Fred is SO Dead!
p o t r
Dedication: To Hayley, for being the greatest friend a girl could ask for and for inspiring me to push my limits.
a/n: This one-shot is written in response to Hey-Hayley's story Finding Fanfiction. She challenged her readers to write their own stories about the brothers finding fanfiction-dot-net, so this is what I came up with, merged with the ninth PHM challenge. In honor of her challenge, I'm asking everyone who reads this to try to write their own story about the boys finding our little community. Specifically, I'm tagging suburbs, LaPaige, and secretfunnelcake. Have fun, girls! :D
5. What kind of JONAS fanfic story would Macy OR Fred write?
Nick was probably writing the most fantastic song he'd ever written in his entire life. It was better than the song he'd written for Penny, better than the one Joe had written for Stella when they finally got together, better than the songs Kevin had written for both Anja and his 'soulmate' Hayley—it may've even been better than the one his heart seemed to pound out whenever Macy stood too close to him these days.
Okay, so the last one was impossible.
But if it was better than Kevin's Hey, Hayley, it was pretty DAMN epic.
And it was.
So here he was, strumming chords on his guitar and tweaking with the most amazing melody he'd ever made, occasionally writing down a lyric on the paper in front of him and trying to convince himself that the name Macy was hard to rhyme and therefore did not belong in a song, especially when she didn't even know that she had inspired his last three—when all of a sudden, his cell phone rang. He couldn't even ignore it, because it was Macy's personally recorded ring tone that bubbled out of his pocket.
"Pick up, Nick! It's me!" chirped the phone. He bit back a groan and set his guitar down to pull out the device.
"Hey, Macy!" he said, trying to inject his voice with some cheer to cover his slight frustration. "How're you?"
"Nick, turn on your computer." Whoa, what happened to bubbles and rainbows and sunshine? This voice was hard and cold and business-like.
"Mace? Is everything okay?" he asked. "What's going on?"
"What's going on?" the girl responded. He realized that her calm was barely covering a bout of hysteria when it started to rise. "What's going on?! I'll tell you exactly what's going on! Fred—Fred Patterson, the one who sits next to us in art, the only guy in my fan club? Yeah, Fred is SO dead. Dead. As in, I'm going to kill him, revive him, and kill him again. That's how dead he is."
"Macy, are you—?" Nick stopped talking when he realized that he was hearing a rhythmic pounding sound from her end of the phone. "Are you on your way over here?"
"Yeah, and so is Stella. Everyone needs to see this. Have you turned on your computer yet?"
Nick swiveled in his chair and turned to a laptop that he had set down earlier in the afternoon. Jabbing the power button with his finger, he replied, "I just did. What's on the computer that I need to see so badly?"
"Fanfiction," Macy growled.
"Fanfiction?" Nick parroted. "What's so bad about fanfiction?"
"Nick Lucas is actually asking me this question? What's so bad about fanfiction? Weren't you the one who—"
"Okay, so I've said some less-than-complimentary things in the past," Nick said. "But it's harmless, right?"
Macy sighed into the phone. "Is your computer loaded yet?"
"Umm… yeah," Nick said after sneaking a peak at his desktop. Macy's refusal to answer his question concerned him, but he said nothing. He opened his internet browser. "What's the website?"
"Fanfiction-dot-net. Go to the miscellaneous category and select TV Shows."
"What am I looking for?"
A snort met his ears. "Oh, you'll see it."
&&
After skimming through the ninth fanfiction, Nick had to close the laptop. His ears were burning and he was sure that his face was bright, flaming red.
"That's, um," he said. "I c-can see why…"
"You see?" Macy threw her hands up. "It's so horrible that it's reduced Nick Lucas to a stammering mess! I am going to kill Fred."
"Well, it's not that bad. Some of these are pretty well-written," Nick told her. "Did you see the one about Kevin and the ducks? Ducks for the Weekend?"
The brunette sent him an icy glare and he backed down, a small smile on his face.
"I'm talking about the other ones. The ones that somehow involve me and Stella!" Macy exclaimed. She ran a hand through her hair. "Oh, this is all my fault."
"How is it your fault?" Kevin asked, looking up from a story by a user called Hey-Hayley. "You're not the one who posted all of these stories."
"No, but if I hadn't handed over web-mastership to Anna, she never would have contacted you about releasing information about that TV show you signed on for, and then Fred wouldn't have found out about it and started posting all of this… this…"
"Fanfiction?" Joe supplied hesitantly.
Macy seemed to deflate a little. "Not exactly the word I was thinking of, but yes." She covered her face and let out a groan. "I can't believe he would do this to me."
"Macy, it's really not that bad," Nick said gently. Stella snorted as she looked up from yet another 'Kacy' fanfiction and he fixed her with a glare. "In all honesty, the only reason I'm speechless is shock. There are… a lot of these. But most of them are…" He trailed off, trying to think of a word to describe them.
"Cute?" Kevin suggested. Joe and Stella chimed in with their own suggestions.
"Funny?"
"Sweet?"
"One of those," he agreed. He opened his laptop to show her what he meant. "Look at this one here—if you ignore the names, you could almost picture someone else, couldn't you? Shane and Mitchie instead of Joe and Macy?"
"What? Joe and Macy?" Stella had left Joe's side in an instant to try to wrestle the computer away from Nick. She scrolled through the story, face stormy and slightly terrifying. Kevin rolled his eyes at this.
"I just sent him the link, Stella. 500 Days of Summer is an angst fic—they don't stay together."
"Whoa, hey! Finding Fanfiction!" Joe quickly sent an instant message to each of his brothers with the link so they could look at it together. "This is pretty funny—Nick's trying to straighten his hair and act like some kind of wild child."
"What?" Nick clicked the link.
Stella looked between the three boys, from the snickering Kevin to the glowering Nick to the smirking Joe. She shrugged. "I give up. I'm going downstairs for a snack," she said finally. "Mace, you coming?"
"Um, no." Macy said with a little wince. "I read Finding Fanfiction before I came over." She sent Nick a pointed look. "I'm not about to leave these three alone for a second. When Nick pulled out the flatiron in that little story, he burned his pants."
The blonde's eyes went wide and she gave Nick her own cautious look. "Maybe I should stay, then."
"I'm not going to try to straighten my hair!" Nick snapped. "Whoever wrote this story was right—I'd need far too much hair product that I don't care to buy and I'd look ridiculous anyway." He glowered at the screen as Stella went down the stairs. "And you know, the only story I've seen that mentions me being 'unable to manage my blood sugar' is written by the same girl who wrote this. I've yet to read a story that actually has me in a diabetic coma."
Macy sent a glance over his shoulder. "How'd you get to Fred's community? This is just about 'the show.' If you want to find yourself in a diabetic coma, you'll have to go back to the Misc. TV Shows category."
"Um, no thanks," Nick said, giving her a smile. "I'm good."
Macy gave him a smile of her own and was about to reply with something witty, until Kevin interrupted with a cry of shock.
"HOLY MOTHER OF FISH!" the boy shouted, ruining his brother's moment. "STELLA!"
The speed with which Stella came up the stairs was shocking, especially considering the fact that she was wearing four inch heels. "What?! What's wrong? Did someone rip their clothes? Spill grape juice?" Her eyes went wide with horror. "Please don't tell me there's still duck poop in this room from last month. It took forever to get off your boots."
"Stella, calm down," Macy said. "He probably just found some fanfiction that shocked the pudding out of his cup."
"What?" Stella turned to Kevin. "Is that true?"
"Just read it before you get mad at me," Kevin said. "I swear, there was a reason for screaming bloody murder."
As the blonde began to read whatever horror story Kevin had probably found, Nick turned back to his computer. He had seen several stories with the word 'Nacy' in the summary, but he hadn't had the chance to click on one yet. He had a faint idea about what he would see, though, and hesitantly selected a story called The Game, by nevershoutbribri.
As he scrolled through the story, he found himself smiling. He remembered Macy scolding a freshman named Brianna a while ago when the JONAS-heads had come to the firehouse because of some presidency drama. Could this be her?
"Macy?" he called, not looking up from the story.
The brunette's head turned his way as she broke her attention from the open-mouthed Stella and guffawing Kevin.
"Yeah, Nick?" She came around behind him to look at what he'd found.
"Do you like wrestling?" he asked. "More specifically, Triple H?"
"Duh! DX for the win!" Macy said, giving him a dumbfounded look. "Why?"
"Because I think I've—OH." Nick quickly hit the backspace key and went back to the community page.
"Hey, I was reading that!" the girl behind him whined.
Nick said nothing. He didn't really need to, because the blush on his face told Macy everything she needed to know.
"Oh, gross, it wasn't one of those fanfictions, was it?"
"NO!" Nick exclaimed. "It was just… kind of embarrassing."
Macy gave him a curious look and then shrugged her shoulders. She looked at the community page and her own eyes quickly found the word 'Nacy' used several times. "You, um, haven't read any of the Nacy stories, right?"
"No," Nick responded, a little too quickly. But Macy didn't notice, sighing with relief. "Why?"
"Oh, no reason," she squeaked. She gave him a quick smile and turned to Kevin and Stella before he could see the blush fanning out across her face. "SO! What are you reading that's so scandalous that you had to shout for Stella?"
Kevin wiped a tear from his eye, trying to calm himself down enough to speak. Stella was in a similar state, laughing so hard that it hurt to breathe. They both just shook their heads and Macy rolled her eyes, pulling Kevin's computer from willing hands. She read the title aloud. "Again, by nevershoutbribri."
After sending another curious look at her friends, who were leaning on each other for support in their mirth, she began to skim the story. A couple of phrases caught her eye and caused her to chuckle, but it wasn't until she came upon a particular line that she began to laugh out loud.
He was streaking, the little devil.
She continued reading, laughing in earnest, until she came to the last paragraph in the first section. It caused her to stop short, abruptly cutting off her laughter. "Um, guys, did you get the chance to read this part?" She pointed to it and set the computer back on Kevin's lap, allowing the two to read the passage she was referring to. She could tell the exact moment the reality of the situation hit them.
"Whoa," Kevin said, quickly averting his eyes.
"What?!" Stella exclaimed. She grabbed the computer and seemingly ran off with it, really taking it over to Joe's bed so they could compare notes about what she'd found. Apparently, Joe had recently discovered 'Joella' also.
Kevin, a little miffed to have his computer so swiftly taken, moved over to sit next to Nick. His brother was just as inattentive as the rest of the group, however, because Macy also came back to sit on his other side. As he glanced between the two, sitting abnormally close for a pair that were 'just friends' (take after big brother Joe much, Nick?), he was struck with an idea.
"You know what I don't get?" he asked aloud. He had not counted on being answered by everyone in the room.
"Why alarm clocks have snooze cycles?"
"Why no one else knows about Be Kind to Chipmunks Day?"
"Dates?"
He sent Macy a questioning look when she didn't give him an automatic answer. She shrugged, indicating that she just couldn't think of something sarcastic to say.
"No, guys," Kevin said with a dramatic roll of the eyes. "I don't get why all of these fans insist on pairing me up with Macy. Not that she's not great!" he added quickly when he caught Nick's glare. "I just think she'd do better with… someone else. Like…"
"Like who?" Macy asked, tilting her head in curiosity.
"Yeah, Kevin," Nick said, intensifying his glare. "Like who?"
Kevin looked between the two of them, clearly torn about what to do. "Like…" he began. Finally he burst out, "Someone other than me!" He forced out a laugh. "I mean, I've got a girlfriend, remember?"
"Doesn't stop people from pairing her up with me." Joe said. He pointed at a story. "This one's dated a few days ago, and I started going out with Stella in October."
Stella glowered and closed the window that Joe had opened up to view the story.
"If they've got to pair her up with one of us, why don't they put her together with Nick?" Joe complained, finally letting Stella win. "He's the one who's single."
"And he's the one who actually—" Kevin began. He was cut off when a pillow (three guesses who threw it) connected with his face. "Ow! Nick, that hurt!"
"Maybe your face hurt the pillow, Kev."
"Really, Nick?" Joe said, laughing at how lame the comeback was. "Really?"
"Oh, don't you go quoting Mackenzie Falls at me, you dwonk!" Nick threw his other pillow at Joe. "That was even lamer than my comeback!"
"Was not!"
"Dude, it's proof that you watch Mackenzie Falls, the lamest show on the planet."
"And how would you know it's from—"
"GUYS!" Stella exclaimed. "We're missing the point here." She pointed to her computer screen. "There's fanfiction out there that pairs me together with Nick, okay?"
"Say WHAT now?" Macy yelled, tearing the computer from Stella's hands. She scrolled up and down, looking for a username. When she finally found it, her face turned red with anger. "I am going to KILL Fred."
"Wait, your weird little friend wrote this?" Stella snatched the computer back. "No wonder they got Nick's shirt size right."
"What? No!" The smaller brunette took the laptop once again and finally handed it to Kevin over Nick's head, much to the older boy's relief. He was starting to get worried as it was passed between hands. "Fred didn't write that particular story—I'm just going to kill him for starting this craze. And anybody could have gotten Nick's shirt size right after you wheeled in those outfits. No, the username belongs to a girl in the panhandle chapter."
"The what?"
"Florida, Joe. Florida."
"Oh."
&&
Finally, after an hour of listening to the things that Macy planned to do to Fred, Joe and Kevin decided to pursue their fanfiction curiosities elsewhere. Stella herself looked a little queasy when she decided to join them a half-hour later. Eventually, Nick had to stop her.
"Macy, I don't think it's possible to do all those things to the same person," he said gently.
There was a definite evil gleam in her eye. "If you give 'em time to heal, it is."
"Mace, stop pacing and sit down." Nick pulled out the chair next to him. "Fred isn't going to go anywhere if he doesn't know you know. And you're starting to scare me with this."
Macy sat heavily and stared blankly at the computer screen. Nick was back on the community page and she, once again, saw the word 'Nacy.' She laughed, although it was a hollow sound. "Nacy. You know what that is, don't you?" Nick nodded, although he suspected it didn't really matter whether he responded or not. "Me and you. It'd be kind of funny if it wasn't so sad."
Nick opened his mouth to speak, to tell her that he didn't think it was sad or funny at all, that the Nacy stories were probably his favorite, but he was cut off.
"All of these girls think that love can happen in a thousand words. That I can 'teach you to have fun' or that you'll somehow be failing a class that I'm good at or that I'll suddenly be musical enough for guitar or piano lessons."
"Piano lessons are a good idea, actually," Nick said, trying to lighten the mood. "I haven't seen that one yet."
Macy just fixed him with a blank look and he decided to hush. "It would take a miracle to get the two of us together and they know it. Why do you think there are so many more Kacy stories? Because they're believable. I've done my research here. More than half of these girls say that they root for 'Nacy,' but the amount of Kacy stories would certainly make you think otherwise."
"Would it really take that much of a miracle, Mace?" Nick asked softly. He put an arm around the girl's shoulders and she leaned into him without quite realizing what she was doing. "Is it really so unbelievable?"
"That I would like you? Hardly," Macy admitted. "That you would like—"
He cut her off with a sweet, loving kiss.
Later—much later, after they discovered that Stella and his brothers had abandoned them to go get smoothies—Macy whispered into his ear:
"I'm still going to kill Fred."
Nick could only laugh as he pulled her close again and drove the murderous thoughts out of her mind.
fin
a/n: MY SCHOOL BLOCKED FF. I am sooooo ticked at whoever was stupid enough to look at an M-rated fic and got the only thing that keeps me sane BLOCKED. Augh. I'm having withdrawal symptoms already. It's not funny. D:
So, everyone give thanks to Hey-Hayley and check out her stories, because she's posting this for me from my own account. Yeah, I'm proud of her, too. :D
I'm still writing; I'll just have to post through Hayley for now. My mother still doesn't trust me to sleep in my own bed. But I'm trying hard!
Much, much, much love to you all!
Beth