Not the Only Freak
"I guess I can't fight it. I'm a freak," Buffy half-joked.
"But not the only freak," Kendra said warmly.
Their eyes met in deep understanding. "Not anymore."
The goodbye scene between the Slayers rose unbidden to Buffy's mind. It hurt to think of Kendra. She had died so young. Buffy briefly wondered if she and Kendra had been reunited in the afterlife. She pushed the thought out of her head before she went down that dark path.
The fluorescent lights were so bright, they hurt her already sensitive eyes. The hard plastic chair was extraordinarily uncomfortable. She shifted her weight out of discomfort rather than nervousness.
Buffy did not want to be here at the Women's Correctional Institute, just south of Los Angeles. But she needed to be here. She though of Kendra quite frequently since her return and because she thought of Kendra, she, inevitably, thought of Faith.
Buffy had never forgiven Faith for all the things she had done. But death had a way of putting things in perspective. It was time to let go of this particular piece of emotional baggage.
Finally, Faith was led to the other side of thick glass. Faith sat down uncertainly. But, in typical Faith fashion, she shrugged off her uncertainty and buried it under a mountain of attitude. She picked up the phone and waited for Buffy to do the same.
Buffy picked up her phone to hear Faith say, "What's up, B? Come to make sure I was still rotting?"
Buffy didn't rise to the bait. "Hello, Little Sister."
Faith started. The term brought up a lot of painful memories. Ones she didn't want to think about. They were sisters, in the Slayer sense. Just two generations removed. Faith had never asked about the Slayer previous to her. She never wanted to know.
Buffy's green eyes met Faith's dark ones. Faith's eyes widened at the intensity of Buffy's gaze. She was afraid, even though she'd rather be torn apart inch by inch, rather than admit it.
"All is forgiven, Little Sister. The Slayers have forgiven you. They want you back in the family."
Faith's eyes got bigger. "What? B, you okay?"
"I was dead for three months, Faith. And when I died I had thought that everything was taken care of. Everybody taken care of. Cordelia, Wesley, and Angel had each other. Spike would keep Dawn safe. Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya and Giles would look out for one another. Oz was on his own but would be okay. Riley was doing what he loved. Every end tied up neatly.
"Except you."
"Yeah, that's me. The loose end," she said shakily. Her mind was going a mile a minute. Buffy had been dead? How? Why? How did she come back?
"No. My fault. You were cut off. Alone. That's not fair. I know how good it feels to belong to something. I learned that while I was gone. And being cut off from the line that you come from…." Buffy shook her head in wonder. "Would be torture. That's why I'm here. To re-establish the link."
Buffy put her right hand on the glass between them. Faith stared. What the hell was going on?
"Touch my hand, Little Sister. It's time to come home."
Faith slowly put her left hand on the glass, mirroring Buffy's.
The jolt was instantaneous. It felt like an electric shock of gigantic proportions. Neither Slayer had felt anything like it. It was painful and yet…not. Buffy had not been sure what to expect when the pull towards Faith had started but this was not it. And Faith had been taken totally unaware yet she didn't refuse to take part. She must have felt the pull too.
Faith opened her eyes. She didn't remember closing them but yet she knew she had to open them. The fact that she didn't see Buffy's face in front of her didn't surprise her. She had half expected to not be sitting in the waiting room in the institution. Or at least, she knew it wouldn't seem like she was there. Her body was still there, no doubt. Her mind just took a little trip.
"And what a miserable choice," she said aloud. All around her was a desert. Sand. Sky. No vegetation. No water. No people. No nothing. And looking around her, she was beginning to think jail wasn't so bad.
"What do you think?"
Faith turned around to see Buffy standing behind her. Buffy hadn't been standing there a moment ago but Faith wasn't surprised to see her there now. Nothing was meant to surprise her here. Everything was as it had always been. Since the beginning.
"Lame," Faith said arrogantly.
Buffy smiled. "Yeah, I thought that the first time I came here. Except that time I was led by a big cat and there was a fire and a rock to sit on."
Faith turned a complete circle again. "None of that this time."
"Nope. Just us and a lot of other people."
Faith arched an eyebrow. "Uh…B…there's no one else here but us."
Buffy's grin got wider. "You're not looking hard enough. There are thousands of people. Girls. Slayers."
Faith raised another eyebrow. "No way!"
"Open your eyes, Little Sister. They're all around you."
Faith looked as hard as she could. She saw sand. She saw sky. She turned back to Buffy and nearly fell over. Behind Buffy were thousands of girls. Some wore modern clothes, others wore old fashioned dress, and some others actually wore armor.
"Holy shit!"
Buffy glanced behind her and a statuesque black girl came up beside her. "Her? She is my successor?" The girl's tone was scornful.
The tone pulled Faith out of her own shock. "Lived longer than you, didn't I….Kendra?"
Kendra rolled her eyes. "At least I have not killed any one."
Buffy put her hand on Kendra's shoulder. "It's good to see you again."
Kendra's expression softened slightly. "You too. Just don't get mushy on me."
Buffy instantly took her hand off Kendra's shoulder. "Right. No mush. I remember."
"So what now? You brought me here. What do I have to do?"
"Nothing. Except, join us," a soft voice said from behind Faith.
Faith whirled around to find a small woman with wild hair and face painted in black and white moving slowly around her.
Faith gave her a scornful look. "Who the hell are you?"
The woman kept weaving. "The First."
Faith glanced back over her shoulder at Buffy and Kendra. Buffy mouthed, "The First Slayer." Faith widened her eyes. Whoa.
She slowly turned back to the First. "I'm a Slayer. I'm already a part of you."
"Yes. And no. You left us for a time and were cast out. We need you back. You continue our line."
Faith smirked. "Ah. You need me. I don't need you."
"Not true." Another girl, Asian, appeared in front of Faith. She was dressed, in what Faith assumed, was Chinese battle dress. It looked old. She wondered how far back this Slayer went. The Asian Slayer stood next to the First. "We are the source of your power. We are a part of you. As you are a part of us. It is like missing a lung or a heart. You are missing from our collective. It weakens us. Just as being away from us, weakens you."
"In other words, no rest for the wicked," Kendra said softly, almost scornfully.
"We need each other, Faith." Buffy came up along side her. "I know your pain is incredible. But you're not the first Slayer to walk down the dark path. There are other Slayers here who did the same. They can help. We can all help."
"Even after all I did to you?" Faith's voice got very small.
"Forgiven. I can't promise things will be perfect between us but we can try to get along."
Faith reached down and clasped Buffy's hand. Kendra came up on her other side and took her hand as well. Soon all the Slayers were around them. Staying close. Reaching out to touch her and each other. All flowing into one another. Memories, experiences, thoughts, all came coursing through her brain. If she focused on any one she could remember what it was like to grow up in Japan before the white man came. Or what it was like to fight vampires in the frozen tundra of Siberia. Or be a warrior fighting the hoards of demons, knowing at any second you were going to die but taking comfort that someone else would take up the fight the second you breathed your last. Lovers, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, all came and went through her mind like a strong wind. She even got a glimpse of what it was like to be the lover of a vampire….and she understood what Angel had meant to Buffy. The love they had shared. And the peacefulness that had come over when Buffy had given up her life. Knowing that her job was complete. She understood Buffy in a way she hadn't before.
Faith drank it all in. And gave some of herself. She understood these girls and she wanted them to understand her. She gave them her memories of growing up in Boston with an alcoholic mother, the horror of seeing her watcher die, the self-loathing that came with taking an innocent life, and the peace she had felt when the Mayor had taken her in. She gave them everything she was and they gave it all back to her. They filled a hole she hadn't realized was there.
For the first time, in a long time, Faith felt like she was home.
The faces of the thousands and thousands of Slayers started to melt into one. Asian into black into white into Native American; all the girls who had come before her. Names floated into her head as they went past…Lucy Hanover, Jelena, Eva, Anne, Christine, Nikki, Mei-Ling, Nadia, Hei, Athena….Kendra. All melting into one face…
Buffy Anne Summers.
Faith jumped slightly. She was still in jail. Her hand was still pressed against the glass. Buffy was still sitting on the other side of the partition. Buffy looked startled as well. Faith wondered what it had been like for Buffy.
"So…." Buffy trailed off. Words seemed inadequate.
"Yeah. Well, it's been a slice B. But I think visiting hours will be over soon. All good little girls will be back in their nice cozy little jail cell."
Buffy looked sad. "You'll be okay. You're a survivor. You come from a long line of them."
"Yeah. I'm Faith, the Vampire Slayer. A freak."
Buffy smiled softly. "But not the only freak."
Faith smiled back. And to her surprise, it was genuine. "Not the only one. And never again."
Buffy took her hand away from the glass and slowly hung up the phone. Faith did likewise. In moments, the guard was there to take her back to her cell. Buffy watched them go. Before she disappeared from sight, Faith mouthed one more phrase: "See ya, Big Sister."
"Take care, Little Sister," Buffy whispered. She slowly got up and made her way for the exit.
* * *
Buffy walked out into the cool night. She hadn't realized how warm the building had been or had it been what she and Faith had experienced that had made it seem so warm? She pulled her jacket closer around her and headed for the dark figure leaning against a motorcycle. A small red dot flared slightly and then flew a few feet into the darkness where it faded out.
"How'd it go? Everybody chummy again?" Spike asked as he tossed her a helmet.
"Not too badly. Faith is back into the family." She caught the helmet and tossed it in her hands a few times.
Spike waited for her to continue. When she didn't he finally asked, "And you? Are you back?"
Buffy frowned slightly. "I'm not sure. I was here for Faith but when we were with the other Slayers….it felt like I didn't belong there. Like I was outside looking in."
"Maybe you don't belong there anymore. Maybe you're someone else now. Still the Slayer but someone new."
"Maybe….and I'm not sure how I feel like that. I liked knowing that there were other girls who went through what I was going through. And if I don't have that….then what?"
"You keep surviving. You keep living. You're a survivor." Spike swung one leg over the motorcycle.
Buffy nodded. "I'm Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm a freak."
Spike gave her a knowing look. "But not the only freak."
She gazed thoughtfully at this vampire. He had no soul. He had a chip. He couldn't hurt people. He could hurt demons. He said he loved her. He couldn't be a full fledged demon with a chip in his head but he couldn't be human either. A part of neither world. Not fitting in anywhere. On the outside looking in.
She secured the helmet to the back of the motorcycle before climbing on after him. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he revved the motorcycle's engine. As he pulled away she leaned in close, her lips nearly touching his ear.
"Not the only freak. Not anymore."