Hey people! Have you noticed that a lot of Maximum Ride fan fiction is now including Max being abused, moving into a foster home, then finding the love of her life? Well, I'm here to make a Parody of that. Now, don't misinterpret what I'm saying. I love those types and stories and read them often, but I think it would be entertaining to turn it into a good laugh. NO WINGS…for now. Me: I need a disclaimer. Iggy: We don't have wings! Me: Dude, your part of an abusive story. No happy wings for you! Iggy: *mumbles to self* Fine, be that way. Me: *taps foot impatiently* Well… Iggy: Oh yea! You don't own Maximum Ride!
Abusive Parody Hell Of A Good Punch Max POV
Umm, yo? I'm Maximum Ride. Currently in hell, currently hot because of the whole hell thing…if your catching my drift. I live in a dinky little house at the edge of, you guessed it, a bad town. With bad people. My father was included in the category of bad people.
Jeb Batchhelder…is my "daddy". Stupid last name that I unfortunately inherited. You can now see why I go by Ride. I also live with my two annoying siblings Angel and Gazzy. Angel…is not an Angel, and Gazzy…being a little freak he is.
"Ooooooh Maxie darling!" Damn, that's my shit-for-brains daddy with his alcohol buddies. Yay.
"Yes father dearest!" I shouted. Hey, why not play along.
"I've got some people here to greet you!" He said in a sing song voice. Hmm, I wonder what this was about. Yea, that was sarcasm there sweet cheeks. "And bring those other good for nothing kids!" A.K.A Gazzy and Angel.
"Yea, yea, yea. I know the routine!"
I ran to the kids room where they were playing…dress up. Gazzy was wearing a cute dress that I wouldn't dare be caught dead in, and he seemed to be enjoying it. Aw, I always wanted a gay friend. Seeing that I walked in the kids threw down their fake fruit and stared at me.
"Dad beckons?" Angel asked.
"Of course!" I grabbed their hands and started walking down the stairs. "One last thing. Gazzy, are you gay?" His face turned red.
"NO! I just like dresses, I feel free!" Well, I cant argue with that.
We reached the bottom of the stairs, and there dad was. In all of his drunk weird and pink glory! Wait pink? Dang, what's wrong with the male population now a days! And his little henchmen were wearing pink too! Ha-ha, their shirts said 'Only tough guys wear pink'. Oh, that's so untrue. That's like saying 'Only fat guys wear spandex suits!'. ok I'm going off topic a little, people should not wear skinny jeans if their fat!…just felt I should get that out there.
"Hello Max, and others" Dad said. I'm guessing the 'others' he was referring to was Angel and Gazzy. I'm not complaining though. It's only by a miracle he still knows my name.
"You know what comes next right?" He asked, clenching his fists. I embraced the safety position.
"Let em' rip!" I shouted as I felt a fist come in contact with my jaw, and it didn't even hurt.
"Dude, that was weak!" I laughed. Daddy looked confused.
"What? My fists are buff!" He shouted, looking angry.
"Ok this is how you get a good punch to the face."
I started to demonstrate by steadying my feet and cracking my knuckles. I took a deep breathe then punched in a upward position. I heard a girl scream and a thump as someone fell to the ground.
"Aw, come on Gazzy! That wasn't that bad of a punch!" I scolded Gazzy, as he laid there screaming and clutching his face on the floor.
"OH GOD IT BURNS AS IF SOMEONE PUNCHED MY JEWELS!" He screamed. I rolled my eyes.
"Sorryyyyy! I had to show dad how to at least punch properly!"
"What a wuss." Angel said, looking at her older brother in disgust, and then kicked him in the groin.
"Little girl has skills." One of the henchmen said, ripping off his pink shirt in a hot fashion…or trying to.
"DON'T CALL ME A LITTLE GIRL!" Angel shouted, then kicked him in the groin. The man fell and mumbled nonsense words.
Of course, Angel had to have more fun. So 10 minutes later every man was on the ground, clutching their groins. This is what I like to call girl power.
"Ok Angel. I think you made them unable to have children. You can stop kicking him!" Man, I felt bad for that guy! He was bleeding! Angel was enjoying herself though, while taking digital pictures.
"Hey dad, make sure you wipe up the blood. We don't want to neighbors seeing!" I said, knowing I hadn't heard the end of this.
I ran up the stairs, watching Angel drag Gazzy, who was still moaning, to the bottom of the steps.
Thank you for reading! I know it's a little rusty. More comedy and punches are about to come. Max and her little siblings will end up in foster care...and what not. Also, I have another comedy called Flock Madness. Read it if you so desire. Review Please!