Back To The Start
Dean had never gotten married, never had kids, and never really had a life. His younger brother Sam and his Dad were the only people who really mattered in his life. His mother once filled that spot too…but she hadn't been around. Of course, she had died. Her death triggered this whole thing.
If she had been here, Dean often thought before, things would definitely be different. His father would be happy and content with his life, his mind absent of troubling demons and a steady thirst for revenge.
Sam would be in college, married with Jess, maybe having a nice house in the suburbs. He would have two dogs and might have even developed a passion for Monday night football. He would always go for the Kansas City Chiefs…he would always be for the home team.
Dean, too, would have a wife. He would've met a nice girl. She would have long dark hair and shining eyes. She would challenge him when needed and console him when he didn't have the heart to console himself. He would have an education. He might even have a real job, one that meant he came from college- something he always wanted.
Mary was dead, though. Now his father was on a hunt across the country looking for the demon that killed her. Sam and Dean were left to do whatever hunting job their father would have done. Both Sam's love and Dean's potential love were long gone.
"Look, Dean. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you never got your life." Sam said to his brother.
Dean laid there, his eyes closed, as if he was thinking or something, trying to contemplate what life would have been like, picturing an alternate universe.
"OK," Sam filled in quickly; picturing the wise-ass comeback Dean would have given him.
I'm here, though, right?"You're here. At least we got you here with us."
Us? Dad's not here, you idiot.
"I'm sorry, Dean. Dad's off somewhere…"
As usual…"…And I couldn't find him."
Since when could we ever find him? Both you and I know John Winchester isn't like that."Just…" Sam winced inwardly from the pain he was feeling, "I'm just picturing everything you would say right now."
Don't you always?"I'm so sorry. I should have stopped that demon."
Don't be. I should have stopped him first. I'm the best there is. Dean would laugh at his own mock arrogance.
"I know you were only protecting me, Dean. But did it have to be this way?"
It does, Sammy. It's always this way. You're my little brother remember?"I know I'm your little brother. But we have to look out for each other, right?"
Wrong, Sammy. I'm supposed to look out for you. I can look after myself.
Sam could feel the tears forming in his eyes as he shut them. Dean was quiet, and Sam had never been comfortable with silence paired with his brother. It just wasn't done. At least, not since the months after Mary died.
"I wish…I wish we could start over again. I wish I had shot the demon before it went after you. I wish Dad had let us live normally. I wish…"
You wish we weren't here?"I wish we weren't here."
I'm gone, Sammy. Face it, little brother.
"I don't want you gone."
The pallbearers closed the coffin. Sam suddenly realized he was the only one standing in the room. How lonely Dean must have been to have his funeral like this, to have his lone little brother bury him.
"'Bye, Dean." Sam's said to his brother who was gone.
'Bye Sammy. Dean would say to his brother who was left behind, the one who was always left behind.