Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Final Fantasy VII or anything else for that matter.

DISTANT THOUGH WE ARE

Cloud,

I don't really know where to start this letter. There are so many words that I could jumble up on this page but none of them would make any sense. This probably won't make any sense either, but you know, since when did I make sense?

There are a million explanations for why we lost touch, and I honestly don't care to go into any of them. It probably had to do with what happened between us, and Vincent, probably, and Aeris. But there was more than that, I think. I think there's a lot to what was never said that will probably never be said that you don't care to think about. Neither do I, anymore.

I think maybe you didn't love me like you told me that night. Damn, that was a long time ago, wasn't it? You probably don't like to think about it anymore, but it happened. I don't think you meant to lie to me, but you did. If you loved me you wouldn't have let me slip out of your grasp. That isn't love. But then again, you were never very good with love, were you?

It wasn't all your fault, our drifting apart…I played a significant role. I was stubborn; I didn't want to apologize to you because I didn't think I was wrong. I'm still stubborn, but now I see that we were both at fault.

I sought for the answers, Cloud. I know you don't think there's an intelligent thought that goes through my head. But it made me restless. I wanted you and yet I couldn't stand the thought of you. I loved you and I hated you. How cliché. But you know what, life is cliché. That's the joy of it.

After I left for Colorado, I tried not to think about it. I tried to put my hand over my stomach and imagine that I was going to start a new life with my baby. I pretended it was Vincent's. I wanted it to be Vincent's. But that didn't change the fact that it wasn't.

Every time I would feel it kick, or feel two heartbeats going at once, or see it's little body on the screen and think, that's inside me…I thought of you. I wanted you there holding my hand, not Vincent. There was a part of you that was inside of me, something small and living and thriving that would never go away. I knew that when I would look at that child, I would see you. I would see your icy blue eyes, I would see your stoic expressions, your creamy skin. How could I take that?

I knew something was wrong the day she was born. Vincent wouldn't leave my side, wouldn't let go of my hand, and wouldn't let me see her. "It's alright, Yuffie." He kept saying that over and over even when I asked questions. Pointless questions that every mother asks when she first gives birth. "Where is my baby?" "Is everything alright?" "How does she look?" "Where is she?" I got no answers. I got angry. I thought if you were there, you would have answered me.

But I knew Vincent, and I could see in his eyes that something wasn't right. There was something going on that I didn't know about. They came in and told me an hour later that my little girl had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck three times, and she suffocated at birth.

An hour. A fucking hour is an eternity when you don't know what's happening, only that something isn't right, and you can't see the thing that has been growing inside you for nine months. That baby is a part of you, even though you've never seen it. That baby is your helpless child that you are responsible for, you devote every second to, you protect.

I didn't get to see my little girl until they had cleaned her up, drugged me after I had panicked, and Vincent had received about ten slaps across the face. I blamed him, I blamed myself. I didn't know what to think. If Cloud were here, this would be different… But you weren't there. I could have fought fate forever, and that little girl still would have suffocated.

Vincent and I are trying again, two years later. He doesn't want kids, and I know that. He's doing this for me. He wants me to smile again. He wants April 12th to be just another day, not the anniversary of my daughter's death. He loves me, Cloud. And I just can't except him.

He's tried so hard to replace you, make me forget about you. There have been so many fights, so many misunderstandings between us, that it makes it hard for me to see the man I fell in love with. Or was I ever in love with Vincent? Sometimes I think I was, what else would have driven me to him the day you pushed me away? But then sometimes, when I'm screaming at him and couldn't care less about his feelings that I constantly trample…I think he was just another way for me to forget about you.

I'm pregnant again, big shocker. I only got pregnant because I wanted him to be happy, and he only wanted this because he thought it would make me happy, so really it's all pointless. I will love this baby because it is my child, but when I see it's raven hair and porcelain skin, I won't see the traits of the man I want to see. This child will not be my daughter that I try so desperately in my hopes to bring back to life. This whole thing is like déjà vu gone terribly wrong.

I left Vincent this morning. I couldn't bear to stay with him anymore; I can't live like that. I can't hurt him anymore. He has taken enough of my shit for a lifetime. I want him to find a woman that will love him for who he is and not because she's trying to replace someone else. I don't deserve him anymore.

I'm coming back home. I don't expect to see you, and I won't come and visit. In fact, it's probably better if we don't speak again. You changed my life with those words you whispered in my ear that night, with the thing you gave me. I am a woman now, Yuffie Kisaragi, and I can move on, I can learn to love again.

I learned that replacing you is not the solution to anything. Forgetting things is only lying to yourself. Memories are sweet as long as you don't read the fine print. I will live my life with no regrets, and look upon the past fondly. And if we do meet…

I'll see you there.

-Yuffie

A/N: I wrote this out of boredom, because my muse was jumping up and down like it was on speed and yet I didn't want to write Secret Garden or Children of the Night…So then it birthed this fic, which is going to be a collection of letters between Yuffie, Vincent, Cloud, and Aerith. So no, this is not a one shot, and yes, I will continue. Please read and review.

-Mel