Title: Today Starts an Eternity
Rating: K+
Genre: Humor, friendship and romance
Pairing: Seddie
A/N: Hello iCarly Fandom!This is my first story for this fandom. I originally posted this back when I went by my old username, so if some of you recognize this, it's mine, don't worry!
I hope you all enjoy! :)
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly
Today Starts an Eternity
Six-Years-Old
"Hi! I'm Freddie Benson."
"I'm I-don't-give-a-chizz-what-your-name-is-so-get-out-of-my-face!"
"…that's a cool name."
"You're a dork."
"That's not nice!"
"Exactly my point."
"What's you name?"
"I already told you my name, Fredward."
"Wow! That's my full name! Are you psychic?"
"Uh, yes. Yes I am. Hang on one minute. I'm getting something. I'm predicting that you're going to have a new bruise on your arm."
"Oh my gosh, really? When?"
"Now!"
"Ouch! Hey!"
"Leave me alone."
"Fine…Sam."
"How did you figure it out?"
"I'm psychic."
"… Really?
"Nope. It's on your backpack."
"…"
"Bye Sam!"
"Bye Fredweirdo."
Ten-Years-Old
"Hey, give me a pen."
"Why would I give you a pen? We aren't in class, it's recess."
"Way to go, Captain Obvious. Carly told me that there was going to be a test for history on the French Revolution and Mama needs to cheat!"
"Why didn't you study?"
"Studying is for losers that have no lives and or girlfriends. Like you for instance, Fredbag."
"Thanks Sam. I'm glad that I have you to boost my self-confidence in life."
"It's what I'm here for boy. Now give me a pen!"
"Not until you say please."
"Give me a pen unless you want to be a lonely boy for the rest of your life!"
"I thought I already was one?"
"…Touché."
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
"Give me a pen or so help me, I'll—!"
"Not until you let go of my shirt!"
"Fine!"
"Here. Holy chizz, you have a strong grip. I think you ripped out my chest hair!"
"…Come again?"
"I think you ripped out my chest hair."
"Check."
"Uh, okay. Oh thanks goodness, you didn't!"
"Now did I?"
"Ouch! Sam! That was my only chest hair!"
"And it was also your last."
"I hate you."
"Doesn't everybody?"
Twelve-Years-Old
"Fredward! Did you hear what happened to Carly?"
"No! Oh my gosh, did she die? Did she get hurt? Oh no don't tell me she threw up!"
"No you idiot, she—wait a minute. You went from 'she's dead' to 'she threw up' as the worst thing that could have gone wrong?"
"Well duh. Throwing up is totally nasty."
"And that's worse then being dead or hurt how?"
"Just tell me what happened, Puckett!"
"Carly got her first kiss!"
"… Sh—she had her fir-first ki-ki-"
"Kiss stupid. Yeah, it was with Ben Hobeshure, you know the guy who makes that awesome potato salad?"
"I've seen him around."
"She texted me that they kissed under a kumquat tree at the annual Seattle fair."
"Well that's just… peachy."
"Peachy? Of all the words you could come up, you went with peachy?"
"I can't believe she kissed that NUB!"
"Whoa, Fred Benson's wild and jealous side is coming out. Duck and take cover, everyone!"
"Jealous? I am so NOT jealous. What makes you think I am?"
"Because you're pants fell down right when I told you the news, and you haven't even noticed yet. Plus, we're in the Groovy Smoothie and people have been laughing at you for a while now."
"I GOTTA GO!"
"I would pull up your pants before you start run—Oh, that had to hurt!"
"Ow! Yeah it did."
Fifteen-Years-Old
"Well Benson, I'd say you could throw on a better looking tux and marry Carly right here, right now."
"Shut it, Puckett."
"I'm just saying. We're here in Wisconsin to witness the wedding of the second biggest dork in America whose fiancé unfortunately just dumped him for Spencer of all people."
"So why would I marry Carly?"
"Because these people came to see a nerd marry right? Why not give them the first biggest dork in America rather then the second?"
"Why must you insult me?"
"Why do you need to know?"
"Just curious."
"It's waaay fun."
"I don't find it fun."
"Why not, loser? I find it absolutely thrilling."
"No matter what happens or what we say, every time I'm around you I end up getting hurt."
"That's a contributing factor to why I insult you. Mama like watching a test dummy live in action."
"Well it's not going to happen this time, I promise you that. But no, I'm not going to marry Carly."
"Okay then. Miss your one chance with a girl who's way out of your league. She might have said yes this time."
"Sam, I'm fifteen. I can't get married at fifteen!"
"My mom married at fifteen and look where that got her: in and out of jail twenty-seven times with no man, no steady job and the coolest daughter around."
"Whatever. I'm going to see if Spencer is okay—ouch!"
"Haha! Nice swing brother of the groom! That will sure leave a mark!"
"Ow."
"So it wasn't going to happen this time huh?"
Nineteen-Years-Old
"Sam? Is that you? Man, I haven't talked to you since high school."
"Yeah well, I had nothing better to do. Don't think that this will be a reoccurring thing."
"I figured that."
"Dare I ask what you've been up to since graduation? Have you and Carly decided to go out yet since you 'saved her life?'"
"Only in my dreams…Oh gosh! Do nott tell her I said that."
"Sorry. Already sent it via text message."
"Aw, Sam!"
"What? Just because I'm calling you doesn't mean I'm not going to mess with you. It would be a wasted opportunity, my day ruined if you went insult free."
"It has been weird without you here in Seattle ripping on me every other minute. Where did you go anyway?"
"That's none of your business Benson, so I'd stay out of it if you're smart."
"Okay, message received."
"Oh speaking of message received…"
"Carly text back?"
"Yes indeed! Shall we see what she said?"
"Oh no. Come on, Sam!"
"So I said: 'Guess what you freaky lover said about you! That he dreams about you two dating.' Carly replied with: 'Oh how… sweetly demented.'"
"Oh Sam! You just crushed all my hopes and dreams."
"Yes, yes I did. So Fredward, have you gotten hurt yet?"
"Yes. My soul is in agonizing pain."
"Aw that's no fun! Physical pain is way better than emotional pain."
"Wait till you feel it, you blonde demon."
"Exactly why I haven't fallen in love with anyone."
"Are you sure, Samantha?"
"Yes stupid, I'm pretty sure if I was in love I would know it. What's with the whole 'Samantha' crap? Only my mother calls me that when she's going back to jail."
"She only calls you Samantha when she goes back to jail?"
"Yeah it's usually something like: 'Samantha, don't forget to send the water bill check to the bill collector so you can shower!' or 'Don't worry, Samantha, I'll probably be back after I use my charm on Mr. Sexy Legs over here.'"
"Your mom is crazy."
"Tell me about it. Anyway, I'm getting bored so I'm hanging up now."
"Okay. Sam?"
"Yeah Fredweird?"
"Wherever you are, I hope you're doing well."
"What a nice way to end a conversation by using a corny greeting card line. Smooth…but thanks."
"No problem."
Twenty-Four-Years-Old
"Sam?"
"No need to stare, freak. I'm not the ninth wonder of the world you know."
"Sorry, but it's just that I—"
"Yeah, yeah I know. You haven't seen me since high school and you've wondered where I've been and you've just been so worried about me."
"Okay maybe not the last one, but the first two, yes. Ouch!"
"That's not all that's coming to you if you keep it up, Benson."
"I think I have every right to say what I want since you're in my house Sam."
"Really Freddie, really?"
"…my bad."
"That's right. Anyway, I need a place to crash for a while since where I was didn't work."
"May I ask where that was?"
"Only if you want your balls to be on fire for the next seventy-two hours."
"Point taken. Sure, you can stay. Just try not to clear out the fridge, okay?"
"No promises."
"I wouldn't expect any less from you."
"So how have you and Carly been? Anything going on I should know about?"
"Eh, well we've gone out a few times in the last few months—"
"No way! Did she puke?"
"Why must you always say that?"
"Because if I do recall, you don't like vomit, so if she did, then that would be my Christmas every day."
"No she hasn't puked on any of our dates."
"Yet."
"She has actually said she's had a nice time every time we've gone out."
"Well that's just… peachy."
"Peachy? Did Samantha Puckett just say 'peachy?' Is the world ending?"
"Oh put a sock in it. 'Peachy' is coming back in style now."
"Since when?"
"Since now."
"Did I just detect a super tiny hint of—"
"Say it and I swear I'll—"
"Jealousy that I, Freddie Benson, is dating the lovely Carly Shay?"
"Watch your back tonight because I think you may have forgotten that Mama plays to win."
"How could I ever forget?"
Twenty-Seven-Years-Old
"Thanks for the invite to the wedding, but I…I can't come."
"Why not? I thought Carly talked over possible dates with you so you could come."
"We did, but something came up. Let's just leave it at that."
"…Alright Sam. I'll really miss you."
"I know you will. Who wouldn't?"
"Losers that don't have lives and or girlfriends?"
"Bye Freddie. Oh wait!"
"What?"
"You aren't in pain. I don't hear the moans of the pain that I caused."
"Don't worry. You did hurt me."
"Oh. B-bye Freddie.
"Bye Sam."
Thirty-Two-Years-Old
"I'll take a large mixed berry supreme smoothie T-Bo."
"I know who orders that. Sam Puckett."
"Hey, wassup Benson? Long time, no see."
"Same with you. You haven't changed a bit. Still blonde and evil from the looks of you."
"And you're still the biggest nub on the planet, but there's no way to change that."
"Of course I am."
"So how have you and the wife been? Busy I presume, if you know what I mean, hmm?"
"You never heard?"
"No. What did she puke? I missed it? Crap!"
"No, no Sam. Carly and I never got married."
"Holy chizz! And I'm just now knowing this?"
"Well, ever since you moved out from my place gosh knows how long ago, you basically fell off the planet. I haven't seen you since and neither has Carly."
"Oh well, not my fault that I don't have a built in GPS of where to find me like you do. Weirdo."
"That would have been peachy to have."
"Again with the 'peachy' phrase."
"I thought it was in style since you started saying it?"
"That's right and don't you forget it."
"The thought never crossed my mind."
"So why didn't you and Carly get hitched? Did you get cold feet and ditch her?"
"Uh, y-yeah actually. Or something like that. I just realized that she wasn't the one for me, so I broke the engagement with her two months before the planned date. She's now married to some other nub and has two kids."
"Wow. Who knew so much could happen in that short of time?"
"I know right?"
"What girl did you dump Carly for? She must be one heck of an angel for you to have given your crush since forever up."
"Well, you know her pretty well actually."
"Really?"
"Yeah really."
"What does this chick look like?"
"Blonde. I have always liked them better."
" Duh. Blondes have more fun."
"She's also pretty sly and she tortures me continuously. It's her main goal in life."
"…I—I think I do know this girl. She's pretty awesome in my opinion."
"I think so too."
"Maybe you should take this girl out for dinner later tonight because dang, she is absolutely starving."
"When is she not?"
"Good point. Let's go Benson."
"Alright Puckett."
"You're buying by the way. I spent all my money on the new subscription to the Bacon of the Month Club and I'm trying to bust my mom out of jail again."
"I've got it covered."
"You better, buddy."
"Hey Sam!"
"Ah, what are you yelling for? I'm in my thirties, not eighties; I can hear just fine."
"Oh sorry, but guess what hasn't happened?"
"You getting cooler?"
"Ignoring that. I'm not in pain!"
"Huh, I guess not. Wow. This is….this is new for me."
"NEW FOR YOU? I've been waiting for this day since I met you! It only took twenty-six years."
"Is there some double meaning behind that?"
"I guess there is: I have been waiting for this day, when I finally take you out on a "not as friend" dinner date. Don't get me wrong, I did really like Carly—"
"Watch yourself, Benson. You are holding my hand now."
"I know, let me finish now. I did really like Carly, but I've always had a feeling that behind every insult, every bruise, every broken bone and every heart break there was something more. I'm glad I found it."
"…Don't expect me to say some sappy sonnet to you because it's totally not happening."
"I figured that."
"I am feeling pretty fly right now."
So am I Samantha Puckett. So. Am. I."
"…Do you think this will work?"
"The never hurting me part? I really, really hope so."
"No you doofus! The whole 'us' thing we've just started."
"I think it'll be just peachy."
A/N: I loved writing this; it was so much fun! I hope to write more for this fandom soon! :)
Let me know what you thought, pretty please. Thanks :)