Title; The Total Randomness
Summary; A Series of Random OneShots.
Rated; 'T', because I wanna play it safe, and there's a bit of cussing. And for Randomness! And the fact...They may be REALLY short...
AN; Itachi is young, but his family IS dead, for this chapter anyway. Okay? Okay. ON WITH THE STORY!
AssMook;
It was another random day at the Akatsuki base. They were all sitting around, watching a movie, in the middle of the night. Kisame, Pein and Konan were sitting on the couch, Sasori in the chair, Orochimaru and the rest on the floor while Itachi, eleven, sat in Konan's lap, damn near clinging to her because of the scary movie. No one but Konan, and unfortunatel Kisame, had noticed. But Itachi didn't know he had. By the middle of the movie Kisame had something fairly decen planned out.
"I'm gonna go get some drinks. Anyone want anything?" Kisame asked, standing up.
"Dr. Pepper!" Itachi said, looking back a moment.
"Mountain Dew." Konan said as well, patting Itachi's head. No one else replied, so he went off to get the drinks. He spied on them a moment longer, until they were all back into the movie. He slowly started to creep into the room and stood behind Konan. She took note of him, but Itachi was too engrossed in the movie to even notice a little bit.
Three. . .
He's gonna shit himself.
Two. . .
Or scream like a sissy.
One. . . . . . . . . . . .
"ROAR!" Itachi went wide eyed, jumped and fell out of Konan's lap, blushing when he heard her giggle at this before sitting up and glaring at Kisame, who was laughing. "Scared ya, didn't I, lil weasel?" Itachi could take being scared shitless, but never, and I mean ever call him a weasel.
"Cum guzzler!" Itachi snapped.
"Huh? You little bastard!" Kisame shot back.
"Shit eater!" Itachi.
"Shit face!" Kisame.
"Dildo!" Itachi.
"Cock sucker!" Kisame.
"You!" Itachi.
"Oh yeah?!" Kisame.
"Yeah!" Itachi.
"Pint sized little freak!" Kisame.
"Assfucking, dildo eating, fucktard!" Itachi.
"Hey! Now now, Itachi. You're only eleven, stop saying such bad wor..."Madara had started to say, having came in from doing Lord knows what.
"Fuck you, assmook!" Itachi snapped, shoving Madara's hand off his head. All eyes rested on Itachi for a moment, all tilting their heads a bit.
"Assmook?" Sasori asked, quirking a brow. It was the first time he had ever heard that, and the fact it came from a child made it all that more amusing.
"Yes, Assmook. Need I spell it for you? A. S. S. M. O. O. K."
He blinked when everyone kept staring at him and shrugged. "It's what Kisame is." He said, turning to walk from the room.
End;
So it may not be as funny as I had planned it, but, whatever. When I was talking to XxRavenUchiha666xX, trying to imagine Itachi saying such a thing was...Halirious. So, yesh... LOVES!