An Interview with Tony Stark

An Iron Man Fanfic one-shot

Disclaimer: I don't own Iron Man or anything related to Marvel.

Minor movie spoilers.

"Mister Stark,"

"Yes?"

"Let me first say how glad we are that you agreed to this interview. We know that you've been sort of avoiding the press since… well since you dropped that bombshell on us last week."

"Which one? Because I know there were a few. Was it the blond or…"

"No… no I mean… well…"

"Huh? Oh yeah that, that bombshell. The Iron Man thing… yeah."

"Yes (he he) that one…"

"Yeah, just… whoo, way on the wrong wavelength there. Either way, I would have been sorry for any inconvenience that caused. (Heh, he)"

"Yes, (heh) well we have a few questions… uh, for you to answer. Are you ready sir?"

"You know, normally I wouldn't give a privet interview with a man."

"Uh, huh?"

"Because, you know, most of my privet interviews lead to one thing or another…"

"Ah, (Ha ha)"

"… And I'm not quite ready to cross that bar just yet with another male. I don't really feel that the homosexual lifestyle suits me. Maybe other celebrities, but me… well if I ever went that way I assure you, Iron Man merchandise sales would really plummet."

"(Ha) I'm sure they would (he he)."

"Plus my dear Miss Potts would be none too pleased if I picked up that habit again with anyone, boy or girl…"

"I see (Heh, Hee)!"

"But I'm confident that we can keep this professional. You know… I'm sure we understand each other's personal boundaries and we can get through this without incident."

"A-(humph)-agreed."

"My god, you're a handsome devil."

"(Ha Ha! ha ha he!)"

"(Heh heh.)"

"(He he he…)"

"(Ha heh,) okay… (heh), I think I'm ready for some questions."

"(He, ha ha!)"

"Are you ready?"

"(He) yes, (Heh ha) I'm ready…"

"I appreciate a journalist with a sense of humor. I can tell dirty jokes and not feel guilty."

"(Ha, Haa!) Please, (heh!) Mr. Stark, my sides…"

"Of course I might if you keel over because of them."

"I'm good (Gasp, heh heh) I'll start now. Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

"(Heh), We all know Tony Stark, Industrialist. Now perhaps you can tell us about Tony Stark, Superhero?"

"Superhero? Wow, that takes getting used to. I mean it's one thing to put on a weird outfit and save people, it's another to do it with a label like that."

"How do you mean?"

"Well lets break it down. 'Super,' something beyond the normal or average. Now I make more than average money, live a more than average existence, but I'm not a more than average guy. You know, I go to work, I pay bills, I fight maniacal dictators and despots. How is that any different from Average Joe America?"

"(Ha Ha!)"

"Okay… next part, 'Hero.' Someone who goes all out to do something great. I'm not really that much of a hero. Sure I can leap tall buildings in a single bound, give or take some heavy duty thrust from my jet boots. Stark patented by the way. But does flying around in a red and gold suit of armor make me a hero? No. Now standing up to the board of directors every month, that makes me a hero."

"(Ha, Haha ha!)"

"You know, I have so much. All I'm really doing by playing at this Iron Man business is risking my own life. If I live till the end of the day, I will neither earn nor lose anything, except maybe a little sleep. That doesn't make me a hero. It makes me suicidal."

"Is that what you think?"

"That's what my shrink thinks. Personally I think I just do it for the kicks."

"(Ha! Ha heh!)"

"Of course he has the degree. I'm just a scientist. I just use my head, don't know a thing about how it works."

"So, If you're not a true hero, who would you consider a true hero?"

"You know, I met one just the other day. You may know him, he's big news in New York. A Mr. Spider-man."

"Spider-man?"

"Yes, now there's a true superhero. This guy has it harder than any guy I know. Now that's just from personal experience. Let's not say he's THE most sorry person in the whole world here. I'm sure there are worse off guys. Namely the bums he sends to jail."

"You really met Spider-man?"

"I stood up in front of nearly two dozen reporters and blabbed that I was Iron Man to the whole world. You think I'd lie about something like this? I met Spider-man."

"Would you mind telling us about it?"

"Certainly. I was in New York for the opening of a new Stark manufacturing plant. It was getting boring, so I decided to step out for a bit. Naturally I kept my armor with me and I slipped it on. I just having a pleasant flight, when I hear a big Bam! I turn to look, and low and behold, someone's robbing a bank. I remember thinking, 'Oh god, not this old cliché!'"

"(He he)"

"So I decide to go take a look. Inside, there are these guys… you know the kind, with the little ski masks and the black sweaters. It's like, 80 degrees out, and these nits are wearing black sweaters. I know right then and there they were not too smart. Of course we aren't alone. Before I can even give a nice how do ya do, Spidey swoops in and kick's a guy in the face. Now I'm thinking, 'well, since it looks like this is taken care of, may as well just watch the show.' So I just kick back and watch.

"Now at first the web-head is doing well, so I'm getting set to leave, when I see him get pinned down by this guy with a machine gun. Seriously, who brings a machine gun to a bank robbery. It's like using a can opener on a soda can. Unfortunately, Spidey is in a bit of a jam, so I have to bail him out. I fly down and knock out the punk with the gun in one blow. After that, the others kind of fell to pieces. I guess having two guys in cool outfits staring them down was too much. After the cops came and took the losers, me and Spidey set off and had a bit of a chat. We swapped hero notes, told stories, ordered pizza. We had a blast."

"So you became friends?"

"Let's put it this way, before meeting Spidey, there were only two people who knew my cell-number that I actually liked. Now there's three."

"So what really makes Spidey a hero in your mind?"

"Like I said, I lose nothing doing this. I'll still be making money whether I'm there to do it or not. I'll always be able to take care of myself and my buddies. Spidey, however, has a job, family, a social life, that does pass him by when he's not there. He is giving up on so many things to do what he does. That's what really makes a hero."

"(Hmm) One more thing Mr. Stark. What do you see for yourself in the future? What's the future for Iron Man?"

"Uh… I don't know really. To be honest, I was thinking of forming a team. You know, like Richards', except different. Like, no matching uniforms. I hate matching uniforms. And have them be from all over the place. You know, real rag-tag. I think it'll be fun."

"Any chance Spider-man is on your list of recruits?"

"Right up there with Captain America. Though since he vanished in World War Two, I doubt we'll have much luck on that front."

"Well Mr. Stark, thanks again."

"You're very welcome… So, we done?"

"Yep, JJ will pay big to hear this. He'll probably contort everything nice you said about Spider-man into something cruel and fallacious."

"Just tell him I said I'd sue for liable if he misrepresents anything I said."

"And Tony…"

"Yeah Pete?"

"Did you mean all that stuff you said about me?"

"Of course. You are a real hero Pete… and a damn handsome sonofabitch."

"(Ha, Ha ha ha he! Whew!) Thanks again Tony."

"It was my honor Pete."

"Hey Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"That team of yours, you got a name for it yet?"

"I was thinking something along the lines of, 'The Avengers.' It has a snazzy ring to it."

"Wasn't that a movie with Uma Thurman in it?"

"Yeah, but my boys are working out the copyrights as we speak."

"Well, good luck with that. Give me a call when you start recruiting."

"You know it Spidey."

(Author's note: My first dialogue only fic, written right after going to see the Iron Man Movie. Which, by the way, ROCKS!! Anyway, please review. If you want more fics like this, just ask.)