A/N: This was written for the good-luck-with-exams post-a-thon over at the RRA (cause we have post-a-thon's for everything). Set after Exit Wounds and is told from Owen's POV. Russell T Davies is evil, but unfortunately owns everything.
It's dark. So, so dark. I can't see anything. It's all the same. There is nothing.
I feel so cold, so numb, so empty, so lost. I'd give anything for another chance, anything to live again. To be able to feel pain, to eat, to drink. To sleep and to be able to escape it all. The simplest of things that we always take for granted, that we don't really realise how significant they were until we've lost them.
The familiar warmth that had always surrounded me is gone. I'm dead. Again. Only there's no going back this time. I can feel it. I'm all alone. No Jack to pull me out this time. No Jack to bring me home. Wouldn't it be great to be him? Never having to die, always being able to recover, living life to it's fullest. If I could trade places with Jack I would. Anything to be free of the sinking darkness.
The last thing I remember is being in a power plant or something. My memory is hazy. John – John Hart, he was there. That bastard. There was a bomb – several. So much damage, so much pain. I became a doctor to end pain, and when I died the first time, I swore I would work ten times as hard to insure that as few people as possible would have to experience this. I remember Tosh on the comm. She sounded hurt – what did she say was wrong? A broken heart?
I love her. I think I always have, I just didn't realise it in time. I never told her for fear of getting hurt again. I know I seem quite confident with women, but really, they've hurt me so much. I didn't want to risk my friendship with Tosh. First Kate left me, then Diane. I don't want that to happen to Toshiko. But something did, didn't it? I just can't remember what.
I can picture Ianto logging out of my computer and Jack packing up my stuff. I don't have any close family, so I hope they'll keep my personal items as a reminder. Not that they could forget me if they tried. They'd miss my sarcastic comments and remarks. The team is broken, I only hope Gwen will be able to mend it, she always was the glue that held everything together.
I hear something behind me. My name is being mumbled in a soft voice. It sounds so familiar, yet I can't place it. My body is stiff, it's hard to move, but I'm able to turn my head around slightly.
And there it is. A beautiful, bright shining light. Brighter than anything I've ever seen. I wish it weren't here, but at the same time I'm glad. I'll never have to face the darkness again. The light is Tosh.