The Imperial prison ship stopped by the shores of Seyda Neen. A few seconds later a Dark Elf that goes by the name Jiub frantically jumps off the boat and runs through the small town. His scarred face shows utter terror and lack of sleep.
"Thank Vivec the ride is over!" Jiub muttered to himself as he continued running into the wilderness. "I couldn't stand another second with those two fetchers!"
The ones he was referring to came out of the ship as well, reveling to be none other than Dora the Explorer and her friend Boots!
"Wow Dora, that prisoner must really be looking forward to going to jail!" said Boots, unaware of the real reason why Jiub left so quickly.
Looking at her surroundings, Dora exclaimed "so this is Vvardenfell! What a lovely place!"
"Hey Dora, why are we here again?"
"I got a letter from somebody named Dagoth Ur. He said he is an old friend of mine and would like me to go meet him at Red Mountain. I don't remember anyone named Dagoth Ur, but it would be rude not to go see him."
"Where is Red Mountain anyway?"
"I don't know. But I know someone who does! Come on out Map!"
A living map poked it's head out of Dora's purple backpack when it heard it's name called. Dora called it again and it came out of it's resting spot. It started to dance and soon sang:
"If there's a place you got to go, I'm the one you need to know. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. If there's a place you got to get, I can get you there I bet. I'm the Map! I'm the Map.
I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map.
I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map.
I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map.
I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map.
I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'm the Map. I'M THE MAP!!!!!! Dora and Boots need to get to Red Mountain! Well I know how to get to Red Mountain! First, they have to go through the Dangerous Swamp, then inside the Spooky Temple, and finally up Red Mountain! So remember; Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red MOUNTAAIIIIIIN!!!"
The girl took her talking map's advice and went to look for the Dangerous Swamp. A like every darn place she is searching for, it was right behind her.
"Come on, Boots!" Dora said to her monkey friend. "Let's go to Red Mountain!"
And so the pair of young ones ventured deep into the Dangerous Swamp. But they didn't simple go through the swamp, they SANG as well!
"Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Swamp, Temple, Red Mountain! Come on daimios, everybody let's go! Come on let's get to it! I know that we can do it! Where are we going? To Red Mountain! Where are we going? To Red Mountain! Where are we going? To Red Mountain!"
The dangerous and blood-thirsty creatures of the swamp heard this song. The sound of children singing was more painful to the beasts than any weapon or magic. So all the residents of the swamp packed their bags and left to find a less child-friendly habit to live in.
Without any monsters to claw their eyes out, Dora and Boots made it safely through the Dangerous Swamp. And to celebrate their accomplishment, three tiny critters that seem to be stalking our two bigger heroes played a short victory tune with really little band instruments.
"Hey, look!" Boots exclaimed pointing forward. "There's the Spooky Temple!"
Dora spoke "let's go inside!"
And inside they went. The interior of the ancient building lacked any sort of light source, and thus the temple halls were pitch black.
"Gee it sure is dark in here" commented the monkey named after his footwear.
"I'll get a flashlight out of my backpack!" decided the Spanish girl.
Just like the map, Dora's backpack was a living object as well. And just like the map, the backpack sang:
"Backpack, backpack! Backpack, backpack! I'm the bag that's loaded up with things and knickknacks too, anything you might need I got inside for you! Backpack, backpack! Backpack, backpack! YEEEAH! I have a flashlight in here, what which one is the flashlight? Is this the flashlight?" It takes out a magic scroll that can teleport two people directly to Dagoth Ur's lair. "Is this the flashlight?" It then takes out a bag of illegal drugs. "Is this the flashlight?" It takes out an ordinary flashlight. With the correct item out, the backpack put everything else inside itself. "Yum yum yum yum! Delicioso!"
Now that they had a flashlight out, Dora and Boots could see where they were going. And not only that, they weren't alone. Right in front of them was a bald Dark Elf wearing an old white robe. The strange thing about the Dunmer was that his eyes and the skin around them appeared to have been remove, and in the center of this disturbing area was a bizarre short snout.
"Greetings Nerevarine and her monkey friend" spoke the monster in a raspy voice. "You wish to see Dagoth Ur, correct? Are you going to regain your friendship with him and join the Great House Dagoth? Or do you wish to destroy him by slaying the Heart of Lorkhan and wrecking Akulakhan in the process? I am going to kill you now, even though I want to be friends with you. I like to eat my own mutate flesh. BLARGH!"
The Ash Ghoul charged towards it's confused prey. Unexpectedly, the Dagoth monster tripped and fell into the purple backpack.
"Yum yum yum yum! Delicioso!" said the backpack.
And the Ash Ghoul was never heard from again.
The explorers didn't seem to care what just happened, and continued through the Spooky Temple. After a long and song-filled walk, Dora and Boots found an exit out of the temple. When they got outside, they saw they were at the slopes of Red Mountain!
"Wow, this mountain is humongous!" Boots gasped. "How will we ever get up these slopes?"
Dora looked toward the sky and shouted "look! It's a giant bird!"
But it wasn't just some ordinary giant bird, it was a Cliff Racer! Yes, the bird of Morrowind that even Daedra have nightmares about them.
"Mr. Bird!" yelled Boots "can you help us get on top of this mountain?"
The cliff racer looked down below and replied "¿qué la cogida usted justo dijo a mí, perra?"
"That bird is speaking Spanish!" Dora explained to her friend. She shouted to the bird "hola, pájaro del señor. ¿Podría usted llevarnos sobre esta montaña escarpada?"
"Seguro. Es agradable saber que unos dos bastardos legged nos desean alrededor en este agujero de mierda de la mierda de la madre."
The cliff racer flew to the ground, in which the ground walking pair went on the bird's back. The Spanish cliff racer easily flew despite the extra weight and glided over Red Mountain. It landed near an ancient ruin by a lava pond, and the passengers then got off.
"Gracias, pájaro del señor" Dora thanked the kind creature.
"El autor de esta historia no sabe español y tuvo que realmente utilizar los pescados de Babel para traducir las palabras a español." And with those parting words, the Cliff Racer took off.
Inside the ruins were various rusted machinery. Some were sprawled around as scrap metal, others were fully functioning. The end of the ruins was an imposing figure. It appeared to be a male humanoid, but it's head was fully covered by a mask made of gold.
"Dagoth Ur welcomes you, friend Nerevar" the figure said to Dora. "We have much to discuss."
"What do you want?" asked Dora, who had no clue who this person was or why he called her 'Nerevar.'
"I have asked you to come here so we can have an alliance just like the old times. The foreigners are taking over our lands, and we must drive them out by force. No, I am not talking about the Empire of Cyrodill, but rather the illegal immigrants of Mexico! They are taking all the good jobs in Wal-Mart and I will not stand for this! Join me, and together we shall toss the corpses of the enemy over the border, where they SHOULD belong!"
"Hey! I'm kind of Mexican!" Dora the Explorer said in offense.
"Really? Crap, I should have researched your incarnation before asking you to join me. Oh well, I'll just kill you and spank your monkey as well!"
Suddenly, Swiper the Fox came out of nowhere and stole the Heart of Lorkan. Without the source that gave Dagoth Ur his god-like powers, the leader of the Sixth House died and his body vanished. And with Dagoth Ur gone, Dora and Boots fulfilled the prophecy that wasn't even mention at all in this fanfic, and this story came to end.