Disclaimer: I don't own the Cartwrights or the Ponderosa (obviously). Just the plot for this particular story.

This is a repost. I posted it in two parts for convenience :)

A/N: PLEASE GO TO MY PROFILE PAGE FOR IMPORTANT INFORMATION ON MY STORY "SUPERSTITION"

The Cartwright family stood over the fresh grave silently, except for the soft snuffling that came from the youngest, six-year-old Joe. Adam was holding him in one arm, while Hoss leaned into him on the other side.

Mr. Benjamin Cartwright stood across from them, but he never looked at them. His eyes stayed trained on the sod which covered heavily the casket of his late wife, Marie.

A light rain started to fall.

"Pa?" Adam asked softly.

"You boys go on home," Ben answered, "I'll be along shortly."

"But you don't have a horse," Adam said, looking back at the wagon which had brought them to the gravesite.

"I'll walk," came the cold reply.

Adam's heart sank. Going home alone with his brothers meant that he alone would have to console them. However, he carried Joe and led Hoss to the wagon. All three of them sat on the buckboard, pressed together with Joe in the middle.

Clicking his tongue at the horses, Adam wished for the usual plea that came from Hoss asking to help drive. Instead, the twelve-year-old kept his eyes trained on his boots as droplets of rain formed on the brim of his hat.

Joe clung to Adam's arm, his face buried into Adam's coat. It made it a little difficult to drive, but he didn't want to push his brother away. Hadn't his father done that enough?

In spite of himself, Adam was angry at his father. Ever since Marie died, he had distanced himself from his sons, especially Joe. Adam felt he could handle it. After all, he had handle the death of three mothers now. For Hoss and Joe, they'd never known what it was to lose a mama.

Until now.

Don't you get it, Pa? Adam asked his father silently, we if somehow his thoughts would become Ben's, They need you more now than they've ever needed you. It's almost as if you don't care about us anymore.

He knew his father stilled cared for them. He always snapped out of his spells, but it took awhile. Adam wondered if he could handle it himself, especially now that they had a ranch, and he had two younger brothers instead of one.

I have to handle it, he told himself firmly, if I don't, no one else will.

No one spoke on the ride home from the gravesite. Ther was nothing to say, and each boy was caught up in their own memories and thoughts. It was not until they pulled into the front of the barn that Hoss spoke up.

"Want me to put away the horses, Adam?"

Perhaps it was an excuse to get away for awhile, Adam wasn't sure, but he slowly nodded, "Sure, Hoss, that'd be a big help. I'll come check on you in a bit."

"You don't need to do that none, Adam," Hoss said in a low voice.

Adam didn't answer, but leapt from the wagon and reached up to take Joe down. Joe wrapped his arms around Adam's neck, and rested his head on his shoulder. It was so unlike Joe, to be so quiet and listless. All he had done for the last week was cling to whoever offered sympathy, which was mostly Adam and Hoss.

When Sheriff Coffee had come to see how they were, Joe had sat in his lap while the sheriff spoke with the older boys.

"Is Mama gonna be home soon?" Joe whispered.

"I'm afraid not, buddy," Adam answered gently, shifting Joe to his other arm so he could open the door, "You see, God took her up to heaven to be with him."

"Can I go see her, then?" Joe asked, "Will God take me up to heaven if I ask him real nice like?"

"It doesn't work that way, Joe," Adam said, putting Joe down on the settee. "God calls people to be with Him when their time comes. Our time hasn't come yet. But when it does, we'll see Mama, okay?"

Joe nodded. Adam knew he wasn't explaining this too well. If only Pa were here, he might be able to make Joe understand.

"Ready for supper now?" Hop Sing asked, coming out of the kitchen and looking at Adam curiously.

"Yes, we'll be ready in just a few minutes," Adam said, "I don't know when my father will be joining us."

"I keep his food warm for him, yes?" asked Hop Sing.

"That would be fine," Adam agreed.

"Little Joe mind if I let him test cookies?" Hop Sing asked.

Joe looked up at Adam, a smile playing at the corner of his lips for the first time in days. "Could I? Even before supper?"

"Why not?" Adam asked, ruffling Joe's hair, "I'll go out and check on Hoss."

Joe happily slid from the settee and followed a beaming Hop Sing into the kitchen. Adam wondered how Hop Sing knew he needed a little time with Hoss before they settled into supper?

Hoss was rubbing down the horses when Adam came into the barn. "How's it coming?"

Starting at his voice, Hoss didn't turn around. "Fine."

"Hop Sing's got supper ready," Adam said, "I thought I'd help you finish up."

"I ain't hungry," came the reply.

Adam bit his lip. His little brother must be really upset if he didn't want to eat. If there was one thing that Hoss didn't lose easily, it was his appetite.

"Hoss," Adam said gently, placing a hand on Hoss's shoulder, "if you wanna talk about anything, I want to listen."

"Why won't Pa listen? I want him to listen to me, Adam," Hoss cried, whirling around and staring up at his brother with tears in his eyes. "I just want Pa back."

Adam pulled Hoss into his arms. "I know it's hard to understand, Hoss."

"Doesn't he love us anymore?" Hoss asked desperately.

"Of course he does," Adam assured him firmly, though his own heart struggled with the same question. "Pa will always love us."

Adam put Joe to bed late in the night. He'd hoped that Pa would come home before they went to bed, but it was nearly midnight, and he still hadn't arrived.

Adam had not been in his own bed alone five minutes when he heard footsteps outside his door and a faint knock. "Adam, I can't sleep right well."

It was Hoss.

Adam opened his door. "It may be a little crowded, but you can share my bed tonight if it will help you sleep."

"You mean it?" Hoss asked, an apologetic but grateful smile on his face.

"'Course I do, little brother, just promise you won't kick like a mule!"

"I'll try my best," Hoss promised.

Adam smiled as he watched Hoss get under the quilts. It wouldn't be long before Joe came along, he was sure. In spite of the fact that they probably wouldn't sleep for lack of room, he was glad he wouldn't have to be alone. Besides, with or without his brothers, he wouldn't be falling asleep.

Adam's prediction was right. It was only a matter of seconds before the rapid patter of feet rushed to the door. Only the person to whom these feet belonged did not have courtesy to knock. Joe just burst into the room and dove into the bed beside Hoss.

"I was scared, Adam," he explained.

"Well, since we're all here, why don't I tell a story to put you two to sleep?"

His brothers nodded eagerly.

"Tell us a happy story," Joe requested.

"Yeah," Hoss agreed, "one where everyone is happy, and there's no one sad or nothing."

It was a simple request, but somehow, Adam felt as though he couldn't tell a happy story if he tried. His mind was too full of sad things, and he wondered if there was any happy left.

But he had to try for his brothers.

The story was long, and Adam kept telling it even after both his brothers had fallen asleep. Somehow, he'd managed to tell a story that was sickingly happy, though to the three of them, there could have been nothing better. Adamwas enthralled with the family he was portraying to his brothers to the point that he couldn't stop. Wy couldn't his family be like that? Happy, no sadness, no hurt, no pain. Everything so perfect that you could wish for a paper cut just to get out of it a little.

Adam did not end his tale until he heard the front door open and close downstairs. His story stopped abruptly as he listens for his father's footsteps on the stairs. Always, if he came home after the boys had gone to bed, he would peep in st each of them, just to make sure they were okay.

However, as Adam listened, he never heard his father's footsteps slow long enough to even glimpse into any of their rooms. Adam felt strangely hurt by the fact, and his eyes burned with tears.

Do you care about us anymore, Pa? Adam thought, Or did we die with Mama?

Adam somehow fell asleep in his chair by the window. He woke up to sunbeams prodding his eyes. He shook the foggy sleepiness from his head and looked at his bed, still occupied by his little brothers. Both were sprawled over it. There had been no hope for all three of them to share a bed so small.

Adam had a crick in his neck, and his left arm was numb from his leaning on it for several hours. He stood up and stretched. Quickly, he got dressed and went downstairs. His father was sitting at the table eating breakfast.

"Good morning," Adam said.

His father barely glanced at him. "I have to leave on business."

"What? Where? For how long?" Adam stood behind his chair, still poised to pull it out and sit down.

"Sacramento for a few weeks," Ben answered in a snappish tone. "Not tht you have any say in the matter, young man."

"No, sir," Adam said, his gaze falling to his boots. "When are you leaving?"

"Right after I finish breakfast."

Adam looked up. "I'll go get Joe and Hoss. They'll want to say goodbye."

"No," his father said, "I'd rather you didn't."

"But, Pa-"

"Adam, don't argue with me. I know what I'm doing."

Realizing his was at risk of losing his temper, Adam rushed from the room. He secretly hoped his father would call after him, tell him to come back, even if it was to be scolded.

But he didn't.

He didn't care.

Adam found refuge behind the house. He leaned against the outer wall and slid down until he was sitting with his knees drawn up. Tears welled up in his eyes. How could he tell his brothers that their father had left without even wanting to say goodbye?

"You really don't care anymore," Adam whispered bitterly.

"What? He left?" Hoss cried, "Why didn't you wake us up?"

Adam took a deep breath and tried to control his emotions as he explained the hard fact to his brothers. "Pa didn't want me to. He probably knew you two had stayed up too late and needed to sleep in."

"We could've gotten up," Joe sobbed, "We wouldn't have minded."

"I know, Joe," Adam said, "I'm sorry."

"When will he be home?" Hoss asked.

Adam shrugged. "As soon as he can, I'm sure."

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Adam got up to answer it, and was met by one of the ranch hands. "Your pa here?"

"No, sir, he's away on business. I'll be taking care of matters while he's away," Adam replied.

"You?" The hand gave Adam a scrutinizing glare.

"Is there something wrong?" Adam asked, crossing his arms in hopes to portray every confidence he didn't feel.

"Yeah," the hand said in a low voice, "I don't know what I think of a kid telling me what to do."

"I'm sure you do, sir," Adam countered, "however, I am in charge until my father's return, whether it meets your approval or not."

"All right," the man sneered, "I didn't need anything. I just wanted to ask the boss a personal question."

Adam didn't make any reply, but maintained what he hoped was a steady stare. He'd seen his father use this technique a number of times when a hired hand was overstepping the line of respect.

The man smiled bitterly, turned sharply on his heel and walked briskly off the porch. Adam waited until he was out of sight before he closed the door.

"Who was that?"

Adam turned to see Hoss standing a little ways behind him.

"A ranch hand," Adam replied.

Hoss's shoulders sagged. "I kinda hoped it was Pa."

"Ah, Hoss," Adam said, sounding more critical than he intended, "Pa wouldn't have knocked."

"I guess you're right," Hoss sighed.

Adam smiled sadly, and put an arm around his brother's shoulders. "Listen, Hoss, I'm sorry I didn't wake up. I would've, but Pa said I shouldn't. I couldn't very well disobey Pa, could I?"

"I reckon not," Hoss agreed, halfheartedly.

"Adam!"

It was Joe, still sitting at the table staring at his plate. He had chosen this as the day he remembered not to leave the table without being excused.

"Yeah, Joe?" Adam asked, returning to the table.

"Doesn't Pa love us anymore?" Joe asked softly.

"'Course he does, Joe!" Hoss replied before Adam had a chance. "He's just real busy right now. He'll be home in no time, won't he?"

The question was directed at Adam, and two sets of eyes peered up at him expectantly. Adam swallowed and cleared his throat nervously. "Well, he didn't exactly say when he'd be home. Maybe in a few weeks or so?"

"A few weeks?" Hoss cried.

"That's forever!" Joe wailed.

"I know it might seem like that," Adam said soothingly, "but it's really notthat long."

Yes it is.

Adam shook the negative thought away.

"Pa will be home before you know it," Adam continued, "and until then, I'll take care of both of you. You don't need to worry about that."

They weren't worried about that, and Adam knew it. They just wanted their Pa back. They all did.

They needed him.

Adam woke with a start to Joe screaming. He bolted upright in bed and stared into the darkness. Another nightmare, he realized, kicking off his blankets to go check on his littlest brother. It seemed that every night, Joe woke up with a reoccurring nightmare. He'd told Adam about it the first time he had it.

"Mama died, Adam," Joe had sobbed, clinging to his brother's nightshirt, "but she's in heaven, ain't she? She's not dead."

Adam had felt so lost for an explanation. "She did die, Joe, and God took her to heaven to be with Him."

"Is Pa dead too?" Joe asked, his voice soft.

"No, Joe, Pa's not dead."

"But Mama is."

"I'm sorry, Joe," Adam whispered, holding his brother close.

"We put her in the ground though," Joe said.

"Her body, yes," Adam said, "but she has a new body now, in heaven."

"A new one?"

"Yep. Her old body, it got broken when she fell off the horse, so God gave her a brand new one."

"That was sure nice of Him, wasn't it?"

"It sure was, Joe."

Joe had laid down again, seemingly comforted, and Adam stayed with him until he fell asleep, then returned to his room. He wished he could have the same simple ideas as his little brother.

But it hadn't helped Joe so much as he hoped. Every night, he still woke up crying that his mama was dead.

As Adam walked down the hallway to his brother's room, he realized how tired he was. Night after night of getting up with Joe hard. He already stayed up late going over paperwork for his father, and then was out all day working. When he got home, his brother's needed taken care of, and then he was up all hours of the night trying to cure nightmares.

Adam was very thankful Hoss was a sound sleeper.