'Some People...'
What with four brothers each troublesome in their own ways, an overly neurotic mother, a way too chilled out for his own good father, a lonely best friend and mounting debts the last thing on 20-year old Elijah Bennett's mind is that rude girl Darcy Williams he danced with at that one wedding. So, why oh why, does she keep popping up everywhere he goes?
I've grown up in a big family, a loud family, in many ways we have always been that family. But the thing you have to know about growing up in a family where you are one of five brothers is that if you're weak, timid and quiet then you are never going to be heard and you might as well spend all your time sitting quietly in the corner reading and only speak when spoken too because you're never ever going to be listened too otherwise. But luckily there is an exception to this rule that I've been lucky enough to benefit from. Age. You see, despite the fact that I'm one of five and in nature I'm not overly boisterous or loud I am the second eldest of us Bennett boys and due to the 2, 4 and 6 year head starts I have on my younger brothers I am automatically more respected and my voice is heard a lot more. Now, the eldest of us - Jack Bennett - is one of those annoying people who are pretty much perfect in every way. Jack is the tallest of us, the smartest of us, the best looking of us by quite some way (though I'd maintain none of us are particularly ugly, not even Marcus when he bothers to put some effort in) and is generally one of the nicest, kindest and most genuine people you would ever meet. I do love him, but my god his perfection can rub me the wrong way sometimes and of course everyone dotes on perfect Jack. When I was about 14, I decided that I was going to hate Jack for being so perfect but it lasted all of four minutes because damn it; it is just impossible to dislike that kid on any level.
After me, there's Marcus. The most studious of us Bennett lads, though I should point out that he's not actually overly academic - though he would like to be - no, Marcus is the kind of person who spends endless hours on Wikipedia learning endless facts, not understanding any of them in particular, and then regurgitating them at random intervals over the dinner table. Earlier, I talked about how if you don't try to be boisterous and get your voice heard at a young age then there's no point ever really talking - well, that's exactly what's happened to poor Marcus. He's practically a mute, he has little to no social life and he spends most of his time on the internet looking at stupid useless facts to try and impress people with. By his own admission, he's the worst-looking and least interesting and it's kind of hard to disagree with his sentiment. I try to be nice to him, to include him, but he doesn't help his cause by looking down on the rest of us in a snotty way because we all play Rugby which he seems to consider deeply beneath him. I think that's just because he's the only one of us who doesn't really have any muscle on him, so he'd be torn to pieces if he played. Marcus is 18 and currently sitting his last-year of A-Levels and hopes to be at Uni by September; I hope he is too, living with him is often like how I'd imagine living with one of those Dementors from Harry Potter.
After Marcus, there's Kieran. Kieran is 16 and, I'm sorry but there's no other way to say this - Kieran is dumb. Very dumb in fact. Kinda don't want him to ever leave the house for fear that he might do great harm to others or himself kind of dumb. Now, I'm not saying that this kid sits in the corner, drooling and can't string a sentence together (I do have to admit however, that I've been the one tying his shoe's since he was 9 as he still hasn't learnt to do it) and there are times where he shows hints that there's some deeper thinker in there but for the most part, Kieran is very thick and pretty much just wrapped up in himself. Kieran's average day would consist of; getting up, looking at himself in the mirror for several minutes, getting dressed, looking at his naked body in the mirror for several minutes and feeling up his won bicep muscles, going to school, finding some girl to fawn over him, Rugby, shower after Rugby where he will proceed to walk around in just his towel for what seems like hours most of the time, head out and find another girl to snog, come home, look in the mirror more and then go to sleep where he'll have erotic dreams about himself. I can't be sure of that last part, but I know it must've happened quite a lot. Kieran is vain.
Then we get to the baby of the bunch, young Aiden Bennett. Now, I know what you're probably thinking - Aiden's the baby, the youngest of five brothers he must be so sweet, and cute, and doted on and spoiled because he's the youngest little baby and we can't let anything bad happen to him. Now, the last two statements are correct - my mother dotes on this kid like he's going to die at any given second (which, as Marcus informs us, is technically a possibility) and she would send him into the world literally wrapped in bubble-wrap if she could, and I think she may have tried once or twice and Aiden just loves playing up to it. But don't be fooled, this kid is a little shit and missing any moral core that the rest of us seem to have even if it's only a smidgeon (Kieran), personally I think Jack may somehow have accidentally gained Aiden's soul as well. The kid is damn near sociopath. Kieran is self-absorbed, but he's not cruel or overtly selfish and he will help someone out if they need it - Aiden would probably just leave them laying on the ground and would probably knick their wallet too. Aiden is the direct result of spoiled pampering, ego-feeding and what happens when the Devil decides to make a random woman pregnant. In short, Aiden is the anti-Christ. He's only 15, but he's given my father more grief in that time than the rest of us put together; Mum just either turns a blind eye to it because he's her 'baby' or she's just that ignorant
My mother is an odd woman in many ways. I'll give her credit, raising five fairly troublesome young boys can't have been easy - the only thing that gives me hope for Aiden is that we all went through a rebellious stage at 14 through 15; even perfect Jack who was found drunkenly walking the streets one night. Marcus took up smoking for three weeks though I do think that was maybe a cry for attention and not straight up rebellion, Kieran just shagged pretty much every girl in his year and went through that unfortunate Metallica phase and I started smoking weed with my best friend Charlie at that age. That I totally don't do anymore.
OK, I do, but none of them know about it and it just helps take the edge off of a stressful family life. Now, back to my mother, who coped adequately with our little rebellions and I think the stress of raising five boys may have gone to her head because in that last few years she has turned bat shit crazy. She was always fairly off-kilter anyway, but ever since the time of Jack's 18th four years ago she's become utterly obsessed with the idea of marrying us all off. I reckon she just wants her house back, but it is fairly odd that she's so obsessed with finding us all suitable wives and marrying us off as soon as possible. Jack is a worry for her because he's 22 and single, and I'm sure I at 20 who hasn't had a girlfriend since I was 17 am becoming a bit of worry too. Imagine that, two single guys in their 20's who are young, good-looking and smart not wanting to immediately settle down with one girl for the rest of their lives. That's not it, we have to marry above us socially apparently because my mother is sick of all the other Mum's at our school - St. Augustine's, Britain's fifth most expensive private school - looking down on her because we're not as ludicrously well off as them which to be fair we're not, paying for five boys to go there has really eaten into our bank account even though we've all - yes, even Aiden - made it quite clear over the years that we'd have been more than happy to attend the local comprehensive to help out. I never liked St. Augustine's and whilst I made some decent friends there we'd all pretty much lost touch in the two years since we'd left. Mum would never hear of it, and we became more and more embroiled in the school's social life over the years which put more and more pressure of my mother who was now obsessed with marrying each of her sons off to the richest girl from the richest family she could find. This worried Jack, whilst I occasionally voiced my own opinion, but otherwise just sat back with a smile on my face and watched the whole thing unravel before my eyes.
My father's a very proud man, and probably the person I'm closest too in the family. He and I just get each other and we're very aware that we are sharing a house with five other complete weirdo's and we share many of the same interests, it's nice because I'm not particularly close with my mother. I think I might be her greatest disappointment, only because I'm the only one who will call out bull shit and rudeness when grandeur like guests are visiting and the sad thing is half the time I'm defending my mother from their rude comments but does she appreciate it? Does she bollocks. Dad's favourite activity is to wind Mum up, and when he's not playing with his train set in his study, that's what he can be found doing. The only two things I'd change about my father is that 1) I'd get him to stop reading the Daily Mail and 2) I'd get him some more guts, and will to actually get off his arse and do something about our families mounting debts because someone's got to or we could end up homeless in a few years. He owns a model train shop that is failing - badly - and despite the fact the head teacher of St. Augustine's is perfectly willing to give Dad a job teaching History. You know, the degree he actually went to University to get and has done precisely nothing with, Dad won't take it because of his pride, which as history or whoever came up with that quote tells us - comes before a fall and I fear our family is due a massive one.
But Elijah what about you? You're telling us all of this, shouldn't we at least know a bit about you? Well, the truth is I'm really just not that interesting - I'm more interesting than Marcus, don't get me wrong - but I've always just been average. I'm not the best at sports, I'm not the worst at sports. I wasn't the smartest in my class, I wasn't the dumbest in my class. I'm not the best looking guy in the world, I'm not the worst looking guy in the world... OK, that one's a lie. I am pretty good-looking even if I do say so myself. I'm just little old me; I use snarky and sarcastic comments way too often (to the point where people no longer know if I'm being genuinely nice or not anymore), I like reading books and being a bit of a dork about Harry Potter, I have a dry sense of humour and I'm very aware that I'm surrounded by the most surreal and odd family in the entire world. I'm 20 and still living at home because the economy sucks and I can't even afford to rent a shoebox flat, I work behind the bar at the local Rugby club and in my life I've kissed 23 girls, had sex with 8 (maybe 9 but I don't think what we did at 14 necessarily counts) and have never been in a relationship that has lasted longer than eight months. Marcus says I'm a bit of a slut. I used to play Rugby, but I never had the will or the interest to carry on after High School so I got to the gym for an hour everyday to make sure I don't develop Dad's natural stomach. My stomach is nice and flat and damn it, I'm keeping it that way. There is one thing I think where I am superior to my brothers, and that is my name. Elijah. It's just so much more exciting than Jack or Kieran, it's a kick-ass name.
So yeah, that's me and my little family. We are who we are, and we're certainly not ashamed of it.
"So, what's on the agenda today lads" Dad asks us all as we sit down to Breakfast. It is a Sunday morning, so naturally Aiden and Kieran are both kitted out in their Rugby gear, Marcus is studying frantically for his upcoming A-level exams and I am looking forward to a nice day in bed because I don't have a shift until later that night, and I have a stinking hangover because last night my best friend Charlie and I went around York town centre with some girls we met at a club. "Elijah, if you don't mind me saying - you look rough as fuck"
"Don't swear at the Breakfast table dear" Mum says swatting my father's arm. Jack smirks. Of course, he's not hung-over because despite the fact he was with Charlie and I all afternoon he decided to "call it a night" at 11 and went home "Are you not feeling well dear?" she asks me.
I want to puke. It's 10am and I have only been home for four hours, Charlie is still asleep on my bedroom floor (lucky bastard), I only got two phone numbers and now I'm expected to eat scrambled eggs and sit there with a smile on my face as my family make small talk.
"Fine" I say putting my head in my hands.
"He's hung-over" Aiden pipes up, a malicious grin on his face "He and Charlie went out last night, came back in around half-five, they woke me up. Charlie's asleep on Elijah's floor and someone was sick in that bathroom"
My mother puts down her knife and fork and gives me disappointed face, as I try and mouth to Aiden that he's a dead man. See, my mother's ideal way of living is pretending like we're characters from Gone With The Wind - she has yet to understand the unfortunate racial implications that go with that claim - and in her head me drunkenly stumbling into the house at half-five in the morning with my gay best friend does not fit into her little world. Dad winks at me looking oddly proud.
"Oh Elijah, I cannot believe you would do this to me" She exclaims, I think she's about to cry. "You know I have book club meetings with the other Mum's on a Sunday morning, and you've wilfully ruined that"
"Yes, Mum, that was my plan all-along" I say, unable to stop the sarcasm from seeping out of me. I think it doubles when I'm hung-over. "Last night, Charlie and I were in the Rugby club when some girls started flirting with me and right then my first thought was, 'I know I'll go out and get drunk because it will ruin my mother's book club meeting tomorrow morning'"
"Well" said my mother cutting into her food "I just think a bit of self-awareness and properness wouldn't go amiss, Elijah. Particularly when I am going to the trouble of finding you a nice girlfriend"
"Can't I find my own" I mutter.
Breakfast is tense, nobody speaks a word and after I manage to swallow some scrambled eggs I excuse myself from the table and head back up to mine and Jack's bedroom where Charlie is still sleeping on my floor. No mattress, no sleeping bag or pillow or anything. He's just straight up laying there. I kick him awake and he mutters that I'm a 'prick' just as I get back into bed. Charlie is the only one of my friends I've truly kept in touch with since school ended, it helped that we went to the same University, which was always going to happen as we've been best friends since we were three years old and he was practically another brother to me. Charlie's very like me; too sarcastic and snarky for his own good, has a troublesome relationship with his bat shit crazy mother and we share many of the same interests. Truly, the only difference between us is Charlie's sexuality. He's been out, to me and Jack, since he was 15 but only managed to drum up the courage to tell his parents two years ago - his mother was initially shocked, though I don't see how she missed the signs - what 15-year old asks to go to a Celine Dion concert for his birthday? He's lucky I love him, that was the longest night of my fucking life. Still, she's had two years to deal with it and is now just as obsessed with finding him a decent husband as my Mum is finding me a decent wife. His dad still struggles with it, but he's getting there and Charlie's little brother Mario thinks it's the best thing ever - though he does get the odd joke in. Charlie's sexuality never bothered me, nor does the fact that when he's drunk he'll occasionally admit he once had a crush on me, and my Mother's reaction to it is what really stunk up our relationship.
"Well, Elijah, it's clear now that you and Charles Lucas must not be seen together. How am I meant to find you a wife if you're seen with a gay? What if people think you're gay, have you any idea how foolish you would make me look"
No, they were her exact words. Verbatim. It's not that my mother is homophobic, in her eyes she's probably the most tolerant person in the world, she's perfectly find with 'the gays' (as she terms them, she thinks it's PC) as long as they don't directly affect her life and it pisses me off to no end.
"How're you" Charlie asks me groggily as he walks over to my bed. I move up and allow him to sit next to me.
"Shit" is my reply. Charlie smirks and I lean my head on his shoulder "I cannot believe I didn't pull last night" I tell him with a yawn
"Me either, you looked fit as fuck last night" is Charlie's reply. Ever since I told him I was aware of his crush and was OK with it, Charlie liked to drop in comments like that - especially infront of my mother.
I smirk and hit Charlie with the pillow as Jack walks into the room having just come out of the shower
"Oh good, you're alive" he says "I was worried Charlie had died, you didn't make any noise for three and a half hours"
"That's called sleeping mate" I reply
Around 12pm, my mother's book club guests - including Charlie's mother - start pouring into the house, so Charlie and I try to discreetly leave the premises before we are spotted however Aiden has left some shoes on the third to last step, which I don't notice, trip over and hit the floor with a dull thud which of course alerts all the dainty housewives who come out to see what all the fuss is
"So, you stayed here" are the first words I here, they are directed at Charlie and come from his mother who stands over us with her arms crossed and a not so amused expression etched on her face, she's never liked me much and considers me to be a bad influence on her son though she did at least appreciate my reaction to Charlie's sexuality and the fact I spent three years being his fucking confidant. She should appreciate me a hell of a lot more than she does.
"Err, yeah" Charlie replies "I think I texted you that I might"
"Oh, it was perfectly all right with us dear and naturally we assumed you knew" My mother says approaching Mrs. Lucas with a nervous grin on her face. Mrs. Lucas rolls her eyes, tells Charlie to make sure he's home for Sunday dinner and gives me a look of disdain for good measure. Mum gives me one too before shooing both Charlie and I out of the front door. We walk around for a bit, trying to piece together the hazy memories of last night before stopping in a cafe to get some food as I was feeling a lot more up to it after the fresh air.
"So" Charlie asks me "Has your mother find you a proper girlfriend yet"
"Nope" I say with a grin "She set me up on a date with that Kyra Chang girl last month - she was nice and everything, but way too obsessed with Benedict Cumberbatch for me to even consider going near here again. Mother was most disappointed."
Charlie smirks and after we've finished our coffee's we make our way back to my house so Charlie can get a few of his things, and I needed a shower before I headed off to work at the Rugby club. On the way home, Charlie noticed something. Something that would no doubt make my mother curious at least and overly giddy at extreme.
Netherfield mansion had sold.