16. PARIS

My story interrupts Chapter 16 and continues on its own way. I kept all the facts that until that time had been mentioned in books by Stephanie Mayer.

Please forgive me for any mistakes, I'm not native english speaker. I do my best.

I add some original text. Bold is the original, normal is already mine.

Enjoy.

My breathing grew slightly and scratched it in my throat.

Would Edward not want, even if he is indifferent to me, to be me as happiest as possible in the circumstances? Was there not at least so much warmth in him as not to let me do this? I think yes. He would not be annoy with me: I would give my friend Jacob a little bit of the love he did not want. After all, it was not the same love...

Jake pressed my hot cheeks on my hair.

If I turned my head on my side, if I pressed my lips on his naked shoulder... I knew with complete certainty what would follow. It would be very easy. Tonight, nothing would have to be explained.

But can I do that? Can I betray my absent heart to rescue my pathetic existence?

When I imagined turning my head, I was caught by the nervousness of the stomach.

And as if I were in danger, I could hear Edward's velvet voice clearly whispering in my ear.

"Be happy," he told me.

I froze.

Jacob noticed I froze, so he let me automatically and reached for my door.

Wait,I wanted to tell him. Just a moment. But I was motionless and listening to Edward's echo in my head.

The wind was blowing into the cabin, cold from the storm. Jacob came out of the car and get around him to my door. He opened it and patiently waited for me to memorize what I just heard. I had a terrible idea that what I heard was a good bye. I could not believe it, I did not want to believe it! How can I still live without that voice, soft and velvet. It was too painful to think about it.

"Bella?" Jacob interrupted my thoughts.

I sigh and get out of my car. Jacob grabbed my hand and led me in my house. I stopped hesitantly in the living room and I looked at him.

"I can not stay here, even if I want to. I have to join others and find Victoria. You should rest, change dress, maybe give a hot shower... I'll come as soon as possible. Maybe with a little luck we´ll end it soon.

I felt his hands around my shoulders, I leaned against his chest, and I snivel. "That´s sucks! I can´t bear any idea that something would happen to you, that she would hurt you, or that she would hurt one of you because of me..." I hesitated. "I hate the idea you´re leave me... that I'm gonna be alone..."

"Bella, honey, do not be afraid," he said, and he stroked my head, comfortingly, "You must believe me, finally, we well be allright. I we'll be here in the morning. Hold on tonight." He said, hugging me harder. "I have to leave. We have to catch her."

When he said that, I pulled away from him, but he only hug me harder and did not let me escape. "It makes no sense to shut your eyes to the truth. That's just it, Bells."

"But I do not like what it is," I said with a sigh.

Jacob released one hand to catch my chin and raise my head. "Yes, it was easier when we were both just people, were not we?"

I sighed. I remembered the time spent with my old Jacob. The hours in his garage, the efferot to motorcycles, learning together in our home, even the miserable trip to the cinema... That evening everything went wrong.

We've been looking at each other for a while. His hand was really hot on my skin. I knew I was looking sorrow and lonely - I did not want to say goodbye to him for any short time. At first, he was the same, but when neither of us looked away, his expression changed.

He picked up his other hand; his fingers crossed my cheek and stroked my jawbone. I felt his fingers shaking, but not from anger anymore. He pressed his hand on my cheek so I had my head trapped between his hot palms.

"Bella," he whispered.

I froze...

No... I have not decided yet... I did not know if I could do it, and suddenly I did not have time to think. But what a fool would you think if I refuse him now, it will have not any consequences.

I looked into his eyes. It was not my Jacob, but it could have been. I recognized his face and I liked her. In so many real respects I loved him. It was my consolation, my safe harbor. At this moment I could choose to he belong to me.

It may be as simple as holding hands or hugging. Maybe it will be nice. Maybe it will not taste like betrayal. Whom would I actually betrayed? Only myself.

Jacob kept looking in my eyes and started to lean toward me. And I still have not decided yet.

In this moment the phone rang out loud as we both jumped. Jacob straightened, sighed and picked up the phone.

"Swan residence," said Jacob. "Yes, Charlie, I just got her... All right, I'll tell her." He hung up the earphone and turned back to me. He stared at me. Maybe he was thinking what to do next, or to continue where he stopped. Finally he said, "Charlie was calling, he wanted to know if you´re home. He's been leaving Sue now and he´s coming here."

Another dose of pain came through me. Poor Charlie. This had to be extremely painful for him. Harry was his friend, spending a lot of time together with Billy. I know well what it is if someone close dies. I know how it is what Charlie is going through. Although what I experience is much, much worse.

With sigh, Jacob kissed me on my forehead and went to the door. "Sleep well, Bella," he whispered, and he was gone.

"You too..." I whispered in the void.

I could not just sit idly. My mind wanted to go back to what she had heard before, and it was too painful. I knew I was not going to avoid it, but at least I can´t face it right now. I went to the kitchen. I was wondering how long the universe would allow me to escape before myself. I opened the fridge and picked meals from yesterday. I took on the plate for Charlie and put it in the microwave. While the food was being heated, I was thinking about how to soothe Charlie. There was nothing what it could work.

In that I kinoticed the car on the driveway. I ran outside and threw myself around his waist.

"I'm very sorry, dad."

Charlie hug me with surprised, probably not even noticing that I ran out of the house. "Thank you, Bells, me too. I will miss Harry very much. "

I did not know what to say, so we just stood there. "When will the funeral?" I finally asked.

"On Sunday afternoon," he said, and led me in.

I ran to the microwave and took the ragout plate to the table. "I heated it up for the dinner," I said.

Charlie thanked me and sat down to the plate. He looked sad, pained, ruined. I was very sorry for him. I would have helped him somehow, relieved him, but I knew well that hes should have to go trought it himself. I did not think he was going to eat.

I went upstairs and sat down on the bed. I shaked a little, but I left the window open. If Victoria comes for me today, it will be as if I were expecting her with open arms. Maybe it'll be fast, maybe she'll take just me, maybe I will be enaught to her.

I interrupted these thoughts and decided to give myself a hot shower. Jake was right. I needed it.

I waited until my muscles overwhelmed but somehow it did not help... Thinking of the pictures of today... Cliffs, sea below me, that face... perfect and so alive... it was today really the last time I was see him? Last time I heard him? I waited when the edges of the hole begin to burn. They did not deceive me, but I expected the intensity of the pain higher. Will I healed sometimes? I did not dare to even hope.

I was afraid if was Jacob alright. He could not soothe me, even if he told me several times that nothing could happen to them. I despied the nightmare what is coming today. The day when you almost die and when you see your love for the last time will definitely want to demand your tax. I wrapped myself in the towel and, without thinking about it, I chose from the mirror cabinet the medications I once used, once, so long ago. I need at least one nightless night, I really need it. I swallowed them and realized I was really tired. I was almost asleep as I wrapped myself into the blankets.

I really had a nightless night. My brain has awake. My eyes were still closed and I thanked, not knowing who, I could have so relaxed. Suddenly I jumped. "Jacob!" I exclaim when I realized where Jacob was, and what he did while I was sleeping so confidently! I sat upright on my bed, my throat did not forget the previous day, and it burned me terribly.

"Yes?" I heard hoarse voice from behind the bed, and I got scared to jump. I turned around and Jacob sat by the bed and looked like he slept just a while ago.

"Jacob! What are you doing here?" I asked, "and what about Charlie?"

"Bella, relax," he said, rubbing his eyes tired and getting up from the ground. "I met him as he left the house and went to Sue to help with things around the funeral. He was glad he saw me and so you were going to have a company. I was waiting in your pickupe to you woke up, when I noticed that you had opened window, and I..." he looked suddenly into the ground." Bella, I was freaked out, I was act without thinking, I smashed into your room to make sure..." he looked at me, "I found you like you're sleeping, you looked sleeping hard, so I sat down here to calm down. I was asleep too, probably. This night was too long."

"Has something happened? Did you catch her? "I asked.

"No, but maybe we already know what pattern she is using. Sam have a plan to verify it." He came to me and he hugged me, I was so glad he was fine! "I was awfully tired, I wanted to go home to sleep well after some time, but I promised you that I would come as soon as possible. I didn´t want breake another promise." he said, and let me.

"Can you lie down here on our couch?" I asked, trying not to think about the another day of solitude.

Jake hesitated. "I suppose I could..." he said slowly, studying my expression.

We went downstairs and I gave him blanket and pillow on the couch. Jacob just grinned at the blanket. "I will not need it," he smiled, I think I should have known it. „It´s a wolf think, you remember?" I smiled too.

He stretched for the couch, but his legs overhangs. He shrugged, crossed his hands over his chest, and almost instantly felt aspleep.

His face was smoothed while he was sleeping, his forehead relaxed, his mouth was no longer so strict. Again I saw my old, carefree friend. I loved this view. Just the dark circles under the eyes made it a little spoiled.

What he was just tired of. I could see it on his face. But why? For whom? Because of me. We played with fate, I felt it. But I could not do anything to save them. I could not go anywhere to make sure that everyone I care about will be safe. I knew while Victoria will be still there, we can not live a peaceful life.

Peaceful ... Hmmm ... . so peaceful as far as possible. I almost imagined that sense of freedom if Victoria's threat was not over us. How could we be with Jake together without daily going to the guard. How could we do something together, or even how I could try to make him happier.

I remembered yesterday when he almost kissed me until the phone interrupted. It gave me a day, maybe two more. But did not I decide already? Did not I decide for my friend?

Yes, now he looked so peaceful. I was let him sleep and went to the kitchen to prepare something for lunch. I felt better when I knew he was so close.