Precious lives.
The rain was pouring as hard as ever, pounding loudly on the rooftop. The glass was shaking and each time the rain hit metal there was a clanging sound that echoed through the fog.
Hard to imagine that just a moment ago this place was the "Phantom Lord" guild's building. It didn't look like it anymore. Even it's own members wouldn't be able to recognise it.
The water started to gather around Gray's feet making it much more difficult for him to hold his balance. He couldn't just pull her up - it was way too slippery. If he wasn't careful, he could tumble over the edge himself. Holding her by her wrist with his left hand, he tried to steady himself with his right.
"Just hold on!" – he yelled to her, grinding his teeth.
Dangling off the rooftop Juvia, however, was making no effort to pull herself up. Her lips were slightly parted, her eyes half closed, and though she still had strength to continue the fight she saw no point in trying to defeat her opponent.
"He just wants to save his friend…" – she slowly reasoned with herself, - "If Juvia had someone like that in her life, she would do everything to save them as well."
If only there were people like that in her life, though... Someone she was ready to fight for, putting not only her strength but her heart in it as well. Something that would make her happier, it didn't even necessarily had to be a someone.
Not at this point anyway.
"Let go," – she told him quietly.
"Are you insane?!" – he turned his eyes to her, - "This is not the time for this! C'mon, pull yourself up!" – he wanted to add that he would not let her go and this wasn't a trick, but he switched his attention to his now trembling arm. He cursed under his breath, feeling the water seep under his palm.
"You can still save your friend just… let go," – she repeated again and added in a whisper, - "please…".
"Absolutely not!" – he yelled back, spitting the rain out of his mouth and trying to shake his soaking fringe off his eyes.
Juvia wondered for a moment why this man refused to comply with her request, and thought it was strange of him to try to save both his friend and his opponent. However, she quickly realised she would've done the same. Great thrill and pride came with being a winner, but there was no need to become a murderer. Juvia wouldn't be able to handle that burden, asking something like that of someone else would be unjust.
So she decided to ease these unfortunate circumstances, ease her pain and end her misfortune once and for all, not letting this wonderfully kind man have any say in it.
She grabbed his wrist with the hand he was holding her by, and, careful not to leave a mark, burned his skin with boiling water.
Gray acted on reflex when he jerked his hand up. The pain was sudden and it felt like something had bit through his arm.
The rain kept pouring, but a different kind of wave flushed over his face and body once he realised he was now looking at his empty hand.
Eyes wide open, he launched forward just in time to catch the last glimpse of her face before she crashed against the water never to resurface again. She had tears in her eyes, but there was a soft smile on her lips.
"It's finally over!" – she let out a broken chuckle, but it didn't reach him.
He kept looking at the water, hoping she was the one trying to trick him.
One water ring, another water ring, third, fourth…One by one the rings started to disappear and the water steadied.
Gray was holding his breath, and he wasn't blinking afraid to miss any sign that there was still hope for her.
Eventually he pulled back and sat on his feet. Slowly he turned his head up and saw that the rain had stopped, and the clouds had parted. The sky was now lit up by the sun's warm halo that scattered in all directions. Almost numb Gray heard a faint thought cross his mind:
"I bet… You would've liked to see this sun".
He had come back to this day several times long after it passed. Each time he thought he remembered a new detail, but he couldn't tell for sure. He didn't linger long at the memory because someone would always try to snap him back into the present, but not always successfully. His friends knew to let him be when he was in that state. Sometimes even tapping or pushing him didn't work; he was very deep in thought.
And now, three and a half years later, on a cloudless Saturday afternoon, sitting at a table across a cute girl in one of Magnolia's new hottest café's, Gray was in one of those states.
This girl, whose name he did not remember, came to the guild a couple of times and kept asking him out on a date. It was only when Mirajane pointed out to him, that he was already in his twenties and he should start thinking about his future more seriously that he decided to say yes, so that this girl would stop coming by and he could move on from this nuisance. Mira was like a mother to everyone in the guild, so instead of arguing he decided to humour her.
The girl was telling him about herself, about her hobbies, about her likes and dislikes, something about her love for clothes shopping, something about her undergoing a study course in modern… something.
Gray was glad she turned out to be such a chatterbox, but with little interest to what she had to say and not much else going around, his mind once again went back to that day.
He didn't hear a word that girl said.
"Why would you do something like that?" – he asked out loud.
"You mean give up?" – the girl took a sip from her coke while twisting her ponytail, and started off laughingly - "Ah well, I thought about it, and though I still had time before the exam was finished, I guess in the end…"
He really didn't hear a single word that girl said. When he turned to look at the chair across from him, he saw her.
Blue hair.
Snow white skin.
Blue eyes.
A faint smile on her lips, the corners of her mouth stretching slightly while she said:
"I just couldn't take it anymore".
He had seen her face numerous of times in his memories, imagined her being happy and well and alive, and what she could've been doing, but this was the first time she spoke to him.
Juvia adjusted in her seat across from him and took a sip of her favourite tea. She looked to the side and her gaze became gentle.
"It's raining again," – she took another sip from her cup.
Gray was looking right at her. He thought it was probably strange and even alarming that this was happening to him, but then again somehow he wasn't surprised at all.
She was right. The sky above them was a heavy gray colour and it was raining. He couldn't see too far past her because of the forming mist. It seemed to have separated the two of them from their surroundings.
"You couldn't have helped me," – Juvia put her cup down.
"You don't know that,"- he said calmly.
"True, but I guess we'll never know," – she paused, locking her bright blue eyes with his before adding, - "What could've been."
Gray shifted his eyes towards the table.
"You do that a lot though. Think about what could've been," – she traced the cup's side with her pale finger before picking it up again, - "Even now, you're so busy thinking about me, you don't even notice that the pretty girl is getting upset, because you're not paying attention."
Gray didn't respond. Juvia was here now, but he couldn't find any words to say.
"I'm glad you were able to save your friend," – she said with a bit more spirit and even smiled, congratulating him on his success.
But that didn't get her a response either.
"You just did it so easily…" – he finally managed to say.
Juvia heard the regret, the confusion and slight notes of accusation.
"It wasn't easy," – she corrected him, -"But I was glad it was over."
"Isn't life supposed to be precious?", - he folded his arms, placing both elbows on the table.
"You're not the one to judge", - Juvia tilted her head, - "Didn't you try to throw your life away not that long ago? On that island? Was it… Galuna?
"That was different," – he cut her off before she started mentioning his other attempts at using Iced Shell.
"How so? You were trying to escape as well...,"- she stated simply.
Once more he was at a loss for words, but he wasn't accepting her point just yet. It was different. Her motivation and his were in fact different… weren't they?
"Seeing someone actually go through with it scared you, didn't it?" – Juvia elegantly took another sip from her cup.
She was impeccable and straightforward and Gray wondered if she was like that in real life too. Hitting the nail right on the head. Was that part of her personality as well? If so in the beginning he probably would've been somewhat uncomfortable around a person who saw him so clearly and it would've taken him some time to adjust.
Her guess was exact. He was undeniably scared of what he had witnessed that day.
"My ending was predetermined long before I had the chance to do anything about it. And now… no one remembers me except for you," – she spoke gently as if trying to assure him that nothing horrific had happened.
"I could've helped you."
"Maybe… But at least you realised this is not what you wanted. To just... die? See, something good came out of it after all," – she sent him another half smile, this time brighter than usually.
"You're saying someone had to die in order for me to realise something?!" – he clenched his fists, and dropped his head further towards the table letting his fringe cover his eyes, - "Just to help me?! ….Again?"
Gray trailed off in a whisper, trying to push back the images of his teacher back into the box at the far end of his mind.
"I don't believe in fate that lays my path with corpses," – he stated bitterly.
"People die all the time." – Juvia wasn't fazed.
"Tch," – was all he could add, clenching both of his fists and teeth now.
"Fate or not, but you're the one deciding whether their passing was meaningless… ,"- Juvia placed her cup on the saucer, and Gray felt a light breeze touch his hand, -"Is that why you're upset? Do you think my death was meaningless?"
Her voice was so soft and gentle, so soothing and peaceful, and it felt like he could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge. She'd listen and she'd comfort him. Gray thought that was the voice he would have wanted to hear every day.
"That was a stupid thing to do,"- he said barely audibly.
"Then I guess now you yourself will certainly never try to end it all at once like I did,"- Juvia stood up from the table and opened her umbrella.
Both were completely soaked from the rain, but it didn't bother either one of them.
"Live out your life in full, try to enjoy every little thing that comes your way, and maybe if we ever meet again, you can tell me about it…," – she put out her hand letting the raindrops hit against her palm, then smiled gently before fading into the fog:
"About how precious life can be."
When Gray came to, tears were running down his face. The seat in front of him was empty. Apparently that nameless girl left a while ago, calling him a total jerk. He sat in his seat for a couple of minutes then wiped his face and paid for the check, leaving a generous tip.
"You're right," – he thought while getting up and walking in a certain direction.
"One death cannot redeem another."
Gray stopped by the same shop he had been stopping for the past three and a half years now. The owner didn't wait for his order because he was always buying the same exact thing. Gray checked if the blue silk ribbon had been tied properly and paid the man the usual amount.
He took a left turn off the main road and walked straight until he reached the cemetery.
"Because every life is precious."
He placed the large bouquet near the small tombstone on the second hill to the right from the gates. The blue silk ribbon tied around the large flowers was the same colour as once were her eyes.
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AN: Thank you for reading this short story!
I apologise if there's still some confusion, so allow me to clarify: the conversation between Gray and Juvia is happening in his head (hence, Juvia using first person), she did not appear to him as a ghost.
Please, do review this story. I would also like to know your opinion if you'd like to see this story drawn as a doujinshi, which I would then post on chsabina/dot/tumblr/dot/com? (or is a text version enough?)