A/N: And now for something completely different.

Those of you who have read my other stories are probably aware that they are a little skimpy on the dialogue tags. The fact is, they bore me, and they are usually the last part of the story that I write.

So I decided to write a story that is completely dialogue. Just imagine that you are a fly on the wall listening to two people who are stuck in a broom closet together.

And when you're done, let me know if it worked for you.

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T: "Charlie?"

C: "Shh!"

T: "Did you…"

C: "Shh!"

T: "But…"

C:"Can't you hear him? He's almost gone."

T: "But…"

C: "Just be grateful that it wasn't Filch. That cat would have sniffed us out for sure."

T: "But…"

C: "I know, Snape's bad enough. Who knows what he can sniff out with that enormous nose? And d'you ever get the feeling that he can read your mind?"

T: "Yeah, but Charlie…"

C: "What?"

T: "D'you think you could…move your elbow?"

C: "Huh?"

T: "You're poking me in the…"

C: "Oh, sorry, mate, didn't mean to--what is that, anyway?"

T:"You mean you can't tell?'

C: "Well, it's really dark in here."

T: "Still, you'd think...I mean, I know it's small, but…"

C: "Is that…? Holy shite, it is!"

T: "Charlie, I never said you could…"

C: "I'm sorry, mate, I didn't mean to…"

T: "Yeah, whatever. You can take your hand off it now."

C: "Do I have to?"

T: "Yes you do, you great pervy git!"

C: "I'm not a pervert! It's just…damn, it actually feels…pretty nice."

T: "Pretty nice? You arse! Can't you come up with something better than that? It ought to be the best damn thing you've ever had your hand on."

C: "Oh, right, mate, it feels fucking amazing."

T: "Okay, whatever. You can take your hand off it now."

C: "You gonna make me?"

T: "You think I couldn't kick your freckled arse?"

C: "I'd like to see you try…"

T: "I could."

C: "Could not!"

T: "You're not that much taller than me."

C: "But I'm a lot bigger. Stronger, too."

T: "Yeah, well, I'm tougher than I look."

C: "That I know."

T: "And it's not like you could ever hit a girl, really."

C: "My mum would murder me."

T: "She'd murder you if she knew you were feeling me up like this, too."

C: "She would."

T: "So stop laughing and get your damn hand off my tit, Charlie!"

C: "Okay, mate, if that's what you really want."

T: "It is!"

C: "Even if I do this?"

T: "Holy shite!"

C: "Hmm ...What was that, Tonks?"

T: "Do that again."

C: "Are you sure?"

T: "Yes, damn it. What the hell are you doing?"

C: "Getting more comfortable. Oh, yeah, that's much better."

T: "Charlie?"

C: "Hmm?"

T: "I want you to keep in mind that my knee is now just a few millimeters away from your bollocks. Piss me off and you'll be singing soprano."

C: "So what do you want me to do, Nymphie?"

T: "Soprano it is, then, Weasel!"

C: "Hey, I'm sorry! So, what do you want, Tonks?"

T: "Touch me, just like you did."

C: "Like this?"

T: "Oh, hell yeah."

C: "Bloody brilliant, Tonks!"

T: "Yeah, tell me about it."

C: "Hey, what the hell, watch the hands! Fucking hell…don't! Oh…my…gawd…"

T: "Damn, Charlie! Where did that come from?"

C: "Well…"

T: "Well, what?"

C: "Bound to happen."

T: "What d'you mean? Does it happen often?"

C: "Come on, Tonks, I'm sixteen -- it happens several times a day."

T: "Really? You never told me about it! I thought I was your best mate."

C: "Yeah, well, you're a girl; you wouldn't understand, would you? I talk to the blokes in the dorm about it, if I talk to anyone. And Bill was the one that explained the whole thing to me."

T: "Sowhy does it happen?"

C: "Hell, I don't know…I just…sometimes I get these dreams, or thoughts and…You really don't want to know, Tonks, and I'm done talking about it myself."

T: "Who d'you think about?"

C: "Nobody!"

T: "Bullshite!"

C: "Uh…Madam Rosmerta."

T: "Typical. Anybody else?"

C: "Maureen Kennedy."

T: "That tart?"

C: "Well, why'd you ask if you weren't going to like the answers?"

T: "I don't know, just curious."

C: "Well…if it makes you…no, that's not what I mean…anyway, Tonks, this one is…all about…you."

T: "Really?"


C: "Well, I did have my hand on your…"

T: "So it was sort of an automatic reaction, nothing personal?"

C: "Dunno—never felt one of those before. But Tonks, it was really nice. Didn't know you were hiding something that nice under your Quidditch gear. If it wasn't so dark in here, I'd ask to get a look."

T: "Promise to do that thing with your thumb again and I just might let you."

C: "Really?"

T: "Maybe…"

C: "Uh, Tonks?"

T: "Yeah, Charlie?"

C: "Turn around."

T: "What…What the fuck?"

C: "I think the room is changing on us."

T: "Is that a…?"

C: "Looks like a bed, Tonks."

T: "You unbelievable arse, you planned this whole thing, didn't you?"

C: "I didn't!"

T: "We were never in the broom cupboard."

C: "Yes we were! I swear to you, Tonks, I had no idea!"

T: "I'm leaving!"

C: "But what about…"

T: "What?"

C: "Snape!"

T: "What about him?"

C: "He could still be out there!"

T: "Listen Charlie, I refuse to stay in here a second longer. You are a really arrogant bastard if you believed even for a minute that I would shag you after you only discovered that I have tits five minutes ago!"

C: "I never said I wanted you to shag me!"

T: "Then what is the bed for?"

C: "I had nothing to do with that, I swear!"

T: "Besides, what kind of bloke just goes and feels a girl up without even bothering to kiss her or tell her he likes her or…and then assumes..."

C: "I didn't assume!"

T: "Whatever."

C: "Tonks?"

T: "What, Weasley?"

C: "I never thought…do you really want me to kiss you?"

T: "No! Well…yeah. Yes. I do."

C: "Blimey, Tonks! I would have kissed you a long time ago if I hadn't thought you would hex my prick off for trying."

T: "Really? You thought about it before?"

C: "Yeah, but I didn't think you wanted to."

T: "I didn't…much. But…I'd like to now."

C: "Okay…"

T: "…Ouch!"

C: "Sorry."

T: "That's okay…Damn, Charlie!"

C: "Tonks?"

T: "Yeah?"

C: "Can I do it again?"

T: "Sure….mmm…"

C: "…Bloody hell! I think I need to do that again."

T: "Did you just stick your…"

C: "Shut up, Tonks."

T: "Damn, Charlie, your tongue…where did you learn that?"

C: "Shut up and kiss me back…Damnation, Tonks…"

T: "…Oh, gawd…"

C: "…Mmmm…"

T: "…Please…"

C: "Uh, Tonks? Please, what?"

T: "I don't know."

C: "Tonks, luv, d'you mind…can I…again?"

T: "Oh, yeah, sure. Have at it."

C: "Thanks…"

T: "…Oh, wow, Charlie…my neck…do that again."

C: "…You really smell nice, Tonks."

T: "Thanks…Charlie…that tickles...leave my belly alone...stop lifting up my shirt! …Shit!"

C: "Crickey, Tonks, even better..."

T: "But I never said you could…Ooooh, Charlie…"

C: "…Hmm?"

T: "...Do that again..."

C: "Oh, all right…"

T: "…Oh, my…"

C: "…Tonks…"

T: "…Yeah?"

C: "…Did you just…"

T: "Yeah?"

C: "Did you…"

(sound of zipper)

T: "Want me to stop, Charlie?"

C: "Careful, Tonks…Bloody hell!"

T: "Damn, Charlie, that is so…cool…"

C: "Guh…"

T: "This is because of me?"

C: "Well, yeah. And it's not the first, actually."

T: "Really? Wicked! Could you kiss me again?"

C: "Oh, yeah. Love to."

T:"…Mmm, Charlie…"

C: "Listen, Tonks, I don't want to piss you off, but…D'you want to get on the bed? I mean, I didn't really plan on…and I don't expect…but…It'd be more comfortable, anyway."

T: "I don't know, Charlie, I reckon we'd better be getting back up to the tower."

C: "Oh, yeah, you're probably right. Bill could come looking for me, or worse yet, Percy; he follows me 'round like a stray dog."

T: "But, Charlie?"

C: "Yeah?"

T: "Let's come back sometime, okay?"