Hello dearest P&P readers. I have read many, many, many of your fanfictions and enjoyed them so much. I thought it was time to join you in writing. This is my first P&P story. I'm not English myself, so please excuse me when I make mistakes in the use of words or spelling. Please feel free to explain some regency things or PM me with your thoughts and whishes. I know where the first three chapters will lead to, but not beyond.
I won't promise anything about my posting schedule. It may take a week, or maybe a month before I post again.
Please enjoy this first chapter and let me know what you think!
*I made some minor changes in august 2015 to the first four chapters*
Darcy never succeeded in finding Wickham and Lydia on time. Wickham left the young girl pregnant and fled to the continent. The Bennet family is ruined. Too ashamed to stay near Longbourn, Elizabeth decides to leave her family to become a governess in Town.
"Now the bed time story is over, it's time to close your eyes, dear Thomas. I see your sister Mary is already fast asleep," Elizabeth whispered to the boy and closed the book she held in her lap.
"But – but,… did the prince and princess live happily ever after?" the boy asked in an enthusiastic manner.
"Of course!" Elizabeth smiled warmly. "They stayed together forever. They rode their horses together, took their walks together, maybe they even had some little prince' and princesses to look after. They were very happy indeed," she smiled, picturing the face of a handsome man she once knew. Over time the images in her head had become blurry. Only a vague face remained to haunt her dreams. She remembered his dark curls and slight smile that had seemed only reserved for her.
Still, after two years in his absence, his face came to her mind with every prince in every fairytale she read to the children. She wished, rather than believed, he was somewhere safe and happy in the world, not thinking too ill of her.
Little Thomas didn't notice anything of the distracted governess and just nodded and pulled his blanket to his chin. Elizabeth tucked him in and wished him goodnight. After softly closing the door behind her, she leaned against it with an inaudible sigh. She closed her eyes and tried to call back the images of her memory. His touches when he comforted her at the inn of Lambton, his eyes when he left her, the crack in his voice when he said his hurried goodbyes, the sound of a closing door,… Elizabeth's eyes shot open. No more of this! It's in the past! she told herself, and walked down the hallway, trying to shake the thoughts from her mind.
The next morning Elizabeth took the children to their father's bookshop. HIGHATS'S RARE BOOKS, it was called and it was largely written on the front.
It was time for their reading and spelling lessons. Although the children were still very young to be taught so much, it was their father's special wish. As soon as they would be old enough, they would need to help in the shop. The sooner they learned, the faster they could learn to take over the business.
Elizabeth tried to make the lessons as pleasant as possible. She had made a cozy little sitting place in the back, so they could read without being disturbed by the costumers. Or, to make it sound more acceptable to her master, 'so the children couldn't disturb the costumers'. Although the children listened very well, they couldn't concentrate and sit still for very long. It had happened several times that one of the youngsters had tried to sneak into the shop to see which rich man or woman had come to buy something from their store.
Elizabeth had just finished reading a short story from The History of Sandford and Merton, when the doorbell rang, informing them that someone was entering.
"Can I have a look, miss?" Thomas whispered, trying to be as silent as possible.
"You do remember what your father told you last time, don't you?" Elizabeth asked with a stern look.
"Yes miss. I'm not allowed in the shop when he is helping a consu-constum, comst,…" he tried.
"Customer," Elizabeth helped him.
"Yes, CuStomer." he repeated, blushing.
Elizabeth smiled at the little Highat boy. "Good. So why don't we start with spelling the words I taught you yesterday. And today I can teach you the word costumer, if you like?"
She turned around to fetch the writing supplies, when the voice of the new costumer sent a shiver down her spine. She froze and listened to be sure she wasn't imagining things. She felt her cheeks heathen up and took a deep breath to remain calm. Yes, she was sure.
It was him.
She had fantasized about such a moment in many a sleepless night. But now,… now she didn't know how to react. She wasn't allowed to speak with anyone in the shop and at this point, she didn't know if she actually wanted to.
The humiliation,.. what would he think of her after all this time?
She listened to the formal conversation that happened between the two men. He was looking for a special book, but sounded grave, slightly annoyed. Mr. Highat started rummaging around the shop to look for the requested article, when little Mary suddenly tucked at Elizabeth's dress.
"Miss! Miss! Thomas!"
Elizabeth was taken out of her reverie in an instant. She hadn't paid attention to the boy!
She turned back around to see what he was up to, but when she looked around, he was nowhere to be seen. The boy was as curious as she had been at that age.
The thing she dreaded most was now inevitable. She had to enter the shop herself to retrieve the boy. She knew Mr. Highat would punish her later for not looking after the children properly. He hated to be interrupted, especially when he was with an important client. She could handle a rant. For now she only whished she was quick enough so Mr. Darcy wouldn't notice her. Mr. Darcy, she repeated in her head. She took another deep breath before entering.
She was happy to see the boy just around one of the bookcases, staring wide-eyed at the tall man with the highest hat he had probably ever seen. Elizabeth glanced at Darcy only a second before kneeling down and grabbing the boys wrist. She pulled him close so she could pick him up and leave unseen. She was about to step back to their small little place in the back and released the breath she was holding, when she heard her name.
"M-Miss Bennet?!"
It took a few seconds before she turned to where the sound had come from. Her heart pounded fast. She had the boy still in her arms and she could feel him hold his breath too. He hurriedly wrapped his arms around Elizabeth's neck to seek cover.
His voice had sounded surprised. Astonished even. Now she had turned and stood facing him, staring at the ground, too ashamed to look at him. She curtsied slightly and for just a second her eyes met his gaze. Her cheeks flushed pink. She hugged the little boy closer to remain calm. She could barely breathe.
"Mr. Darcy sir, you know my governess?" the voice of Mr. Highat sounded heavy but curious.
It was silent for a few seconds again. It was like Darcy hadn't heard Mr. Highat's question at all. Would he openly acknowledge their acquaintance? Elizabeth couldn't wait for an answer and lifted her eyelids to know what he would do. She looked back at him.
Was she right to notice a little blush at his cheeks too? He looked severe, but there was a sparkle in his eyes. Or was she imagining things?
"Yes," he suddenly spoke loud and clear, but in a formal tone. To Elizabeth's astonishment he nodded to her, barely visible, and then added, "Our paths have crossed several times."
Mr. Highat was clearly amazed, and stuttered something that Elizabeth didn't hear. It felt like her head was full of cotton.
Little Thomas apparently noticed the returning calmness in the room, because he finally looked up and brushed some curls from his governess' face.
"You tickle me, Miss," he giggled, hoping the silence was an indication that he already was forgiven.
Elizabeth smiled at him, relieved that he broke the tension.
Mr. Highat still tried to have polite conversation with Mr. Darcy, but the last was not so interested. Mid sentence Darcy stepped closer to Elizabeth and coolly asked for the boy's name. Elizabeth introduced little Thomas and Mary - who just peaked around the bookcase to see what was happening.
"Miss Elis'beth is my governess, Sir. She is the best we've ever had!" Thomas explained to his new acquaintance.
"And the only one you've ever had," Elizabeth added, chuckling softly.
"I'm sure she is," Darcy responded kindly and brushed a hand through Thomas' blond hair. It made the boy giggle.
Elizabeth felt Darcy's eyes on her. So close, he seemed even taller, looking down on her.
Mr. Highat ended their awkward silence. "Miss Bennet, I believe it's time for the children's morning walk. I'm sure they are in need of some fresh air."
Elizabeth remembered her position and curtsied, before hurrying off to get their things. Of course Mr. Chadwick wanted her out of his way.
She glanced at Darcy one last time, before dragging the disappointed little ones outside.
A soft April breeze filled Elizabeth's lungs. It was a welcome relieve for her flushed cheeks and burning body. She closed her eyes momentarily to regain her composure and catch her breath, until the children pulled at her hands.
"Let's go to the big garden, Miss," Thomas suggested.
Elizabeth nodded.
"Can I join you on your walk?" a voice came from behind. Elizabeth startled. For a moment she didn't know what to say. He had come up to them in only a second.
Darcy offered her his arm.
"Yes Sir, you are very welcome," she finally managed to reply and put her hand in the crook of his arm.
Fitzwilliam Darcy couldn't believe his luck. He couldn't have been more astonished when he found Miss Elizabeth Bennet in the bookstore just now. He had still been annoyed about having to travel to this part of town, because his usual bookstore couldn't get the book he was looking for. He was thankful now for this most welcome coincidence.
It had almost been impossible for him to speak. He had been thinking about her the last two years. Every day he wondered how she was faring. Every woman he met he compared to her. In every newspaper he looked for her name, hoping there was no marriage announcement. Still, he hoped she had found some kind of happiness after what happened to her sister.
And suddenly he could stop hoping, wishing and comparing, because she was in front of him.
And she was even more beautiful than in his dreams.
Yes, he thought to himself, she had lost some weight. Her curls where a bit messier and her dress suited to her post as governess. But her eyes still radiated her energy and her smile had rarely given him more pleasure. He had noticed how her soft cheeks burned when she looked at him. He could see she was embarrassed and didn't dare looking at him.
Before he knew it she had left. He only had to process this for a few seconds, before coming to the conclusion he couldn't let her go again. He had to know what had happened to her, to find her as a governess in a bookshop.
"Mr. Dacry, what about the book?" the shopkeeper had asked while he exited.
"If you find it, please send word to my townhouse," he handed the man his card, tipped his hat and left. The doorbell rang loudly when the door shut behind him.
They walked several minutes in awkward silence. Both didn't know what to say or ask. Darcy wanted to ask about her family's health, but knew better. She wasn't in town for no reason. The last time he had seen her sister Lydia, he had known it wasn't going to end well for her family. But there was nothing he could have done. He swallowed away his memories.
Thomas walked just in front of them and Mary sweetly held Elizabeth's hand. It wasn't a good time to ask anything about her situation. He was happy when they reached to park and the children where allowed to walk on their own.
"I can see the children like you very much," Darcy finally began. He had to start a conversation somewhere.
"Oh yes, and I adore them too. Although I grew up with several younger sisters, they never were as willing and sweet as these two," she looked up at him and smiled.
"Then,… you must be lucky to have found such a position," his voice trailed away, not knowing if she wanted to explain things to him.
"Yes, very lucky indeed. My uncle, Mr. Gardiner arranged it for me. He and Mr. Highat were neighbors and very good friends as boys. He knew it would be a good family for me," Elizabeth told him.
When Darcy remained silent and looked a bit distressed, she continued. She knew he would feel uncomfortable to ask more questions.
"I know you've heard about my youngest sister. You happened upon me to moment I had just read Jane's letter….. and I told you she had eloped," Elizabeth looked away into the distance. Although she was ashamed, she also remembered his look. And she still wondered why he had came that morning.
"I thought nothing could get worse. I knew what sort of man Wickham was… "
Darcy huffed at that name in agreement.
"…But soon after she arrived home unmarried, she found out she was with child. I begged my parents to send her away. Although I loved her, she was ruining our family again and again. Our prospects were never very high, but after that news, all our hopes for the future shattered."
Before Darcy could say something, she continued again.
"Lydia was always my mothers favorite child. But I expected that my father would intervene." Elizabeth felt Darcy's eyes on her, when she sadly told him, "but he did not."
"To make things worse, she had the little babe and named him after his father. Little George. I couldn't bear it. She still loved Wickham and all blamed it on a big misunderstanding. She was sure he would return. And thus the little boy was cared for as if he was a prince. My mother dotes upon him and Lydia acts like she is the mistress of the house now. They are somehow unmoved by the fact that everyone in Meryton turns their head when we walk by. Even Jane, who is kindness herself and bears almost everything, couldn't take it anymore."
Darcy squeezed his own hand into a fist. How could her parents allow this to happen?! Putting their most insolent girl before any of the older and wiser ones. He should have gone to Elizabeth and protected her.
"So, we asked our aunt and uncle for help. And though Jane can keep a tight household and loves children,.. It think it is easier for me to live without my family. We cannot both invite our self to stay and intrude on their privacy for too long. Jane takes good care of our cousins, and I take care of the little Highats's."
Her story was clearly finished, but Darcy was not a t all satisfied.
He tried to form a sentence, but he could not. He stuttered some words and Elizabeth looked at him with a smile.
"Please don't worry yourself Mr. Darcy, I'm perfectly content with my situation. I choose to leave and make my own life. I cannot change my past, but I can make my own decisions for my future."
"Madam, you are right, of course. But did you not consider other options?" Darcy wondered.
"Oh, if you mean marriage, then I can assure you, only the deepest love can persuade me into matrimony" – here she felt her inside tingle from her memories and looked down. "Only a fool would marry a Bennet girl now... And I could never love a fool. I choose to be rather poor than unhappy," she answered, smiling like her old witty self again. He was surprised how positive she sounded in her situation.
"Aren't we all fools in love?" he asked her.
She chuckled. "Yes, maybe you are right," and her cheeks blushed a soft shade of pink.
They were more than halfway round the park and had walked in silence for a minute, when Elizabeth began a new subject.
"How is your sister, Sir? Is she in town at the present?"
"Yes she is. She is very well. It's her first Season and I believe she rather likes it," he smiled, thinking about his sweet Georgiana who was now almost a woman.
"I'm glad to hear it. Has she many admirers?" she wondered.
"More than a brother would wish for. But she is still very young and I believe she will not make a hasty decision after…. after,… well,… you know what happened." The frown on his forehead increased.
"Of course. But she is older now and the experience and social gatherings will do her good. Please send her my best whishes."
"I thank you. She will be glad to hear from you."
This made Darcy think, since they had almost reached the end of the path. He had to make sure he would have another chance to see her.
He quickly asked "Miss Elizabeth, do you allow me to call on you,… with my sister that is,… tomorrow morning? I'm sure she likes to renew her acquaintance with you too."
"Oh," now Miss Bennet looked a bit forlorn.
"What is it? Please, is there something wrong?"
"I'm sorry Mr. Darcy. As a servant it is not possible for me to receive calls. I don't think it is appropriate and I'm sure Mrs. Highat would not like it."
Darcy closed his eyes. How could he be so stupid?
"But,.." Elizabeth said before he could apologize, "I have an afternoon off every fortnight. Every other Sunday after church. I usually spend it with Jane and my aunt and uncle, but I can write her to inform her if I have other plans."
Darcy grumbled inside himself. He didn't want to wait another five days – or longer, but he had no choice. "Are you free next Sunday?"
"Yes, I am Sir."
"Why don't you join me and Georgiana for some tea, after church? I'm sure she would enjoy your company," - and so would I – he added in his thought.
"I thank you, it would be my pleasure," and she smiled at him nervously.
He handed her his card for his address and bowed most elegantly.
"Good day, Sir," she curtsied
"Good day, Miss Bennet," and he walked away.
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