A/N: A bit of a rush job, but I'm happy with it, Happy Birthday Zen.
A simple embrace, his arms around her waist, her arms around his neck. Such an easy gesture brought my hopes crashing down around me. I watched as their eyes met, the desire nearly palpable between them. They leaned in close their lips inches apart even as my heart kept screaming for her to snap out of it, to move, to change her mind. Something, anything.
Their lips met, and at that very moment, I knew I had lost her.
Seconds dragged on even as their hold on each other tightened, two drowning people holding onto each other for dear life. My heart broke even further when they pulled apart, the smile on his face, like someone who'd just gotten everything they could ever ask for. A smile that she mirrored whole-hardheartedly. I searched her eyes for some sign of regret, of disgust, but all I found was a fragile hope, and a burning desire.
Tori clapped her hands delightedly, clearly pleased that she had reunited the two lovers, Andre smiled, Cat giggled and bounced on her heels, sharing in the joy. I forced a smile that I knew didn't quite reach my eyes, not wanting to spoil the moment, even if my own mood was nothing short of the opposite of my friends.
"I love you, Jade" Beck smiled as he said it, his eyes aglow with happiness as he brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, just like I had done so many times before.
"I love you too, Beck" Jade smiled, a look of warmth, love, so foreign to everyone that knew Jade, except Beck, except me. I'd seen that look once before, though it looked as if I'd never see it again.
Time dragged on, with a lot of congratulations and well wishes from Tori, Andre, and Cat. I smiled when I thought I was supposed to, offering my own congratulations. I tried to catch Jade's eye, but she seemed determined not to look at me.
The group slowly scattered, everyone heading to their own homes, Beck and Jade off somewhere to celebrate their newly mended relationship. I tried one last time to get Jade to look at me, but she simply rolled her eyes and dragged Beck away, mumbling something about "how many dinners he owed her. I closed my eyes trying to smother the hurt blazing in my chest. Without a word, I turned my back and made my way home.
I made my way home in a haze, the drive here was a blur. I was on autopilot, with numb fingers I fished my keys out of my pocket and opened the front door. Darkness was all that greeted me, my family gone off somewhere. For once I was glad for their absence. For the absolute silence, of the house save for my shuffling feet as I made my way to my bed. I feel onto it gracelessly not even bothering to kick off my shoes, I simply curled into myself, ignoring the warm wetness coursing down my face, the stinging in my eyes, the sobs heaving my lanky frame as one thought played over and over in my mind.
'She's gone' ~~~~~
Consciousness came back slowly, my eyelids felt heavy, as if weighted down. Fighting for wakefulness, I rose slowly from the cold comfort of my bed. Wondering when I had fallen asleep, and more importantly what had woken me.
The chime of the front door seemed impossibly loud in the quiet of the house. I waited for long moments hoping that perhaps someone had come home while I was asleep, but after a moment, the doorbell rang again, dashing my hopes once more. I sighed as I made my way to the door, afraid to leave in unanswered in case my parents had forgotten their keys again.
I flung the door open, blinking rapidly as the light of the day blinded me, a familiar face, framed by purple streaked hair slowly swam into focus. Jade was always beautiful, achingly so, so whether the pain in my chest was from the sight of her, or the memory of her kiss with Beck, I'm not sure.
"Hi Robbie" her voice was soft, a whisper compared to her usual sarcastic self, this was a Jade few ever got to see, the real Jade. She tried to smile at me, but it was flawed, full of insecurities. Her eyes met mine for a moment, then looked away.
"Jade" I said simply, not trusting my voice at that moment.
"Can I- Can I come in?" She asked, her eyes looking anywhere but at mine. My first thought was refuse her, to slam the door in her face, maybe it would hurt her, maybe it would ease my own pain, if only just a bit. My mouth opened as my grip on the door tightened.
"Please, Robbie, I- I need to talk to you" Jade's eyes meet mine, and I could see the feelings swirling within the blue-green orbs. Fear, guilt, anger, anxiousness, and most importantly, sorrow. All the feelings she had seemed to lack earlier were now on display right before me. My mouth closed, seeing the hurt in her so obviously exposed, I couldn't bring myself to add to it. Without a word, I simply stepped away from the door, my eyes never leaving hers.
Relief flooded over her features as she moved past me into the house, with a familiarity that brought another pang to my heart. I sighed as I closed the door sealing away the daylight as I tried to prepare myself for what I knew was coming.
I turned to find Jade watching me intently, I shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny.
"Robbie, have you been crying?" The words were hesitant, breathless with some emotion I couldn't quite discern. I cursed myself for not bothering to have cleaned up before answering the door, imagining my red-rimmed eyes, and tear marked cheeks. I tried to shrug, not wanting to lie, but not wanting to tell the truth either.
"Oh god, Robbie I - "
"Don't Jade, don't say anything else you don't mean, just don't" I croaked, my voice was raspy, from disuse, but still enough to make Jade cringe at the bitterness in my voice.
"Robbie, I -" Jade began, inching towards me, hands outstretched. I flinched away from her touch, afraid what memories the feeling of her caress might dredge up.
"What do you want Jade" I spat, watching as her hand trembled before falling slowly to her side. The hurt in her eyes was obvious, but there was nothing for it. I couldn't - wouldn't let her touch me again, not now, maybe not ever.
" I wanted to talk to you, to explain" Jade pleaded. I scoffed, feeling my grief give way to anger.
"There's nothing to explain Jade, Beck's back, and I'm history. Why settle for loser puppet-boy when you could have Beck 'fucking' Oliver. I nearly spat his name, feeling jealousy roil around my stomach as the memory of the two embracing, kissing, madly in love played before my eyes. I could feel the tears threatening to fall, but I pushed them back, I refused to cry in front on her, especially now.
"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Jade shouted her eyes wide, tears slowly streaming down her face in dismay, I ignored them.
"THEN TELL ME WHAT IT'S LIKE JADE, TELL ME YOU DIDN'T USE ME, THAT I WASN'T SOME JOKE TO YOU, SOME TOY YOU THREW AWAY WHEN SOMETHING BETTER CAME ALONG" I shouted feeling my rage and bitterness course through me, bile rose in the back of my throat as I struggled to hold back the sobs. In two short steps, Jade was before me her eyes ablaze. I barely saw her hands as it streaked through the air, slapping me hard enough to knock my glasses off my face.
"How dare you" she seethed, hands clenched by her sides as she glared at me, I glared back defiant refusing to let her see any weakness.
"You're not a toy, or a joke, or anything like that, and don't you dare think otherwise. You're important to me Robbie, more-so than I can put into words" Jade hissed.
" If I'm so important to you then why are you leaving me for him" I growled.
"Because I love him, Robbie." The words nearly pushed me off my feet, they knocked the wind from me, I sagged, broken and defeated.
I had hoped... but it was foolish, of course she loved him.
"Or part of me does, used to, I don't know" Jade sighed, her voice tight. I stared up at her, watching her face furrow in confusion and annoyance. I almost wanted to smile, she was so damn cute. The thought made me wince as the pain hit all over again.
"What are you doing here, Jade?" I sighed trying to keep my own frustration out of my voice as I stared at her. She met my eyes without flinching this time, though her hands kept quivering she stared at me, fearless.
She leaned in close and like magic, or tragedy, I followed until our lips met. I wanted to wince, to pull away, to scream at her about how unfair it all was, all I managed was a strangled moan, as her fingers wound in my hair, pulling me closer. My hands nestled in the curves of her side. Feeling the warmth of her body as my hands caressed her.
Her tongue swiped against my lips, lightning crashing on my skin at the contact. I gasped at the feeling, even as her tongue darted into my mouth, warn and slick her tongue wrestled my own in a battle I was content to fight forever.
Her hands pulled slowly from my hair, cupping my face, dragging down my neck, my chest, to the hem of my shirt, a light tug was all the signal I needed I raised my arms in compliance and the kiss was broken just long enough to pull the garment off, then we resumed as if nothing happened.
It was like fire coursing through my veins, my hesitancy, guilt, jealousy, all feeding the flame until the smoke of it clouded my mind. I grasped the buttons of her shirt and began to unbutton them one by one.
She mumbled something, but the sound died off into a pleased guggle as my lips began to trace small kisses down her throat, each button, each new inch of exposed flesh prompted me lower and lower until I was eye to eye with her belt.
I stared up at her, my eyes asking the question I knew words couldn't. Fear of my voice breaking this fragile moment. She blushed, looked away, and gave the tiniest nod. Reaching up I grasped the buckle and with a tug pulled it off. With a similar flick of my wrist, the pants followed suit. I stared at Jade's half naked body with open desire, and Jade stared back her eyes matching the smolder I was sure was in mine.
"This is a terrible idea" I said, rising to my feet. Jade stared up at me hurt, I could practically see tears welling up in her eyes.
"Are you saying, you don't want me?" Jade asked, her voice hollow and bitter.
"No, I'm saying that doing this on the couch when my parent's could come home at any minute is a terrible idea." I stretched out a hand to her, and after a moments hesitation, she took it.
Without another word, I pulled her to her feet and led her to my room.
I made love to her, trying with every touch, every kiss, every caress to burn these moments into my mind.
Every gasp, pant, or mumbled encouragement became like a gemstone. A priceless moment that I would never forget.
All too soon, the time had passed, and I lay spent, with Jade curled against me.
We lay silently for a while, before Jade rose and began to dress, I watched her, thinking I should say something, anything to keep her from simply leaving.
"So, I guess this is it, huh?" I tried to smile as I said it, but I could tell a bit of sadness seeped into my voice as Jade paused in dropping her shirt as she turned back to stare into my eyes for a long moment.
"You say it like we'll never see each other again Robbie, we're still friends, we'll still laugh and joke and flirt like always" Jade sighed, but her shoulders slumped as she spoke, she wasn't sure of what she was saying.
"Yeah, but things will never be the same again" I sighed staring into the depths of her eyes.
"I wouldn't want things to go back to the way they were, not ever. I don't regret a moment of this Robbie, do you?" The question was tense, hesitant, still Jade glared at me defiantly as if already knowing my answer.
"Of course not, Jade, still-"
"Then, stop talking like this is goodbye, I'm not going anywhere and nether are you." Jade stared at me, daring me to argue and I felt myself begin to smile despite myself.
"Then what would you call it?" I asked trying to remain serious despite how adorable she looked at that moment.
Jade smirked as she walked back towards the bed, her hips swaying gently as she leaned down to rest her nose against mine.
"Call it what it is, a pause"
"Pause?" I whispered, feeling my heart speed up as hope leapt up inside me. Jade smiled at the hopeful tone of my voice and leaned in pressing her lips gently against mine for a quick kiss.
"Beck and I are high-school sweethearts, but high-school doesn't last forever Robbie, you and I could be back here next week, and that wouldn't bother me one bit."
"Is this the new cycle then?" I asked trying to keep my voice light though I was dreading her answer.
"No, I want to try one last time with Beck, but I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out like it always does. Lately, there's been someone else taking over my heart" Jade whispered, and I felt my heart leap into my throat, years of doubt and self loathing forcing me to ask.
"Are you saying-"
"I love you, Robbie Shapiro" Jade smiled as she said it, her eyes full of warmth and longing, it broke my heart to see it and yet I couldn't help but smile.
"Awww" I cooed back, trying my best to mimic Tori's voice. Jade glared at me and reaching out grabbed a pillow and began to hit me with it.
"Did I spoil the mood?"I laughed, rolling away from the blows, after a few moments I rolled back to find Jade glowering at me though the corners of her mouth gave away the smile she was hiding.
I pulled her forward and chuckled when she made a small "eep" as she fell onto the bed. Before she could begin her counter-attack, I leaned in close and pressed my lips against hers. Putting every bit of longing, regret, and love I could muster into the kiss. All too soon we parted, and I could only stare down into Jade's eyes.
"I love you too" I whispered.