AN: Hi guys! This is my first story so sorry if it is a bit rough. This is a one-shot Marichat because... Marichat are my wholesome babies. Potential trigger warning (which is why it's rated M) and post-reveal but not post-relationship but it can be a platonic relationship if you'd like.
I had a tough time writing this truly because I have felt and still sometimes feel the way Marinette does. Things do get hard but if you're still breathing just know you are strong enough to make it past even your worse days. If you ever feel this way I encourage you not to hold it all inside, my DM's are open on my Instagram (dancingmarinette) and I'm always here for all of you. Okay, enough rambling.. here you go!
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Nothing.
It was four in the morning and that was the only feeling Marinette Dupain-Cheng refused to put past her. She could fake the smiles and hide the tears in public, but once she was alone, exposed to no one but the useless human otherwise known as herself, she just couldn't push past that negative thought.
The bluenette preserves her eyes to the empty wall across her bed. Her kwami, Tikki, is sleeping, along with most of Paris. But not Marinette. As usual, the same spiral of negative thoughts toss themselves at her like knives in her heart.
You aren't good enough.
Your friends are just using you. That's why they never try to make an effort to talk to you.
Your parents don't care that you never leave your room. They probably hate you since they think you despise them.
You're stupid. A complete waste of air.
Adrien nor Chat Noir will ever like you. Both sides of him will only love the mask.
Go kill yourself already.
Once she makes it to her desk, she tugs open a drawer to reveal her sharpest pair of fabric scissors. Her shaking hand grips onto the tip before her knees fold into the tile. She suddenly finds it difficult to breath, her throat becomes dry. Was she going to throw up? Die?
A girl can dream.
She slaps herself across the face to regain consciousness. Stupid. Was she really weak enough to the point where she couldn't accept how worthless she was?
Finally, the blade breaks through her wrist. She watches the blood ooze in satisfaction multiple times. Tears slip from her face as her breathing remains uneven, all a physical sign of her insecurities. She doesn't stop until cuts fill both her arms. She feels fine until she looks back down at her arms. She had been clean for her whole life, so this is terrible. Disgusting. Marinette's teeth clench together in agony, her fingers pulling at her now loose pigtails. Why couldn't she just die already? Why did death have to be so slow and painful?
The teenager suddenly begins to feel groggy. Her vision quickly falls into a black hole as she slips into a slumber on her bedroom floor, the "masterpiece" on her arms exposed to the world.
Plagg told Adrien not to worry. He said not to worry when Marinette showed up to school late for the third time that week. He said not to worry when she magically disappeared after lunch. He said not to worry when his lady missed a patrol followed by her ignoring all his text messages.
Those situations by themself may have not been a big deal, but once it was smushed into one day it couldn't help but keep the sunshine boy up at night.
"Plagg? Plagg, wake up," Adrien begs, nudging his Kwami in hopes to awaken him.
Plagg groans, enabling his forest eyes to the boy's bedroom.
"What is it kid? It's way too late for you to be up."
"It's about Marinette. I'm really worried, I think I need to go check on her."
"Whatever you say," Plagg says before yawning. He really was getting sick of Adrien's late night adventures. How much was it for a Kwami to get some sleep around here?
"Plagg, claws out!"
The enclosed Adrien Agreste magically transforms into the independent and free Chat Noir. After sneaking out of his window, he allows the cold breeze to hit him and begins his journey to the bakery.
Please be alright my lady. Please be okay.
His boots gently fall onto her balcony, and he decides to peep through the hatch leading to his partner's room, praying she's happily sleeping.
She doesn't look awake, but her surroundings leave an instant shatter to his heart. She's in the middle of the room, collapsed onto the ground. But shockingly, that isn't the worst part. His eyes are latched to the fabric scissors next to a loosened pigtail. And next to that pigtail are her arms. Her exposed, bloody arms.
Was she alive?
His heart picks up at an even faster rate as he opens the hatch without making a noise.
The room is dead silent.
"P-princess?" he stutters once he's next to her. He sits on the cold tile, his legs out in front of him, bent a bit at the knee.
Chat intakes a sigh of relief when he finds her still breathing. An instant run of his hand through her midnight hair awakes her from her sleep.
"Chat.." she begins. Thousands of emotions fill inside Marinette. She's been caught. Caught by the one person who hadn't turned on her. She felt like a freak. An embarrassed, stupid freak.
"Hey. You're okay. I'm here," Chat says in a soft tone, pulling Marinette next to him. She feels tense, almost frozen.
"I'm so stupid. You should just leave. Leave and let me die, please," she requests, her voice hoarse in attempts to hide the tears cornering her eyes. Chat feels his blood run cold. How long had she felt like this? Why was he too oblivious to notice it?
"No I'm not going to leave." Chat announces, his ears drooping. "I don't want to lose you. I love you way too much for that. And so do so many other people. And you should too."
"Stop lying. Please," Marinette chokes out weakly. Her hands cover her face to hide her now slightly tear streaming face.
"Just let it out. I know you, and I had a feeling you were stuffing all your thoughts inside of you but I was too scared to confront you. Stop holding it in princess, please," Chat begs, lacing one of his gloved hands with hers.
That statement alone leads Marinette to the breakdown she had before her kitty cat came. She hides her head in his chest, coughing and crying until her vulnerability is replaced with a migraine.
Marinette stands up, her legs wobbling a bit as she does so. Chat grips onto her shoulder with one hand, using the other to lift her chin.
"Why would you hurt yourself?" he asks blankly. His eyes are filled to the rim with concern and he hopes she can't feel his hand trembling on her.
"Everyone hates me. I hate me. And I can't live with myself anymore. I'm sorry, I know how much you'd miss me with the mask on.." Marinette begins, her voice shaky and weak.
"Don't say that. Marinette, my love doesn't change for you just because you don't have a red piece of fabric wrapped around your face. No one hates you. And I don't think an amazing girl like you should think so negatively of yourself. What could possibly be wrong with you?" Chat asks. Somehow, he still feels like this is all his fault.
"Everything. I always say the wrong thing. Three months ago I couldn't even talk to you in your civilian form without freaking out. I'm a complete klutz and always mess everything up. And now I'm just a stupid girl hurting herself and letting out my emotions even though nobody will care in the end. Everyone just ignores me anyways." Marinette admits, feeling her eyes fill with tears once again. She didn't want to cry. She was so sick of crying.
"There's no issue with being flustered, especially when it's you. In fact, I found it pretty cute. You aren't any of those things in fact, you mean the entire world to me and if I lost you I would go absolutely insane."
He places his now free hand on her other shoulder, his eyes glued to hers.
"So listen to me. If you ever feel like this, call me. I don't care if it's as late as it is now or my dad has me locked inside of my bedroom, call me. I will do anything in the world just to see you smile and I'm not going to stop trying to help until you feel okay."
Finally, it all clicks for Marinette. Alya and the rest of her class may have turned on her, but she has Adrien. Hell, she has Chat Noir. Her pun-loving, Cheshire smiling partner. And the last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt him. And this? This was breaking him into pieces.
"Okay. If I mean that much to you, okay." Marinette smiles gently, drying her tears with the tips of her fingers.
Chat pulls his princess into a hug, rubbing his hand onto her back. They stay like that for what feels like hours before Chat's eyes meet her wrists.
"Now lets fix that. I'm no doctor but I don't think open wounds are good for you."
A gentle laugh escapes Marinette. Chat can't help but smile back. He made her laugh.
Minutes later, he secures the last bandage around her forearm. Marinette looks down. Did she regret this? Was hurting herself the best option to let her negative thoughts out? She didn't want to put everything on Adrien either, he already had so much to deal with at home.
"No need to stress Mari. You're fine," Chat speaks, predicting Marinette's stiff posture was due to her guiltiness. He lifts both of her wrists up, kissing the bandages with a soft touch. Marinette blushes, her heart picking up its pace.
"Thank you Adrien. For everything. I'm sorry you had to see me like that."
"There's no need to apologize. I'm relieved I found you before things got worse."
Marinette plants a quick kiss on Chat's cheek before heading back towards her bed. Meanwhile, the cat remains on the ground floor.
"Do you want me to stay?" he calls from below, looking up at the bluenette who's tucked beneath her covers.
"Yes please."
Marinette scoots to the left, leaving space for her partner.
"Shit," Marinette groans. "We have school in less than three hours."
"Eh, it's a Friday. We can just skip."
"Who knew the Adrien Agreste could be so rebellious?" Marinette giggles, playfully punching his shoulder.
"What can I say? It's the cat in me."
Marinette rolls her eyes as Chat erupts into a gentle laughter.
"Goodnight Kitty."
"Goodnight Princess."
And for once, Marinette slept peacefully. At ease. Maybe she wasn't completely worthless after all.