A/N: I really wish I had a good excuse for this. Well, except that I was bored during a car-ride.
"Most people wouldn't call a murder a romantic gesture."
Harry grinned widely.
"Most people wouldn't date a necromancer."
Tom sighed exasperatedly and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I wonder why." he answered, his tone dripping with sarcasm.
"If you don't want the Minister's heart…" Harry started with a nonchalant gesture of his arm.
"I really don't. Especially not when it's literally served on a silver platter. What was wrong with me when I said yes to your suggestion of a romantic dinner?"
"Well, you had just had a spectacular orgasm, and I like to believe that I can be quite persuasive…."
"Yes, yes, you and your skilful tongue…" Tom sighed again. "Since when does a necromancer murder people?"
"I couldn't very well had brought someone back to life for Valentine's Day, now could I?" Harry asked in a manner that made it obvious that the question was rhetorical.
"You could have, but I don't know anyone currently dead that I would like a threesome with." Tom shot back. Harry's grin widened, if it was even humanly possible for it to do so. Tom had stopped questioning Harry's quirks ages ago.
"At least reassure me that no one knows that you murdered the Minister."
"Oh, don't be silly. I had Grindelwald do it."
"...you brought back the former Dark Lord from death so that he could kill the Minister because you wanted to give me a human heart?"
"See! It's romantic!" Harry insisted.
"Exactly what am I supposed to do with a human heart, Harry?"
"Well… you could eat it?" Harry suggested with a shrug. Tom made a face of disgust while still looking indifferent to the conversation.
"Perhaps we could give the heart back to the dear deceased Minister?" Tom retorted.
"But where's the fun in that?!" Harry protested with a pout.
"I really don't understand why you dislike Bellatrix, you two are too alike for it to be good." Tom pinched the bridge of his nose again. Harry gasped dramatically.
"I can't believe you! Mentioning that woman! On our first Valentine's Day together!"
"Do calm down, Harry. One murder is more than enough."
Harry pouted again.
"But Bella would be so very pretty if she was dead." he insisted. Tom sighed for a third time. Harry's mood swings could be a bit much even for him.
"You know… you would look very pretty spread naked on the table…" Tom suggested while giving Harry's body an appreciative once-over. Sometimes it worked best to just change the subject."You can even eat the heart as I thrust into you, if you so desire."
"Oh, Tom, how romantic!" Harry sighed happily. "This is the best Valentine's Day after all!"
"...you're not actually going to eat the heart, are you?" Tom asked carefully. He doubted cannibalism was on his list of turn-ons.
"Of course I am! It's a good, healthy heart, and it's still fresh. What else would I do with it? Harry asked, incredulous. Tom deemed it safest to not answer.
"If you're still keeping Grindelwald alive, I could maybe fuck him instead. I heard that he was quite handsome in his youth." Tom said instead.
"Oh no, you already promised to make love to me." Harry protested, his tone laced with possessiveness.
"I will." Tom promised. "I can't as long as you're dressed instead of naked on the table."
Harry shaped his lips in an innocent 'oh' that sent all blood to Tom's cock, before quickly undressing.
As Harry laid naked before him with blood running down his chest, fingers and lips, looking deliciously sinful, Tom had to admit that it was a really good Valentine's Day.