STAR WARS
EPISODE VIII – THE LAST JEDI
(a.k.a "We don't give a f*ck about Episode VI's meaning")
CAST
Adam Driver
Ben Solo / Kylo Ren / Bad Copy of Jacen Solo / Whiny Emo Fanboy / Crylo Ren / Quiche Lorraine
Daisy Ridley
Rey / Mary Sue / The Force
John Boyega
Finn / human!Jar Jar Binks
Oscar Isaac
Poe Dameron / Bad Copy of Corran Horn (without the Force)
Mark Hamill
Luke Skywalker / Jedi Coward / Ben Kenobi
Carrie Fisher
Leia Organa Solo / Not Meeting Her Own Son Anymore / "We needed a Rebellion imitation to feed the fan's nostalgy, even if we don't know why we really need a Resistance"
Domhnall Gleeson
Armitage Hux / Bad Copy of Tarkin / Has A Poker Up His Arse
Gwendoline Christie
Phasma / Useless & Forgettable Character
Andy Serkis
Snoke / Giant Gollum / Discount Emperor / Certainly not Darth Plagueis (or any other Sith) (nor even a true Sith Lord) (if he is then I swear I'll hang myself – what an insult to my Order)
Tom Hardy
Stormtrooper / I'm Just Another Fanboy
Benicio Del Toro
DJ / The Collector
Laura Dern
Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo / I Don't Even Wear A Military Uniform
Lupita Nyong'o
Maz Kanata / fem!Yoda
Peter Mayhew
Chewbacca / My Best Friend's Dead and Now I Have To Hang Out With Mary Sue
Kelly Marie Tran
Rose Tico / Another Female Character to Achieve Quotas
Anthony Daniels
C-3PO / Still A Really Annoying Droid
BONUS
J. J. Abrams
Jar Jar Abrams
Harrison Ford
Han Solo / Coward Husband / Betrayed Father
Kenny Baker
R2-D2 / Convenient Coma
Kathleen Kennedy
Demonic Minnie Mouse
Pablo Hidalgo
Chronology Destroyer / Insults Legends Fans on Twitter (then deletes)
James Earl Jones
Darth Vader / Depressed Grandfather ("my son's a coward, my grandson's an idiot, and my sacrifice means nothing if they can make money on apocalyptic titles")