?" He through his hands up, he always did that when he was exasperated.
"A toaster." It just popped out. This wasn't how I'd planned to do this, not that I had much of a plan to begin with. His arms fell and he froze, for once speechless.
"A toaster…What does breakfast have to do with any of this?" He interrupted me before I could answer. "We can get a toaster."
I shut my eyes, trying to find a way to make Daniel understand.
"I'll find one in some shop somewhere, we can-" I shook my head.
"It's not about the damn toaster!"
He was looking at me like I was crazy, I wished I could laugh it off and hold him. Just hold him. But I needed to say goodbye before I lost my nerve. Shutting my eyes helped me think straight; in the darkness his face wouldn't distract me.
"And where would we plug it in?"
I opened my eyes, he still had that incredulous look. "You're dating Miles." he spat the words out, like they were dirt. "You're breaking up with me because of a plug!"
"Yes!" I had to explain it right, to get him to leave me before I gave up and kissed him, kissed him until I was charcoal. "Because with Miles I can have a toaster, and a house to plug it in and with Miles I can go to college!" As if I wanted any of that without him. Just keep lying, a few more minutes and then I could break down. "And with Miles I have the option of children- and if I don't want kids it's my choice and not because they'd be in danger from your enemies! With Miles I can live!"
He flinched as I spoke and I regretted hurting him with each word I spoke. But I had to keep going, I had to hurt him because if he didn't leave now I wouldn't have the strength to ask him to again. "And because Miles is kind and smart and sweet and he doesn't keep things from me. He would never hurt me, he's never killed anyone."
"I only killed to protect you." His face... It hurt to look at, right then I could have stabbed myself, happily. "And look how well you did that."
"But…..But I love you." He whispered. I love you too.
"Then leave. I can't be happy with you." I was a bitch.
Daniel's face was blank. Completely unreadable.
"If that's how you feel-"
"Yes, it is." He nodded, and turned to the open window, spreading his beautiful wings that I would never see again. "Goodbye,Lucinda Price." My heart screamed.
Daniel. Don't go I didn't mean it, please!
But he did.