AN: I couldn't resist. I may or may not continue this I'll call it done.
Disclaimer: What did you think I was that awesome.
Colonel O'Neill's Mission Reports: The Epic Fails
P3X-299: Harry Potter World
We stepped through the gate onto what appeared to be a well kept lawn in front of a large castle. An old man in a psychedelic bathrobe, old woman in a dark plaid bathrobe, and a younger man in a black bathrobe came out to greet us. When we refused to give up our weapons the man in black started firing multicolored lights at us, using what appeared to be a stick. We ran back to the gate and left before he could hit us.
MIP-PIE: Gundam Wing
Big effing robots.
J3X-577: Lord of the Rings
Went through the gate and appeared in the middle of a fight between two groups of people. One consisted of two men, and what appeared to be an elf and three dwarves. The other one was made up of really, really ugly black elf-ish guys with white hands painted on various body parts. Had a running battle down to the waterfront of a river before the bad guys left. Carter saved one of the man's life with some quick first aid. We managed to keep them from stealing away with two of the dwarves, who we found out were called hobbits. They then told us their story and we Daniel agreed to help them destroy some sort of ring. We then crossed the river and caught up with two hobbits on the other side, wrapped the ring in some C-4 and blew it up. There was an earthquake and we all agreed it was time to go. The group we helped gave us some nifty leaf pins for helping them with their problem. We left.
PIM-EIP: Big O
More Giant Robots. Refer to MIP-PIE.
MN9-P2K: Pirates of the Caribbean
There were Pirates. Cursed pirates who wouldn't die and turned into skeletons in the light of the full moon. Judicious use of grenades and C-4 solved that problem. The natives gave us a chest full of gold for helping them. They asked us never to open the chest and never ever under any circumstances give the gold to anyone else. It is now in a vault inside area 51.
MK6-997: Resident Evil
Zombies. We actually ran out of ammo. That is all.
762-409: Justice League
People with superpowers politely sent us right back through the gate rather than deal with another possible threat to their planet. They wouldn't even think about an alliance.
999-999: X-Men
We were met at the gate by a man in a wheel chair and his friends. While we were talking with him about a possible alliance a man with a helmet and his people showed up and demanded to speak with the homo-superior of our planet. When told that there weren't any on our planet, he activated the gate without using the DHD and had his people blast us with various powers until we were forced through rather than be killed.
846-MPX: Sailor Moon
After traveling a mile or so form the gate we ran into a monster fighting what appeared to be a group of young girls in very scimpy outfits. There was a young man in a tree trowing roses. All of the girls were able to evade the monster's attacks by screaming and falling out of the way. There was a light show and when we blinked the spots form our eyes the monster was gone. From the talk of the girls the monster was destroyed. We snuck away and headed back to the gate before we were seen.
PIE-PIM: Evengalion
Even MORE giant robots. These ones had a bad attitude. Refer to PIM-EIP and MIP-PIE.
J13-LW2: Jurrasic Park Trilogy
There were dinosaurs. They were cool. The raptors weren't. The one with the giant fin even more so. We made it back to the gate but not before Daniel was nearly killed.