"Uninvited"
Alanis Morissette
Like anyone would be,
I am flattered by your fascination with me.
Like any hot-blooded woman,
I have simply wanted an object to crave.
She would've to have been blind, deaf, and dumb to have not noticed the way the commander's eyes lingered on her out of every other member of the crew, the way he worded his sentences when he was around her, and the obvious body language he used whenever it was just them alone, speaking as formal soldiers or just two human beings. As flattering as it seemed at first, she knew immediately that the interest he showed wasn't going to lead anything good, both her intuition and her heart told her so. So she tried her best to avoid him, but it was impossible. After all, they both were crammed on the same ship together, and as selfishly as she wanted the distance between them, the crew, her crew, needed his skill. That alone was enough to send her running for cover.
But you,
you're not allowed.
You're uninvited,
an unfortunate slight.
Still, she refused to let him in. It was too dangerous to let him in, to let him get close to her in any way. Even just needing him as an asset to the ship, that was too much. The way her history with men went... The brunette captain shook her head fiercely. No. She wouldn't even let herself think about it. That was playing right into fate's hands. He wasn't allowed to be near her, she wasn't supposed to feel anything for him, he was another soldier, just another pilot. She could shrug off his advances, she could push him away and remain distant and unattached. To save him. Another fierce shake. No. To save herself. Even thinking along those lines was a mistake. She couldn't care about him, it wasn't meant to be. She'd lost who she thought was her only love in the world, it wasn't worth the heartbreak.
Must be strangely exciting,
to watch the stoic squirm.
Must be somewhat heartening,
to watch shepard meet shepard.
Still... Her mind would wander without her permission, causing her to wake up drenched in her own cold sweat, panting heavily as her heart motored out of control. No. He wasn't allowed to do this to her. She tried even harder to avoid him, to keep all conversations they had civil and formal, she wouldn't let him ask questions about her personal life. She'd hoped that it would be enough, that he would finally just give up the idiotic pursuit, but she had misjudged his character. It only made him more stubborn, more insistent, like he liked the challenge. She couldn't help but want to yell at him, tell him how stupid he was being, that she wasn't worth it. But she masked her feelings like she had been doing for years, kept her heart hidden and safely encased in stone, away from this blond commander who seemed so intrigued by her. It just wasn't allowed.
But you,
you're not allowed.
You're uninvited,
an unfortunate slight.
She felt odd, letting him get to her so easily. He could slip under her skin without even trying, making it easy to annoy her, making it easy to want to laugh and smile even when she felt exhausted by what was happening outside her own little world, as if that alone wasn't enough. She couldn't deny the physical attraction she had to him, he was a handsome man, but what she hadn't expected was the magnetic pull he had, it was just too easy to want to be near him, like the sun, gravity just reeled her right in. But that was the thing about the sun, if she flew in too close to him, she would get burned. The mere thought of that sent her wincing all over again, her hand flew to her chest to cup the locket she wore to remind herself of what had happened, and mostly likely would happen to her again. It wasn't worth the risk. She didn't want to see anyone else die because of her, or lose anyone she had come to care about because she had this black widow's curse that kept her away from strangers who could have become friends. A negative view on her life to be sure, but something she just wasn't willing to shake. She cared too much about these strangers to really want to risk letting them in, for their safety, and her own.
Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing.
You speak of my love like
you have experienced love like mine before.
That's what her all the more scared, made her fight all the harder against this strange magnetic force that kept pulling her closer and closer to this blond-haired, blue-eyed pilot. Repeating history, though it seemed a crazy enough suspicion, made her think everything over so hard, she eventually just lost faith. She knew she was acting idiotically, when life was so short and had no guarantee that tomorrow would be a future for them, it was important to live life to the fullest. Part of her wanted to risk it, but the other which yelled more strongly, made her stop and turn away those little stirs she didn't want to feel. It was just too dangerous. She knew the double standards too, wanting to keep away from this strange man in an effort to protect him, it was utter hypocrisy. Didn't it mean she was already at the point of no return? That she already cared enough about him to want to run away to save him? She shook her head and sighed. It was so insane she was actually starting to talk to herself.
But this
is not allowed.
You're uninvited,
and unfortunate slight.
When she thought long and hard about it, it seemed as though she had come to an odd crossroads. Both ways pointed into shadows, with no light behind her or with her to aid with the strange darkness. She had no idea where either road would take her, even with the path she had just traveled, she still had little idea of where she truly had been. Stumbling around blindly, feeling the cuts and bruises of the emotional wounds that were still healing, she was well and truly lost. She had a choice to make now, she could see that well enough, even right now when she was blind. The possibility of this wild future that painted itself in her head made it nearly an irresistible choice, even with terror and the need for self-perseveration tugging her back. Was it possible? Could she really have a chance like this, after so much pain and death that had haunted her footsteps? Could she risk not finding out?
A knock at her door, a familiar voice calling her by her rank, polite and yet at the same time with that same cocky and lightly amused tone. She closed her logbook, which she really hadn't been looking at anyway, debating for a long moment whether or not to answer. Then, with a rueful smile, she called through the door. "Come in Commander."
I don't think you unworthy,
I need a moment to deliberate.
AN
It made no sense! (rants frantically and incoherently for a long moment) Grah. Well anyway, down to business... It was damned short, wasn't it? XD Though they seem like it takes days to finish them they never really turn out as long as it seems... Anyway! Explanation time!
First, about this collection of songfics. Yes, they are all going to be MM centric, some of them sent curing the canon periods during the show, GS and GSD, and others placed in an AUish period which will be left up to my crazed fangirly imagination, so take a guess at what I'll make up, lol. Next, since these songs that I chose all relate to a period in each character's "life", they will mostly all be from only one of their perspectives, unless I say otherwise, just to let ya know, lol. I have a long list of these XD, but please feel free to shoot other songs at me if you want if you think it relates to them at any point in the series, I'm way open to suggestions.
Second, (god too much explaining) I thought this song really fit Murrue in the first stages of attraction between our favourite captain and commander. N I'll tell you why. I think she has this "black widow's curse" thing going on, and yes, I know Mu came back, but she didn't know that so I tried my best to get the indecision and denial I think she felt into this songfic, which is why I chose "Uninvited". She loves Mu in the later episodes, but her feelings aren't developed yet, which really only made writing this a challenge, and a pretty damn fun one at that. I'll be writing a load more (I have a long list), please review and tell me what you think!
Sky