Author's Note: This is a short little oneshot based on a prompt given to me by a friend of mine on a Livejournal alphabet meme I did recently. The prompt was for 'Leon', as in Kings of Leon. As you can probably tell from the title, this is loosely based off of their song 'Sex On Fire'.

There were certain days in his life when Hatake Kakashi could barely muster the immense strength required to roll himself out of bed in the morning without accidentally cocooning himself even further into the sheets. Other days, he felt ready to take on the most challenging S-rank mission Tsunade had to offer him. It all depended on a variety of factors. When he'd gone to bed, how far into his book he'd read through, how many times he'd just stared at his Sharingan in the mirror when he got home...that sort of thing.

However, whilst dodging a particularly singed accumulation of whatever the hell that even was, Kakashi couldn't help but feel that it was just going to be one of those days. Beside him, a harsh clang of metal deflected from a nearby rock, and Sakura landed on her feet nimbly. A little bit shaken and worse for wear, but still. Nimble.

"Kakashi-sensei!" She exhaled rapidly, and her jade eyes were wide with disbelief. "What is that woman doing?"

Unfortunately for her, this was one situation that the Sharingan had never encountered before. In fact, even if he stretched the tattered pieces of his extended memory out and had a long hard look at each and every scrap...he couldn't even begin to recall a time when he'd even seen anything like this. Without giving the two enough time to formulate a plan, yet another blazing blob of an unknown substance came hurtling towards them.

"Move!"

Luck planned some rather strange things whilst too bored to just outright hand them a raw deal. This could be interpreted as they saw fit. There was no reason why they couldn't have won, surely. It was just so very, very aberrant. Of course, formulating strategies for immediate survival didn't come easily when you had recently become crushed under a massive boulder.

"Kakashi-sensei!"

Although it was a rare occurrence for Kakashi to have many vivid dreams that did not involve characters from the Icha Icha series, or the faces of his dying team-mates, nevertheless his mind seemed to love surprising him. Images of soft, pink hair wound around his vision. The centre of the spinning that blurred everything but the core, and yet made it all so clear, stood perfectly still. There was a level of serene clarity. Though for some reason, he felt curiously tense about it.

Hm.

An attempt to step forwards revealed that his feet were completely numb, as if they'd been sat on by all of his summons at the same time. It was like the ground (if that was indeed what it was - for some reason he couldn't look down) had given way beneath him, yet had remained perfectly steady. His hands didn't seem to have much use either. In fact, the only thing Kakashi could recall feeling was the hasty, erratic beat of his heart. Knowing his luck...he could very well have been a floating pile of cardiac muscle with eyes for all he knew.

The figure with the pink-hair that he could identify in said heartbeat stood with her back towards him. The light seemed to pull at her form, as if attempting to distort it but only making it more clear in the process. Whilst he was still trying to gather his bearings, the figure turned.

Sakura rested her gaze on him (whatever the hell he was at that moment - he was still trying to find his hands).

And for some reason, he felt a fire burned him from the inside out. It persisted, and he would have gasped for air had such a thing been possible. Her eyes fixated firmly on him, their expression purely...just...

...intense

Before he had time to divulge in that look further, the edges of his blurred clarity began to blacken like the crisp edges of paper shrivelling in a flame. Darkness followed. And so did that stare.

A breath of charred, dirty air filled his lungs, and Kakashi almost choked on the sensation. He opened his eyes blearily, and attempted to turn his neck to the side. What a strange sight he must have been, eyes straying around like the gaze of a haunted baby.

Clenching and unclenching his hands to make sure they were still attached.

Exactly where he was now should have been more important to him at that moment. The location of the enemy, where they could pull their next assault, how they were going to defend, what jutsu he was going to counter-attack with...all of those things should have sprung to his mind first. Kakashi himself should have risen to his feet with both the speed and stealth of Jiraiya fleeing from the women's hot springs...but he didn't.

It just seemed so difficult to care.

A layer of apathetic dizziness embraced him, and he was too cold to pull away. In fact, the only thing that kept him warm was the vision of those eyes, igniting his core and burning him alive.

"Sensei, you're awake! Thank god for that, I thought maybe I'd hit the rock too hard or something."

Gentle but firm hands were poised on his lower legs, a soft green aura emitting from her palms.

"Sakura?"

"They're gone, sensei. They've... retreated," the pink haired chunin said seriously, pausing with a hint of pessimism. However, her gaze, like her touch, was also firm.

Interesting.

"They'll be back soon." He said both to himself and his student. The whereabouts and Naruto and Sai were still unknown; they had been forced to split up into two separate teams the moment they'd been ambushed by those...people. It was just as well, really, since the only immediate strategy that had manifested itself within Kakashi's ticking mind had been water - lots and lots of water. Where it would have to go was another thing entirely though. Somehow he just didn't feel confident in Naruto's ability to perform his frog-water jutsu in order to extinguish the flames of a woman's burning crotch.

Not without having an aneurysm, anyway.

Kakashi's legs had apparently taken the brunt of the impact as a flurry of sediment exploded around them. Luck seemed to have been terribly bored once more, as the enemy had decided to leave just as their opponents were in a venerable state. They would definitely, definitely be back - and soon.

"We don't have time for this," The raspy sound that came from his throat sounded alien to Kakashi. How long had he been out exactly? A lone drip of water gave into gravity somewhere in the distance, and the smell of earth and stale water permeated the surroundings. Intricate patterns of layers and the breathtaking designs of nature enclosed them, and what had once been the crisp, cold air of night time had turned into the muggy humidity of confinement.

The dark always was a pain to appreciate, though.

Perhaps Pakkun could pick up a scent from here-

"Wha-? Hey, don't you even think about it!"

Sakura's hands shot to either side of her sensei like trained clamps. Her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned in a stern expression that he wasn't sure suited her.

"Let me go, Sakura," the silver-haired ninja said, calmly. "I need to try and close in on their scent."

As the pink-haired nin opened her mouth to protest, the chalky sound of small rocks breaking away from a wall somewhere reached their ears. A paranoid prickle made the hairs at the back of Kakashi's neck stand on end, and every muscle in his body tensed, ready for anything. A hand automatically reached for his kunai.

Silence once again reigned supreme, and both ninja lay still, like statues of action frozen in time. From her movements above him, the last Hatake could tell that she was planning to quickly scramble up. That was all well and good, but the fact that tiny pieces of debris, mostly of the natural variety, littered the ground upon which they stayed made things complicated. Dust and thick shapes of sand would crumble and break away with any extra pressure, and it would be all too easy to put a foot out of place here.

In short, moving like that would move a rock, and moving a rock would make a noise.

They were already at a disadvantage as it was.

"Lay where you're laying." A hand suddenly went round to the small of Sakura's back urgently, holding her in place.

"Kakashi-sensei?" His student whispered harshly, and from this angle he could just about see the gleam of sweat building up on her temple. Through his vest, he could feel the press of her abdomen on his.

"Don't make a sound." A thick tension hung in the air as their chests rose and fell. Ears strained to pick out any further hints of movement, and Sakura's leg trembled with visible effort as she tried not to shift her foot on the uneven ground.

"I know...they're watching," the pink-haired girl swallowed, eyes darting around in the darkness.

"Well...someone is. We just don't know-"

Another slight crumble of the surroundings sounded like an earthquake to them, and they realised the enemy was closer than they had first thought. Sakura's knuckles turned white and pale as she made fists over the copy-ninja's dusty vest. A sudden commotion of startling movement could be heard and the scuffle of shoes against gravel echoed loudly, and something snapped within Kakashi. They had to move, now.

"Geeze, I hope we're not interrupting anything, guys." Naruto muttered with a dead-pan expression, hair and clothes visibly singed and reeking of smoke. Sai stood not too far from him, a forced smile looking peacefully awkward on his pale face.

"Naruto!" Sakura shouted out in belated realisation, right into Kakashi's ear.

He sighed in both pain and relief; yep, it was definitely one of those days alright.

The End.