Author: AnimaAmore

Rating: T

Genre(s): General, comedy, friendship, informative

Fanfic type: High school AU, two-shot

Pairing: SasuSakuNaru, Team 7 friendship, slight implied NaruHina

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. This story, however, is mine.

Author's comments: this idea came to me when I imagined what it'd be like to try to explain to someone the finer points of what is known as human reproduction, particularly when it is expected that they already know. Since the explanation can drag on depending on how in-depth the explanation is desired to be, I'm settling for explaining just the menstrual cycle (aka, periods) since that is what seems more likely to come up in a conversation.

Summary: Naruto doesn't particularly dislike school. He simply doesn't particularly like studying, especially things that he believes he won't have any use for in the future. But with a big biology test in the horizon he finally begs his friend Sakura to help him out. She agrees. And Sasuke? Well, he's just along for the ride. After all, it's not every day that the blonde knucklehead has Sex Ed. shoved down his throat by their temperamental friend.

"This sucks!" Naruto wailed as he dropped his head onto his desk with a resounding smack.

Sasuke, his best friend and long time rival, only gave him an annoyed side glance before meticulously tucking in the quizzes they'd just gotten back into his folder. He scoffed at the dramatic blonde. "If you'd studied then you wouldn't be in this position," he told him bluntly.

Naruto narrowed his azure-blue eyes at the raven-haired teen. "Yeah, well, if you're so smart then why didn't you get a hundred?"

"I did."

"Come again?"

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke stood up and swung his backup over one shoulder. "I did," he repeated. "Honestly, dobe, at least half of what was on that quiz was from previous years. How did you ever pass middle school?"

Scowling, Naruto grabbed his odious quiz and stuffed it in his bag before following Sasuke out into the hall. He didn't care if it was rumpled or ripped; in fact, he'd be happy to burn it. "Just because I'm not a straight-A student like Mr. High and Mighty here doesn't mean I'm incapable of learning."

Sasuke raised his eyebrows at him in mock surprise. "I'm astounded you know the meaning of 'incapable.'"

Flushing, partly from embarrassment an partly from anger, Naruto growled, "Why you –" as he reached for Sasuke's shirt, only to be intercepted by a feminine hand grabbing his and forcefully yanking it down to his side.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed, anger forgotten as he greeted the final piece of their tight trio of friendship, and the only girl, who easily gave Sasuke a run for his money in the brains department.

"Hey guys," she easily greeted the two boys as she released the blonde's hand and smoothly fell into step between them. "What are you two arguing about now?"

"The dobe messed up a quiz and he's mad about it," Sasuke explained as he guided their little group towards their lockers.

"No," Naruto countered, "I'm angry because the teme is acting like a bastard."

Long used to reading between the lines when it came to her two friends, Sakura sighed as she tucked a pink lock behind her ear and adjusted her hair bun. "So, Naruto got a bad mark and Sasuke is antagonizing him about it," she stated more than asked.

The two boys looked at each other for a moment and shrugged; Sasuke indifferently and Naruto moodily. Seeing as that was as much affirmation as she'd ever get given the less than cheerful attitude of either of them, Sakura settled for simply smiling to herself and opening her locker. Both she and Naruto had been ecstatic when they learned they could choose their own lockers that year and had managed to rope Sasuke into choosing their three lockers to be side by side.

"So what subject was the quiz on?" she asked conversationally as she dug out her agenda from her bag and skimmed over her what she needed from her locker to do her homework that day.

"Biology," Sasuke answered beside her as he exchanged a pair of textbooks between his bag and locker. Naruto scoffed, stuffing his lunch bag into his backpack from Sakura's other side.

"It's a waste of time," he grumbled. "I'm not interested in any of that. Sakura's the one who wants to be a doctor! Frankly I couldn't care less. I don't see when I'm ever going to need this in my life as a professional food taster."

"I'm still sure that that's not a real job," Sasuke quipped.

"Shut up."

"Why are you taking biology, again?" Sakura asked, closing her locker. Naruto and Sasuke did the same as they followed her towards the stairs to the first floor.

"Because my godfather, Jiraiya, insisted," Naruto huffed in annoyance. He made a face as if he'd just tasted something rancid. "Just because I don't get queasy at the mere thought of blood and guts, and because apparently knowing some biology is good for everyone."

"Considering how immensely complicated our bodies are, I think having a basic understanding is good for everyone," Sakura said. "It gives you a greater appreciation for them. Besides, if you recall from our history class, when people didn't know how bodies worked they assumed any injury or illness could be cured with pig poop, a random mix of herbs and chanting."

Naruto shivered to show his disgust. "Yeah, those were the good old days, alright."

"I'm sure you'd have survived just fine back then," Sasuke mused as they exited the school. He held the door open for a pair of girls who were walking right behind them, and promptly ignored their swooning and tittering giggling as he turned his back on them and kept walking. "You're too stupid to catch anything contagious, but at least you're fit enough to avoid any serious injuries."

Naruto, for his part, didn't know if to be deeply offended or somewhat pleased by the backhanded praise, since Sasuke rarely said anything remotely nice. Before he could decide whether to pick a fight with the brunette or just ignore him, Sakura once again came to the rescue by cutting in.

"Alright, that's enough of you," she said, giving Sasuke a pointed stare. He humph'd. Turning back to Naruto, she asked, "What topic are you guys studying?"

Yawning, Naruto made a half-hearted effort to cover his mouth as he answered. "Human reproduction."

Sakura pursed her lips. "Considering how many years of sex ed. we've had, it shouldn't be that hard."

"That's what the teme said earlier!"

"That just reinforces the truth of my words, not that they were wrong to begin with," Sasuke smirked. Sakura discretely elbowed him on the ribs, earning her an annoyed glare, which she ignored.

"How badly did you do on your quiz?" she asked.

"Got a 59," he quietly admitted, shame-faced. Beside him, Sasuke just shook his head and Sakura looked pensively at the blonde. Seeing their expressions, Naruto quickly defended himself. "But I already know all that I need to know, dattebayo! Some dude and some chick have unprotected sex and voila, they have a mini me in nine months! And if one of them has an STI, then the other person gets it too. It's not rocket science!"

"No, it's not," Sakura agreed soothingly. Her keen hearing caught Sasuke scoffing to the side, so instead of elbowing him again, she tripped him. As he'd turned his head, she got him that time, although she only managed to get him unbalanced for a moment before he caught himself and threw her a dirty look. She ignored it. As Naruto's friends they were supposed to be supportive, not condescending, damn it.

"But try to think of it as advancing our civilization," she continued, trying to get Naruto to appreciate at least an iota of what he was taught. "Not only were remedies extremely disgusting and inappropriate, not to mention downright toxic in some cases, but in the past since people didn't know what was happening in their own bodies they were embarrassed and did extreme things. After millennia of treating what is perfectly normal as taboo, many people refused to talk about it and got really sick or became outcasts when all they needed was a bit of understanding. I mean, can you imagine you guys getting accused of infidelity because you got boners at an inopportune moment? And let me remind you that in some cultures it wasn't just the women who got sentenced to death for that."

"S-Sakura-chan…" Naruto whined, his face slightly flushed. He loved Sakura dearly, truly he did, but the girl he saw practically as a sister really had a knack for talking about embarrassing things without batting an eye.

She pointed a finger at his red cheeks. "See, that right there is what I'm talking about. Why are you embarrassed? Because that's what we've been taught indirectly by society, which is only just learning to embrace science. Nowadays, with the education we have available, we know that guys get boners because of hormones which cause blood to accumulate in the penis – a natural reaction, especially during puberty, by the way – not because they are unfaithful, horny dogs or because they got cursed by some spirit or other."

"Sakura…" Sasuke tried to intervene, but he had no words to say. She was talking simply and straight to the point, and only speaking the truth. Besides, it wasn't like she was talking loudly and making a commotion. Still, although it wasn't as awkward and uncomfortable as he initially thought it'd be talking about that particular subject with a girl, it didn't mean he was perfectly at ease either.

Seemingly getting the hint, Sakura sighed and deflated a bit, resigned to containing herself. She had the bad habit of rambling on once she got started on a subject she was passionate about. "My bad. But you get the point. It's not always about proving that you memorized the textbook, but knowing enough to be understanding of what is really going on under our skins. Getting embarrassed by, and even shaming others because our own physiology, is downright stupid; especially considering that it is what's responsible for keeping us alive both as individuals and as a species. The rift between the sexes due to ages of sexual segregation, especially, is problematic. Why do boys make fun of girls for things beyond their control and vice versa? And it happens within the sexes too. It creates nothing but bad blood and even worse memories in an idiotic and completely unnecessary cycle of shame and negativity."

"And so, guru Sakura strikes again," Sasuke said with a little smirk, slowly clapping his hands at her little speech. Embarrassed, she flushed and ducked her head. Seeing that Sasuke was, for once, not really being an ass and appeared to be actually praising her, if in that slightly backhanded way he used, she grinned shyly at him, her lips slightly twisting on one end sardonically.

Naruto, for his part, merely crossed his arms over his chest as he looked skyward. Although Sakura did rant a bit, she did have a point. Honestly, as much as he thought gladiators were awesome, it couldn't have been much fun having some obscene concoction made of who knows what foul thing shoved down his throat or, as Sakura had so helpfully reminded him, being banished or even executed just because nobody knew what was truly going on. In that sense, Naruto could see why having some basic understanding of biology could come in handy.

Especially when he thought about the needless cycle of shame passed down through generations all due to millennia-old misconceptions based on random beliefs.

Now that was stupid.

~X~

"Why meeee…?" Naruto bemoaned as he dropped face-down beside Sakura on the grass.

It was after school the following day, and his biology teacher, Mr. Ebizu, had dropped the big bomb on the class earlier: there would be a test next Monday worth a decent chunk of their final grade. Since it was halfway through the semester, Mr. Ebizu had decided that he would make a new unscheduled test that would be the same worth as the past three quizzes they'd had in class. If the students did well on the bigger test, he would discard the smaller the quizzes for their final grade.

Ebizu wasn't particularly famous for his generosity, so his students had jumped at the chance without hesitation, including Naruto. But of course, there had to be catch. It wasn't until the class had unanimously voted on taking the test that Ebizu had told them it would cover everything from the beginning of the term up until next week's readings. Considering Naruto hadn't even done the readings for the first week of class, he was certain he was royally screwed.

Sakura looked over at her friend with a bland look before returning her attention to her advanced chemistry textbook. It was a warm Tuesday afternoon, and on those days both she and the blonde knucklehead would hang out for an hour after class to wait for Sasuke, who was part of the student council, to finish his weekly meeting so they could walk home together.

"I only feel a very minute amount of sympathy for you," she informed him as she highlighted a piece of text. "I would be more empathetic if you actually put in more effort than just showing up to class. Really, it's a problem –"

" – of your own making, yeah, yeah," Naruto finished for her, waving a hand tiredly in dismissal without bothering to lift his head from the cocoon he'd made with his arms to rest his face on. She snorted at him but didn't bother to hit him as she was tempted. He looked miserable enough as it is.

"Ebizu is a tyrant," he whined.

"And you're lazy. Great match, really."

Naruto turned his head towards her and opened one eye, squinting at her from above his arms. "Is that sarcasm?"

"Absolutely."

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, he rolled over to lie on his back. After letting a comfortable silence settle for a few minutes, without looking at her he sighed. "Can you help me?" he asked in a quiet, reed-thin voice.

Sakura lowered her textbook and looked at him contemplatively without saying a word. Her silence was beginning to make him uncomfortable, but he didn't dare meet her eyes. After letting the silence stretch (unnecessarily long, in his opinion), she finally answered him.

"Are you serious?"

Okay, that wasn't the response he was expecting. "Yeah!" he said. "Why wouldn't I be? If I fail this test my life is over!"

"Gee, I don't know, Naruto," she answered him with an annoyed look. Uh-oh. "I mean, you've only asked me for help for practically half of the subjects we've been taught since we met back in the second grade, and while I agree every time, all you do is whine and complain that you don't get it. Which wouldn't be so bad if you hadn't done it before the tutoring session even started every. Single. Time."

Naruto gulped and hurried to sit up, looking beseechingly at her. "I'm sorry, Sakura-chan! You know it's not that I want you to waste your time! You know I really appreciate all your help!"

She huffed at his puppy-eyed look. "You know it's not that I don't want to help you, but you're the one who needs the extra boost, not me. There's only so much I can do for you, so if you're not even going to bother to at least try then neither will I."

Scrambling to his knees, he clasped his hands together in front of his face as he leaned closer to her with the most pleading look he could muster. "Please, Sakura-chan, please please please please pleeeeaaaaassee! I promise I'll try!"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Just try?"

"I'll work hard, I promise! I won't whine or complain, and I'll pay attention! I promise! I'll be a model student like I've never been before in my life! Just please help me!"

Tapping her lip in contemplation, she thought over how likely his wild promises were (coming form him, they were quite something), and a heartbeat later she relented. "Fine. But I want you to swear that you mean every word that you just said."

Giving her a relieved smile, he beamed at her. "I swear!"

"No whining, no complaining, no interrupting, no inappropriate comments?"

"You won't hear a peep from me."

"No stupid sexual jokes or innuendos?"

"You won't hear them from this mouth," he said, pointing at his smile.

Crossing her arms, she gave him a serious look. "Do you promise to take this seriously and not give up? And only ask relevant questions?"

"I double swear!"

Nodding in satisfaction, knowing that once Naruto gave his word he'd rather die than break his promise, she sat back and started thinking about how they'd go about it.

Sitting back down beside her, happy that she had his back – quite happy, really, as she was widely recognized as the brightest student in their school and was a great teacher despite his less than stellar attitude in the past – he grinned at her. Having Sakura help him was a huge relief. And if he was honest, he'd much rather have her as a teacher, regardless of the subject. He could admit the truth of her earlier words, after all, he really was a bit of a little turd when it came to studying in the past. But despite his reluctance to actually learn, her study sessions still somehow managed to stick and help him pass.

"So," he said jovially. "When do we start?"

Sakura closed her textbook and smiled at him. "Right now."