Disclaimer: Redwall and related characters are copyrighted to Brain Jacques and the Redwall Abbey Co. LTD.

A/N: I'm lonely…

Mine Own Duty

He's gone again and I'm left here waiting for him to return. He's a warrior and I have to accept his duty to those weaker than he. He left to help the Guosim fight against a bandit band that was terrorizing the northeastern part of Mossflower. We saw him and companions this morning. He went with Basil Stag Hare and the otter crew, including Winifred's husband the Skipper.

The Abbot, Constance, Winifred, and myself saw them off. As I watched them leave the abbey gates, I couldn't help but wonder what Winifred felt when Skipper had to leave her side and face danger. There was little comparison between me and her though. She's been wedded for a long time, I'm only a new wife and hardly use to the idea, and she's much stronger than I am.

Before the abbey gates had closed, he turned back to wave at me and shout a farewell tiding. I returned it in kind and smiled before the heavy oak doors completely shut them out. Then the smile fell and I was left feeling…what? Scared? I daresay, I was. I had felt fear before, when Cluny attacked the abbey, but never like this. It felt as if my heart was being circled by an iron band and it was squeezing the life out of it. I could feel Constance's paw on my shoulder gently and she smiled saying 'he'd be alright'. I choked back a sob and smiled and nodded.

But what if he didn't come back?

What if I never saw him again?

Or worse, what if he did come back but he couldn't smile or hold me in his strong paws? I couldn't bear to see him like that. Cold and still, because he upheld his duty to the sword…Martin's sword. He had a duty.

A Warrior's Duty.

A Warrior's Sacrifice.

I understand that it is important. That protecting others, and upholding righteousness is important. But he has a duty to me! I'm his wife. I love him and he loves me. What about me?

I'm selfish. I want him to myself. I want him to smile at me and hold me and love me. Yes, I'm selfish, but I'm in love and love makes you selfish. But I can't be selfish, because he's a warrior and warriors have a duty. And I must wait for him to come back and smile prettily, and lie to my friends.

"I'm fine."

"He'll be alright, I know he will."

"I'm not lonely or sad."

"I'll be fine."

Lies! All of them. That's not how I feel because I'm selfish, scared and…I'm in love. I'll wait patiently without change for him to come back to me. I'll become the maiden that faded into a flower waiting her lover's return because I love him so much. And he's gone because he has a duty to defend the weak and I await him because I have a duty too.

I have a duty to my heart…and he will always be in my heart. So I make a prayer and I hope that he will come back and smile like always.

"Martin, this is Cornflower. Please bring Matthias back home to me."