Disclaimer: I own nothing. The song is Nickelback's "Savin' Me"
Savin' Me
Prison gates won't open up for me
Jude's heavy eyes opened slowly and she winced at the pounding in her head. She lifted herself to a sitting position on the couch she had fallen asleep on. She looked around her apartment, a dark, cold place which felt more like a prison. In fact, she left it so rarely that it had become her own personal prison. It was sparsely furnished, only a couch and a coffee table filling the living room. And it was dirty; cleanliness was one of the many things she no longer cared about. She glanced over to the coffee table a few feet away, and she saw the mirror and the unfinished cocaine lines. She must have fallen asleep before she finished her fix last night.
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
She pushed herself up, stumbling as she began to walk towards the table. Unstable from the combination of alcohol and drugs that she had consumed, she couldn't maintain her balance and her body fell crashing to the floor. As she lay there, unable to move from the dizziness that consumed her, thoughts of Tommy suddenly popped into her brain. Always when she was at her worst she thought of him. Not choosing him was her only real regret, the choice that had eventually led her to the dark side.
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'
She clumsily pushed herself into a sitting position on the floor, still a foot away from the table, from the numbness that would overwhelm her once she had her next cocaine fix. She couldn't live without it now. It was the times when her mind was clear, like now, that she thought of Tommy. And that was the last thing she wanted to do. She had chosen Jamie, a relationship that had only lasted two months and ended badly, Jamie becoming aware that she regretted her decision. And once Tommy came home from Asia, he wouldn't even speak to her. He had called her only once, to tell her that he needed to get her out of his system by not ever seeing her again. As she sat on the floor, thinking of him and the mess she had made, she called out his name. She knew it was useless; she was alone, she had made her life what it was. She was to blame.
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
She had seen Tommy a few times since their phone conversation, only at a distance, and he was always out with other women. As she moved onto her knees, she thought to herself that he seemed to be doing fine. And she would be too, if she could just crawl over to the table.
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Without Tommy, her life had spiralled out of control. She had shut everyone out and become an addict, gradually drifting away from her past life and completely into this one. She'd always remember the first time someone offered her coke, told her it was the answer to all her problems. And from that day, from the first snort of cocaine, she had never looked back. Now, he thought, there's no point. I'm just a useless, excuse of a person. Without him, there's no point trying to redeem myself. Without him, I just can't do it, anyway.
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
She began to inch slowly towards the table. She always thought it was a miracle that she'd never overdosed. She had consumed enough, and the combination of the drugs and the hard alcohol she drank should have been a sure way to kill herself. But somehow, she always survived, always waking up thinking of him. And then she started again, grabbing desperately for her drugs, the only thing she knew that would make her forget him, even for a moment.
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Drugs weren't the only way she had thought about ending things. One night, she stood on the roof of her building, inches from the edge, knowing that one more step and it would all be over. But out of the corner of her eye, she saw something and she turned her head to look. It was Tommy and he was reaching out his hand to her. She stepped back, and turned again to look at him again, but he was gone. It was an apparition; Tommy had saved her life, even if he actually hadn't been there in person. "Why didn't you let me die that night?" she asked to the silence of the room, now only inches away from the table. Instead of going through with it that night on the roof, she had spent the rest of that night sobbing on the roof, calling his name, wishing even for another appearance of whatever it was that had saved her.
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'
She pulled her mind out of the past as she finally reached the table. She lifted herself into a sitting position right in front of the table. She grasped her hand into her pocket, reaching for the salvation she knew was there. She pulled out a small vial, holding the last of her stash of cocaine. She dumped it onto the mirror, lining it up with the remainder of what was left from last night. She knew this would be it. The amount of cocaine sitting there was way too much not to finally be enough to end her suffering. The relief would be final. She would die alone, and no one would even know, maybe not ever.
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Just as she was readying herself to intake the powdery answer to her pain, she heard a loud knock on the door. She felt inclined to ignore it, but then heard another loud bang. "The sooner I get rid of them, the sooner I can finish this," she said to herself, somehow finding the strength to stand up and move to the door. She opened it and saw Tommy Quincy standing in front of her, looking as good as she'd ever remembered. She watched him take her in, staring at what she'd become. She thought of how she must look, unwashed for days and in clothes she hadn't changed in at least two days.
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Hurry I'm fallin'
Tommy just stared at her, unable to believe that the woman in front of him was Jude Harrison. "Jude…" he said softly, walking past her into the apartment. She shivered, the sound of her name on his tongue so good it sent chills down her spine. "What are you doing to yourself?" He asked as he took in her apartment, glancing towards the unconcealed cocaine on the table.
She still stood where she had when she opened the door. She turned around to face him. "Tommy, I don't have time for this. What do you care, anyway, what I do?" she yelled. "How did you even find me?"
Tommy approached her, placing his hands on her shoulders. The sensation of his familiar hands so satisfying that she closed her eyes for a second, savouring the feeling.
"Harrison, ever since you disappeared off the face of the earth, I hired someone to look for you. But for a year, he couldn't find a trace of you. And then tonight, he came to me and gave me this address." He moved one of his hands to caress her face gently.
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'
She backed away from his touch. "Well, you found me, you've seen what a mess, what a useless, broken mess I've become. Now, you can go," she said, bitter tears flooding her eyes as she turned away from him.
He turned her around roughly, keeping a firm hold on her arms. "Jude, I'm never leaving you again. Don't you think it's been hard for me too? Don't you know how many times I've wanted to end it all without you?" Tommy asked, his eyes clouding over. He squeezed her arms. "Then you disappeared and I always feared the worst. But somehow I knew you weren't dead. I knew that if you were, I'd know it inside. Because my soul would be dead too." He caressed her arm gently,"Let me back in, let me help you…" he whispered.
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
She didn't try and push him away this time. She just stared into his face, the look of love in his eyes moving her even further to tears because she knew she wasn't worthy. "Tommy, I'm not worth saving. Don't you see what I've become? I'm nothing, I'm worth nothing. I'm not your Jude anymore."
"You are, Jude. You'll always be my Jude." He pulled her closer, wrapping his strong arms around her. "I love you, Jude," he whispered in her ear. "I always have and I always will." He pulled back slightly to look in her eyes, "And I will fight for your life if you can't fight for your own. Because you're worth everything to me."
The tears began to fall slowly from her eyes, and Jude collapsed in his arms as the sobs became overpowering. And for the first time in over a year, she felt hope. Tommy was here, and everything was finally going to be okay.